Saturday, July 1, 2006

WWE No Way Out '03

1. Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy - 4
2. Rob Van Dam and Kane vs. William Regal and Lance Storm - 4
3. Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy - 5
4. Undertaker vs. Big Show - 2
5. Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit and Brock Lesnar - Handicap Match - 7
6. Scott Steiner vs. Triple H - 3
7. Eric Bischoff vs. Steve Austin - 1
8. The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan - 4
9. DVD Bonus: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble - 4

Chris Jericho had went from headlining Wrestlemania the year prior to opening the show and his opponent, Jeff Hardy, looked like a walking Expressionist painting with bird shit all over his face. Hardy managed to do a rolling senton and land only on Jericho's left hand. Hardy sells a bulldog like he slipped on a banana peel. This was about as sloppy as Yokozuna's underwear after a 12-hour flight. Jericho reverses a hurricanrana from the top and nails a sweet powerbomb. Hardy ends up tapping like he used to do in a North Carolina tool shed when his father would beat him for wearing his mother's lingerie.

Regal mentioned this match in his book, as he lost consciousness after being bodyslammed by Kane. RVD does a somersault onto Storm who's on the floor, and somehow ends up landing on the back of Storm's neck. The only things puffier than Regal’s thighs are Van Dam's eyes from smoking a joint before the match. I love Regal's half-nelson suplex. Regal selling Van Dam's awful offense looks as natural as Stephanie McMahon's fake tits.

Kidman took a neat ringpost bump in a competent but altogether forgettable match. I'd rather had watched their respective girlfriends at the time (Torrie Wilson and Lita) wrestling them over who was picking up the bill at IHOP.

Show and Undertaker was terribly hard to stay interested in. Albert and Heyman came out and totally didn't catch Undertaker when he tried to dive on them. Undertaker won with a triangle choke, and that's about the only redeemable thing about this one.

Team Angle, Benoit, and Lesnar all tore it up. The pacing and timing was good, and everyone worked hard in the best match of the show. I'd recommend seeking it out for your permanent collection.

Steiner and Triple H's couple of matches that year were heralded s some of the worst in company history by fans. Steiner ignores an atomic drop he receives, baffling the audience. There's a pretty rad top rope Samoan drop in there somewhere -- good luck finding it. Evolution comes down and looks like the fucking Three Stooges bumping around like idiots for Steiner.

Bischoff and Austin was a waste of time. They were both out of shape and would have rather been demoralizing women then pretending to be fighting each other. Rock and Hogan was a letdown, too. The finish saw the lights go out, which is so played out, and involved an evil referee (now hopeless mid-carder Slyvan) giving Rock a chair to cheat for the victory.

The DVD bonus from Heat was a fun match between Rey and Noble. It was under 5 minutes, so I couldn't rate it higher, but was totally fine for what little it was. The show as a whole was flawed -- with not much worth seeking out oustide of the Team Angle bout. The Canadian crowd was pretty hot, but the booking and performances were equally lousy.

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