Wednesday, April 21, 2021

CZW Eye For An Eye


1. Pre-Show: Tyler Veritas vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. Erik C. Jones vs. Ernest Montgomery O'Keefe vs. Jimmy Starz vs. Justin Andrews vs. Sexy Steve (Junior Heavyweight Scramble) - 2
2. Jon Dahmer vs. Toby Klein - 4

Opener had a lot of emotionless automaton action with the scattershot group wandering from spot to spot sans any emotion or belief. It was like they were being controlled from offsite like mechs. Suplex bump on the floor less than 60 seconds into the bout tells you all you need to know about the layout of this tepid trainwreck. I don't get Dahmer. He shares a name with an obese murderer but is dressed up looking like a fatter version of Jamie Kennedy in Malibu's Most Wanted here? I wrongly thought I was going to have snark on Klein a noted deathmatch worker doing a straight up match but I was actually pretty charmed by his performance. He tried a few ambitious things like a springboard back elbow and a 180 splash off the top that weren't flawlessly executed but that sort of made them .. better? Like if your hillbilly pockmarked uncle tried out CMLL spots inside his trailer home. Dahmer dropped Toby on his head a couple times nastily including the match-ending "Murder Plex".

3. Greg Excellent vs. Devon Moore - 3
4. Drew Blood vs. Pinkie Sanchez - 5

Devon Moore always looked like the guy smoking cigarettes behind the grocery store. I have a disconnect with Excellent. I get that his appeal is he's supposed to be an everyman, as if a slob got up off their Doritos crumbs' covered sofa, and stepped into the ring -- but watching him wallow in a faded t-shirt he likely woke up in makes buying into his matches facile to me. Not a lot to say, main takeaway was Moore kicked out of all of Greg's big stuff, but the stakes were low. So back in college I randomly reviewed a previous Blood vs. Sanchez bout. Since that past bout was from CZW's 10th Anniversary show I assumed they were probably given more leeway then, but I was wrong, as here they went "Full Tilt Boogie" to borrow a phrase from Terry Bollea. While this had some slop, they righted the balance by laying a lot of their offense in. They botched the same spot they blundered in their other match where Pinkie gets whipped into the guardrail but hops up, balances, then leaps back off to attempt a hurricanrana. Last act of the match is full of "holy shit!" moments: my favorites were Sanchez getting launched by a German suplex onto an opened chair in the corner of the ring, a truly horrendous running version of Takao Omori's Axe Guillotine Driver off the apron by Pinkie onto four opened chairs on the cement floor, and finally, a running powerslam/Michinoku Driver hybrid by Blood directly into the steel ring post outside the ring. I really wanted to gift this a "6" but the ending with a "fan" leading to a distraction finish took some of the wind out of my sails.

5. Egotistico Fantastico vs. Ryan McBride - 3

Break out the Carhartt gear because these boys are going to work! 😂 So this wasn't my cup of ginseng. McBride I struggle to see the appeal of. Guy in gear with a clipart cloverleaf, bad tribal tattoos that reek of casino MMA undercard, and working highspot style sans sizzle. Only spot of note was McBride splattering a chair outside the ring after a running somersault that Fantastico dodged. Appears match was legit ended prematurely after Ryan took a hellacious bump into the ringpost shoulder-first and was injured. Guess he should have swung by Mandalore on the way to the ECW Arena to get some beskar steel. Had a chuckle when they handed him the mic as he winced and shuffled to the back with the aid of staff and as he went to speak the DVD cut to the next segment. 

6. BLK-OUT (Sabian and Ruckus) vs. Alex Colon and LJ Cruz - 3
7. Team AnDrew (Andy Sumner and Drew Gulak) vs. The Best Around (Bruce Maxwell and TJ Cannon) - 2

Next match starts with the announcement Ruckus took a better payday to wrestle elsewhere that night then 3 seconds later he walks out anyway to zero reaction as Robby Mireno chortles they swerved everybody. LJ Cruz comes out solo and gets worked over for a few min. until Alex Colon joins him. Sabian points out to the cameraman a guy in the front row looks like Eddie Kingston. Crazy dumb spot where Cruz does this massive double ax-handle off the top to the floor but Sabian was already lying down so LJ busts his own knees falling from 9 ft. up onto concrete. Colon seemingly stole Super Nova's old trash bag Venom trunks. Poor execution on the finish where Sabian seemingly could have broken up the pinfall but fails to. It was supposed to be scripted discord but didn't translate. I've seen more than a half-dozen TBA matches before and they instantly vanish from memory due to the most generic of indy-chaining together-spots work and bland personalities. The pink and black vinyl ring gear, etc. it's all just dreadfully dull. Gulak is quietly one of the very best wrestlers in the WWE currently, regularly turning in work on WWE Main Event that blows whatever stupid shit The Fiend is doing this month out of the water. This match wasn't much though and at this point, on the day after my second Covid-19 vaccination, my headache and fatigue put me in a weird somnambulist state which this match's non-finish (thanks to an interruption and Gage's grotty ego) didn't help alleviate.

8. Nick Gage vs. Deranged - 2
9. The Switchblade Conspiracy (Sami Callihan and Jon Moxley) vs. Brain Damage and Drake Younger - 5

Was still in a mental fog during the Gage bout but man I really didn't find much at all to like therein. Recently saw a Nick Gage vs. Necro Butcher gem from an IWA M-S "King of the Death Match" show in-front of maybe 22 people. This was more of an angle than a match. Humpty Dumpty Deranged took the requisite disgusting bumps like being press-slammed off the top down onto several chairs below on the floor, and we had some broken panes of glass, large barbed wire wrapped boards, etc. but the pacing or flow was non-existent and lead to a real wet fart of a finale where Gage sprayed Deranged with lighter fluid looking like a kid with a squirt gun at East View swimming pool in Hamilton, OH circa 1991 forcing him to quit instead of being barbecued. Also had random asides like Nate Hatred coming out and putting meth head Billy Gram through a table at ringside that only further denigrated it. Main event begins spilling over from the last segment. Jon and Sami came from right here in my hometown Cincinnati and I got the opportunity to watch and meet them both at local shows. This was a period where they were spreading their wings and gaining notoriety and buzz. They clearly elevate the material in a big, big way here. CZW seemed very insular for a long time and these maniacs were injecting some much needed spice. Moxley especially shined here wearing the proverbial crimson mask. He let Damage really go to town on his head with a fork. Sami is great at unhinged and Younger was as reliable a hand as the co. had at that point. There's a few garbage spots for the fan with bloodlust but this really stands out as a time capsule for these guys' explosion in the scene. Callihan cuts an exquisite promo post-match running down CZW and its locker room of failed backyard wrestlers (his words) and uncouth reprobates (mine). Trent Acid comes out and drills Sami -- I later at an HWA event asked Callihan specifically about working Acid but I'll keep the contents of that conversation private. Upon researching it -- looks like Acid's last match was at JCW's Oddball Bonanza, a card that featured a handicap match where Isis went over Frick, Frack, and Fuck,  just three months before his untimely death. 

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

First-ever WCW Saturday Night Match

I wanted to look at the inaugural broadcast, the premiere, the very first episode of WCW Saturday Night. Upon reflection arguably my favorite televised wrestling show? As a kid Saturdays at 6:05PM I was in-front of the TV. This show was always appointment viewing. I'd be in the backyard shooting hoops or with friends recreating Jean-Claude Van Damme's Cyborg and rush straight in. Fun open where it looks like Jesse Ventura hacks into TBS' live feed and barks at the production crew to "put on that new music I brought in!"


Flyin' Brian (c) vs. Brad Armstrong - World Light Heavyweight Championship Match - 4

Armstrong's American flag jacket calls to mind flea market goers buying swords and venison. Don't know if it's mental whiplash due to there not being live crowds at wrestling shows this past year but those in attendance at this taping seemed incredibly and enthusiastically loud. Bungle where Pillman got whipped into the turnbuckle and attempted to scale it to leap off but lost his footing. Ross is great talking about Brad's 10 pound weight advantage and lending morsel of credibility. Lots of sitting in holds by Armstrong without much visible torque. Nice spot where Armstrong ascended to top buckle and Pillman leapt up to him with a dropkick to send Brad tumbling off. Highlight sees Pillman go for a humungous dropkick off the top rope and Armstrong counter it with a standing dropkick of his own. Good nearfall off Armstrong reversing the momentum of a top rope crossbody by Pillman. Pillman scales the buckles yet again for massive air time on a big splash but Armstrong got his knees up. I bit on a few of the false finishes which made the immediacy of the Pillman springboard clothesline that ended things come off pretty good. Felt sudden and less orchestrated. Interesting to see what framed a "Light Heavyweight" bout back then. Tons of top rope offense.

For posterity, elsewhere on this halcyon broadcast was the facial hair fractals of DDP & Cactus Jack vs. the Freebirds, a Rick Rude squash, and the first-ever WCWSN main event of Z-Man versus "Stunning" Steve Austin in a 2 out of 3 Falls bout.

Monday, September 14, 2020

Mercedes Martinez vs. Rhea Ripley – Steel Cage Match

Mercedes Martinez vs. Rhea Ripley – Steel Cage Match – NXT Super Tuesday II 9/9/20 - 5


Pre-match Martinez is digging under the ring pulling out a table like she’s Snoopy rummaging in the garage to retrieve chairs for Charlie Brown’s makeshift Thanksgiving meal and Rhea attacks from behind to get us underway. Ripley is a favorite among Hot Topic shoppers everywhere. Rhea ducked a chairshot but didn’t take much effort as Mercedes swung it 3 ft. above opponent’s head like she was swatting a fly. Rhea’s gear has more studs and chains on it than Kenneth Anger’s Scorpio Rising. Sad to say Mercedes’ opportunity in WWE came about six years too late – she could have been a major player. Anyone else get distracted by Drake Younger as a referee? Like I can’t help but think his internal monologue is going something like, “Hell, I’d have taken a Death Valley Driver off the top of this damn cage onto a table on a gymnasium floor if this was Indianapolis”. Both women were perched on the top turnbuckle to see Mercedes hit a Shane Helms-like flying neckbreaker for a highlight. They set up a table and Ripley hits her patented Riptide finisher (sort of a pump-handle powerbomb) off the 2nd buckle (why not the top?) for the finish.

Sunday, November 3, 2019

Parenthetical Monkeyflip Roadshow

Popping in with thoughts on some random wrestling TV as I catch up:

Angel Garza vs. "Gentleman" Jack Gallagher - 2 (NXT 10/23/19)

Chain-wrestling as innocuous as a chain letter begets some nifty grappling and jockeying for position on the mat. Garza's pants-tearing wardrobe gimmick gets a hefty pop. Jack had a good outing versus Brian Kendrick on 205 Live also in Oct. so keeping busy seems to be in his best interest. Gallagher has a real nice headbutt and dishes out a quality one here. Garza's match-ending springboard moonsault was kind of soft and lacked the oomph desired of a finish.

Isaiah "Swerve" Scott vs. Ariya Daivari - 4 (WWE 205 Live 10/25/19)

I haven't gotten a handle on what Scott brings to the table thus far in my exposure to him. Seeing him team up with Breezango on NXT recently wasn't a good look. What I've seen of his tenure in Lucha Underground and CZW he's a moderate prospect. Guess nobody told Ariya not to wear white after Labor Day. He's the type of guy who rented Jason Reitman's Labor Day from Redbox. Isaiah takes a nice flipping bump into the security wall at ringside. Daivari is one of a half-dozen generally dependable talents on 205 Live that can be plugged in for whatever slot needed. Nice release German suplex dolled out by Swerve. Scott got the victory with a jumping kick I can only imagine has a name that references Maniac Mansion or something similarly dastardly clever.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Dash Wilder vs. Rhyno

Dash Wilder vs. Rhyno (WWE Main Event 9/14/17) - 3

Borrowing from David Bordwell's more formalist analysis on film a big difference in regards to technique and quality thereof I detected within the first minute of the match was Rhyno's extremely vocal selling of some basic, perfunctory armwork to start things, screaming with every ounce of pressure Wilder applied, whereas once Dash started eating attacks he did this wide-eyed Looney Tunes selling style that seems a byproduct of his NXT training. It'd be stooge selling if it was committed but falls short. Rhyno takes a surprisingly big bump for Main Event getting shoved off the top rope and spilling to the floor. Crowd was actually behind Rhyno with chants and support. Dash is more solid than I'd previously thought, not in the sense of being dependable, but thick. The finish, a fairly lackadaisical-looking Rhyno spinebuster fell flat, especially coming moments after a well-timed Wilder nearfall where he'd had his feet on the ropes for illegal leverage.  The range of motion of both men was so limited that it felt like the playing out of a wrestling match with action figures that have no articulation like the old LJN wrestling toys. As I'm getting caught up on the last couple months of Main Event I'll be seeing plenty more of both of these guys.

Monday, August 7, 2017

TNA iMPACT 9/4/08

1. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Consequences Creed - 2
2. Prince Justice Brotherhood (Super Eric & Shark Boy) vs. Beer Money - 2
3. Abyss vs. Johnny Devine - Hardcore Match - 3
4. ODB vs. Raisha Saeed - 4
5. Christian Cage vs. AJ Styles - X

I feel like a beat reporter given a particularly oddball assignment. Anybody remember all that fun they had with the TNA video game? I didn't think so. Thank me later for not writing up the previous week's show which featured a (completely gray-haired) Kevin Nash vs. Kurt Angle marquee bout. Opening segment sees Booker T and Angle cut an in-ring promo wearing T.J. Maxx suits. Christian interrupted and a brief melee ensued ending with a red-faced Jim Cornette bellowing at ringside.

Is Samoa Joe, backstage in a locker room with protein powders and athletic tape carefully left in frame, wearing a bad Hot Topic necklace or are those Velvet Sky's anal beads? 25 minutes into the show and no wrestling yet. If you had to pinpoint the one thing that Abdul Bashir does best what would it be? I'm at a loss. Creed is The New Day's Xavier Woods pre-Internet gaming channel and hokey cereal hocking. The only thing he's selling here is Sheik's subpar offense. Sheik's baggy pants were more glittery than Kesha's dick. Nash interviewed backstage looking like the Ghost of Bumps' Past.


The third member of PJB is Curry Man but he gets seduced by Christy Hemme backstage. Shark Boy, in his moderately good Steve Austin voice, gets in a good Brokeback Mountain crack at Beer Money backstage. Too bad the in-ring action that followed wasn't as amusing. Eric looks like an aborted Chikara character in his baggy vinyl superhero gear. At some point during the match I fell asleep in a weird David Lynch-like dream haze. Waking up the next morning it took all of the willpower I could muster to turn the DVD back on.

Abyss being the Kane equivalent in TNA is frighteningly exact. Tall, monster-like gimmick with laughably uneven track record of mostly middling matches and propensity to work lazily safe style that doesn't raise eyebrows or ennoble risks and flies under radar for over a decade. Devine ate few nasty shots. Probably regrettably as he now suffers chronic headaches working as an overnight stocker in his town's grocery store. Abyss got him up nicely for a chokeslam and a spot where he punched a steel chair into Devine's face looked appropriately vicious. Women's match was best thing yet with some quality bumps into the guardrails and some Fight Club-like subliminal messages "cut in" to the feed about Suicide a grappler promoting killing yourself marketed as a hip character to teens in a video game. How novel. Match had all your favorite ODB staples, her smacking her own tits, taking a swig from a flask, and nominally selling.

Unsure of when/if I'll finish this disc but if I do I'll update this post with thoughts on the main event. All praise be to Cute Kip.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Dirty Heels vs. Young Bucks

Dirty Heels (Austin Aries and Bobby Roode) vs. The Young Bucks - House of Hardcore VIII - 5

This was the evening’s main event following a bloody Tommy Dreamer and Eric Young brawl. On a sidenote I really dig HoH. It has came closest to capturing the ECW zeitgeist and milieu. Dirty Heels’ t-shirts look like they were designed using Mario Paint. Aries was always known for his unbelievable speed and snap but as he’s aged he’s needed to rely more on craftiness. Both teams trade some perfunctory arm work to start. Not sure why you’d target the Bucks’ arms when their offense is mostly Superkicks and springboards.

You could call the Heels by the names Moe and Curly cause they’re Stooging. Has anyone ever definitively answered who’s the best Jackson: Matt, Nick, or Malachi? I’ve sometimes wondered is Roode a really measured worker or a habitually lazy one? Aries leans into some Matt forearms before going for a double-leg to stop the flurry like he’s trying to secure a spot in the TUF house so he can share a bunk with Julian Lane. “Let me bang bro!” Aries’ wobbly selling is camp.

I get Dreamer booking this on top wanting to tip his hat to the current era but this has felt like a pretty safe touring match that’s awfully self-contained. The Dreamer/Young deal with two mystery run-ins and blood felt way more appropriate as a finale (especially with Rey Mysterio shocking the crowd). Ref apparently letting this become a Tornado Tag as all four guys go at it in the ring. You’ve seen all of the Bucks’ Superkick tricks but I’ve got to point one out here as Matt nailed Aries who was flying in mid-air attempting an accelerated corner dropkick. Meltzer Driver ends Aries. A “5” on the patented NHO scale seems low for a main event but this was uniform and fairly pedestrian stuff. Post-match all four guys jerking each other off mid-ring felt especially deprecatory (like “yeah we’re four buddies that just but on a laissez-faire show for you”) then they started fanboy-ing out as Sandman’s music hit and the show faded to black.