Thursday, October 8, 2009

Burger Kang #8

REY Ohara vs. KG - HUSTLE 6/25/09 - 3

KG is an adorable girl in blue vinyl and REY looks like KENTA's stoned older cousin. REY eats a few KG dropkicks and bumps like a fish out of water accordingly. KG's flurry of kicks in the corner aren't bad for a girl that weighs as much as the pile Meltzer's phone-sex bills. Ohara returns the favor stomping the shit out of KG's face in the corner. KG whips REY into the corner then does the Scooby Doo-like "running in place" before charging him in the corner. REY hits a hard bodyslam than goes for a pin by grinding a knee into KG's throat to a nice crowd reaction of disdain. REY grabs her by the hair and slaps her like a pimp to his prostitute. REY serves up some chops in the corner and makes a goofy face at the camera in a fun moment. Ohara gets KG in mid-hurricanrana and drops her into a boston crab. KG's screaming wouldn't draw attention as its per norm in joshi but makes this seem more brutal in comparison. Against most men Ohara would look about as intimidating as seconds at the desert bar, but does a good job generating heat beating on a tiny girl. KG does the "Unprettier" better than Christian got it off during his entire TNA run. They botch a spot where KG rebounded off the ropes into REY's arms and tried to do some roll-up shit and they just fell over together. REY hoists her up on this shoulder, traps all four of her limbs, waves like a prick to the crowd, then drops down crushing her. After the match REY sits on KG's beaten body, then stands on her like a real jerk, before finally posing with his belt for photographers while resting a knee on her cranium.

Petey Williams and Delirious vs. Nate Webb and Matt Sydal - IWA: M-S 11/19/04 - 1

There appears to be about thirty spectators in an armory for this. Sydal rides on Webb's back around ringside after Nate steals the TNA X Division title and then they bust out some dance moves. Hell, Dixie Carter probably wouldn't even let Nate wash her car let alone work for her company. Prazak does ring introductions with a flannel shirt tucked into white pants with a black belt--someone call the Fashion Police and tell them to bring the pepper spray and batons. Early on Webb starts doing show tune jigs and dips Petey like it's homecoming. Petey walks across the auditorium, picks up two mops, tosses one to Nate and they start having a lightsaber duel with mops--seriously. Now it looks like all four guys are playing a game of tag. We're a few minutes in and thus far absolutely no wrestling to speak of. Matt has a blue bandana on, his chances of getting into the Crips are about as good as Nate Webb's getting on the cover of GQ. Sydal does a good job selling Delirious' "Panic Attack" in the corner. Delirious goes for a German suplex on Matt, Sydal lands on his feet, but then eats a lariat by the lizard man. Sydal is easiest the best at selling and thankfully he's done the bulk of the work his team. Why is there a huge Atlanta 1996 Olympics banner on the wall of a seedy armory in Indiana? All four guys are in the ring during the finish continuing the trend of really poor officiating. Weird moment post-match, out on the floor, Sydal walks up the Webb and says completely out of character something about hurting his hand and laughs nervously, the camera completely picks it up and you hear a ringside fan chuckling at the awkward unveiling.

Jun Akiyama and Akihiko Ito vs. Takeshi Rikioh and Mohammed Yone - NOAH 7/12/09 - 4

Jun decided to start and Rikioh is wearing JC Ice's jean shorts. It takes Jun seven shoulderblocks before he takes Rikioh off his feet but some things are worth the wait. Akiyama and Yone trade forearms and elbows for awhile and I never tire of faces being smashed in. Ito comes in and tries to pick up where Jun left off, his forearms aren't getting the job done so he does a barrage of slaps which only piss Yone off. Takeshi slams Akihiko on the floor and rolls him back into Yone. Jun's bald spot is slightly more obvious than Shawn Michaels'. Rikioh hits a superplex on Jun. Jun's high knee looks reckless which I dig. Jun and Takeshi brawl on the floor. Mohammed takes Ito's head off with a huge lariat. Yone gets the win with a "Muscle Buster" on Ito. This was only about ten minutes but physical and liked Ito struggling to fit in with the big boys.

Shinjiro Otani vs. Yuki Ishikawa - Pro Wrestling ZERO1 4/27/02 - 5

We see some backstory at an airport or shopping mall. Yuki is in his wrestling gear which is disturbing in public, Otani blows him off, then turns around and kicks Ishikawa once in the gut in a strange piece of business. Otani was one of my favorites in the late-'90's when I got into Japanese wrestling in a big way, and nowadays, Ishikawa is one of the guys I look most forward to watching in his own company Battlarts. Shinjiro starts off with a barrage, backing Yuki into the corner and just beating the hell out of him with punches and kicks. Otani springs off the ropes and does a flying kick into a downed Ishikawa's face nearly knocking him out. Yuki, on the feet, finally gets some shots in, then mounts Otanhi who covers up in the guard as Ishikawa looks to land some damage. Otani hits meaty slaps while Yuki fires back forearms. Out on the floor Otani whips Yuki into the railing then follows up with a running kick to the mouth. Shinjiro blasts Yuki with a chair then tosses him into the ringpost. This is a real ugly fight with Otani landing the bulk of the grossest shots thus far. Ishikawa eats the ringpost several more times--could he at least get a condiment? They trade hard chops that would make Ric Flair's skin lose its plasticine texture and revert back to normal human flesh. Back in the ring, Yuki is bleeding from the head, tries some work on the arm and when that fails dumps Otani on his head with a back suplex. Strike exchange yet again and Otani's open-hand slaps are so loud. Shinjiro absolutely kills Yuki with two consecutive dragon suplexes that are some of the nastiest executions of that move I've ever seen. Otani takes the dazed Ishikawa and sinks in a chokehold, by the time they drop to the mat Yuki is out and Shinjiro is declared the winner. A really fun war with loads of brutality largely dished out by Otani.

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