Sunday, August 6, 2006

WWE Armageddon 2004

1) Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio vs. Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree – 6
2) Kurt Angle vs. Santa Claus – 0
3) Daniel Puder vs. Mike Mizanin – Dixie Dog Fight Boxing Match – 0
4) Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas vs. The Basham Brothers – 3
5) John Cena vs. Jesus – Street Fight – 4
6) Dawn Marie vs. Miss Jackie – 0
7) Kurt Angle, Mark Jindrak, & Luther Reigns vs. The Big Show – Handicap Match – 3
8) Spike Dudley vs. Funaki – 4
9) John Bradshaw Layfield vs. The Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T – Fatal Four Way Match – 4

Ummm … yeah. Aside from the opening tag match that went almost twenty minutes, and was one of the best tag matches in recent memory, there was absolutely nothing to like on this show. Angle beating Santa Claus and a worked boxing match between two people who I could give less than a shit about? Honestly, who thought that was a good idea? If Puder could’ve cashed the checks that his mouth wrote he’d still be in WWE, and not dangling his dick in front of a prostitute on a street corner in Philly. Holly and Hass make for an unusual pairing if nothing else, but couldn’t handle the Bashams in a terrible undercard tag match. If Cena could show the intensity he showed in his match with Jesus (pronounced hey-zeus), I might actually care about what he does in the ring. Cena rocked Jesus with some certifiable stiff punches and some evil kendo stick shots. Alas, it wasn’t enough to save his sorry ass from another low rating. Dawn Marie and Miss Jackie had a miserable match with Charlie Haas as the referee for some stupid reason. The handicap match was an utter disgrace to all wrestling fans worldwide. By now, the crowd was totally dead and the only noise they made was a low hum. Spike and Funaki had promise but that was quickly ruined like most everything else that had been presented. Funaki took a couple of cool bumps and the crowd popped briefly for the title change and that was about it. The main event was a total clusterfuck of a match. Everyone seemed lost and didn’t know what to do. JBL botched powerbombing Booker through a table and was forced to do it with a lame elbow drop. Heidenreich interfered to keep ‘Taker from winning and JBL retained with a shitty clothesline. It’s a good thing I got this from the library because If I’d bought it, I would’ve smashed the disc with a very large hammer and great number of times. This show must be avoided at all costs!!!!

Bonus Match:
Paul London & Chavo Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman & Akio – 4 – This really had some promise as all four guys are incredible workers. However, just like normal, their talents are squandered on a five-minute encounter that didn’t do much to even excite the crowd.

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