ECW TV 9/5/06

It’s another week of homogenized hardcore with the “new” ECW.

1. Mike Knox and Test vs. Rob Van Dam and Sabu – 5

Van Dam doesn’t sell Knox’s strikes worth a damn. Later, RVD does a running spinkick in the corner, has too much momentum, and ends up flipping over the top rope and landing awkwardly on the floor. They did a four-man table spot that was obviously orchestrated. Test’s chair-assisted bodyslam was a highlight for me. At one point, Van Dam was running the ropes, and upon hitting them he stalled strangely, as if he was just shot, then regained composure and finished the poor sequence. My theory is that the ropes kicked his ass. Air Sabu looked like United 93. The finishing spot was Van Dam and Sabu doing simultaneous top-rope legdrops on Knox who was lying on a table; as cool as it could have been, it wasn’t, and Sabu completely missed his target. Pretty sloppy match, but it was fast-paced enough to keep me moderately entertained, and that’s about as much as you can ask for out of an ECW television bout.

2. Balls Mahoney vs. Steven Richards – 3

Richards’ reverse neckbreaker was scary, as their timing together was way off. I loved the way Balls sold Richards’ knees to his back; showcasing the pain verbally and by over exaggerated facials. Somebody needs to tell Richards to leave the X Factor to Sean Waltman and Marvel Comics.

CM Punk smacked Shannon “The Reject” Moore in the face like he was a bitch in the back during a vignette. I wanted to do the exact same thing to Moore; several years ago, while I was working at a movie store in a shopping mall, Moore, who was working for HWA at the time, approached me and asked me if Evil Dead was “any good?”

3. Big Show vs. Degeneration X – Handicap Match – 3

Triple H attempted to rip off his t-shirt, and his subsequent wrestling with it was the best battle of the show. Shawn Michaels’ sells of Show’s headbutts were about as convincing as his denying involvement in the ’97 Montreal screwing of Bret Hart. This match could have evolved into something a littler more satisfactory, but they were content on working minimally, and the Hardcore Holly interference officially designated it as a stinker.