Wednesday, June 1, 2011

DVDVRs Best of Texas from the 80's Disc 5

Texas, I could never forget you, sure i left you in a dark corner of my entertainment stand over the holidays, I know, I know, Inception on DVD came after you but god damn how can you not use repeat viewings of that? I know you missed the warmth of my DVD player; I thought weekly blasts of fire from Bellator and Gordon Ramsay on my screen would suffice? Apparently not. Well it's time, Texas, i'm ready to rediscover you once again. Saddle up cowboy, I'm going to ride you like David did Garvin & Precious when they were his slaves.

1) Michael Hayes & Jimmy Garvin v. Mike Von Erich & Chris Adams (Penalty Box Match 04/16/84)- 2
This was a huge mess, much like the one I'm sure Bronco Lubich was leaving in his adult diaper around this springtime. The match seemed to be more about the women seconds and were fighting and clawing with much more fire than the men. Mike seemed like a child trapped in a man's body, I think Judge Reinhold did a movie like that in the 80's? Speaking of the Judge, anyone else think he's a perfect John Arbuckle from Garfield? Anyways, I felt bad for all involved having to carry Mike through this physical interaction; I did enjoy some of Hayes' nasty elbows but that was about it.

2) Fabulous Freebirds v. Kevin, Mike & Fritz Von Erich (Badstreet Match, 05/06/84)- 2
The scenery of this show is quite amazing, very remiscent of a Wrestle Mania; consider this your Big Show team v. Corre match. I see Terry Gordy bumping like a fiend, which I like but it's for Fritz's eternally slow bear claws so I instantly hate it. Didn't anyone tell Kevin not to wear white jeans after.....the beginning of time. Broke down fast, Frtiz actually almost beat Hayes & Roberts at one time with a claw. That's a McMahon ego stroke. Oh but he did win a title belt at nearly 70 years old.
And they did a triple blood? Ha, hope none of them had Hep C, that would have been a waste.

3) Ric Flair v. Kerry Von Erich (05/06/84)- 5
Here's the Von Erichs' classic moments. Could you pull this off today? Feels like such a huge exploitation of David's death. As for the match, I've seen and reviewed this before, was on the level of a solid TV main event honestly. Flair kind of buzzed through his signature bumps and spots, all looking good but without the emotion, this didn't have much pop.

4) Kerry Von Erich v. Terry Gordy (05/07/84)- 6
This actually feels like a World Title Match. Gordy doesn't pussy foot around just because he's fighting for a belt and it's a Von Erich. Opening stuff felt geuine, like Marc Lawrence's cocaine addiction at the time. Loved how they squoze a 40 + epic into the time allotted without it sseeming difficult.

5) Ric Flair v. Kerry Von Erich (05/11/84)- 6
This was another awesome Kerry title defense, making headlocks and shoulderblocks look as cool as anything on a PWG undercard. Flair seems to work with no pressure without the title, and Kerry's confidence has soared. Like how he keeps trying pins and Flair gives them to him. This is a beautiful dance, but this isn't ballet; if you want that, check out the photography of Nev Schulman. Love the cradle Von Erich used, both men are too strong for normal special moves.

6) Terry Gordy & Killer Khan v. Chris Adams & Iceman King Parsons (05/18/84)- 5
This wasn't a marathon it was a race, they were going a mile a minute, back and forth with tags and strikes. Gordy was the Gorilla glue of this scenario, with Iceman sort of mucking it up in certain spots. I wasn't enamored with Khan, can't bump too well but plays scared big monster heel fairly well. Shit finish but (broken record) this is Texas.

7) Michael Hayes/ Buddy Roberts/ Jimmy Garvin/ Killer Khan v. Kevin Von Erich/ Junkyard Dog/ Chris Adams/ Jules Strongbow (05/28/84)- 4
Roberts beer gut is growing by leaps and bounds but can still bump well, he just isn't as big a force here as he has been in the past. Adams is a gamer, but he and Garvin are blowing simple shit left and right. Hayes is so great at putting someone over without ever locking up with them, he did it with Kamala and now here with JYD, who's kept out of the ring for much of this. Strongbow is fine as a utility guy, some interesting sells, lots of D-von/Hulkster twitching, even on a snap mare? Feels like this review i'm taking a dump on this but I had a lot of fun watching it, one of those bouts where it's not too physical but seems like they did a lot.

8) Chris Adams/ Stella Mae French v. Jimmy Garvin/ Precious (Loser Leaves Town Cage Match, 07/04/84)- 3
I don't know who this scary bulldike Stella Mae is but she pulls into the arena in a huge semi truck carrying a 2x4 cutting a good promo. I believe this is Garvin's final match in this set, so I'll focus on him here. He has all the great makings of fun 80's heel, stooges well, bumps fine, can throw a decent kick and has good charisma, I think he's a step below all the Freebirds so his stuff just isn't clicking with me as well as theirs. He basically takes a huge ass whipping from both opponents here, the girl on girl stuff you couldn't find the biggest freak to pay for and I must point out Adams ridiculous splash off the top of the cage.

9) The Fabulous Freebirds v. Kerry, Kevin & Mike Von Erich (Badstreet Match, 07/04/84)- 7
God Damn I love this feud. Sometimes this is exactly the kind of match you want to see from a bunch of people that hate each other. Everyone was in their Sunday best street fighting gear, there were whips, belts, cowboy boots, and not a single person was pulling anything. Awesome stuff. At one point Mike accidentally hits Kerry, but nothing came of it. Blood started flowing, i mean just 6 dudes punching and kicking each other, what else could be better. Killer Khan inserts himself in the end which I didn't care for but other than that, great fight.

10) Iceman King Parsons v. Gino Hernandez (07/06/84)- 3
This started out fine enough but was striving to keep my attention. Good looking hiptoss sequences can only take you so far. Gino had all the mannerisms you'd want a big heel to have, but his work ethic was really bad. Couldn't really bump like an athlete and Iceman didn't seem to be into this either. Hoping I see Gino step it up later on.

11) Terry Gordy/ Killer Khan v. Kevin Von Erich/ Chris Adams (07/06/84)- 5
I'm going to have to leave this on the "unrecommended" side of the freeway along with that roadkill and my Rally's wrapper- sorry, littering is no joke, and neither is Kevin Von Erich's wild attacks. His untrained look is still so much damn fun to watch, Khan eats a nasty dropkick righ tto his cocksucker early on and it hurts. Khan's packing some aftersell too. Adams and Gordy both just have it, even if i can't explain what it is. But a huge brawl degenerates this into just another angle furthering in Texas.

12) Michael Hayes/ Buddy Roberts v. Mike Von Erich/ Chris Adams (07/20/84)- 4
This felt like a really long seasoning exercise for Mike, who's actually not as useless as a tag rope in current wrestling is. He pulls off a nice tight headscissors late in the game and I realize this move could be utilized well today. Roberts takes really fun bumps outside, landing on his hayseed hips every time. Adams shows tons of fire as if trying to give Mike an example to look at, instead of shoving painkillers down his throat pre-match like their pretzel M&M's. In the end, this match should have ended a good 7-8 minutes earlier as this peaked early with Adams v. Roberts and just dwindled after.

13) Gino Hernandez v. Kerry Von Erich (07/20/84)- 6
Gino blowing a hiptoss reversal off the bat doesn't soothe my bad feelings about his capabilities as a performer. But he's got weak heel stooging down. A young female in the audience is shown wearing a homemade t-shirt imply saying "I Love Kerry Von Erich." Wonder if she still has that and slips it on after a long day at the office. This got good- Gino can't do aa 3 quarter nelson but he's a great bumper and is pulling in all these fine Texans with his performance. Also had some fun chicanery and I can't wait to get to the Dyamic Duo stuff

14) Iceman King Parsons/ Skip Young v. Pretty Young Things (08/17/84)- 6
This should be fun, Iceman & Skip go on a flurry then run to opposite corners for a running jumping high five- My God the 80's were wonderful. Skip moves around like he's got a beat box going in his head. Tell me why of all the guys through the years doing a boxing gimmick, Iceman's punches look so much more legit- could you imagine World Class doing a brawl for all during this time? Haha, Killer Khan would just maul Brian Adonis as he desperately would reach upwards for a wet willy. Well ran face beatdown and Young's comeback is leagues better than any I've seen Kofi Kingston pull off since his tenure.
15) Gino Hernandez v. Kevin Von Erich (08/17/84)- 5
Well executed bout, Kevin is just violent like a beligerent drunk who just got divorced. Gino is in full heel mode and has now beaten both the brothers, so he's the hot new thing. Kevin fighting for the claw the whole time was great and Gino avoiding it like an STD test was perfect. Another fun fan moment, as Kevin is in a rage trying to apply his finishing move, the cameraman shoots a group of fans in the audience holding up 8x10 glossys of Kevin with an open dress shirt with one leg up on a barstool in a Glamour shot

16) Kerry Von Erich v. Terry Gordy (Lumberjack Match, 08/17/84)- 5
You don't need no damn lumberjacks with these two. They could pass for bothers, same messy long mullets, black tights and white boots. Maybe they got a discount rate at the local seamstress. Gordy just barely stepping out of the way of a huge Kerry dropkick reminded me of his dickish ways from All Japan. Gordy, for reals, is not just one of the great workers of this geographical era and time but of all time and could have legitmately been a World Champion. Do I mind you two trading devastating piledrivers....about as much as I hate whip cream on anything or blowjobs from anonymous women. Was great until this broke down as all lumberjack matches do, like it's a scientific principle or something

17) Chris Adams v. Jake Roberts (09/03/84)- 5
Was all of this 14 minutes just chin and arm locks? Is Jake really wearing red bellbottoms that look like they came from Abdullah's wardrobe? was Jake just doing a shoulder shrug dance step that P Diddy would popularize some fifteen years later? Holy cow, to quote a wise man, "You've got me straight trippin, boo." Loved the finish of this, going up a point for that.


Brian said...

good read, sir.. - enjoying your trek through Texas.. - I tried watching some Puerto Rico but was feeling mighty tired so it's off to bed and dreams of Buzz Sawyer playing beer pong with Capt. Lou's goatee rubberbands wrapped around his junk (don't ask)

Jessie said...

Thanks man, had a lot of fun watching this disc....after re-reading my review, i think it shows....glad everyone's strapped in for the ride....halfway there can't say "don't ask" to that scenario!