Thursday, May 27, 2010

1/2 show here, 1/2 show there: TNA Lockdown 09/ CZW Cage of Death 11

Writer's note: i was unable to procure a working copy of this TNA show, but didn't want half a review to go wasted, so thought I'd finish the last half of this quite good show so far from the boys of CZDub.

Pre-show Match: Eric Young v. Danny Bounaduce- 1
Just the physique and backne all over Bonaduce were enough to make Eric Young look normal again. He took some gnarly bumps into the cage and I believe i got as much enjoyment out of Danny's schooling as Young did adminstering it. He "performed" a rolling somersault off the top rope that looked identical to a young kid tumbling in gym class in elementary school.

Main Show:
1) Suicide v. Consequences Creed v. Jay Lethal v. Kiyoshi v. Sheik Bashir (Escape the Cage)- 4
2) ODB v. Sojo Bolt v. Madison Rayne v. Daffney (Queen of the Cage)- 2
3) Motor City Machineguns v. LAX v. Team No Limit- 4
4) Matt Morgan v. Abyss (Doomsday Chamber of Blood)- 2

Our opener was not your usual X Division fare, didn't really feature any big spots or bumps, just plodding action until each elimination, which all of were pulled off nicely. Creed was hitting all marks and looked pretty good, as did Suicide, despite the awkward positioning he and Bashir did on the top of the cage leading to the end which resembled a first date hug.

The ladies match desperately needed a leader, as I would think Daffney could have provided, but she laid low after hitting her spots, which came off well. Liked her twisting perfect plex. Rayne was lost, as was Sojo, trying to hit a clean spot with ODB was as confusing and insipid as NBC's screwing of Conan. This was probably only 6 mins or so but could have been kept shorter and picked up the pace instead of people just milling about as if waiting in line at a KFC.

This 3 way tag was a lot like the opener, lot of guys running spots while others laid on their backs. Hernandez though was an eyesore, not adding a lot except a crazy tackle into Shelly. This was the Machineguns show, great timing, double team moves were spot on, guess this was a consolation for not being pushed...EVER.

This was a debacle of epic proportions, this feud was one of the worst of last year, in any promotion and this match solidified it. As ridiculous as the name of the match is, the action matched it. All their big moves unleashed very quickly, as well as sure hospital visits for their gaping bladejobs that meant nothing to the quiet, indifferent Philly crowd. Add to that movie glass and Abyss' upper arm tack bump and I've got a candidate for "Biggest waste of 14 minutes" awards (that felt very Dr. Cox)

CZW Cage of Death 11, 2nd half

1) The Best Around v. Blk Out- 4
2) Devon Moore v. Drake Younger - 3
3) Sami Callihan v. Danny Havoc - 7

Enjoyed the opening arm work by Sabian, throwing quick stuff at TJ to try and get a quick win (kneedrop on arm, schoolboy). The Blk Out double team as they ran by the guy several times made everyone look more foolish than the ref wearing a total Charlie Brown shirt. I like Sabian's instincts but he moves a little stiffly as if he's the Tin Man and needs a little oiling, both on offense and selling. Best Around play decent pathetic chicken shit heels but they are as pathetic in punching and anything physical as their characters. Kind of hard to believe they could beat anyone, just like the Reds but they did just win 5 in a row. Man, well I wanted to like this, had good tag dynamic, but too spotted out near end, people looked like they were on xxx2 slow mo, then you have the Best Around setting up a ladder only for Sabian to jump on it and hit 3 fans in the front row. But the finish was literally one of the nuttiest things i've seen lately (shooting star double foot stomp through a ladder on Ruckus) and I just saw a rogue racoon mate with a moose last Tuesday.

This match was the excess of everthing that i hate in wrestling. If you're going to do a hardcore match or a crazy fight, have at least some brawling as transition, not a vertebreaker or a shooting star press outside. Moore isn't a wrestler at all, he gave this smug look after obviously blading in front of the crowd then hitting a sloppy superkick into a chair. Younger seems game for most anything, but this match was shit from the beginning. The ridiculous looking setups where both guys are basically holding each other so they don't fall off the top of the table isn't doing a damn thing to make this review better or stimulate a young lady's libido. If they had built up to that ending with good hate filled fighting this would have been a great bout, but they didn't. CZW is a fed with awesome finishes but too much bullshit in between.

Our Main is the Cage of Death, a large Mid South style chicken wire structure filled with tables, barb wire and planes of glass with a scaffold overhead. The "New Horror" Sami Callihan has been one of the best discoveries of the last 4 years and Havoc seems to be your new DDP, crowd entrance and all with Willie Nelson playing him in. You have to enjoy Callihan's growling as he strikes over and over again, you can feel the hatred here, nasty crazy bumps into the barb wire, crushing glass everywhere. This feels like a Mad Max sequel. I love how the sides of the ring hang ominously over the floor crowd, it's like being on a roller coaster with dangerous circumstances surrounding you and you have no power to do anything about it. This match is being used to settle a kidnapping & torturing angle; think this would be way more fun than incareration, could charge people tix to come watch. God, I'm a sadistic fuck. Maybe I need to look at myself. but for now I'll watch Havoc get his back fried by a car battery. If a car drives through the ring and Callihan caps the driver with a .22, i'll know i'm in a Grand Theft Auto dream and not really seeing this. Havoc's back looked like a Wiradjuri cave painting. Callihan's body had more holes in it than the plot of Heroes Season 4. Glass is covering the whole mat, just insane spot one after the other, Callihan's piledriver from the 2nd rop through some more glass was one of the more deadly ones. Wow, a table seems like a wrist lock in this match, Sami is now pouring blood out of his head like the jet function on the spray nozzle for my hose. Fuck any torture movie ever made after seeing that finish, dear god, even if I hated this match for everything it stood for i'd have to recommend anyone who's into the sport of pro wrestling to see this.

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