Monday, August 11, 2008

TV Project #2 - Feb. 4 - Feb. 5

1st place:
ECW on Sci-FI 2/5/08
Ranking: 27.5% (11 points out of 40)

1. Kelly Kelly and Michelle McCool vs. Layla and Victoria - 2
2. Tommy Dreamer vs. John Morrison - 3
3. Kofi Kingston vs. James Curtis - 3
4. CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero - Gulf fo Mexico Match - 3

Wow, this week’s edition of ECW on Sci-Fi was definitely a step below last week’s, too. Last week they stuffed five matches into an hour, and also had an enjoyable ending skit where Chavo got blasted in the face by a mandolin playing straight edge guy in a fuax-mustache. This week, we got four matches, all short and painfully unspectacular, and the only non-wrestling stuff an extended in-ring promo to start the show that basically boiled down to just establishing the main event—ugh!

The women’s match, while featuring some of the same talent from the day prior’s Raw, wasn’t as good. Kelly tried to do some acrobatic offense, but came off like a middle school cheerleader, hopped up on paint and vodka, doing a bad Rob Van Dam imitation at a frat party where she was later fricasseed like a kebob. Layla looks a lot like a slut that works at a jewelry counter at the same mall I’m employed at—maybe if I got to Wal-Mart and get her overpriced action figure I can use it like a voodoo doll.

Morrison is shaping into a pretty decent worker, but the match with Dreamer wasn’t doing either any favor, as it was short and squalid. Kofi had another squash, this time against James Curtis, who was selling quite well. The main, a really weak brawl, was a big disappointment; especially after hearing it pimped shortly after it aired. They’ve both had better brawls, Punk pre-WWE and Chavo with guys like Rey and surely Stevie Ray at some point, so this was kind of listless and sterile. The big payoff, Chavo getting tossed in the disease-infected waters of the Gulf was fine for a quick chuckle, but served as poor distraction from better TV viewing options like old episodes of Freaks and Geeks or Riley Mason porno.

2nd place:
WWF Raw 2/4/08
Ranking: 26% (13 points out of 50)

1. Kelly Kelly and Mickie James vs. Victoria and Beth Phoenix - 3
2. Mr. Kennedy vs. Super Crazy - 2
3. Brian Kendrick and Paul London vs. Santino Morella and Carlito - 1
4. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch - 2
5. Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, and Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga, Snitsky, and JBL - 5

Wow, where last week’s Raw was a great re-introduction for me to wrestling on TV in general, this week’s offering was absolute crap. Three of the five matches were extremely short and uneventful. Plus, all the non-wrestling stuff was terrible written and offensive. We had McMahon making his “son” Hornswoggle kiss his ass in a segment that went on forever, Cena and Mark Henry having an arm wrestling contest, a long, plodding multiple-man interview pumping No Way Out and leading to this show’s main event, etc.

The women’s match was good but short, so no recommendation from yours truly. However, it smoked the three matches following it so I’ll give it some credit. The finish saw Victoria eat a Tornado DDT by Mickie James in a good bump. Kennedy worked on Crazy’s legs, unconvincingly, as a threat to future opponent Ric Flair, and got the win in a crappy throwaway bout with a submission. It was great seeing London and Kendrick again, it wasn’t so great seeing the match go less than two minutes, with London spending most of it chasing Santino around the ring like a child at recess, seriously. The next tag was almost as short, and equally forgettable, but notched an extra point for a couple stiff shots being thrown. Lastly, we had a typical, tossed together Raw main, but it was fun enough and a lot better than the rest of the stuff I was subjected to during this broadcast. The ending saw all of the faces hit their finishers, a nice touch, but the last segment as the aforementioned arm wrestling contest so I can’t really say the show ended on a high note.

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