Sunday, August 17, 2008

FMW Total Carnage

1) Matsunaga vs. Super Leather – 2
2) Ricky Fuji & Ooya vs. Fujiwara & Ikeda – 4
3) Shark Tsuchiya, Bad Nurse Nakamura, & Sub Miss Sato vs. Megumi Kudo & Combat Toyoda – Handicap Barbed Wire Death Match – 3
4) Shark Tsuchiya & Megumi Kudo vs. Bad Nurse Nakamura & Sub Miss Sato – 1
5) Mike “Gladiator” Awesome vs. Super Leather – 5
6) Mike “Gladiator” Awesome vs. Hayabusa – 4
7) Horace Boulder vs. Matsunaga – 3

FMW is one promotion I’m not that familiar with so a lot of this will be new to me. However, before I talk about the matches, I have to mention something about the DVD hosts, Ken Watanabe and Eric Geller. These are the biggest clowns I’ve ever seen host a wrestling DVD. Geller was making sex jokes towards Watanabe who would counter them by using Attitude-era catchphrases. They also actually attempt to call the matches but they’re so bad at what they do that I switched over to the Japanese commentary almost immediately.

Matsunaga and Super Leather kicked off the match selection. It needs to be noted that each match on this DVD is preceded by comments from the participants. Most of them are the standard “I’m going to win for my fans” or “My partner and I are going to take the titles” but Super Leather’s pre-match antics are priceless. In this particular instance, he screams, yells “Die Matsunaga, die!” and then starts up a chainsaw. The match was clipped all to hell but I remember that Super Leather pulled a weapon billed as an iron toothbrush from under the ring and whacked Matsunaga in the abdomen.

The father-and-son team of Fujiwara and Ikeda worked well together and defeated the renegade team of Fuji & Ooya. The crowd would erupt everytime Fujiwara went for his patented armbar hold. I was intrigued by what was presented but again, the match was clipped so that lowers the score. Both women’s matches were pretty much awful. The death match had so much going on that I wasn’t able to keep track of anything. Kudo got sliced pretty good on some wire though. The second ladies match was set up by Tsuchiya getting pissed at Nakamura and Sato so she teamed with her arch-rival Kudo. However, a few minutes in, Tsuchiya turned on Kudo and made the match worse that it already was.

Another Super Leather match comes up next and this time it’s against Mike Awesome. This should be a fun match! Awesome cuts a promo and then we hear Leather (and his trusty chainsaw) walking down the hallway. I want to point out here, for the record, that Super Leather is formerly mid-80s WWF star Corporal Kirchner. Just though I’d throw that out there for those who are having trouble visualizing a man in dirty clothes wearing a Leatherface mask and weilding a chainsaw. The match was slow but hard hitting and fun. There were weapons and a very stiff superplex.

The other Mike Awesome match was very, very long and very, very slow. It was for the vacant Brass Knuckles Championship and had some nice elements in it but in the end it was ultimately disappointing and sloppy, although the Super Awesome Bomb finisher was nice. The bonus match was shit. Matsunaga was wrapped up in barbed wire and did bad brawling with Horace. The end saw Matsunaga splash Horace through an already broken table.

Super Leather’s promos and match against Awesome were defintely the best parts of the DVD, everything else was awful. I would defintely avoid these DVDs at all costs unless you absolutely have to see announcers talking smack to each other and sloppy hardcore Japanese wrestling.

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