Wednesday, January 10, 2007

WWF Survivor Series '92

1 High Energy v. Headshrinkers- 5
High Energy wins the 1992 award for most looking like a disco club's decoration, but that's beside the point. They took on the unenviable task of facing a favored(and well liked by Vince) Headshrinkers. Both teams played to their strengths and turned out a good opener that could have been a great tag match with a little more time added to the the match.

2 Big Bossman v. Nailz (Nightstick Match)- 5
This match wasn't long, but it's psychology was right on. Nailz was a former inmate at Cobb County Prison where Bossman used to work the dayshift; supposedly Bossman and his other cop buddies used to beat up on Nailz just to abuse their power( According to Bobby Heenan, Nailz was put in jail because he was buying his mom something for Mother's day, came out of the store and got a parking ticket, then was found out to have a few more.) Well, the seething former inmate (who looks oddly like the villain from the 2nd Ghostbusters movie) wanted his revenge. This match mostly consisted of both men trying to punch the other first the whole time and both guys can throw a decent fist, so it was entertaining.

3 Rick Martel v. Tatanka- 5
Martel was dressed like a male prostitue working a Royal Carribbean cruise ship, with a touch of Native American(Tatanka's feather on his cap) thrown in there for sympathy. This was nearly ten minutes and it was worked perfectly well.

4 Randy Savage/ Mr. Perfect v. Ric Flair/ Razor Ramon- 5
This tag match had a lot of heat and all these guys performed up to their level. Flair and Ramon were a surprising combination and Perfect showed he still had some fire in the tank. This match could have been ranked higher had they not gone with their cop out of a finish.

5 Yokozuna v. Virgil- 3
A devastating squash. Virgil looked like a dying fish with epilepsy under Yoko's giant ham hock of a leg and thigh. 'Zuna had the distincition of wearing the world's largest jock strap ever in wrestling (in sumo, It's not the size that counts, it's how many chicken breasts you can hide in it, but from what I hear, poultry isn't the only things those sumo stars stuffed.)

6 Nasty Boys/ Natural Disasters v. Money Inc./ Beverly Brothers (Traditional Survivor Series Match)- 4
This match was a poor excuse for a Survivor Series match. There could only be a total of 3 eliminations to end it and they all took place, except I don't think one of them looked real or even particularly good. There were some exceptional workers in the match, but the pieces didn't fall together just right.

7 Undertaker v. Kamala (Coffin Match)- 2
This match never got out of the blocks; it was DOA as soon as the bell started. Taker took a few overexaggerated chops from Kamala, then punished him quickly and tossed him into casket. Kim Chee was there for a Taker appetizer, but the main course was his cigar and booze flavored whores he only had for a 24 hour period( so that's how he met his wife!)

8 Bret Hart v. Shawn Michaels- 9
A classic match to say the least. In a perfect sports entertainment world, there would be no egos, no jealousy, no complaning about jobbing, no political manuevering, no sleeping with other men's wives, no divorces, no screwjobs, no gay centerfold photo shoots, no drugs, and no Vince Russo, unfortunately this feud deteroiated into all of that in just a matter of years. But, it is a nice treat to go back to a simpler time when Bret really was the character he has always believed himself to be and Michaels didn't have a Macy's Float size ego. Both guys just worked and it seemed to flow from them with no effort at all. They worked together like cogs in a watch, like valves in car, like lube in Jenna Jameson's stretched out floodplain of a pussy, in complete syncrhonization and it was a treat to watch. A clean, out of nowhere finish helped put a large seal of approval on this match for me.

As far as Survivor Series go, this card offered only nearly half of what makes it such a unique affair: the team elimination matches, yet it succeeds admirably as a card without it's trademark. I was pleasantly surprised with the show and has to be one of the better of this marquee event.

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