Friday, January 5, 2007

Ring of Glory- The Great Commission

This is a DVD Brian got from the library and to say the least was very morbidly amusing. It is promoted as a Christian wrestling promotion featuring mostly old washed up talent from the former Big 2 Federations. But, not only that, but it is run by Vince Russo, yes, everyone's favorite sports entertainment writer. I'm sure it's been said before, but I go on record and say that nearly every idea Vince Russo has come up with has hurt the business and has sucked. He knows nothing of how to book in-ring matches nor has he ever seemed to care about their quality. But, I digress. The back of the case actually said to watch this with an open mind and you will have an experience, as everyone in the audience did that night. Yeah, they were scammed out of their money. Russo may as well have passed around an offering plate and told them to drop their wallets and their dignity. So, based on this promotion, we are thinking this is finally going to be something different, maybe some clean wrestling with no angles, or bad stuff. We shall see.

1 Bo Buchanan v. Rodney Mac- 3
Both of these guys were throwing heavy leather in nearly the only decent wrestling on the whole show. They had some good chemistry and used the ropes effectively. That's where anything resembling good wrestling ceased to exist. Jazz (Mack's real life wife) turned on him, and sided with Paul Bearer in a Dark Side group, although no one in the crowd would know because she was supposed to trip him, but missed. Then, they never got inside the ring- her and Bearer just stood on the outside looking at Mack, both in their own ways: Jazz, as if wanting Mack to stop watching "Friday Night Lights" on NBC and take out the trash, and Bearer as if Mack were a double cheeseburger. This was a stupid waste of time.

2 Mike Sanders/ Erik Watts v. D'Lo Brown/ Glen "Disco" Gilberti- 1
All 4 guys looked terrible and were out of shape. Then, they started wrestling, and the same can be said. Sanders never had it in-ring. All 4 were referred to as "legends and veterans." We are using those words in wrestling as often as Missy Hyatt doesn't use condoms. It's getting a tad overdone. I mean, how could anyone make such a horrible misinterpretation? None of the four have every held the world title, or even come close. None have ever drawn any money and none were ever that good of workers. So, where is Scott Hudson basing this from? I was appalled. The match itself was presented as a four day old salami sandwich wrapped in a Vader turd. Disco turned on D'Lo, then they all cut a promo in the back that was interrupted by Bearer. He actually was recruiting for his "Dark Side." Hopefully that doesn’t mean his affinity for peeping in on the boys changing in the back while desperately searching for his little piddle in his oversized pants.

3 Mark Jindrak v. Matt "Spike" Hyson- 0
Jindrak was probably the only wrestler who looked presentable and he was rolled up in a few seconds by Spike. Jindrak was apparently also part of the Dark Side, even though he was wearing Orange trunks. No thought was given to anything on this show. You don't need angles on a flea market basement promotion with no production that will probably neve run again.

4 Kevin Northcutt v. Syxx-Pac- 2
Northcutt looked like a part time employee at Hot Topic and Waltman looked like a part time sober person. They put together a couple of sequences, but the match ended in some Russo hodgepodge that I don't even recall
5 CJ Sommers v. Sal Rinauro v. Jimmy Rave v. Air Paris (Stairway to Heaven Ladder Match for the Sword of the Spirit)- 2
I'm not kidding. That was what the match was called. There was actually a sword, with edge pointing down towards the ring, hanging from the ceiling. I was praying Russo would errantly walk underneath it. The premise was four guys who have never gotten a chance to succeed got to main event. Well, only two of them had on real wrestling trunks, which says they are definitley dedicated. There's a reason none of these jokers ever made it; 2 of them are ROH openers, Paris at one time looked promising, but now just looks like a Miller and Fritos TV junkie, and Sommers looked like a 40 year old goth stupid fuck. There wasn't a lot to watch in this match, only a couple of neat spots from Rinauro. Of course, there was interference. Rave won and still looked like a boy who got his underwear ran up a flag pole at camp, and then shit his self with none on.

6 Jazz v. Rain- 0
A women's match that ended when Trinity pinned Jazz? Plus, the women came from the crowd. I kept waiting for a green gas to fill the arena in a mass suicide attempt. These fans had to have been brainwashed to stay for the whole show.

Some other notes: Ron Simmons was presented with a Cup of Life trophy, and it was very obvious he didn't know why he was there. He had a fat face and a Cosby sweater on, but got mixed up in a quick fray and threw some lethal punches. At the end, all of the wrestlers got in the ring and beat up on the faces. Well, a ring crew guy that was attacked earlier came back out and was beaten down, but rose up from persecution. Then, he worked the mic and practically called himself Jesus. His name was Asa and if I had his address, I would give it out and encourage any wrestling fan or rational human being to take a drive to his residence, and mount his fucking ass on a cross. We'll see how Messiah like he feels with nails threw his wrists. This piece of human waste, this genetic fart, actually claimed to be Jesus! This was like watching David Koresh put on a wrestling show. And Russo tried to promote as if people had a religious experience. AJ Styles even showed up and gave a mini sermon- lost respect for him, enormous amount of respect. This promotion should be buried in the anals of wrestling garbage and that's just on a sports entertainment level. Not to mention the blasphemy they tried to pull off as people, especially as Godly people, as Russo claims to be. This was just another ratings stunt Russo pulled every week on WWE and WCW. And now TNA brought him back. I see his fingerprints all over Impact now and it makes me hate TNA. I read Vince Russo's book and honestly, it was the biggest pack of lies and half truths I've ever laid eyes on. His religious comments throughout the book can only be described as treason to any sort of values any Christian or any other religious person has. I volunteered when I took the book back to the library to put it on their toilet paper roll for them, because it was only good for wiping your ass with. I don't blame one wrestler for never wanting to work with him; he knows nothing of the sport and has killed a little piece of the industry for good.

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