Friday, January 5, 2007

Ring of Glory – The Great Commission

1. Bo Buchanan vs. Rodney Mac – 3
2. Mike Sanders and Eric Watts vs. D-Lo Brown and Glen “Disco” Gilbertti – 1
3. Mark Jindrak vs. Matt Hyson – 2
4. Kevin Northcut vs. Syxx Pac – 3
5. CJ Summers vs. Air Paris vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Sal Rinauro – Stairway to Heaven Ladder Match – 4
6. Jazz vs. Rain and Trinity – Handicap Match – 2

So, Ring of Glory was Vince Russo’s grand idea of incorporating religion, Christianity to be exact, into wrestling. I’ve got to be completely honest when I say it fucking sucked. It seemed like such an obvious hoax to me, and incredibly disingenuous; I was offended as a wrestling fan, and if I was religious, I’d be doubly pissed.

Bo most of us know as “Bull”, from his short tenure in WWE. Rodney Mac is another Sunday Night Heat mainstay of years past. Their match was arguably the best of the night; it was kept simple without much flash, but done moderately well. There were a couple stiff punches thrown, which I always dig, and Bo’s scissor kick that ended the match wasn’t bad.

The following tag match was an awful excuse for a bout, three of the four participants were wearing t-shirts, and it came off looking ridiculously amateur. All four of their subsequent careers amount to shit. Gilbertti’s “YMCA elbow”, a rip of The Rock’s once popular “People’s elbow”, was an utter joke. But, speaking of the YMCA, I think these guys should consider seeking employment there because their services are no longer wanted in professional wrestling.

Jindrak and Hyson was short and featured nothing memorable or noteworthy. It’s safe to say I was definitely disappointed. Watching Syxx Pac and Northcut was about as enjoyable as being vomited on, something Syxx is undeniably familiar with, given his well-documented history with drug addiction.

The ladder match was full of its own problems, the most evident being that it was contested under the premise that the winner would receive a sword, and be pleased with the outcome. Sal and Jimmy, ROH mainstays, looked the most credible – unfortunately Paris, former independent hopeful pegged for big things, looked clinically depressed and delivered an abhorrent performance.

The last match on the show featured Jazz “wrestling”, and I use the term skeptically, Rain and Trinity, who just happened to be there in attendance supposedly watching the show. The match, or matches, seeing as how Jazz pummeled them both, was void of any structure or plausibility. Afterwards, some inbred idiot with a disturbing pockmarked face named “ASA” not only delivered a heavy-handed sermon; but also, in one of the most revolting things I’ve ever witnessed, claimed to be Jesus Christ. He said while he was being beaten, prior to being crucified, he couldn’t stop thinking of Jimmy Rave, who stood in the aisle looking like an asshole. This faux-religious psychobabble was sickening and insulting. Fuck Ring of Glory, fuck that liar Vince Russo, and fuck that fake prophet ASA. Amen.

1 comment:

Jessie said...

Amen to that brother...what a piece of shit show