Saturday, June 21, 2008

Grand Masters of Wrestling – Vol. 1

1. Ace Darling vs. Devon Storm – 4
2. “Iron” Mike Sharpe vs. King Kong Bundy – 2
3. Metal Maniac vs. Jimmy Snuka – 3

This is the third and final DVD of this series I own, this one being purchased at a party supplies store of all places, and actually ends up being the best of the batch which isn’t saying a whole lot. Independent wrestling in a school gymnasium just does something special for me, like grilled veggies, donkey shows, and reruns of The Wonder Years.

Devon went on to quasi-fame as Crowbar amongst other gimmicks, but looks especially foolish here with his long, blonde hair, pointy nose, and noticeable tremble as he tries to cut a promo in the locker room. Dawn Marie managed him, and looks rather delicious, a hell of a lot better than the sickeningly bloated version I recently saw on the retched November Reign reunion show DVD. Darling and Storm are former partners, so know each other well, and their match is a good mixture of basic back and forth stuff. The heel Storm mostly controls, doing blatantly “devious” things in attempt to illicit crowd heat from the Jersey slugs in attendance. Highlights include a plancha, sommersault plancha, two moonsaults, as well as the finish, a Darling super hurricanrana from the top. This is by far the best match on any of the three DVDs I’ve seen thus far.

Sharpe is supposed to wrestle Kamala but some guy named “Friday” runs out, looking like Kim Chee suffering from a heroin binge, and says Kamala was too afraid to fly to make it to the show. Bundy is the replacement, he starts off working over Sharpe who isn’t sure how to go about battling the behemoth, and Bundy’s visibly enjoying toying with Canada’s biggest turd. Steele gets in some licks, but it goes it to the floor where Bundy starts beating on Steele until they’re both counted out. What a waste. Why bring in a guy like Bundy to have him work a three-minute match with a shit finish?

Snuka and Maniac put me to sleep, granted it was 3AM, but I tried re-watching some of it and Maniac is to blame as he does nothing outside of tame rest holds throughout. Whenever Snuka’s on offense it starts picking up, but then he gets neutered, and we repeat this cycle again and again. This really blows, considered maybe I’d be better off watching YouTube matches like Didge, but upon second thought, I’m not the type to take the easy way out and must persist. Maniac looks like Crush in face paint and Zubaz. Ken Patera is helping out on commentary, and says a couple questionably perverted things, including earlier in reference to Darling doing a hurricanrana to Storm, “I’d like to see him do that one to Storm’s manager (Dawn Marie)” and chuckling to himself. Wait, so he wants to see Darling jump up onto Marie’s shoulders, his dick pressed firmly against her demure face, and then using his momentum, whip Marie tossing her several foot? What kind of fucked up fetish is that? Anyway, Snuka scores a win with a crossbody from the top, or “Superfly Splash” for the informed, ending this nightmare.

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