Sunday, December 31, 2006

WCW Starrcade ‘94

1. Vader vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan – 5
2. Jean Paul Levesque vs. Alex Wright – 3
3. Johnny B. Badd vs. Arn Anderson – 4
4. Harlem Heat vs. The Nasty Boys – 6
5. Mr. T vs. Kevin Sullivan – 0
6. Avalanche vs. Sting – 4
7. Butcher vs. Hulk Hogan – 2

Vader and Duggan started out surprisingly stiff and heavy hitting and I was all about it. This match was exactly what it should have been, a semi-explosive opener to get the show started with a bang. Vader definitely brought out the best in Duggan, something few have ever done. Jean Paul (nowadays Triple H) and Alex Wright was a big ball of stink. They gave this one way too much time, especially considering they were both extremely green and neither could properly carry the other one to a decent bout. I think Alex Wright, the character, was ahead of its time – these days they could push it as an extremely homoerotic guy from San Francisco’s Castro district and really piss off people.

I was hoping Johnny and Arn would steal the show with an under appreciated gem, unfortunately, this was too akin to your average WCW Saturday Night throwaway match to be worth much. Arn was trying to work Badd over, but I just got the odd impression that Badd was more concerned with visualizing nibbling on Arn’s nuts than properly selling for him. Harlem Heat and Nasty Boys locking it up in the show’s sole tag team match, and, my personal favorite encounter of the show. Yes, I’ll be the first to say there were some major miscommunications and moments of pure sloppiness, but overall, this was a classic back-and-forth tag match that was loaded with physicality and bad stereotypes. One of the biggest botches of the show happened when Stevie Ray tried to do a front layout suplex on Jerry Saggs onto the guardrail, but came up short, and dropped him awkwardly shins first onto the steel barrier. The dynamic between older-white female manager Sister Sherri and her team of big black brutes was definitely not by mistake, and always the object of much curiosity of mine – was she just managing these guys, or, was she fucking them as well? I’ve seen Jungle Fever, and I’ve heard the rumors, so what exactly was Sherri in it for, the money, the giant dick, or both?

Mr. T should have stayed away from professional wrestling after being embarrassed by Roddy Piper in the ‘80’s. Instead, he shows up here, looking like an injured zebra, as for some odd reason he’s wearing skin-tight spandex adorned with referee’s stripes. Mr. T and Sullivan have a timid and super sloppy brawl that blows more tremendously than Sister Sherri in the hood. Avalanche, may he rest in peace, wrestled Sting in a pretty by the numbers big guy versus little guy match. I was kind of into it, but my gracious viewing buddies ordered a bunch of sausage and pepperoni pizza pies, so I was momentarily distracted from the debatably tolerable action on my TV screen.

I read about the main event of this show in some book or something, and immediately, it went up on my want list because it sounded so damn bad I just had to see it. And, the moment of truth came, as I finally watched it and this motherfucker was really outright horrendous! All I can honestly remember is a bunch of back rakes, a couple ridiculously soft chair shots after the match, and not much else. I don’t know who thought it was a swell idea to put Butcher (Brutus Beefcake) in a main event, but boy, did they ever fuck up royally. After the match in the dressing room, Hogan’s celebrating with a bunch of closet homosexuals and open drug addicts, when Vader bumrushes the scene and punks out Hogan, saying, “who’s really in charge of this company?” Hulk says, “you’re right, maybe it is Vader time” and shoves Vader, leading to an impromptu mosh pit in the locker room worthy of a From Autumn To Ashes show.


Jessie said...

Hey, that comment about Sherri and Harlem Heat is an interesting question? were they hinting at inneundo? ha, i love the way your mind works.

Brian said...

The legacy of Sister Sherri will always live on (at least in my head).

Adam said...

God, this was an awful show. Backrakes and headlocks a plenty. What about that stupid Sullivan/Mr. T match?