Saturday, May 7, 2011

IWA Mid South "April Bloodshowers '10"- 04/24 Litchfield, IL

1) Neil Diamond Cutter v. Sal Thomaselli v. Dan the Man v. Matt Cage v. Kyle Threat v. Nick Brubaker v. Bucky Collins - 2

First off, there's 4 sides of chairs set up, 2 sides are completely empty, the other 2 sides have about 1/3 of the people sitting in them. This is pathetic. I"m willing to bet a Boy Scout convention packs this place and would put Rotten's fed to shame. Matt Cage, who looks like an even more out of shape Ernest Miller, is throwing stiff kicks for everyone which I respect. Cutter, who seems to be playing a Lil' Spike role (even wearing the same glasses) apparently just wrestled 3 death matches the night before in a tournament, so why does he try to springboard into the ring after he gets tagged? He nearly falls off the ropes in a laughable attempt. Cage seems like the only guy here with any skills, the rest are part time gas station attendants and kids who just graduated high school. Some of the athleticism or lack thereof is a joke; seen better athletes at the Westminster Dog show. Loved Cage's roaring elbow near the end, of course the only good worker has to take the fall too. Another glaring annoyance was the announcers dropping several racist comments and astonished that some of these guys can pull off some moves, like one guy nearly losing his mind: "Did Kyle Threat just do a Code Red? haha, seriously?" My thoughts exactly douchebag.

2) Dixieland Destroyer v. Bill the Butcher- 1
Jesus, has anyone actually seen these two? If you want people to watch a reality show, put these two slobs on a dating show. I'm convinced neither man has a lick of wrestling training and my god does it show. Again, the announcers point out Destroyer is blown up after 3 minutes. Good job guys. Next.

3) The Hooligans v. Victorious Secret- 1
This match was one big gay joke, where the announcers happily stepped in. Is there a race, color, creed or sexual orientation these guys won't offend? There's a spot where a guy gets his male thong pulled up over his arms like suspenders that would get over like crazy in Orlando. The Secret pull off the double team powerbomb that broke Villano's neck years ago in the only good spot of this joke. Haha, please, though, leave the this match running until the Hooligans leave, one of them tries to tell the most awkward joke about the cameraman being on the lotion bottle of his opponents; the joke dies worse than a vampire in sunlight. It was easily the most entertaining thing of the match.

4) Drake Younger v. Simon Sezz- 3
Younger is a good hand, let's see what he can do with this burnout. On more closer inspection, i'm guessing about 25 people are at this show. Ha. Drake pulls out the Tommy Dreamer flip outside where the announcers call for the floor to clear, yes, please move 1 child in the front row. Nice superplexe that Drake even sells the pain on pretty well. The announcers are now ripping on the fans for not coming to more shows, I'm stunned at these idiots. Liked the Drake Invasion move he hit for the finish.

5) Tarek the Great v. American Kickboxer II- 4
What happened to Tarek? He looks like he did a small priston stint. AKII is smaller than a 6th grader. Guess this is the new generation of this years old Indy feud. Tarek actually is in good shape, not sure if it's a Subway diet or what, but he has good movement. AKII tries a plethora of Dragon Gate spots, with about 50/50 of them working. I dig Tarek's move set, some real simple stuff worked, some nice snapping punches, a nasty headbutt and a good old fashioned chinlock spot from the 80's that worked. Also the ending made sense, played off a spot earlier; not sure who AKII is but hitting a flipping hurricanrana outside off the ropes was insane to do in front of less than 30 people.

6) Ryan Phoenix v. Markus Crane - 1
So the beginning of this both guys are throwing forearms in 1/8 speed and like their bodies are made of feathers? Seriously? The announcers fill the airwaves with talk of Batman, giving away finishes and Patrick Swayze being dead. Krane supposedly has all these great kicks; I used to teach 5-10 year old's martial arts and they kicked with more passion than this fucking creep. Some scissors are employed, obviously from Crane's sewing side project (see his dumbass tights) that all lead to as disappointing finish as the rest of this garbage.

7) Ian Rotten v. JC Bailey (Barb Wire Madness)- 2
Rotten's receding hairline is almost as funny as the money he'll be in the red after running this show. Nipple throw starts things in this match where 1 strand of barb wire is run up and down the ropes like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Oh shit, Bailey slides out of the ring under the wire, but doing so he kicks one of the giant light tube bundles out to the floor, breaking it and pulls one of the strands of wire from the ropes and gets caught on his foot. Has a single thing worked on this show? God damn, Rotten gives JC a sick tombstone onto some light tubes; I hope Ian's bouncing checks at least pay for JC's stitches that night. Ian throws out a Danny Glover line before a spot "I'm getting too old for this shit kid." Well fuck go grab a construction job then, that or else blow Eric Bischoff and pray you get an Xplosion spot in TNA. Nasty mushroom stomp with light tubes stuffe down Ian's singlet. Bailey looks like an escaped patient from Bellvue wrapping barb wire around himself but screaming in pain, so Ian comes over and helps him then does a German suplex Benoit's corpse could have done better. Dixieland Destroyer, the 600 pound amorphous mass of blubber and stupidity comes out and "splashes" both men; I put that word in quotes because he basically jumped to his knees but didn't make contact with them since they were still wrapped in barb wire. This idiot should just be shot. Ended with interference from all the ugliest, out of shape slobs from earlier and I promptly eject the dvd. I am not sure, but I may not have seen a worse show than this pathetic excuse for wrestling. Would these guys have tried any harder with 2,000 people there? I don't believe they could if they knew how.


Adam said...

Really strange to see Kickboxer #2 out and about working indy shows seeing as his character was born in the hallowed halls of the Sorg. FYI - He's the former Kid Fabulous from HWA.

Jessie said...

He was one of the best people on this show.....although that's not saying a whole hell of a lot