Sunday, September 2, 2007

WWF House Show @ L.A. Sports Arena (12/17/88)

1) Lanny Poffo v. Boris Zhukov- 6

I can't believe it either, but this was a really well worked match. Boris tried to over power the "Leaping" one for the first part, but he was too fast. Then, Poffo went to work on the half ugly, half retarded Ruskie, just tearing his leg apart. This went on for a good 6 to 7 minutes and Poffo was relentless. Zhukov sold the pain really well too and it was really refreshing to watch such a succint and simple scientific encounter and it worked and kept my interest. The Russian won, I think, after a long and hard fought match.

2) Tito Santana v. Greg Valentine- 8

AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRIBA! What a fucking war this was! These two just beat the holy hell out of each other. The brutal pounding each guy took was just tremendous; fuck, I needed a painkiller after this one. Santana's punches and knees were as real as anything in UFC and Valentine's chops and elbows made Tito's chest redder than the inside of Stephanie's lovehole on the 30th of each month. They built this great story of who was going to give first due to insane amounts of ass beating, then they started on the figure fours as Valentine struggled to put his on, but Tito would have none of it, then he fought to get his on. Neither man budged an inch and a 20 min. draw was the only way to settle this thing. Awesome show. This easily could have main evented a ROH show current.

3) Jim Powers v. Bad News Brown- 3

Long squashes that go nowhere are the worst kind of match. You see the match start and you're like "Oh, Jim Powers, he's going to last all of 15 seconds in there" then he starts mounting a comeback and kicking ass and you're like "wow, he's hanging in there" then 5 minutes go by and Bad News starts his slow offense and you say "Okay, he's going to finish him off any minute now," and then 8 minutes go by and Bad News is working a chin lock and you say " FINISH THIS FUCKING POOF HAIRED IDIOT, YOU LAZY SACK OF EXCREMENT!" You completely lose your audience because they know this match should have already been over but it's not. And that's fine if you're Ric Flair, but you're Bad News fucking Brown and no matter what you do, you're not going to make Jim Powers look as good as Ric Flair could in the time allotted, so don't work a rest hold in a squash match that goes 8 minutes longer than anyone cares to see.

4) Powers of Pain v. Demolition- 2

I was a huge Demolition mark when I was a kid but now, after seeing a few of their matches, it seems like the only thing they ever did was pound on people's backs like native drums. That's kind of boring. There was nothing that stood out as well done in this match, except maybe Barbarian's clotheslines. They protected both teams for their eventual feud with a DQ fin, but other than that, you can throw this one out with yesterday's leftovers.

5) Ted Dibiase v. Hercules- 3

In past tapes, Herc has shown incredible unprofessionalism but he stayed within the realm of believability this time, unless you count him thinking he's a half-god from Olympus believable. There was one spot I loved where Dibiase ran out of the ring and around the outside, back in the ring, as Herc gave chase. When Herc came in behind Dibiase, he gave him his patented fist drop. Classic stuff. He looked like a neon green pimp in his money outfit and Dibiase is the toughest fake millionaire of all time. He made Herc's offense look credible and still came out smelling like roses.

6) Koko B. Ware v. Akeem- 3

Akeem is the most Hot Dogging son of a bitch I've ever seen! He didn't let 5 seconds go by without rotating his wrists or strutting around the ring like some kind of horny peacock. His outfit should go into a Wrestling Fashion Hall of Fame, whatever the fuck that means. Offensively, the match didn't have much; Akeem just laid on Koko for the duration of the bout, which is a shame because Koko had some good stuff to give on defense he just didn't get to. Akeem made a parrot pancake out of the birdman for the Fin.

7) Sherri Martel v. Rockin Robin- 2

Sherri looked like a grandmother's slip cover in her blue one piece leotard and Robin looked like she just wanted to put on her favorite flannel, heat up some beef stew and put her hand down her girlfriend's pants. She was screaming Lesbo, and her mullet waved everytime she did. They did the "Look up!" trick in the match- something that only works in Merrie Melodies and half assed bulldog ended this putrid pile of pestilence.

8) Hulk Hogan v. Big Bossman- 5

"When It comes crashing down and it hurts inside! You gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide!" We single handedly reverted back to our Hulkamania status after watching the Hulkster bitch slap a helpless Slick 4 consecutive times like he was a prostitute taking kick backs. Will the Real Mark Fuhrman please stand up? Please stand up? I've never seen Hogan stiffer! Slick seemed to be really in pain after the 2nd go around and we were begging for Hulk to keep doing it. He had us in the palm of his well oiled, tannned hand and it felt good to be back. The match itself was usual Hogan fare with a shitty sold offense plan from Hogan, a comeback and a legdrop. Bossman seemed preoccupied with keeping his shirt buttoned as his ever expanding girth was pushing out with every second. This was classic stuff.

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