To read Brian's review of this same DVD from '08 click here!
This DVD advertises the same stuff on the back of the case that was on the Grand Masters DVD I just reviewed. I sure as hell hope it’s not the same thing. I guess it’s not as the menu is different and the highlight reel shows them wrestling inside a tent! Yes, a tent as in a circus tent.
Holy fuck, these backstage interviews with Volkoff and Sheik look like they were shot on an 80’s VHS camcorder in front of a generic USA backdrop. Sheik’s promo is especially interesting since it’s so incoherent and he says “I single leg, take you down, and kick you in the face”.
1. Ace Darling vs. Mr. Motion - 3
This is worse than I thought it would be. This show in on someone’s FRONT LAWN! Yes, as in the front yard of their house with the wrestlers coming out of the front door. Is this some fucking kid’s birthday party or something? There’s no commentary to speak of. Motion has black, blue, and pink tights with white frilly stuff on the bottom and Darling looks even more generic than he did previously. I’m not sure who’s supposed to be the heel or face or even what the story is here. The pace was good and the ring work was decent but nowhere near anything notable.
2. Iron Mike Sharpe vs. The Cheetah Kid - 2
Now we’re watching the action through a fish-eye lens. I swear this was recorded with someone’s home movie camera. I can do a better job of filming a show. Actually, come to think of it, about four years ago, I did! It’s really hard to concentrate on what’s happening as the inept camera operator keeps randomly zooming in and out. Sharpe’s vocal selling is tremendous as always, even though my wife found him “really annoying”. Not sure who the Cheetah Kid is but he’s done nothing but get beat on this whole match. Of course, just as I type that Kid gets in a few nearfalls. Loved Sharpe getting the win the loaded forearm pad. Terrible match but Sharpe by far made this for me.
3. Misty Blue vs. Linda Dallas - 1
Hey! The fish-eye lens is gone! Yaaay! I think the referee needs to go back to kindergarten as he was counting Dallas on the outside of the ring and went from five to seven. I think he missed something. Dallas did a big heel promo to start and her vocal selling makes me think she went to Iron Mike Sharpe’s Sales Academy. I think I’ve heard of these two ladies before but I can’t remember what territory they worked in. Blue got the win with an airplane spin, which was probably the most high impact move of the match. I’d rather watch current divas or knockouts matches instead of seeing these two old haggard broads work each other again.
4. The Iron Sheik vs. Nikolai Volkoff - 2
Well, Volkoff no longer has the Uncle Louis haircut from the last DVD and for some reason seems more motivated. Perhaps this is his house where the show is at? Sheik looks terrible, just wandering around at points and doing nothing but throwing forearms to the back. The chair shots on the floor from both guys were surprisingly stiff which leads to a double count-out and Volkoff nearly assaulting a cop.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Friday, October 4, 2013
WCW SuperBrawl I
WCW SuperBrawl I
May 19, 1991 in St. Petersburg, FL
Announcers: Jim Ross and Dusty Rhodes
This is the home video version of the show, which has five matches edited out. Not sure how I’m going to live with myself not being able to see Big Josh’s dancing bears, the elaborate Oz entrance, or Ricky Morton battling Dan Spivey among other things.
1. WCW U.S. Tag Team Title: The Fabulous Freebirds vs. The Young Pistols - 6
For those who aren’t familiar with their WCW history, the U.S. Tag Team titles were basically a secondary tag team title for undercard teams. The reason they were vacant going into this match was because the Steiner Brother had won the World Tag Team titles and due to WCW’s rules at the time, a team could not hold both sets of tag belts. The Pistols are formerly known as the Southern Boys and are made up of Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong. Tracy got a nice nearfall right at the beginning on Hayes that got the crowd to pop huge. Tracy got a little bit crazy mid-match, taking a big bump over the top, getting dropped throat first across the railing, and all of that was followed by flying back first off the apron into the railing. Damn! The Birds seemed the gaining a lot out of doing very, very little. Garvin did a lot of the in-ring work with Hayes coming in and working the crowd. Pistols had some damn good offense that featured lots of double team manuevers and a lot of high risk with them diving off turnbuckles to the floor and doing big flying elbows off the top. Ref got bumped leading to a person dressed in a black bird suit coming in and giving the Pistols a swinging DDT each. Quite the fun little match to kick off the program.
2. Taped Fist Match: Brian Pillman vs. Barry Windham - 5
Not a lot in the first few minutes to speak of, except a lot of punching. Windham took a dropkick that knocked him off the top buckle and all the way to the floor in what was probably the wildest bump of the match. Pillman though, took this wild shot right into the ringpost that split him open. Not sure how Windham got that mean gash above his left eye but damn, it looked like something that might be seen in a UFC fight. I think they were rushed on time so it was only about six minutes long. The brawling was fine, nothing great, and there were moments that felt like a real heated match, other parts felt really flat.
3. Stretcher Match: Sid Vicious vs. El Gigante - 1
Watching Gigante sell Sid’s punches in a riot. He just leans backwards, fails his arms in the air, and gives this strange, bewildered look on his face. Two minutes later and we end with a knee to the face and Sid getting pinned with no involvement from a stretcher at all. Afterwards, we have a post-match brawl with One Man Gang and Kevin Sullivan wailing on Gigante. That was more entertaining that the match itself.
4. Steel Cage Match: Ron Simmons vs. Butch Reed - 4
It’s the big blowoff of the implosion of Doom! Apparently, to keep Teddy Long from interfering, he’s held in a shark cage above the ring for the duration of the match. Isn’t that the point of a cage match? To keep people from interfering? Anyway, speaking of the actual cage (not Teddy's shark cage), it looks like it could fall apart at any minute. Not a lot of memorable stuff to speak of here except for Reed hitting a sick piledriver. Simmons threw a lot of punches and Reed seemed content just to rely on basic manuevers. I liked the big shoulderblock off the top from Reed but that’s about the extent of the highlights. Simmons won with a spinebuster. Honestly, probably one of the most boring cage matches I’ve seen in a long time.
5. WCW World Tag Team Title: The Steiner Brothers vs. Lex Luger & Sting - 8
I should note that I've already reviewed this match once on the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD but it's so good that it gets a second review for this show! Luger and Rick start off feeling each other out but that doesn’t last for long as Steiner took a wicked shoulder block that just wrecked him. On commentary, Dusty quipped “he bounced off him like a ball on a wall!” Rick came back with a sick German suplex in which he pretty much threw Luger into next week and pissed him off. He was pissed so much that he doled out a super stiff lariat and a military press slam. All these guys seem seriously motivated, even Sting did a huge running dive to the outside on Rick. Seeing Scott and Sting tie up makes me wonder why WCW never did a main event match between Sting and Steiner during the dying days of the company. Guess that would’ve made too much sense. I could’ve listed and recapped every big move in the match but there were just too many things to keep up with. The match has just been chaotic, but in a good way, unlike sloppy indy tags or TV matches that just break down because of workrate, bad booking, etc. This was everything good about tag team wrestling … big high-impact moves, great nearfalls, stiff in-ring work … all rolled into one awesome match and it was a thing of beauty. The ending saw Nikita Koloff run down and try to hit Luger but Sting took the brunt and ended up getting pinned, thus setting up the Koloff/Sting match for the Great American Bash. This is one tag match that you have just got to see.
6. WCW Television Title: “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton vs. Arn Anderson - 6
Amazingly enough, this is Arn’s third stretch holding the TV Title and yet, the first time he’s actually defended it in a pay-per-view match. The chain wrestling to start off with led to a hard right hand by Eaton, to which Arn sold and had this amazed look on his face like “I can’t believe you actually did that!” Brawl on the ramp was fun with Eaton taking a header off the top rope right onto the ramp and then Arn taking a backdrop off a piledriver reversal. Arn controlled a lot of the match with some good solid mat work that concentrated on Eaton’s leg by wrapping it around the ringpost, continuously ramming it into the mat, and hooking on leglocks and holds. Arn got a real close nearfall off a stiff, stiff spinebuster. Eaton’s comeback, although rather short, was highlighted by a running neckbreacker and a big Alabama Jam legdrop, although in typical WCW fashion they missed the pinfall as the cameras were focused on a brawl between Pillman and Windham. Probably the biggest win of Eaton’s singles career and probably the peak of it.
7. WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Tatsumi Fujinami - 5
A big fight feel here even though there were absolutely no reactions from the crowd on either entrance. Right out of the gate, they just start tearing into each other. Interesting here that there are two referees, onf on the inside and one on the outside. I guess that has something to do with the previous encounter between these two in Japan but nobody really bothered to explain anything about that match or how this match came together. It was just treated as nothing really special. Flair got rocked with a big forearm for a nearfall. Flair got busted open on the brawl on the floor by eating the railing and then getting his head shoved right into the ringpost. The tempo in the first half seemed slow and deliberate but after Flair got busted open, it seemed the tempo picked up a bit. Finishing stretch was good with the match surprisingly ending on a roll-up instead of Flair getting a win with the Figure Four. Match itself felt sort of flat and I kept getting the feeling that these two just didn’t click for some reason.
May 19, 1991 in St. Petersburg, FL
Announcers: Jim Ross and Dusty Rhodes
This is the home video version of the show, which has five matches edited out. Not sure how I’m going to live with myself not being able to see Big Josh’s dancing bears, the elaborate Oz entrance, or Ricky Morton battling Dan Spivey among other things.
1. WCW U.S. Tag Team Title: The Fabulous Freebirds vs. The Young Pistols - 6
For those who aren’t familiar with their WCW history, the U.S. Tag Team titles were basically a secondary tag team title for undercard teams. The reason they were vacant going into this match was because the Steiner Brother had won the World Tag Team titles and due to WCW’s rules at the time, a team could not hold both sets of tag belts. The Pistols are formerly known as the Southern Boys and are made up of Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong. Tracy got a nice nearfall right at the beginning on Hayes that got the crowd to pop huge. Tracy got a little bit crazy mid-match, taking a big bump over the top, getting dropped throat first across the railing, and all of that was followed by flying back first off the apron into the railing. Damn! The Birds seemed the gaining a lot out of doing very, very little. Garvin did a lot of the in-ring work with Hayes coming in and working the crowd. Pistols had some damn good offense that featured lots of double team manuevers and a lot of high risk with them diving off turnbuckles to the floor and doing big flying elbows off the top. Ref got bumped leading to a person dressed in a black bird suit coming in and giving the Pistols a swinging DDT each. Quite the fun little match to kick off the program.
2. Taped Fist Match: Brian Pillman vs. Barry Windham - 5
Not a lot in the first few minutes to speak of, except a lot of punching. Windham took a dropkick that knocked him off the top buckle and all the way to the floor in what was probably the wildest bump of the match. Pillman though, took this wild shot right into the ringpost that split him open. Not sure how Windham got that mean gash above his left eye but damn, it looked like something that might be seen in a UFC fight. I think they were rushed on time so it was only about six minutes long. The brawling was fine, nothing great, and there were moments that felt like a real heated match, other parts felt really flat.
3. Stretcher Match: Sid Vicious vs. El Gigante - 1
Watching Gigante sell Sid’s punches in a riot. He just leans backwards, fails his arms in the air, and gives this strange, bewildered look on his face. Two minutes later and we end with a knee to the face and Sid getting pinned with no involvement from a stretcher at all. Afterwards, we have a post-match brawl with One Man Gang and Kevin Sullivan wailing on Gigante. That was more entertaining that the match itself.
4. Steel Cage Match: Ron Simmons vs. Butch Reed - 4
It’s the big blowoff of the implosion of Doom! Apparently, to keep Teddy Long from interfering, he’s held in a shark cage above the ring for the duration of the match. Isn’t that the point of a cage match? To keep people from interfering? Anyway, speaking of the actual cage (not Teddy's shark cage), it looks like it could fall apart at any minute. Not a lot of memorable stuff to speak of here except for Reed hitting a sick piledriver. Simmons threw a lot of punches and Reed seemed content just to rely on basic manuevers. I liked the big shoulderblock off the top from Reed but that’s about the extent of the highlights. Simmons won with a spinebuster. Honestly, probably one of the most boring cage matches I’ve seen in a long time.
5. WCW World Tag Team Title: The Steiner Brothers vs. Lex Luger & Sting - 8
I should note that I've already reviewed this match once on the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD but it's so good that it gets a second review for this show! Luger and Rick start off feeling each other out but that doesn’t last for long as Steiner took a wicked shoulder block that just wrecked him. On commentary, Dusty quipped “he bounced off him like a ball on a wall!” Rick came back with a sick German suplex in which he pretty much threw Luger into next week and pissed him off. He was pissed so much that he doled out a super stiff lariat and a military press slam. All these guys seem seriously motivated, even Sting did a huge running dive to the outside on Rick. Seeing Scott and Sting tie up makes me wonder why WCW never did a main event match between Sting and Steiner during the dying days of the company. Guess that would’ve made too much sense. I could’ve listed and recapped every big move in the match but there were just too many things to keep up with. The match has just been chaotic, but in a good way, unlike sloppy indy tags or TV matches that just break down because of workrate, bad booking, etc. This was everything good about tag team wrestling … big high-impact moves, great nearfalls, stiff in-ring work … all rolled into one awesome match and it was a thing of beauty. The ending saw Nikita Koloff run down and try to hit Luger but Sting took the brunt and ended up getting pinned, thus setting up the Koloff/Sting match for the Great American Bash. This is one tag match that you have just got to see.
6. WCW Television Title: “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton vs. Arn Anderson - 6
Amazingly enough, this is Arn’s third stretch holding the TV Title and yet, the first time he’s actually defended it in a pay-per-view match. The chain wrestling to start off with led to a hard right hand by Eaton, to which Arn sold and had this amazed look on his face like “I can’t believe you actually did that!” Brawl on the ramp was fun with Eaton taking a header off the top rope right onto the ramp and then Arn taking a backdrop off a piledriver reversal. Arn controlled a lot of the match with some good solid mat work that concentrated on Eaton’s leg by wrapping it around the ringpost, continuously ramming it into the mat, and hooking on leglocks and holds. Arn got a real close nearfall off a stiff, stiff spinebuster. Eaton’s comeback, although rather short, was highlighted by a running neckbreacker and a big Alabama Jam legdrop, although in typical WCW fashion they missed the pinfall as the cameras were focused on a brawl between Pillman and Windham. Probably the biggest win of Eaton’s singles career and probably the peak of it.
7. WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Tatsumi Fujinami - 5
A big fight feel here even though there were absolutely no reactions from the crowd on either entrance. Right out of the gate, they just start tearing into each other. Interesting here that there are two referees, onf on the inside and one on the outside. I guess that has something to do with the previous encounter between these two in Japan but nobody really bothered to explain anything about that match or how this match came together. It was just treated as nothing really special. Flair got rocked with a big forearm for a nearfall. Flair got busted open on the brawl on the floor by eating the railing and then getting his head shoved right into the ringpost. The tempo in the first half seemed slow and deliberate but after Flair got busted open, it seemed the tempo picked up a bit. Finishing stretch was good with the match surprisingly ending on a roll-up instead of Flair getting a win with the Figure Four. Match itself felt sort of flat and I kept getting the feeling that these two just didn’t click for some reason.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Pondo & Rotten vs. Team Underground
Man Man Pondo and Ian Rotten vs. Team Underground (Eric Priest and Chandlure McClure) - IWA-MS Hurt 3/24/06 - 2
Pondo has a physique that looks like he eats strictly fast food and sticks of butter. Backstory is that Ian and Pondo are usually rivals but due to an Axl Rotten "no show" the previous event (something about him being a missing person) they teamed together and won tag gold. Their opponents look like two guys that work at the local Planet Fitness but with their generic black trunks and bland personalities make about as a big a splash as the turd Scott Hall dropped in Sunny's pomegranate martini. Ian gets on the microphone pre-match and pleads to his opponents that they don't hit him in the head. So stupid. Why make a gentlemen's agreement with Ian fucking Rotten? The guy that looks like every scumbag meth head hiding from the cold behind a Baja Fresh up I-75. And it makes Ian, the co. owner, look like an even bigger ego stroker, that he can compete while hurt yet simultaneously weak for asking for sympathy. Match itself is lousy shit. Some tepid exchanging of wristlocks and armbars early. Nobody looks particularly comfortable feigning faux-combat. Then they brawl in the crowd (does 18 diabetic morons a crowd make?) with some weak shots in the steel bleachers. Rotten also comes off even worse as he doesn't sell or register any of the forearms or other offense these guys are hitting him with. He's consistently got his return shot on standby doing weak body jabs or nut taps instead of acknowledging their attacks. The match that preceded this has a very young Ricochet with bad fluffy Prince hair busting out some top-shelf aerobatics that puts this to shame by a wide margin. Finish comes when Pondo gets disqualified for using his trademark stop sign. This was after like 6 min. of "work". I would say they didn't do enough to earn a paycheck that night but let's be honest Ian wasn't paying anybody cash after this, he may have returned Hardcore Craig's porn he borrowed, but no payouts.
Pondo has a physique that looks like he eats strictly fast food and sticks of butter. Backstory is that Ian and Pondo are usually rivals but due to an Axl Rotten "no show" the previous event (something about him being a missing person) they teamed together and won tag gold. Their opponents look like two guys that work at the local Planet Fitness but with their generic black trunks and bland personalities make about as a big a splash as the turd Scott Hall dropped in Sunny's pomegranate martini. Ian gets on the microphone pre-match and pleads to his opponents that they don't hit him in the head. So stupid. Why make a gentlemen's agreement with Ian fucking Rotten? The guy that looks like every scumbag meth head hiding from the cold behind a Baja Fresh up I-75. And it makes Ian, the co. owner, look like an even bigger ego stroker, that he can compete while hurt yet simultaneously weak for asking for sympathy. Match itself is lousy shit. Some tepid exchanging of wristlocks and armbars early. Nobody looks particularly comfortable feigning faux-combat. Then they brawl in the crowd (does 18 diabetic morons a crowd make?) with some weak shots in the steel bleachers. Rotten also comes off even worse as he doesn't sell or register any of the forearms or other offense these guys are hitting him with. He's consistently got his return shot on standby doing weak body jabs or nut taps instead of acknowledging their attacks. The match that preceded this has a very young Ricochet with bad fluffy Prince hair busting out some top-shelf aerobatics that puts this to shame by a wide margin. Finish comes when Pondo gets disqualified for using his trademark stop sign. This was after like 6 min. of "work". I would say they didn't do enough to earn a paycheck that night but let's be honest Ian wasn't paying anybody cash after this, he may have returned Hardcore Craig's porn he borrowed, but no payouts.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
ACW Presents "Wrestling's Wildest Matches"
In certain circles, this is also known as “The Best of Freddie Valentine”.
1. Barbed Wire Match: Mando Guerrero vs. Freddie Valentine - 2
I’m guessing this is from somwhere in SoCal as the venue looks very similar to the PWG home base. Valentine in his street clothes looked like a guy venturing into the local watering hole for a cold Budweiser after a hard day of stringing high voltage electrical lines in the city. This isn’t the no rope variety of a barbed wire match, instead there is just wire strung over the existing ropes. Somehow during this melee, Mando got busted open. How? I’m not sure as the barbed wire spots were terrible. Awesome moment where Valentine hit a weak ass chair shot, then tossed the chair to Mando, who then proceeded to dropkick said chair really damn hard right into Valentine’s ugly mug. The big snap suplex spot was good in theory but lacked in execution as both guys were way out of position. I would tell you what happened at the finish but I can’t because the cameraman completely missed it.
2. Japanese Suicide Match: Krayz vs. Freddie Valentine - 2
I have no earthly idea what a “Japanese Suicide Match” is but somehow I’m guessing it doesn’t involve any sort of Kamikaze battle plans. Crayz is a goth/grunge/metalhead gentleman from Waco, Texas, sporting a Cannibal Corpse t-shit, torn jean shorts, and long, greasy black hair that looks as if is hasn’t been washed in months. Judging by the set-up they have going on, I guess the gimmick for this is that electrified barbed wire boards are set up in each corner. The only real highlights were Krayz taking a drop toe-hold into some barbed wire and Valentine doing a pretty awesome bump right into a board which starts a small fire after the light explodes upon impact. Afterwards, Valentine assaults the ring announcer and some referees. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was booking this fed.
3. Barbwire Exploding Tables Match: Freddie Valentine vs. Cincinnati Red - 3
As a kid in the mid 90s, I remember seeing Cincinnati Red’s name pop-up in the results of the Apter mags from time to time and I always wondered who he was and if he dressed like a Reds baseball player. Alas, that is not the case. There is certainly nothing red about him aside from his hair and I somehow doubt that he’s from Cincinnati, let alone even driven through it. I fear bullshit when a match claims “exploding barbed wire tables”, but here there was no bullshit as a table “exploded” after Red took a Flair bump off the top rope, and when I say “exploded”, I really mean a shit ton of sparks flew out, but a cool visual nonetheless. Second table bump wasn’t as epic and nothing even attempted to explode. I’m guessing perhaps they forgot to plug it in? Finish was really stupid with Valentine KO’ing the referee, then pinning Red after hitting him with brass knuckles. Then we get a referee dressed exactly as The Gimp from Pulp Ficton who can’t count past two and eventually gives Valentine a Diamond Cutter allowing Red to get the win. That seemed pointless.
4. Electrified Fence Match: Freddie Valentine vs. Shane 54 - 2
Really, another Valentine match? I have a feeling that he probably compiled this tape himself. Shane looks like a backyard dude who just graduated from the dojo and is wrestling the booker to get a spot on the roster. This was dumber than the electrified cage match that TNA did back in ’07. The fence is not electrified, sparks simply fly out whenever someone hits it, and these “high voltage” sound effects (for lack of a better term) are ridiculous. More stupidity ensues as Shane decides it would be a good idea to light Valentine’s forearms on fire, however this strategy backfires as the flames go out rather quickly. I thought the finish to the last match was stupid but this one has it beat by a mile. Valentine issues a legdrop to Shane, gives the ref two Diamond Cutters, and then, realizing that he was an idiot for knocking out the ref, has to count the fall himself using the refs hand. Puke.
5. Texas Rattlesnake Match: Freddie Valentine vs. Krayz - 2
This is going to be absurd. In order to win, you have to climb a ladder to grab a key that will open a cage containing two real, live (and very pissed off) rattlesnakes and the title belt. The first person to retrieve the belt from the snake cage, wins (or loses depending on your view of things). I should note that the crowd completely shits themselves when the handler pulls out the snakes. Could somebody please tell me why the referee hit Krayz with a bunch of chair shots right at the beginning? I’ve given up trying to understand anything that’s happening in this fed. Not much to cover except for the two major bumps. First, Valentine tries walking on a table and Krayz just trips him up causing Valentine to crash through the table. Next, Krayz took this wild ass bump off a ladder to the floor at the end and just sold it like death, as in he didn’t move an inch afterward. Valentine opened the cage and used the snake handler’s stick to pull out the belt. And here I thought you were supposed to actually reach in the cage and grab the belt. I feel like Russo is booking this shit.
6. Terry Funk & Freddie Valentine vs. Mando Guerrero & Cincinnati Red - 3
Sixth and final match, thank God. By this point if you’ve seen one Freddie Valentine match, you’ve seen them all. Funk was the star of this match, destroying Red with some chair shots, piledriving him onto a broken table, and brawling outside the building. Mando’s highlight was hammering Funk dozens of times like a railroad spike with a Rubbermaid trash can. Valentine’s chair shots were so weak they couldn’t harm a first grader. This started with some semblance of order but very quickly broke down into a meandering, directionless brawl with, of course, Valentine and Funk going over in the end. Bonus point here just for Terry Funk being involved.
1. Barbed Wire Match: Mando Guerrero vs. Freddie Valentine - 2
I’m guessing this is from somwhere in SoCal as the venue looks very similar to the PWG home base. Valentine in his street clothes looked like a guy venturing into the local watering hole for a cold Budweiser after a hard day of stringing high voltage electrical lines in the city. This isn’t the no rope variety of a barbed wire match, instead there is just wire strung over the existing ropes. Somehow during this melee, Mando got busted open. How? I’m not sure as the barbed wire spots were terrible. Awesome moment where Valentine hit a weak ass chair shot, then tossed the chair to Mando, who then proceeded to dropkick said chair really damn hard right into Valentine’s ugly mug. The big snap suplex spot was good in theory but lacked in execution as both guys were way out of position. I would tell you what happened at the finish but I can’t because the cameraman completely missed it.
2. Japanese Suicide Match: Krayz vs. Freddie Valentine - 2
I have no earthly idea what a “Japanese Suicide Match” is but somehow I’m guessing it doesn’t involve any sort of Kamikaze battle plans. Crayz is a goth/grunge/metalhead gentleman from Waco, Texas, sporting a Cannibal Corpse t-shit, torn jean shorts, and long, greasy black hair that looks as if is hasn’t been washed in months. Judging by the set-up they have going on, I guess the gimmick for this is that electrified barbed wire boards are set up in each corner. The only real highlights were Krayz taking a drop toe-hold into some barbed wire and Valentine doing a pretty awesome bump right into a board which starts a small fire after the light explodes upon impact. Afterwards, Valentine assaults the ring announcer and some referees. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was booking this fed.
3. Barbwire Exploding Tables Match: Freddie Valentine vs. Cincinnati Red - 3
As a kid in the mid 90s, I remember seeing Cincinnati Red’s name pop-up in the results of the Apter mags from time to time and I always wondered who he was and if he dressed like a Reds baseball player. Alas, that is not the case. There is certainly nothing red about him aside from his hair and I somehow doubt that he’s from Cincinnati, let alone even driven through it. I fear bullshit when a match claims “exploding barbed wire tables”, but here there was no bullshit as a table “exploded” after Red took a Flair bump off the top rope, and when I say “exploded”, I really mean a shit ton of sparks flew out, but a cool visual nonetheless. Second table bump wasn’t as epic and nothing even attempted to explode. I’m guessing perhaps they forgot to plug it in? Finish was really stupid with Valentine KO’ing the referee, then pinning Red after hitting him with brass knuckles. Then we get a referee dressed exactly as The Gimp from Pulp Ficton who can’t count past two and eventually gives Valentine a Diamond Cutter allowing Red to get the win. That seemed pointless.
4. Electrified Fence Match: Freddie Valentine vs. Shane 54 - 2
Really, another Valentine match? I have a feeling that he probably compiled this tape himself. Shane looks like a backyard dude who just graduated from the dojo and is wrestling the booker to get a spot on the roster. This was dumber than the electrified cage match that TNA did back in ’07. The fence is not electrified, sparks simply fly out whenever someone hits it, and these “high voltage” sound effects (for lack of a better term) are ridiculous. More stupidity ensues as Shane decides it would be a good idea to light Valentine’s forearms on fire, however this strategy backfires as the flames go out rather quickly. I thought the finish to the last match was stupid but this one has it beat by a mile. Valentine issues a legdrop to Shane, gives the ref two Diamond Cutters, and then, realizing that he was an idiot for knocking out the ref, has to count the fall himself using the refs hand. Puke.
5. Texas Rattlesnake Match: Freddie Valentine vs. Krayz - 2
This is going to be absurd. In order to win, you have to climb a ladder to grab a key that will open a cage containing two real, live (and very pissed off) rattlesnakes and the title belt. The first person to retrieve the belt from the snake cage, wins (or loses depending on your view of things). I should note that the crowd completely shits themselves when the handler pulls out the snakes. Could somebody please tell me why the referee hit Krayz with a bunch of chair shots right at the beginning? I’ve given up trying to understand anything that’s happening in this fed. Not much to cover except for the two major bumps. First, Valentine tries walking on a table and Krayz just trips him up causing Valentine to crash through the table. Next, Krayz took this wild ass bump off a ladder to the floor at the end and just sold it like death, as in he didn’t move an inch afterward. Valentine opened the cage and used the snake handler’s stick to pull out the belt. And here I thought you were supposed to actually reach in the cage and grab the belt. I feel like Russo is booking this shit.
6. Terry Funk & Freddie Valentine vs. Mando Guerrero & Cincinnati Red - 3
Sixth and final match, thank God. By this point if you’ve seen one Freddie Valentine match, you’ve seen them all. Funk was the star of this match, destroying Red with some chair shots, piledriving him onto a broken table, and brawling outside the building. Mando’s highlight was hammering Funk dozens of times like a railroad spike with a Rubbermaid trash can. Valentine’s chair shots were so weak they couldn’t harm a first grader. This started with some semblance of order but very quickly broke down into a meandering, directionless brawl with, of course, Valentine and Funk going over in the end. Bonus point here just for Terry Funk being involved.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
3.0 & Akuma vs. Batiri
I'm always two months behind on ROH TV. Was watching an episode the other day and was surprised to see Chikara mainstays 3.0 on a show. Reminded me I still haven't worked through the 2012 King of Trios in its entirety so am about to pop one of its six discs in.
3.0 and Akuma vs. The Batiri - Chikara King of Trios 2012 - Night One - 5
Batiri pre-match promo more frightening than any horror movie I've seen in ages. Akuma is as wanted as a case of herpes the week of school photos. Batiri get the toilet paper treatment like Jimmy Rave circa '06. Massive "3.0" chant -- haven't heard that since outside the offices of AOL in '95. Akuma is no replacement for El Generico but when life hands you lymons make Sprite, am I right? Some nice double-teams early in the opening stanza by 3.0. Kobald doing an Earthquake-style sitdown splash doesn't have the same visual pop considering he's maybe 140lbs. Kodama did a sloppy slingshot 'rana. Hard to buy Akuma's kick strength when we just saw Meiko Satomura in the opener dropping axe kicks on people's necks. Obariyon did this unreal leaping DDT off the top. Really digging Obariyon's knee-based offense, his reverse Go 2 Sleep where his knee blasted Akuma in the back of the head was a real highlight. Shane Matthews gets dropped faster than new sitcom The Goldbergs will from ABC's line-up. What's your dream trio? Offhand mine would be Pillman, 2 Cold Scorpio, and 2 Tuff Tony. Kobald wins with the "Demon's Toilet" a move, pun intended, that was truly shitty.
3.0 and Akuma vs. The Batiri - Chikara King of Trios 2012 - Night One - 5
Batiri pre-match promo more frightening than any horror movie I've seen in ages. Akuma is as wanted as a case of herpes the week of school photos. Batiri get the toilet paper treatment like Jimmy Rave circa '06. Massive "3.0" chant -- haven't heard that since outside the offices of AOL in '95. Akuma is no replacement for El Generico but when life hands you lymons make Sprite, am I right? Some nice double-teams early in the opening stanza by 3.0. Kobald doing an Earthquake-style sitdown splash doesn't have the same visual pop considering he's maybe 140lbs. Kodama did a sloppy slingshot 'rana. Hard to buy Akuma's kick strength when we just saw Meiko Satomura in the opener dropping axe kicks on people's necks. Obariyon did this unreal leaping DDT off the top. Really digging Obariyon's knee-based offense, his reverse Go 2 Sleep where his knee blasted Akuma in the back of the head was a real highlight. Shane Matthews gets dropped faster than new sitcom The Goldbergs will from ABC's line-up. What's your dream trio? Offhand mine would be Pillman, 2 Cold Scorpio, and 2 Tuff Tony. Kobald wins with the "Demon's Toilet" a move, pun intended, that was truly shitty.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Grand Masters of Wrestling Vol. 2
To read Brian's review of this same DVD from '08 click here!
This seemes to be the least offensive of the three DVDs in the series I have that are being reviewed. First, we start with a musical intermission with Nikolai Volkoff singing some Russian song and Classy Freddie Blassie singing “Pencil Neck Geek”. Yes, it just as bad and as horrible as it sounds. Second, the audience has been dubbed over with same track over and over and over. Can we please get to the wrestling?
1. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Nikolai Volkoff - 1
Volkoff comes out with a guy named Nikita Breshnikov, who’s about as scrawny as a bean pole and is about as Russian as Spaghetti-O’s. This is so reminding me of 1992 Herb Abrams’ UWF right now with old legends wrestling a gym in front of a miniscule audience that it’s not even funny. Volkoff’s hair reminds me of the toupee of Uncle Louis from Christmas Vacation. This was everything you would imagine it would be on a DVD like this, lots of forearms to the back and working on cruise control. The referee took the best bumps, hell the only bumps, of the match. The brawl on the outside was like two old people fighting over the last serving of mashed potatoes at the rest home.
Iron Sheik cut a completely incoherent promo in the locker room with generic Arabian music playing in the background. During the interview, Sheik says “the great American country New Jersey”. Yep. Need I say more? Fred Blassie comes in with a title belt and my first though is “Holy shit, this promotion has a title belt!” Looks like a cheap ass generic foam belt in my opinion.
2. Mighty Maccabee vs. The Iron Shiek - 2
Mighty Maccabee is a guy dressed in a blue and white singlet with a blue mask with the Star of David on the front and he came to the ring in fencing gear. This has to be one of the most absurd and ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Sheik completely oversells a shove into the ropes off of a simple tie-up. This match has to be one of the most bizzare spectacles I’ve ever witnessed in wrestling. The announcer is doing live commentary over the house mic and chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A” at random intervals, the local police abduct Sheik’s slimy middle-eastern manager, and Mike Sharpe and Ken Patera are at ringside for no discernable reason. Maccabee hit a chair shot on Sheik and then ran around celebrating like he just won an the Boston Marathon. Somehow these guys worked 15 minutes without accomplishg a damn thing. We get a DQ finish for interference .. but wait, there’s more to this crazy scene! Maccabee unmasks to reveal a white mask underneath in exchange for five more minutes, there’s a ref bump, a shit ton of interference from Sharpe and Patera. Sheik has not taken a bump in this whole match. Sheik got beat with a fencing helmet to the head. Yes, re-read that last line again. I’m almost sure that I’ve never seen that before and will never see it again. By the way, this went twenty-two minutes. Yes, TWENTY-TWO MINUTES! I think people need to see this just because of the absurdity.
This seemes to be the least offensive of the three DVDs in the series I have that are being reviewed. First, we start with a musical intermission with Nikolai Volkoff singing some Russian song and Classy Freddie Blassie singing “Pencil Neck Geek”. Yes, it just as bad and as horrible as it sounds. Second, the audience has been dubbed over with same track over and over and over. Can we please get to the wrestling?
1. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Nikolai Volkoff - 1
Volkoff comes out with a guy named Nikita Breshnikov, who’s about as scrawny as a bean pole and is about as Russian as Spaghetti-O’s. This is so reminding me of 1992 Herb Abrams’ UWF right now with old legends wrestling a gym in front of a miniscule audience that it’s not even funny. Volkoff’s hair reminds me of the toupee of Uncle Louis from Christmas Vacation. This was everything you would imagine it would be on a DVD like this, lots of forearms to the back and working on cruise control. The referee took the best bumps, hell the only bumps, of the match. The brawl on the outside was like two old people fighting over the last serving of mashed potatoes at the rest home.
Iron Sheik cut a completely incoherent promo in the locker room with generic Arabian music playing in the background. During the interview, Sheik says “the great American country New Jersey”. Yep. Need I say more? Fred Blassie comes in with a title belt and my first though is “Holy shit, this promotion has a title belt!” Looks like a cheap ass generic foam belt in my opinion.
2. Mighty Maccabee vs. The Iron Shiek - 2
Mighty Maccabee is a guy dressed in a blue and white singlet with a blue mask with the Star of David on the front and he came to the ring in fencing gear. This has to be one of the most absurd and ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. Sheik completely oversells a shove into the ropes off of a simple tie-up. This match has to be one of the most bizzare spectacles I’ve ever witnessed in wrestling. The announcer is doing live commentary over the house mic and chanting “U-S-A, U-S-A” at random intervals, the local police abduct Sheik’s slimy middle-eastern manager, and Mike Sharpe and Ken Patera are at ringside for no discernable reason. Maccabee hit a chair shot on Sheik and then ran around celebrating like he just won an the Boston Marathon. Somehow these guys worked 15 minutes without accomplishg a damn thing. We get a DQ finish for interference .. but wait, there’s more to this crazy scene! Maccabee unmasks to reveal a white mask underneath in exchange for five more minutes, there’s a ref bump, a shit ton of interference from Sharpe and Patera. Sheik has not taken a bump in this whole match. Sheik got beat with a fencing helmet to the head. Yes, re-read that last line again. I’m almost sure that I’ve never seen that before and will never see it again. By the way, this went twenty-two minutes. Yes, TWENTY-TWO MINUTES! I think people need to see this just because of the absurdity.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
WCW SuperBrawl 2000
WCW SuperBrawl 2000
February 20, 2000 in San Francisco, CA
Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Mark Madden
The next to last SuperBrawl with probably one of the wildest and most unique cards I’ve ever seen on a WCW show.
1. Tournament Final for the WCW Cruiserweight Title: Lash LeRoux vs. The Artist - 3
Let’s set the stage at how ridiculous WCW was at the time and how this tournament was set up. We had Oklahoma, who was nowhere near the classification of “cruiserweight”, relinquishing the title on TV. Not sure why but anyone in their right mind could’ve predicted Oklahoma would be a colossal failure. Anyway, there was a tournament held to crown a new champion which boiled down to Lash and The Artist. Who exactly is the Artist? Well, he was once known as Prince Iaukea if that helps any. Dragon screw leg whip from the Artist looked like it nearly ripped Lash’s knee out. Paisley spent a good portion of the match standing on the apron and nobody seemed to notice. Best move of the match was Artist’s leaping DDT off the middle rope for the win. Other than that, the match was nothing special and Lash looked pretty sloppy.
2. WCW Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs - 2
Time to get extreme! Unfortunately there wasn’t really anything extreme about this. The crowd brawl felt pretty pointless that wound up back in a concourse with Knobbs going through a catering table. Mark Madden on commentary asked about the tables under the ring and Schiavone responded with a comment saying “I don’t know but whoever makes tables is making a good living off of WCW right now!”. Perhaps if they hadn’t spent all that money on tables, they might still be in business. Knobbs took a table bump, trash can lids to the head, and Bigelow’s finisher but Bigelow never went for a cover. Finish had Finlay distracting Bigelow with Knobbs coming out, knocking him out, and pinning him randomly on the floor.
3. Handicap Match: Three Count vs. Norman Smiley - 3
I always sort of liked Norman’s antics, especially when he was wrestling for the Hardcore Title. Three Count may not have been the well versed grapplers but damn they can bump like crazy. Moore got some huge hang time on a big backdrop to the otuside and Helms took a scary bump on a wacky jump off the top rope and landed right on his head. Looked like he did some type of kamikaze type move. Not sure if three count was supposed to be tagging in and out because their just coming in, doing something wacky, and leaving. This was just a free-for-all that seemed pretty much like filler.
4. The Demon vs. The Wall - 3
It’s announced that this is one of the “featured matches” of the show. Umm, ok? Demon comes out in this wild looking casket covered in spikes that looked like something that you’d find in one of those seasonal Halloween stores. Only a few highlights here with Demon hitting a nice springboard clothesline and Wall taking a slam off the top and landed right on his neck. Wall got the pin after about four minutes of what felt like a Thunder main event. Good to know they invested all that money in Demon only for him to get pinned clean in his pay-per-view debut.
5. Leather Jacket on a Pole Match: Tank Abbott vs. Big Al - 2
This a mystery that will pretty much haunt me until the end of time … who the hell is/was Big Al and where the hell did he come from? As Madden said on commentary, this was “brawling and bad language”. There was this bit right on the opening bell where they try to tie their hands together with a belt, which is promptly screwed up by Al dropping said belt. Lots and lots of punching. Holy fuck, what the hell happened at the end? Abbott was climbing the ropes and it looked like he dropped Al when he got to the top rope and Al took a fucking nutty bump and kills himself by taking a header right on the steps and falls in a heap to the floor. Abbott looks at the carnage, pretty much shrugs his shoulders, and climbs up to grab the jacket. Afterwards, he pulls a KNIFE~! on an unconsicous Al and threatens to “fucking kill him” as Schiavone claims the giant Jim Bowie knife is a pair of scissors. What lunacy.
6. Big T vs. Booker T - 2
The stipulation here is that the winner acquires the rights to the Harlem Heat name. Sadly, Big T is not representing the family restaurant that was two blocks from my childhood home. Big T is actually Ahmed Johnson who looked he'd added about 100 pounds by eating at said restaurant day after day. Ahmed took a big sidekick and sold it like he tripped backwards off a curb. Booker gets the advantage, goes for a pin, then the lights go out and then come back on with a dude on the apron, weighing an easy 450, distracting Booker, thus allowing Ahmed to hit a Pearl River Plunge. Second straight match with some weird ass finish. Who was that large man?
A quick note if you’re keeping track, we’re just over halfway through the show and no match has broken the ten minute mark, with most of them going about five to six minutes each. So far this show has felt like an extended editon of Nitro, which was not really a good thing. Let’s see if the second half is any better.
7. Vampiro vs. Billy Kidman - 4
I’m hoping this will be a good match with no bullshit. The pace was good from the opening bell and stayed pretty steady throughout the whole match. Vampiro hit a couple big moves including a big suplex off the top rope and a toss powerbomb. Kidman wasn’t much on the offensive and when he was, it wasn’t all that great. I liked how Mark Madden predicted that this would “be a U.S. title match in a year and a World title match in two years”. Too bad WCW itself only had just over a year left to survive. Not sure what the finish was supposed to be but it looked like some Scorpion Death Drop move from the top rope but pretty much ended in disaster as both dudes landed really awkwardly. Not a bad match, certainly better from some of the droll before it but still felt like they were just cruising through.
8. Sicilian Stretcher Match for the WCW Tag Team Titles: The Mamalukes vs. David Flair & Crowbar - 5
I’ve got a feeling this is going to be wild as there are stretchers, garbage cans, wheelchairs, and other assorted paraphernalia on the outside. Looks like maybe they raided some medical storage warehouse. Also, a question, what exactly makes these specific stretchers used here Sicilian? Where they perhaps made in Sicily? I’ll be honest here, there was so much wild stuff going on that I had a hell of a time keeping so my notes on this are a little sporadic. Crowbar did a big dive to the outside onto Johnny the Bull who was laid out on a stretcher that looked like it hurt both dudes really bad. People are brawling and fighting everywhere, including Daffney and Disco Inferno. Schiavone at one point on commentary says “this is the damndest thing I’ve ever seen”. Well, OK. Apparently this is elimination as Flair got taped … yes, taped as in the Mamalukes were using masking tape … to a stretcher and rolled out of the arena. Match really started to drag at the end as all the guys were just completely gassed and it was only ten minutes. Crowbar was eliminated after two table spots and again taped to a stretcher and wheeled out by a gaggle of referees.
9. Texas Death Match: Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk - 7
If you’re a fan of old school wrestling then you’re familiar with the Flair/Funk feud of 1989 that culminated in the legendary “I Quit” match on the Clash of the Champions. Eleven years later, these two were still at it and even though they were older and perhaps a little slower, they still went out there and put on one hell of a wild match. The rules are like the old style death matches where once you get a pinfall, the person who was pinned has to answer the referee’s ten count. Flair took some wicked stuff on the floor including a number of suplexes and a piledriver. Funk took some punishment of his own, including some nasty, nasty chops from Flair. This feels like an old 1980’s NWA brawl where they are just killing themselves all over the arena. Flair took perhaps one of the most dangerous and sickening spots in his career in this match by taking an old school Memphis style back-cracking, neck-breaking, spine-tingling piledriver that just jammed his head and neck right into the mat. Probably one of the sickest piledrivers I’ve ever seen. It was such a crazy, dangerous, and wild spot that I rewound at least 3-4 times to rewatch it. If anything else, you have to at least see this match just for that spot. I’m not sure how Flair got up, hell, I’m not sure if he wasn’t even knocked somewhat loopy, but he managed to trip Funk off the top rope causing him to crash through a table and get counted down by the referee. This was just a completely violent and brutal match as these two just absoutely murdered each other.
10. Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger - 3
If you’re looking for a classic then this will not be the match for you. However, if you’re looking for a match between two guys still stuck using old 90’s moves and not selling a damn thing, then you’ve got your match. Hogan rushed the ring during the intros and we got a stiff brawl. By stiff though, I don’t mean Japanese stiff hard-hitting style, I mean two stiff and immobile dudes working each other with clotheslines, punches, and basic big man offense. The story here was Hogan was going for revenge on Luger breaking his arm but that fact seemed to be forgotten once the match started. Match was totally lame and also featured interference from Jimmy Hart, Miss Elizabeth, Ric Flair, and Sting. This felt like some kind of 90s reunion on an indy show somwhere.
11. No DQ Triple Threat Match for the WCW World Title: Scott Hall vs. Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett - 1
Almost immediately the bullshit starts with the Harris Brothers trying to interfere. Two minutes later we get the first ref bump of the match after which these guys start going for random nearfalls. Another ref bump after the referee fails to count a fall and Jarrett assaults him, followed by two more ref bumps right in a row. This is rapidly going down the crapper. Everything is focused on Jarrett here and Sid and Hall are pretty much an afterthought. Wait, what the fuck? Where the hell did Roddy Piper come from? My god, this is a terrible match. Piper nails the heel ref who came down after the previous ref bumps, Sid issues a powerbomb to Hall, Piper counts the fall and this is over. I feel like I not only just watched a bad Nitro main event but an elongated edition of Nitro.
February 20, 2000 in San Francisco, CA
Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Mark Madden
The next to last SuperBrawl with probably one of the wildest and most unique cards I’ve ever seen on a WCW show.
1. Tournament Final for the WCW Cruiserweight Title: Lash LeRoux vs. The Artist - 3
Let’s set the stage at how ridiculous WCW was at the time and how this tournament was set up. We had Oklahoma, who was nowhere near the classification of “cruiserweight”, relinquishing the title on TV. Not sure why but anyone in their right mind could’ve predicted Oklahoma would be a colossal failure. Anyway, there was a tournament held to crown a new champion which boiled down to Lash and The Artist. Who exactly is the Artist? Well, he was once known as Prince Iaukea if that helps any. Dragon screw leg whip from the Artist looked like it nearly ripped Lash’s knee out. Paisley spent a good portion of the match standing on the apron and nobody seemed to notice. Best move of the match was Artist’s leaping DDT off the middle rope for the win. Other than that, the match was nothing special and Lash looked pretty sloppy.
2. WCW Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs - 2
Time to get extreme! Unfortunately there wasn’t really anything extreme about this. The crowd brawl felt pretty pointless that wound up back in a concourse with Knobbs going through a catering table. Mark Madden on commentary asked about the tables under the ring and Schiavone responded with a comment saying “I don’t know but whoever makes tables is making a good living off of WCW right now!”. Perhaps if they hadn’t spent all that money on tables, they might still be in business. Knobbs took a table bump, trash can lids to the head, and Bigelow’s finisher but Bigelow never went for a cover. Finish had Finlay distracting Bigelow with Knobbs coming out, knocking him out, and pinning him randomly on the floor.
3. Handicap Match: Three Count vs. Norman Smiley - 3
I always sort of liked Norman’s antics, especially when he was wrestling for the Hardcore Title. Three Count may not have been the well versed grapplers but damn they can bump like crazy. Moore got some huge hang time on a big backdrop to the otuside and Helms took a scary bump on a wacky jump off the top rope and landed right on his head. Looked like he did some type of kamikaze type move. Not sure if three count was supposed to be tagging in and out because their just coming in, doing something wacky, and leaving. This was just a free-for-all that seemed pretty much like filler.
4. The Demon vs. The Wall - 3
It’s announced that this is one of the “featured matches” of the show. Umm, ok? Demon comes out in this wild looking casket covered in spikes that looked like something that you’d find in one of those seasonal Halloween stores. Only a few highlights here with Demon hitting a nice springboard clothesline and Wall taking a slam off the top and landed right on his neck. Wall got the pin after about four minutes of what felt like a Thunder main event. Good to know they invested all that money in Demon only for him to get pinned clean in his pay-per-view debut.
5. Leather Jacket on a Pole Match: Tank Abbott vs. Big Al - 2
This a mystery that will pretty much haunt me until the end of time … who the hell is/was Big Al and where the hell did he come from? As Madden said on commentary, this was “brawling and bad language”. There was this bit right on the opening bell where they try to tie their hands together with a belt, which is promptly screwed up by Al dropping said belt. Lots and lots of punching. Holy fuck, what the hell happened at the end? Abbott was climbing the ropes and it looked like he dropped Al when he got to the top rope and Al took a fucking nutty bump and kills himself by taking a header right on the steps and falls in a heap to the floor. Abbott looks at the carnage, pretty much shrugs his shoulders, and climbs up to grab the jacket. Afterwards, he pulls a KNIFE~! on an unconsicous Al and threatens to “fucking kill him” as Schiavone claims the giant Jim Bowie knife is a pair of scissors. What lunacy.
6. Big T vs. Booker T - 2
The stipulation here is that the winner acquires the rights to the Harlem Heat name. Sadly, Big T is not representing the family restaurant that was two blocks from my childhood home. Big T is actually Ahmed Johnson who looked he'd added about 100 pounds by eating at said restaurant day after day. Ahmed took a big sidekick and sold it like he tripped backwards off a curb. Booker gets the advantage, goes for a pin, then the lights go out and then come back on with a dude on the apron, weighing an easy 450, distracting Booker, thus allowing Ahmed to hit a Pearl River Plunge. Second straight match with some weird ass finish. Who was that large man?
A quick note if you’re keeping track, we’re just over halfway through the show and no match has broken the ten minute mark, with most of them going about five to six minutes each. So far this show has felt like an extended editon of Nitro, which was not really a good thing. Let’s see if the second half is any better.
7. Vampiro vs. Billy Kidman - 4
I’m hoping this will be a good match with no bullshit. The pace was good from the opening bell and stayed pretty steady throughout the whole match. Vampiro hit a couple big moves including a big suplex off the top rope and a toss powerbomb. Kidman wasn’t much on the offensive and when he was, it wasn’t all that great. I liked how Mark Madden predicted that this would “be a U.S. title match in a year and a World title match in two years”. Too bad WCW itself only had just over a year left to survive. Not sure what the finish was supposed to be but it looked like some Scorpion Death Drop move from the top rope but pretty much ended in disaster as both dudes landed really awkwardly. Not a bad match, certainly better from some of the droll before it but still felt like they were just cruising through.
8. Sicilian Stretcher Match for the WCW Tag Team Titles: The Mamalukes vs. David Flair & Crowbar - 5
I’ve got a feeling this is going to be wild as there are stretchers, garbage cans, wheelchairs, and other assorted paraphernalia on the outside. Looks like maybe they raided some medical storage warehouse. Also, a question, what exactly makes these specific stretchers used here Sicilian? Where they perhaps made in Sicily? I’ll be honest here, there was so much wild stuff going on that I had a hell of a time keeping so my notes on this are a little sporadic. Crowbar did a big dive to the outside onto Johnny the Bull who was laid out on a stretcher that looked like it hurt both dudes really bad. People are brawling and fighting everywhere, including Daffney and Disco Inferno. Schiavone at one point on commentary says “this is the damndest thing I’ve ever seen”. Well, OK. Apparently this is elimination as Flair got taped … yes, taped as in the Mamalukes were using masking tape … to a stretcher and rolled out of the arena. Match really started to drag at the end as all the guys were just completely gassed and it was only ten minutes. Crowbar was eliminated after two table spots and again taped to a stretcher and wheeled out by a gaggle of referees.
9. Texas Death Match: Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk - 7
If you’re a fan of old school wrestling then you’re familiar with the Flair/Funk feud of 1989 that culminated in the legendary “I Quit” match on the Clash of the Champions. Eleven years later, these two were still at it and even though they were older and perhaps a little slower, they still went out there and put on one hell of a wild match. The rules are like the old style death matches where once you get a pinfall, the person who was pinned has to answer the referee’s ten count. Flair took some wicked stuff on the floor including a number of suplexes and a piledriver. Funk took some punishment of his own, including some nasty, nasty chops from Flair. This feels like an old 1980’s NWA brawl where they are just killing themselves all over the arena. Flair took perhaps one of the most dangerous and sickening spots in his career in this match by taking an old school Memphis style back-cracking, neck-breaking, spine-tingling piledriver that just jammed his head and neck right into the mat. Probably one of the sickest piledrivers I’ve ever seen. It was such a crazy, dangerous, and wild spot that I rewound at least 3-4 times to rewatch it. If anything else, you have to at least see this match just for that spot. I’m not sure how Flair got up, hell, I’m not sure if he wasn’t even knocked somewhat loopy, but he managed to trip Funk off the top rope causing him to crash through a table and get counted down by the referee. This was just a completely violent and brutal match as these two just absoutely murdered each other.
10. Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger - 3
If you’re looking for a classic then this will not be the match for you. However, if you’re looking for a match between two guys still stuck using old 90’s moves and not selling a damn thing, then you’ve got your match. Hogan rushed the ring during the intros and we got a stiff brawl. By stiff though, I don’t mean Japanese stiff hard-hitting style, I mean two stiff and immobile dudes working each other with clotheslines, punches, and basic big man offense. The story here was Hogan was going for revenge on Luger breaking his arm but that fact seemed to be forgotten once the match started. Match was totally lame and also featured interference from Jimmy Hart, Miss Elizabeth, Ric Flair, and Sting. This felt like some kind of 90s reunion on an indy show somwhere.
11. No DQ Triple Threat Match for the WCW World Title: Scott Hall vs. Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett - 1
Almost immediately the bullshit starts with the Harris Brothers trying to interfere. Two minutes later we get the first ref bump of the match after which these guys start going for random nearfalls. Another ref bump after the referee fails to count a fall and Jarrett assaults him, followed by two more ref bumps right in a row. This is rapidly going down the crapper. Everything is focused on Jarrett here and Sid and Hall are pretty much an afterthought. Wait, what the fuck? Where the hell did Roddy Piper come from? My god, this is a terrible match. Piper nails the heel ref who came down after the previous ref bumps, Sid issues a powerbomb to Hall, Piper counts the fall and this is over. I feel like I not only just watched a bad Nitro main event but an elongated edition of Nitro.
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