Thursday, September 19, 2013

WCW SuperBrawl 2000

WCW SuperBrawl 2000
February 20, 2000 in San Francisco, CA
Announcers: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Mark Madden

The next to last SuperBrawl with probably one of the wildest and most unique cards I’ve ever seen on a WCW show.

1. Tournament Final for the WCW Cruiserweight Title: Lash LeRoux vs. The Artist - 3

Let’s set the stage at how ridiculous WCW was at the time and how this tournament was set up. We had Oklahoma, who was nowhere near the classification of “cruiserweight”, relinquishing the title on TV. Not sure why but anyone in their right mind could’ve predicted Oklahoma would be a colossal failure. Anyway, there was a tournament held to crown a new champion which boiled down to Lash and The Artist. Who exactly is the Artist? Well, he was once known as Prince Iaukea if that helps any. Dragon screw leg whip from the Artist looked like it nearly ripped Lash’s knee out. Paisley spent a good portion of the match standing on the apron and nobody seemed to notice. Best move of the match was Artist’s leaping DDT off the middle rope for the win. Other than that, the match was nothing special and Lash looked pretty sloppy.

2. WCW Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs - 2

Time to get extreme! Unfortunately there wasn’t really anything extreme about this. The crowd brawl felt pretty pointless that wound up back in a concourse with Knobbs going through a catering table. Mark Madden on commentary asked about the tables under the ring and Schiavone responded with a comment saying “I don’t know but whoever makes tables is making a good living off of WCW right now!”. Perhaps if they hadn’t spent all that money on tables, they might still be in business. Knobbs took a table bump, trash can lids to the head, and Bigelow’s finisher but Bigelow never went for a cover. Finish had Finlay distracting Bigelow with Knobbs coming out, knocking him out, and pinning him randomly on the floor.

3. Handicap Match: Three Count vs. Norman Smiley - 3

I always sort of liked Norman’s antics, especially when he was wrestling for the Hardcore Title. Three Count may not have been the well versed grapplers but damn they can bump like crazy. Moore got some huge hang time on a big backdrop to the otuside and Helms took a scary bump on a wacky jump off the top rope and landed right on his head. Looked like he did some type of kamikaze type move. Not sure if three count was supposed to be tagging in and out because their just coming in, doing something wacky, and leaving. This was just a free-for-all that seemed pretty much like filler.

4. The Demon vs. The Wall - 3

It’s announced that this is one of the “featured matches” of the show. Umm, ok? Demon comes out in this wild looking casket covered in spikes that looked like something that you’d find in one of those seasonal Halloween stores. Only a few highlights here with Demon hitting a nice springboard clothesline and Wall taking a slam off the top and landed right on his neck. Wall got the pin after about four minutes of what felt like a Thunder main event. Good to know they invested all that money in Demon only for him to get pinned clean in his pay-per-view debut.

5. Leather Jacket on a Pole Match: Tank Abbott vs. Big Al - 2

This a mystery that will pretty much haunt me until the end of time … who the hell is/was Big Al and where the hell did he come from? As Madden said on commentary, this was “brawling and bad language”. There was this bit right on the opening bell where they try to tie their hands together with a belt, which is promptly screwed up by Al dropping said belt. Lots and lots of punching. Holy fuck, what the hell happened at the end? Abbott was climbing the ropes and it looked like he dropped Al when he got to the top rope and Al took a fucking nutty bump and kills himself by taking a header right on the steps and falls in a heap to the floor. Abbott looks at the carnage, pretty much shrugs his shoulders, and climbs up to grab the jacket. Afterwards, he pulls a KNIFE~! on an unconsicous Al and threatens to “fucking kill him” as Schiavone claims the giant Jim Bowie knife is a pair of scissors. What lunacy.

6. Big T vs. Booker T - 2

The stipulation here is that the winner acquires the rights to the Harlem Heat name. Sadly, Big T is not representing the family restaurant that was two blocks from my childhood home. Big T is actually Ahmed Johnson who looked he'd added about 100 pounds by eating at said restaurant day after day. Ahmed took a big sidekick and sold it like he tripped backwards off a curb. Booker gets the advantage, goes for a pin, then the lights go out and then come back on with a dude on the apron, weighing an easy 450, distracting Booker, thus allowing Ahmed to hit a Pearl River Plunge. Second straight match with some weird ass finish. Who was that large man?

A quick note if you’re keeping track, we’re just over halfway through the show and no match has broken the ten minute mark, with most of them going about five to six minutes each. So far this show has felt like an extended editon of Nitro, which was not really a good thing. Let’s see if the second half is any better.

7. Vampiro vs. Billy Kidman - 4

I’m hoping this will be a good match with no bullshit. The pace was good from the opening bell and stayed pretty steady throughout the whole match. Vampiro hit a couple big moves including a big suplex off the top rope and a toss powerbomb. Kidman wasn’t much on the offensive and when he was, it wasn’t all that great. I liked how Mark Madden predicted that this would “be a U.S. title match in a year and a World title match in two years”. Too bad WCW itself only had just over a year left to survive. Not sure what the finish was supposed to be but it looked like some Scorpion Death Drop move from the top rope but pretty much ended in disaster as both dudes landed really awkwardly. Not a bad match, certainly better from some of the droll before it but still felt like they were just cruising through.

8. Sicilian Stretcher Match for the WCW Tag Team Titles: The Mamalukes vs. David Flair & Crowbar - 5

I’ve got a feeling this is going to be wild as there are stretchers, garbage cans, wheelchairs, and other assorted paraphernalia on the outside. Looks like maybe they raided some medical storage warehouse. Also, a question, what exactly makes these specific stretchers used here Sicilian? Where they perhaps made in Sicily? I’ll be honest here, there was so much wild stuff going on that I had a hell of a time keeping so my notes on this are a little sporadic. Crowbar did a big dive to the outside onto Johnny the Bull who was laid out on a stretcher that looked like it hurt both dudes really bad. People are brawling and fighting everywhere, including Daffney and Disco Inferno. Schiavone at one point on commentary says “this is the damndest thing I’ve ever seen”. Well, OK. Apparently this is elimination as Flair got taped … yes, taped as in the Mamalukes were using masking tape … to a stretcher and rolled out of the arena. Match really started to drag at the end as all the guys were just completely gassed and it was only ten minutes. Crowbar was eliminated after two table spots and again taped to a stretcher and wheeled out by a gaggle of referees.

9. Texas Death Match: Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk - 7

If you’re a fan of old school wrestling then you’re familiar with the Flair/Funk feud of 1989 that culminated in the legendary “I Quit” match on the Clash of the Champions. Eleven years later, these two were still at it and even though they were older and perhaps a little slower, they still went out there and put on one hell of a wild match. The rules are like the old style death matches where once you get a pinfall, the person who was pinned has to answer the referee’s ten count. Flair took some wicked stuff on the floor including a number of suplexes and a piledriver. Funk took some punishment of his own, including some nasty, nasty chops from Flair. This feels like an old 1980’s NWA brawl where they are just killing themselves all over the arena. Flair took perhaps one of the most dangerous and sickening spots in his career in this match by taking an old school Memphis style back-cracking, neck-breaking, spine-tingling piledriver that just jammed his head and neck right into the mat. Probably one of the sickest piledrivers I’ve ever seen. It was such a crazy, dangerous, and wild spot that I rewound at least 3-4 times to rewatch it. If anything else, you have to at least see this match just for that spot. I’m not sure how Flair got up, hell, I’m not sure if he wasn’t even knocked somewhat loopy, but he managed to trip Funk off the top rope causing him to crash through a table and get counted down by the referee. This was just a completely violent and brutal match as these two just absoutely murdered each other.

10. Hulk Hogan vs. Lex Luger - 3

If you’re looking for a classic then this will not be the match for you. However, if you’re looking for a match between two guys still stuck using old 90’s moves and not selling a damn thing, then you’ve got your match. Hogan rushed the ring during the intros and we got a stiff brawl. By stiff though, I don’t mean Japanese stiff hard-hitting style, I mean two stiff and immobile dudes working each other with clotheslines, punches, and basic big man offense. The story here was Hogan was going for revenge on Luger breaking his arm but that fact seemed to be forgotten once the match started. Match was totally lame and also featured interference from Jimmy Hart, Miss Elizabeth, Ric Flair, and Sting. This felt like some kind of 90s reunion on an indy show somwhere.

11. No DQ Triple Threat Match for the WCW World Title: Scott Hall vs. Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett - 1

Almost immediately the bullshit starts with the Harris Brothers trying to interfere. Two minutes later we get the first ref bump of the match after which these guys start going for random nearfalls. Another ref bump after the referee fails to count a fall and Jarrett assaults him, followed by two more ref bumps right in a row. This is rapidly going down the crapper. Everything is focused on Jarrett here and Sid and Hall are pretty much an afterthought. Wait, what the fuck? Where the hell did Roddy Piper come from? My god, this is a terrible match. Piper nails the heel ref who came down after the previous ref bumps, Sid issues a powerbomb to Hall, Piper counts the fall and this is over. I feel like I not only just watched a bad Nitro main event but an elongated edition of Nitro.

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