Tuesday, October 18, 2011

CHIKARA "True Stories" 11/18/05

Carla Jean: "Sheriff, was that a true story about Charlie Walser?"
Sheriff Ed Tom Bell: "Who's Charlie Walser? Oh! Well...uh...a true story? I couldn't swear to every detail of it but it's true that it's a story."
Kelly McDonald (Carla Jean) and Tommy Lee Jones (Sheriff Ed) in No Country for Old Men (2007).

1. Lancelot & Dragon Dragon vs. Dr. Cheung, Darkness Crabtree, & Punisher – 1
2. The Prophet vs. Casanova – 3

The opener was bad, really bad. I gave it a point just for the comedy on the face team. Lancelot is a team consisting of two guys named Lance Steel dressed in goofy knight outfits that look like they came from a third grade King Arthur production. Crabtree moves slower than a glacier but I guess that’s supposed to be his character. Punisher seemed completely out of place. Only thing that really saved this for me was Dragon Dragon, who I think is a pretty cool character. Didn’t see a single thing that I liked here. Wasn’t expecting much out of this and it was suprisingly decent. Casanova has this pudgy, dirty porn-star vibe about him and spent time during the match grinding his hips a la Rick Rude and doing some “unnecessary hamstring stretching” as Bryce Remsburg called it on commentary. Prophet had a good handle on what he was doing and seemed to be the one controlling things. Pace was good and the in-ring was pretty basic but I enjoyed this for the most part.

3. Larry Sweeney vs. Sabian – 3
4. Ryan Cruz, Darin Corbin, Equinox, & Angel de Fuego vs. Hallowicked, Ultramantis Black, Rorschach, & Crossbones - 4

Sweeney’s matches are usually pretty fun but this really felt like a chore to get through. Once they got through all the schtick and got down to some business, it was okay but nothing to set the world on fire or anything. Felt like a typical Sweeney match with him doing his thing, you know the strutting, the playing to the crowd, etc. The only things I actually liked here were Sabian’s nearfalls. The piledrive at the end by Sweeney was pretty rad as well. It’s weird seeing Ultramantis without all of the tattoos he has now. Roschach looked nothing like the awesome character from the Watchmen graphic novel and more like a generic masked guy in a t-shirt. I’m still waiting for everyone to get the memo that nothing good has ever come from wrestling in a t-shirt. Equinox brought some levity, whacking Ultramantis with a fly swatter that was quickly disposed of and then a bigger version of the same fly swatter. I can honestly say that’s the first time I’ve ever seen someone use one of those in a match. Either Hallowicked is really tall or the ceiling in the venue is really low because when he climbed the buckles, he almost went through the ceiling. Some fun stuff here but nothing to get overly excited about.

5. Claudio Castagnoli & Arik Cannon vs. Reckless Youth & Mike Quackenbush – 4

Started off pretty good with Reckless Youth jumping Claudio and Cannon from behind and all four doing a brawl on the floor. The story of this match was Cannon didn’t want to cheat to beat his idols on the opposing team and that was touched upon pretty heavily during the match in numerous spots where you would normally see a heel cheating (ie: choking the opponent on the outside, double teaming, etc.). The double dives by the face team were pretty neat. Reckless and Cannon tried a Japanese strong style exchange by trading suplexes but the crowd had no clue what they were doing.

6. Allison Danger vs. Sumie Sakai – 3

Pretty much standard indy women’s match and not a lot to get excited about. Danger really didn’t show much at all as Sumie controlled the better part of the match. I dug her working the crowd and the hair pull where she would switch off with each hand once the ref reached a four-count. Larry Sweeney on commentary talked about Danger doing a 20-country tour of Asia. I didn’t know there were 20 countries in Asia. Big splash from Sumie off the top rope missed which led to Danger hitting her finisher for the win.

7. Chris Hero, Icarus, & Gran Akuma vs. Mr. Zero, Shane Storm, & Milano Collection AT – 3

Very lackluster main event. I wonder what Milano’s first thought was when he arrived at the building and saw it was a bar/VFW hall? Better yet, I wonder what he thought when he saw the ring was only a foot off the ground? Shane Storm looked ridiculous with his jorts, goofy t-shirt, and mask that made him look like he should be an extra in Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Heel team was on complete auto-pilot and nothing they did even stood out in the slightest. If Akuma was supposed to be pissed about losing his mask, shouldn’t he be kicking the shit out of the other team? Icarus looked like a total goof just standing around while his partners got tied up in the ropes. Milano’s enziguri on Hero was about the only good move of the match. Finish was bad with Akuma leaning on Zero like an idiot while waiting for his partners to help him flip the dude over.


Anonymous said...

Crabtree's gimmick is that he's older than dirt, so slowness is indeed a part of his character. Btw, Hallowicked is 6'2" or so, but that still means that ceiling was too low.

Jessie said...

liked the quote to start with.....yep, Lancelot sucks, saw them recently myself.....this all sounds really bad.....may want to fact check that 20 countries in Asia before someone else points it out....I don't know either but i'm guessing it's got way more than that seeing as how it's the most populated continent in the world

Brian said...

48-52 is the # I got from a quick search