Sunday, December 5, 2010

Burger Kang #10: I Heart MMA

With the exception of the Emelianenko fights these are all unaired preliminary fights never before seen on either TV or PPV. I'll strictly be telling you whether I consider each fight recommendable or not, as well as why (I'm sure some tangential story about the latest episode of The Event may find it's why into the discourse).

WEC 51: Toner vs. Nunes
Nunes reminded me of a younger, less cocksure Gurgel and Toner appeared sleepier than an offseason Tim Duncan. Nunes' takedowns and roundhouses were great. I'd like to bump this into the "See It" category, and Toner rallying a bit in the third round after clearly losing the first two helped, but I couldn't do it as a guy as talented as Nunes (this fight put him at 15-1) should have been able to secure a definitive finish and not let this go to a decision.
Recommendation: Skip It

UFC 121: Camozzi vs. Yang
Close to worth seeing, both guys bled, landed some stuff, but after a big weight-cut and making his big stage debut Yang seemed a little shellshocked.
Recommendation: Skip It

PRIDE 23: Fedor vs Herring
About ten minutes of ground and pound but not top-shelf Fedor. Watching this is about as smart of an idea as sharing a needle with Francine.
Recommendation: Skip It

UFC 119: Lopez vs. Lowe
Not a lot to see here, prelim from the horrid Indianapolis event, took 8 minutes before either guy appeared like they knew they were in a fight. The last round gets juicer, in more ways than one, as Lopez's forehead gets gashed and he bleeds all over the place. Still, overall, not a lot of good technique on display or ferociousness.
Recommendation: Skip It

UFC 120: Patrick vs Wilks
The only difference between a Patrick fight and gay sex is gay sex sometimes finishes.
Recommendation: Skip It

UFC 123: Lentz vs. Griffin
I heard rumors that when Griffin trained with Randy Couture they filmed a porno with his now ex-wife Kim where Tyson played the pool boy. Griffin's on a disappointing losing streak and here, his fight for redemption, saw him fall even further as he lost a close split decision to Lentz. Good wrestling and grappling in the first round, not much of note in the second, third started with a bang, Tyson really letting the hands go, but Nick ended up on top of Griffin to end the round out and that evidently played heavy in the judges' eyes. Personally, I had Tyson winning all three rounds, as did one of the three judges.
Recommendation: Skip It

UFC 121: Stout vs. Taylor
I actually watched this fight inside a Kentucky Fried Chicken -- probably a planetary first watching an MMA fight at KFC but maybe some manager sneaks in a couple bouts in their office on slow nights, who knows? "Hey, man, we need more original recipe out here stat!" "Hold on -- I'm trying to finish this Dean Lister fight! I mean, checking these monthly figures, or, oh hell...". The first round was pretty scrappy, Taylor gets a bloody nose, think Stout had a bloody tampon. Taylor threw a great kick to the ribs and one inexplicably to the neck. This was a trade show, not like those seedy get-togethers of gun and boat fanatics in the midwest, but just two dudes trading shots and that's always a lot of fun to watch. Wait -- I need to interrupt this review. I just got my entire meal for free and I'm watching two guys pummel each other into early brain failure... my life fucking rocks. Offhand this was better than anything off that ballyhooed PPV save for Sanchez vs. Thiago maybe. Even though I disagreed with the outcome (Stout winning a split decision) you should really watch this.
Recommendation: See It

WEC 51: Johnson vs. Pace
Pace looked like David Schwimmer in Kissing A Fool, especially when he was backpedaling while Johnson threw flurries of kicks. Johnson looked great in the 2nd round -- just teeing off with combos. Will be fun seeing Johnson try to find his footing in the talent-heavy UFC now post-merger. I wouldn't take this over an episode of Transformers: Prime but it's still worth a glance as Demetrious was rocking it; his third round running slam was out of this world.
Recommendation: See It

UFC 122: Krauss vs. Scanion
Look at these two guys -- are they identical fucking twins or is this some sort of sick joke? Admitting you're a Scanion fan would be more embarrassing then being found dead with a belt around your neck while you hung in your closet masturbating. Two undefeated fighters, that can sometimes make for a blast, here it's like salt on a dead muskrat carcass, lightly seasoning a festering, tepid piece of death. German crowd heavy behind Krauss. Some nice moments but felt more like two novice meatheads than the world class fighters UFC needs. Fun for the foreign beer swillers but not something that holds up on repeat watches as anything more than a novelty (like the world's smallest stripper you saw in Vegas and your cousin tried to pay her $200 to sit on his dick).
Recommendation: Skip It

1 comment:

Jessie said...

poor griffin....loved the tradeshow joke.....this was an easy read and really enjoyed it...damn you and your free KFC....that was a shitty lunch i had that same day....don't forget that new tagline....."got 3 kids and slinging chicken".....hahaha