JCW SlamTV! #7

1. Tracy Smothers vs. O'Doyle - 1

Jesus Christ, this is awful. Smothers' stomach looks like cheddar cheese dipped in desert sand. Tracy working the stick to start. I wish he'd don his old Young Pistols drunks and fuck-start Doyle's Irish face. Smothers' perm hair is stiffer than his punches. O'Doyle falls for all of Tracy's old tricks, making him look like a bigger moron than his neon green boots do. The ref is wearing a ball cap? Send him back to his job at Pacific Sun at the mall, and take O'Doyle with him to the middling mall nail salon so they can give him a manicure because he's a bitch. O'Doyle is selling like Ed Munster on weed brownies. When did Smothers start doing a spear, and why's it better than Edge's? 2 Tough Tony interferes, mercifully ending this awfulness.

Highlights of Nosawa versus Mad Man Pondo, and boy, does this look shitty. Nosawa's got green shit all over his face, looking like an extra from Troll 2. At one point, Pondo sloppily somersaults from the top buckle onto Nosawa whose sitting on a stool in the middle of the ring. I'd rather watch highlights of the Holocaust than this awful excuse for wrestling.

2. Trent Acid vs. Cpl. Robinson - 1

I skip past Acid's mic work because it's comparable to passing turds through your pee hole. Acid's dressed like the long lost 4th member of Green Day and Robinson's rocking a orange jersey and camo shorts, both about as fashion conscious as a blind guy wearing a blindfold. Robinson botches a spinebuster, so since he couldn't grab him properly the first time, Acid jumps into his opponent's arms making it easier for the move to be executed to him. Acid's big boot is mild compared to Kazarian's. Acid gets disqualified for throwing holy water into Robinson's eyes. You're telling me tap water can incapacitate him, when I'm positive he's had eyes full of piss and narcotics on a regular basis? Corporal is selling it like he just got Tabasco in the cornea, but unlike The Dudesons, Robinson is just acting, and doing so badly.