WWE Monday Night Raw - 5/8/06

1) Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Masters vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Charlie Haas – Fatal Four Way Match - 4
2) Matt Striker vs. Carlito - 3
3) Tommy Dreamer vs. Mick Foley vs. Edge – Triple Threat Hardcore Match - 1
4) Mickie James vs. Maria - 1
5) Umaga vs. Kevin Martinson & Tommy Wilson – Handicap Match - 2
6) The Big Show vs. Kane - 1
7) Shawn Michaels & John Cena vs. The Spirit Squad – 5 on 2 Handicap Match – 3

If anyone ever wondered how bad WWE can screw up a show, then look no further as this edition of Raw. The four way match wasn’t as good as I had hoped it would be. Masters belongs at Globo Gym and not in a wrestling ring. Striker and Carlito had a solid affair while it lasted. Eugene had to ruin it by running in and attacking Striker. It was from this point on that they did everything and explained nothing. Foley vs. Edge was hyped the whole week on their website and raised the stakes by bringing in Dreamer and then promptly screwed it up. Foley turned heel with no crowd reaction whatsoever. Then they pissed all over the turn with a sorry excuse for a match between Mickie James and Maria. Mickie beat Maria and then was attacked by a “fan” from the crowd. Ok, so they didn’t explain why Foley turned on Dreamer and who the “fan” from the crowd was. I’m totally confused and extremely pissed.

Umaga is the Monty Brown of the WWE and I don’t mean that in a good way. Every week on TV, he’s involved in squash matches just like Brown. In six months, he’ll either be in the curtain jerker on Heat or doing gigs on the indy circuit. Big Show and Kane attemped, and somewhat suceeded, in wrestling a techinical style match. However, just like their match at Backlash, it ended in a no contest when they did the May 19th. The main event went nowhere and the whole show ended with about 15,000 pissed off people for shelling out $40 a ticket for this garbage. George Carlin once wrote, “We’re all fucked. It helps to remember that.” If you watched this episode of Raw, then you were just fucked by the chick who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I really don’t want to remember that.