TNA One Night Only: Hardcore Justice 2

1. New Church vs. Latin American Xchange - Street Fight - 3
2. Jackie Moore vs. ODB - No DQ Match - 2
3. Gen ME vs. Bad Influence - Ladder Match - 7
4. 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Shark Boy vs. Funaki vs. Guido vs. Crowbar vs. Sam Shaw vs. Crimson vs. Gunner vs. Johnny Swinger - Hardcore Gauntlet Match - 4
5. Aces and 8's vs. James Storm, Magnus, and Bob Holly - Elimination Match - 5
6. Messias vs. Joseph Park - Monster's Ball Match - 3
7. Jeff Hardy and Brother Runt vs. Bully Ray and Devon - Tables Match - 4

Ordering this show on PPV was akin to discovering a bowler hat full of fetid feces on your front porch. A shocking and revolting proposition. Show starts with a literally six-minute long music video of "highlights" set to some real bad rap metal. Opening street fight was comparable to the 6th best Da Baldies match. Watching it was like watching a basketball game go to 100-0 using nothing but foul shots. Billed as the two toughest Knockouts in TNA history Jackie and ODB were set to make a bigger splash than Tony Scott off the Vincent Thomas Bridge. Looked like a bar brawl save for people don't run ropes in those. There was a shaving cream in the butthole gag that surely misted up Russo's eyes somewhere. Jackie's bosom should have a choking hazard printed on it.

Ladder match was a spectacular stunt show from four of PWG's finest exports. I would have loved to have seen this in Reseda getting 45 min. but I'm not complaining. You may label me contentious but I'm calling the Young Bucks a better team than the Road Warriors. Kazarian took some career-shortening bumps. I'd be totally cool with Kaz getting the TNA world title one day although don't see it happening -- maybe in a parallel universe. One in which the Red Dawn remake didn't suck giant dong. Too bad Gen ME burnt their bridges as them versus Tons of Funk getting 6 min. on WWE Main Event would brighten my Wednesday evening.

They then aired a painfully long video recap of the show thus far. Now, if it's a TV show I can understand the occasional quick recap to catch up viewers late to the program, but this is PPV, anyone watching it has been from the start presumably. Sometimes when you've watched as much wrestling as me a match that's "odd" is just as fun as one that's "good".  That was the case with the gauntlet. An odd hodgepodge of talent beating each other with all manner of objects. Never really thought of Guido as a bump freak but he earned his check here. Crowbar's tits are almost as big as Daffney's now. Funaki wasn't advertised in TNA's official listings so that was a pleasant surprise. Too bad he didn't bring Yamaguchi-San's samurai steel and lopped off Sam Shaw's balls. Always a treat seeing Scorpio who looked great here as always. Guy would be TNA world champ if I had the book. I'd have him and Austin Aries do a Best of 7 that'd make people Benoit and Booker's. Oh, wait, you'd already forgotten it? Damn kids. Go watch your best of Johnny Gargano.

I really like the Aces and 8's match which surprises me quite a bit as on paper it was one I glanced over with little interest. It wasn't advertised as an elimination match but it was cool that it was. Allowed the guys to take their time. I mean, it was pretty much just people punching each other, and selling punches, then more punching, etc. It wasn't slick or sleek or state of the art. But sometimes I like just kicking back watching people faux-grimace after being faux-punched for 20 min. Holly's punches had more snap than Jorge Masvidal's but if I can be frank he was shit. Should have brought in Molly Holly (or hell even Crash would have popped the Impact Zone and Messias could have used his coffin later). The rapid fire elimination sequence at the end is a lousy trope.

Messias has built quite the resume in Mexico and is a legit Top 50 worker in the world in many peoples' eyes but there was no saving this load. The pacing was just off. I get the idea Park is unfamiliar in a hardcore setting and is unsure, it's a cute bit, but they just slowly meandered from spot to next and it felt dryer than sandpaper. Messias got good air on his chokeslam bump but this was forgettable. Main event on paper looked like one Hermie Sadler would have had on an UWF show in some armory in Maryland. Was worked as such also. Very much by the numbers shuffling through the routine stuff. Runt looks legit old so that leant an extra sense of depth to his selling as it really seemed like an old social studies teacher getting dropped hard repeatedly on a hard wooden ring. Hardy felt like he wasn't even in the match. The guys definitely sleepwalked through this gig which is disappointing but not surprising. Should have booked Scorpio vs. Sabu in a TLC Match as the main and let Hardy and Shannon Moore do a Pain Pills on a Pole match in the mid-card.

NHO TV projects

Here's an updated list of all of our various wrestling TV marathon viewing/rankings projects -- enjoy!:

- Top 53 Matches of WCW Main Event '91

- NWA/WCW Power Hour 1990
- Brian's Power Hour '90 ballot

- WWF Superstars 1996

- Brian's ballot

- Jessie's ballot

- AWF Warriors of Wrestling
- Jessie's AWF ballot

- WWE SmackDown! 1999
- Brian's SD! '99 ballot
- Jessie's SD! '99 ballot

- Best of WCW Monday Nitro #200-151
- Best of WCW Monday Nitro #150-101
- Best of WCW Monday Nitro #100-51
- Best of WCW Monday Nitro #50-11
- Best of WCW Monday Nitro #10-1

- WCW WorldWide 1994

- WCW WorldWide '97

BxB Hulk vs. Masato Yoshino

BxB Hulk vs. Masato Yoshino - DGUSA Uprising - 7

Recently watched DGUSA Uprising from 2010 couldn't get the BxB Hulk vs. Masato Yoshino main event out of my head. When you get past that this is a collaboration and not a competition (in terms of mode of story not the narrative therein) I found it strangely haunting. Hulk's ability at demonstrating the determination he has at retaining his championship is crystalline and for his part Yoshino's speed and pluck make him an excellent challenger. Masato hit what easily now ranks in my top three missile dropkicks of all-time. Such height, so compact. By the time BxB did the "H Thunder" scoop side piledriver (his homage to Hayabusa) off the top rope and Yoshino kicked out I was officially enthralled and raptured like I was during the hotel scene in Before Midnight. The crowd at the Mississauga International Centre that night were in for a special treat.

WWE Payback '13

WWE changed up their PPV line-up for 2013 and I'd hoped with the empty slot we'd finally get Halloween Havoc (or hell I'd have gladly settled for Fall Brawl too or even Bash at the Beach given its summer) but instead we get: Payback. Sounds like the title of a bad Mel Gibson movie. They only announced a few matches for the event in advance but it does have the fact it's in-front of a super hot Chicago crowd going for it.

1. The Miz vs. Curtis Axel vs. Wade Barrett - 4

2. AJ vs. Kaitlyn - 5

First match on paper was sort of a jumble but that sort of worked for it. No real rhyme or reason -- just a few guys clubbing the hell out of each other and looking for the win. Miz's defensive work was on display, lots of dodging, ducking, and countering of attacks. He actually looked pretty slick in the early stages. Axel winning the IC title on Father's Day (he's the son of Mr. Perfect who was one of that championship's foremost holders) was a nice touch. Match wasn't bad at all just needed more time to earn higher cred. Women's match had a grudge aspect so started chaotic with AJ taking a great bump over the Spanish announcer's table. I think Kaitlyn has a great look, personality, etc. but one thing I've noticed in a lot of her TV work is sometimes she'll be in a hold, like locked in a headlock, and apparently finds it hard to conceal a smile, which is great if you love your job, but when you're supposed to be selling having your oxygen cut off it's probably not a good time to crack wise. The "Spear" is one of the most watered down, overused moves of the last 15 years but Kaitlyn hit one here that had momentum on its side and really looked like it killed AJ. Like she was crossing the street to Circle K to get some Mountain Dew Voltage on tap from the fountain (a Circle K exclusive!) and a Dodge caravan knocked her 5 ft. into the gutter. Finish was slick as AJ went back to her "Black Widow" submission which she'd previously had locked in for quite a spell so it was nice to see some actual game plan-based psych in a Diva's bout, even more so that it lead to a believable finish. One of the better Diva's matches of 2013 but nothing that'd blow you away, understatedly solid.

3. Kane vs. Dean Ambrose - 4

Surreal seeing Brodie Lee in a vignette on WWE pay-per-view. The Wyatt Family stuff is promising. Kane's a guy who's act and in-ring work ethic (or lack thereof) wore thin on me, oh, about twelve years prior. But Ambrose is so damn captivating and impossible to take your eyes off of that he's capable of making me excited to see the Big Red Machine in action. Moxley (Ambrose) is the first guy to come close to capturing that unhinged quality of Pillman at his best. The irony they're both Cincinnati guys isn't lost on me. Dean will also bust out stuff right out of the RF Video back catalogue randomly like a Keiji Mutoh elbow drop to a grounded opponent, etc. I'll try not to devolve into fan boy gushing every time I analyze his stuff I promise. The way Ambrose bumped to the floor off of a big boot recalled a moment in his stellar bout winning the FIP World Heavyweight title versus Roderick Strong back at Southern Stampede in 2010 (you can tell I've been catching up on my FIP lately). Countout finish was a little wonky (and I docked it a point accordingly) but I liked that it all began with Dean slapping Kane right across the face with a big swipe. Credit to Kane for eating that DDT on the floor right on his noggin.

4. Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio - 7

RVD returns at Money in the Bank vignette? I'd heard rumors awhile back but that's news to me. Hopefully he doesn't get busted smoking weed and doing Quaaludes with Tamina Snuka en route to a house show in Tacoma. Weird a major championship bout is taking place in the mid-card. My son who's 3 loves to say "Albertooooooo Del Rioooooo!" Can't feel good for the guys working the World Heavyweight championship match to have their efforts drowned out by raucous "RVD! RVD!" chants. I guess these fans didn't see Van Dam's recent TNA run where he looked 2-3 steps slower and perpetually winded. Sorry got temp. distracted contacting Time Warner our Nick Jr. disappeared this morning and that's akin to a sin to my boy. Back to the action, ADR and Dolph may not have the larger than life presence that made title matches of yesteryear (say Bret Hart vs. Undertaker, or even Booker T vs. Scott Steiner) really pop but there's a frenetic physicality here that you've certainly got to tip your hat too. Kudos again to Chicago as ADR vs. Swagger at WrestleMania was floppier than your 2nd grade teacher's swinging utters but this feels appropriately heated. For a a guy coming back from a serious concussion Dolph is sure getting his head smashed plenty. Match ends suddenly with one of multiple straight savate kicks to the skull that the match saw. Sort of a surprising finish, more pseudo MMA psych than typical pro wres theatrics, plus it's the third title change already on this PPV. Not to mention Ziggler's run was still in its infancy. Grappled between a 6-7 on its score but the unpredictable route it took earns it extra consideration. After some pandering ads we cut back to the entrance aisle where ADR cuts a promo asking for the crowd's support but in doing so turns them completely against him which may/may not have been by design.

5. CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho - 5

I'm a Paul Heyman guy? More like I'm a Paul Pfeiffer guy. This should be tasty. Why did I just visualize Kidman doing a run-in? Jericho has range and got good matches out of Batista so he's about as capable a hand as the industry has these days and Punk has been terrific of late. I know Punk attends several live UFC events each year -- wonder if he was in Winnipeg for that stinker UFC 161 the night prior? As long as he doesn't turn in a Ryan Jimmo performance here we'll be fine. Maybe CM has been spending too much time with Lita -- he's starting to run the ropes like her. Which is still friendlier than anything I can say about Matt Hardy's current ROH run. I like when Y2J shows some aggression. Kicking Punk in the spine screaming "Come on, Punk!" If Punk gets near this support outside of Chicago it'll be hard to keep him away from the main events for long. Nice to see them kill the "Go 2 Sleep" as a finish by having Jericho kick out of it. Punk hits a Zema Ion-level dive to the outside. I wouldn't say he's exhibiting rust but he has looked a little stodgy in there. Less Pepsi more gym would be a good call. A couple more G2S' end it. Of their trilogy their Extreme Rules '12 match is the leader of the pack by a fairly large margin. 

6. Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins - 6

I just watched AIW's Best of Tyler Black (Seth Rollins) DVD "Heart Of A Champion" the other night. That kid was making me sit on the edge of my seat, well, couch, riveted in matches with less than stellar cats like Nobutaka Moribe, Shane Hollister, Josh Prohibition, etc. so to see him working semi-main on the biggest wrestling stage on planet Earth in the WWE is a treat. Daniel Bryan has been on fire on TV lately putting in some really superb performances. Anyone watch Randy in 12 Rounds 2: Reloaded yet? I didn't think so. Orton is duller than the husk of a pot pie. This is making the last third of Man of Steel look like child's play. Speaking of Kal-El I totally dig Reigns' "Superman Punch" being a regular part of his arsenal. #BITW is trending according to Cole. That's strange Hiroshi Tanahashi is trending during a WWE broadcast. The Shield have been involved in so many really quality TV traditional and six-men tags that it's hard to supersede that on PPV. Ugly spot where Orton was suppose to suplex Seth into Reigns in the corner but Rollins didn't quite make it that far landing on his brains. Hot tag to Daniel makes him seem like the best fit for a fiery tag team since Bobby Eaton. Double-underhook superplex off the top by DB on Rollins! Unreal. Great violent "Curb Stomp" finish. Nice that out out of five title matches only Shield members have retained tonight. If TNA would have booked Aces & 8's half as strong maybe they'd be taken more seriously. 

7. Ryback vs. John Cena - 3 Stages of Hell (Lumberjack, Tables, and Ambulance Matches) - 4

This group of lumberjacks is quite the odd-looking gang. Not even 25 min. left of the the broadcast remaining so they're going to have to put their foot on the gas to get through three matches. HHH/Austin went 39, HHH/HBK went 38, and HHH/Orton, well, let's not even talk about that one. When was the last time somebody this untalented was in the main event scene? Was it Sid? Just about every lumberjack deserves the spot more. Yes, even Sin Cara, Darren Young, JTG, both Colons', Giant Bernard, etc. But probably not Ted DiBiase Jr. or Curt Hawkins. Ryback was like the sixth best guy on his season of NXT. McMahon just loves that roided up look. Okay rant over. Cena does a dive off of the top onto like 25 dudes. Great chaos outside the ring. Ryback with a real Vin Gerard-level Samoan Drop. Wait, no shitting? That was the finish of the Lumberjack match? Excuse me while I clean up this pink lemonade I just spit all over myself.

Cena with his back against the wall. A trope we know (and mostly) love. Ryback's "Spear" makes me yearn for Kaitlyn's. Even Edge's (shudder). It's not quite on the Jimmy Jacobs end of the scale but it's not far off! Ironically love the way Cena sells being thrown into the ring steps by pushing them away like he's working through a corn maze. Table match ended quickly and forgettably. Ambulance match can only truly work if we get Kane vs. Shane McMahon levels of stupid, potentially dangerous bumps. Ryback powerbombs Cena onto the announcer's table which came off pretty wild and nasty. Plus it probably spilled Lawler's diet soda so kudos on that. I'd lose my mind if Viscera was inside the ambulance. Just saying. What if the ambulance suddenly became sentient and grew eyes and a mouth and started saying shit? Now that'd be interesting stuff. Oh, sorry, I'm daydreaming again. And sadly this isn't a Pixar presentation. If you're going to brawl go the Nasty Boys route and make it dumb and painful and disgusting. This tepid walking from shoddy spot to the next is cumbersome. "This looks like something out of a Bond movie!" quips Michael Cole. The finish sees Cena give Ryback the "Attitude Adjustment" through the roof of the ambulance. Decent visual but the journey to get there wasn't a joyride.

John Cena is one of the best champs of this or any era. He's been in many of my favorite WWE matches of the past decade. But this was weak sauce. To put it in perspective I'd rather re-watch that Danny Doring and Roadkill vs. Bilvis Wesley and Prodigy match off of Highspots' complete ECW on TNN set I recently sat through. Yuck.

Tony Nese vs. Silas Young

Tony Nese vs. Silas Young - EVOLVE 7: Aries vs. Moxley - 4

Nese brings the abs while Young brings the... flabs.  Just kidding, Silas is in good shape, but his face always seems a bit puffy and red, like he stayed up too late the night before the show having a personal Hou Hsiao-Hsien marathon.  Nese looks like a gym rat guido from Jersey but don't cast him aside on appearances as his in-ring work has nice snap and fluidity.  Neither guy exhibits personality effectively during the bout's short duration but the layout is unalloyed.  Nese looks strong in defeat in his EVOLVE debut controlling the bulk of the offense getting to showcase his arsenal.  Silas' Peejee Waja Plunge scores him the victory though improving his record to 2-1.  On a stacked card featuring nine bouts this could have easily been completely lost during the first hour but they made the most of the brief time given and both guys raised their stock and looked better for it.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Taka Michinoku vs. Dean Malenko

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Taka Michinoku vs. Dean Malenko - WWF Sunday Night Heat 4/23/00 - 6

Nice watching Scotty brawl in a bucket hat.  Fast-paced early inc. Taka getting launched over the top crushing Dean on the floor.  Loved to see Peter Jackson film this match in 48fps.  Dean's always great at small things like floating over on covers.  Not sure why Malenko and Michinoku are both working in cut-off shirts though.  Rare to get a three-way on free TV.  Taka is a bump machine getting hung out to dry on the top rope by Dean then getting knocked off the apron and crashing wildly into the security rail by Scotty.  Hotty does a jumping DDT variant off of the top rope on Taka which was a great, effective, and affecting finish.  Great post-match heel stuff by Dean getting his heat.  I always instruct young workers when unsure live by this motto "Sell, sell, sell!".

Cinnamon Toast Punch #7

Here's a bunch of random matches I've watched that have no relationship to each other at all. Enjoy!

1. Steve Corino, Rick Steiner, & Ricky Landell vs. Team 3-D & Sabu (UWF 6/9/07) - 3

Brian passed the DVD of this particular match on to me a few weeks ago and told me about this random six-man tag on a now six year old indy show from somewhere in Maryland. The heel team is quite the unique squadron. I have no idea who Ricky Landell is but I bet he’s got a nice headlock. Corino’s hair is almost as yellow as my last piss. Bubba looked like he showed up to work hard, in jeans in a t-shirt. Corino’s team is calling themselves “the Extreme Horsemen”. Excuse me while I have a hearty laugh. Lots of mic work and stalling before the opening bell even tolls. Did I just see a kid come in the ring and give Rick Steiner a DX crotch chop? Of course I did. Action seems to be moving at a snail’s pace with the heel team working chinlocks and Steiner flat backing shit and being a generally grumpy person. I bet he’s the kind of guy who yells at kids to stay off his lawn and if they don’t, he probably chases them down the street with pruning shears threatening to cut their ears off. Hot tag to D-Von was about as warm as snow. Team 3-D seemed content just to ge their stuff in and go back and collect a check. Heal team had some of the weakest punches I’ve seen in a while. Landell’s huge windmill forearms to Sabu’s back looked pathetic. Finishing part was chaotic with everybody brawling aimlessly and wandering around like they were lost in a department store looking for bath towels. Team 3-D won with what else, but the 3-D. I was looking forward to this simply because of how unique it looked on paper but there was absolutely nothing here that I could be bothered to watch again.

2. The Hardy Boyz & Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, & Jerry Lynn (WWF Smackdown 5/17/01) - 4

Saturn has the whole Hogan fu-manchu stache going on and looks ridiculous. Nice to see Jerry get a match on one of the main shows instead of being relegated to B and C-level shows. Liked the brief exchanges between Lynn and Eddie, makes me wish they would have had a singles match together. Saturn busted out a few nice throws early in the match. Eddie worked good as a face in peril. Hardys had their standard double team offense and neither one really had a point where they were highlighted individually. The story here seemed just to focus on Eddie and Saturn with the other four guys as afterthoughts. Finishing sequence going to the “Lasso from El Paso” submission was nice. Was sort of hoping for more out of this but I’m feeling generous so I’ll give a bonus point just based on the talent involved.

3. Ricky Steamboat vs. Swede Hanson (NWA World Wide Wrestling - Sometime from 1979) - 5

This match is ancient, not as ancient as Swede Hanson, but ancient nonetheless. The announcer says that Steamboat’s nickname is “Hawaiian Punch”, wonder if that’s where the drink came from. I somehow doubt it. Don’t let Hanson’s paisley colored ring attire and Sid Eudy-esque blond curly hair fool you, he’s one mean bastard as evidenced by some stiff forearm smashes that rained down upon Steamboat. Crazy moment where Steamboat took this wild and awesome bump by doing a handstand on the buckle after getting whipped into the corner and then taking a faceplant straight to the floor. Hanson just brutalizes Steamboat throughout the majority of this but Steamboat fights back with some hard chops of his own and quick offense. Even though this was only about six minutes long, I really enjoyed this.

4. Meng & Kurasawa vs. Sting & Road Warrior Hawk (WCW Clash of the Champions 8/4/95) - 3

Sting and Hawk seem like such a strange team. I can’t remember exactly off the top of my head who Kurasawa is but he wailed on Hawk pretty good during the opening melee. Wait, Meng is managed by Col. Parker? I thought he was a member of the Dungeon of Doom? Kurasawa did the awesome move grabbing Hawk in a piggy back and just falling straight back on the floor. This match just seems all kinds of clunky and disjointed with Sting and Meng just running in and doing whatever they please with the referee just standing around and shrugging his shoulders. Doomsday Device attempt was fucking terrible and Hawk looked like a giant slob throughout the whole match. Kurasawa was probably the MVP of this thing as he came across as a real bad-ass.