WCW Halloween Havoc ‘91

1. Stieners, Sing, and El Gigante vs. Abdullah the Butcher, Cactus Jack, Vader, and Diamond Studd – Chamber of Horrors – 5
2. Johnny B. Badd vs. Jimmy Garvin – 6
3. Dustin Rhodes vs. Steve Austin – 7
4. Tom Zenk vs. Halloween Phantom – 2
5. Enforcers (Arn Anderson and Larry Zybszko) vs. Patriots – 3
6. Ron Simmons vs. Lex Luger – 2 out of 3 Falls Match – 7

This bootleg DVD only featured 6 of a total of 11 matches, which thoroughly disappointed me. If anyone’s got the full show, and be willing to dub it for me, than feel free to holler at your boy. The opening featured an iniquitous angle that I recalled fondly from childhood, where Barry Windham was attacked as he pulled up in car, having his hand brutally smashed in his car door. I miss these types of skits.

The opening match is infamous, as it features the unlikely gimmick of having to put one of your opponents in an electric chair inside a steel cage, and shocking the holy shit out of them. It’s a pretty sloppy brawl, but features a few inspired shots, and lots of blood from the hodgepodge collection of combatants. Not good in the classical sense, it is morbidly entertaining at least once through, and gets a little bonus credit for its originality, even if its an absolutely ridiculous concept.

I was really impressed by Johnny B. Badd’s willingness to put forth the extra effort, and make his match with Garvin go from easily forgettable to definitely memorable. The pacing and Badd’s performance are top-notch, and the finish, a knockout punch, is enough for me to grant this match a positive score. Next up, Rhodes and Austin go to a time-limit draw in another solid bout. These guys bang it out for 15 minutes, working well together and totally selling us on wanting to see a rematch.

The absurd Halloween Phantom is actually none other than Rick Rude, who makes very short work out of Zenk in an absolute squash. I’m a tag team wrestling fan, and although I didn’t mind watching the following tag match, I couldn’t rightfully give it a decent score. The veterans led the Patriots through a match that was reminiscent of a WCW Saturday Night main event; but, not without their share of miscommunications and misfires.

The main event was totally awesome, and I’d highly recommend seeking it out; especially to those like me, who don’t believe Luger is often capable of quality work. The back-story and booking are exceptional, building up Simmons as all-American athlete, and Luger as a deplorable and dastardly douchebag. Simmons gets the first fall surprisingly quickly, and Luger later evens up things as his manager Harley Race helps him score a dirty victory of his own right. Luger later scored the final and deciding fall with a piledriver that was ugly as Liz’s body after Lex killed her. Far from a perfect match, it’s a great finale for the pay-per-view; a good back-and-forth bout, with a first-rate build and lots of audience interest.

TNA Turning Point 2004

1 The Naturals v. Mikey Batts/ Jerelle Clark-4

2 3 Live Kru v. Team Canada-3

3 Kid Kash/ Kazarian/ Michael Shane v. Sonny Siaki/ Hector Garza/ Sonjay Dutt-4

4 Abyss v. Monty Brown(Serengeti Survival)-3

5 NYC v. Johnny B.Badd/ Pat Kenney-3

6 Raven v. DDP-4

7 Petey Williams v. Chris Sabin-8

8 Kevin Nash/Scott Hall/ Jeff Jarrett v. AJ Styles/ Jeff Hardy/ Randy Savage-5

9 AMW v. XXX(Cage)-9

TNA's 2nd PPV attempt started out with an averagely exciting escapade of energetic ergonomically correct acrobats. 3 Live Kru is any thing but lively and fell through a match marred with no expressions on any one's face except Mike Tenay's which was him holding his chin and thinking really hard. The six man X division match was led by Garza and the other kids kept up well, except Garza's team, Siaki and Sonjay, who showed little except that Siaki could probably make better money as a Rock impersonator and Sonjay is the president for India's hair club for men under 30. Abyss and Brown was as plodding as a cow tilling a field, and featured a tack bump by Abyss' ridiculous hair. The NYC match was a gimmick for Jacqueline to beat up Disco; need I say more? Raven and Page were having a pretty decent match until Erik Watts interfered for like 6 minutes!, including beating up two druids wearing Nike's. Petey and Sabin definitely upped the ante with some sick spots and super fast paced action that delivered. The only thing I can take away is a little less selling than I would like and a foreign object finish. The Dancing Elvises took on the Phenomenal One and The Charismatic Enigma( someone tell TNA having nicknames that are longer than six syllables don't exactly roll off the tongue) in a well paced match that the heels actually bumped in. Savage came in at the end and looked like a fucking zombie! Or at least the closest thing to it I've ever witnessed in non-Hollywood life. And he got the pin with a punch. The main event cage match was a classic to be sure! It had a great story, buckets of blood and some awesome double teams. Throw in much cage use, a Tower of Doom from the top of the cage and the highlight of Elix Skipper's career: walking the cage and hitting a hurricanra from the top( the spot that should have made him a star) and the end of XXX as a team and you have a very special match that stole the show and the year from anything TNA had done.

TNA Impact - 8/31/06

1) Chris Sabin & Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams & Senshi – 4
2) Eric Young vs. Shark Boy – 4
3) Brother Runt vs. Abyss – 10,000 Thumbtacks Match – 3

The tag match didn’t do much to excite me. There was a missed spot where Sabin tried a baseball slide and the finish was not properly booked. Sabin should’ve pinned Senshi and not Petey in order to give the fans a chance to think that he might be able to beat Senshi at the pay-per-view. Young and Shark Boy was decent and did two things. First, it got Young over again and second, it continued the ludicrous feud between Larry Zbyszko, Earl Hebner, and referee Slick Johnson. Runt and Abyss was nothing. They teased a spot where Runt was going to bump through two thumbtacks covered boards and tables but it never happened and the match ended without one crazy bump. Raven came down afterward and knocked Abyss through the aforementioned boards and tables. The final segment was Jeff Jarrett repeating everything he’s ever said this year in any promo he’s done about Sting. It was a lackluster ending to a forgettable episode.

Perfomer Analysis: Rob Van Dam

RVD. Mr. Monday Night. Mr. PPV. Mr. ECW. Mr. Minor Drug Felony. He's been called many names but dear ole' Momma Van Dam he is Robert Alex Szatkowski. Rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? RVD was trained by the legendary Shiek( don't you see the similarities?) and made his debut in my home state, Ohio in 1990. There's no doubt he is one of the most popular wrestlers in the world, but how does he measure up?

1) Innovation-7-
There's no questioning RVD's contribution to innovative wrestling. He is famous for his one of a kind(no pun intended) ring style of high risk acrobatic moves and hard hitting style. He is a true risk taker and I give him all the credit in the world for that. But, you could also say that some of the things he does inside that ring are pretty unnecessary, such as rolling across the ring to jump on a guy and monkey flip them. Is that roll necessary? I never thought I would write that line in an article and I'm not really sure why it bothers me so much. But, back to my analysis, RVD helped create the mythos behind his home promotion ECW and helped create the style that supports no rules and no limits( and with the new ECW, no shame.)

2 Conditioning-9-
A nearly perfect score for RVD in this department. He is a trained and disciplined kickboxer, he stretches before each and every match and he even invented his own weight lift, the Van Dam lift which consists of doing the splits on two chairs and lifting weights. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it; it's sweeping the whole weightlifting world. Maybe not. He's rarely been plagued with injuries due to his peak physical condition. So, why wouldn't he get a 10? Because his role model is Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And I emphasize the word "high" in that sentence. If you don't believe me just go look in the Ironton, Ohio police files.

3 Ring Skill-6-
According to my standards, this category is ranked by several criteria: overall ability, work rate, selling, and putting a match together. Van Dam does all those things moderately well, but none of them great. He is a natural athlete, documented by his past martial arts endeavors and some amateur wrestling in high school. He can bump and has proven it on many occasions. His flaw comes into really selling. He instead, as many before him have, opts for the take a move and fall down. You need to show emotion when you get punched. Act like it. There's definitely room for improvement there.

4 Character-5-
Van Dam in ECW: a pothead who was extremely cocky. Van Dam in WWE: a strange guy who says "cool" a lot and is ranging on the cocky side. Horrible. If he didn't have a recognized name before coming to WWE, he would've never got his foot in the door. In ECW, he shows range and seems comfortable on camera. In WWE, he seems lost and strangely half retarded. And the funny thing is he has acted in B Movies and canceled TV series. What did they see in this guy?

5 Interviews-3-
Can RVD cut a promo? ECW loyalists would have you believe he could. He certainly did have his share of them. But, they mostly consisted of him sitting in some silly, smoky room talking mad shit about the jobber he was about to go 15 with. In WWE, RVD promos are almost non-existent. I understand if they are trying to shield him from embarrassing himself, but even comedy mid-carders get more mike time than he does. Well, at least Vince has done one thing right: silencing RVD. Now, if he could only get his own putrid face off camera.
6 Face/Heel-6- This is an interesting category. RVD plays a good heel. He has all the natural inclinations: he knows he's better than you, he knows he's going to put on a better match than you, and he relishes in it. But, by God, do wrestling fans love to cheer for him. They have made him a face, but he does nothing for it. He has no dimensions as a face character, but he does get over, so he has remained so.

7 Strikes-3-
a difficult category to rate. RVD has some of the more natural looking kicks in the WWE, but most of them are spotty and off target. And his punches are horrid. I've seen female McMahons throw better strikes and I'm not talking about HHH. Also, RVD isn't a good chain wrestler; he's a good sequence wrestler, it's not the same thing. He can put planned out spots together, but try to let him make a transition on his own and he looks indy. This is probably one of his biggest weaknesses in my eyes.

8 Fans-10-
Like I said, there's something about RVD. The fans go nuts for him. From my point of view, he doesn't do much to garner their attention, but they eat up everyone of his redundant spots that he's done so many times over.

9 Match/ Opp.-
5- RVD has taken on just about anyone that has walked into ECW and WWE's doors in the last ten years and that's a lot of people. He has usually tried to blend well with them ,and work a decent match. He has had different feuds in the past, but hardly any are memorable. His rivalry with Jerry Lynn almost made ECW a credible promotion, but they ran it into the ground during their dying days. He and Sabu, before they teamed, had a good thing going. In WWE, he has basically moved from mid card feud to mid card feud with really no main event matches, and even less world title programs. He only recently got the top prize to help fuel the fire under an ECW return.

10 Gutcheck-7-
I give him a high score because even though what he does is very sloppy at times, he is a hard worker and will put his body through hell to have a good match. I think he has decent work ethic, but I'm definitely not joining his fan club.
Rating: 61
Superstar
PO: Thumbs Down

WWE Unforgiven 2006

1) Johnny Nitro vs. Jeff Hardy – 5 – This was a fairly acceptable match, albeit with quite a few miscommunications. Their match on Raw before this wasn’t as sloppy but it was entertaining as hell. This one was still entertaining but was pretty damn sloppy. As with all Johnny Nitro matches, it is mandatory that Melina interferes and interfere she did, as she took off one of her boots and whacked Hardy in the head with it. Um, yeah.

2) Umaga vs. Kane – 4 – This was pretty hard-hitting. I can’t remember a thing that happened except for the fact that their move sequences went like this: punch by Kane, shoulder-block by Umaga, repeat as desired. They did have some degree of stiffness to their punches and chops and blocks, but that kind of stuff seems out of place in WWE. Oh yeah, the finish? Double-countout to protect both men and have Umaga remain undefeated.

3) The Highlanders vs. The Spirit Squad – 3 – I half expected Mel Gibson to come out in his garb from Braveheart and yell “Freedom!” Anyway, the Squad is still annoying as all hell and needs to be shot out of a high speed cannon right into a brick wall. I love the Highlanders gimmick but they need to learn how to work a little better. That being said, this was still one of the better tag matches that has come out of the Raw brand in quite some time. For some unknown reason, the Squad retained to further de-value the titles.

4) Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. The McMahons & The Big Show – Handicap Hell in a Cell Match – 2 – The new cage they used was pretty cool but the crossbar kept getting in the way of the wide shot. Why the hell do they keep putting Big Show in these stipulation matches? First, the lame Punjabi Prison, now this? He didn’t bump or sell worth a damn and the whole match came across as a total clusterfuck. Vince getting his face shoved up Big Show’s ass? Please!! I don’t want to see this bullshit mixed in wrestling, or sports entertainement, or whatever it is nowadays. Hell in a Cell is meant to be the ultimate feud-ended in WWE. Instead, it turned into an ultimate disaster and a twenty minute waste of time.

5) Trish Stratus vs. Lita – 4 – Aside from Mickie James and Victoria, Trish is the only other female who can put on a decent match. Lita is so broken down now, she shouldn’t even attempt to wrestle. I remember when she first came in, she was a freakin’ daredevil! Now, the only chances that she takes are when she tries a new position in bed. Trish won the match and the belt and retired. They made no mention of this the next night on Raw and magically the belt is now vacant.

6) Randy Orton vs. Carlito – 5 – I was expecting a show-stealing match, not a lame-ass squash. When they first announced this, it looked to me that Carlito was getting the big push he really deserved. Instead, they had Orton squash him on worldwide pay-per-view. Carlito moves back to the mid-card as a generic face to feud in silly matches with Nitro and Masters. Orton moves on to work with DX. Lame.

7) John Cena vs. Edge – TLC Match – 5 – I still hate Cena. The match they had at SummerSlam was much better and it seemed as if they finally clicked. Here, however, it seemed like the chemistry just wasn’t there. They kept the match pretty simple with Edge doing two big bumps and Cena doing one. The FU off the ladder through two tables was pretty cool but it lacked the fire of previous TLC matches. Cena’s the champ again and goes onto feud with … Umaga? What the fuck? Why do I even bother sometimes.

ECW TV 9/5/06

It’s another week of homogenized hardcore with the “new” ECW.

1. Mike Knox and Test vs. Rob Van Dam and Sabu – 5

Van Dam doesn’t sell Knox’s strikes worth a damn. Later, RVD does a running spinkick in the corner, has too much momentum, and ends up flipping over the top rope and landing awkwardly on the floor. They did a four-man table spot that was obviously orchestrated. Test’s chair-assisted bodyslam was a highlight for me. At one point, Van Dam was running the ropes, and upon hitting them he stalled strangely, as if he was just shot, then regained composure and finished the poor sequence. My theory is that the ropes kicked his ass. Air Sabu looked like United 93. The finishing spot was Van Dam and Sabu doing simultaneous top-rope legdrops on Knox who was lying on a table; as cool as it could have been, it wasn’t, and Sabu completely missed his target. Pretty sloppy match, but it was fast-paced enough to keep me moderately entertained, and that’s about as much as you can ask for out of an ECW television bout.

2. Balls Mahoney vs. Steven Richards – 3

Richards’ reverse neckbreaker was scary, as their timing together was way off. I loved the way Balls sold Richards’ knees to his back; showcasing the pain verbally and by over exaggerated facials. Somebody needs to tell Richards to leave the X Factor to Sean Waltman and Marvel Comics.

CM Punk smacked Shannon “The Reject” Moore in the face like he was a bitch in the back during a vignette. I wanted to do the exact same thing to Moore; several years ago, while I was working at a movie store in a shopping mall, Moore, who was working for HWA at the time, approached me and asked me if Evil Dead was “any good?”

3. Big Show vs. Degeneration X – Handicap Match – 3

Triple H attempted to rip off his t-shirt, and his subsequent wrestling with it was the best battle of the show. Shawn Michaels’ sells of Show’s headbutts were about as convincing as his denying involvement in the ’97 Montreal screwing of Bret Hart. This match could have evolved into something a littler more satisfactory, but they were content on working minimally, and the Hardcore Holly interference officially designated it as a stinker.

NOAH: Destiny- July 18th, 2005

1 Takashi Suguira/ SUWA/ Masaji Aoyagi v. Tsuyoshi Kikuchi/ Mitsuo Momota/ Katushiko Nakajima-4

Our opening match for this massive show, coming from Tokyo Dome, was a six man with a few young bloods and a few oldies put in for our enjoyment. No one really pulled out their top shelf stuff probably because the young guys don’t have top shelf stuff yet and the old guys can’t even reach it anymore. But, all six men gave a decent effort.

2 Tamon Honda/ Go Shiozaki v. Mohammed Yone/ Takeshi Morishima-4

Yone, as you might say, is your Japanese Carlito, with his trademark afro. He was the veteran in this match, but didn’t indicate it to anyone. Another decent match featuring slow tagging, and good strikes.

3 Akira Taue/ Naoki Sano/ Jun Izumida/ Haruka Eigen v. Akithoshi Saito/ Shiro Koshinaka/ Masao Inoue/ Kishin Kawabata- 3

The slowest, and most non action match of the night. It featured a ton of vets but the only one truly exhibiting any effort was Taue, who hit a cool chokeslam or two. This match never really picked up, possibly due to the amount of people involved.

4 Mushiking Terry v. Mushiking Joker- 4

These guys looked like two Power Rangers wrestling, but they actually had some pretty good moves. This was a match for the kids, but they didn’t totally dumb it down; they pulled out some decent action.

5 Yoshinobu Kanemaru v. KENTA- 7

KENTA is going to be a huge star in NOAH one day, and this match is a good example why. Kanemaru is also a very talented guy, who doesn’t look like a “model” wrestler, but he has some great moves, and high flying skills. They worked a brilliant match that had an amazing pace. The guys in NOAH are taking junior wrestling where it needs to go; working a heavyweight, hard hitting style. That way, they translate into the singles heavyweight division when the time for them to move up comes about. I like the junior style here more than in X-Division. Because honestly, Petey Williams is never going to be competing with the heavys of TNA. But, look at Marufuji; he just won their World Title.

6 Minoru Suzuki/ Naomichi Marufuji v. Jun Akiyama/ Makoto Hashi- 7

Suzuki is a nut; he looks like a nut, and he headbutts like one. It was magic when Marufuji and Akiyama got in the ring, and still hot and stiff when anyone else was in. The match was great, but it went on too long. Everyone got sloppy and a little lost near the end, but Marufuji pulled it back in for the finish.

7 Takeshi Rikioh v. Hiroshi Tanahashi- 5

We have the NOAH champion and the New Japan champion going one on one, and it was decent. Rikioh was a large man with limited mobility and limited selling ability. I’m not sure why he even won the title. Tanahashi is a young man, a very skilled wrestler who will be very good in a few years. He still has a green stain on him though, and working with someone who looks like a midcarder, it really came out in the wash. Tanahashi overshot two crazy suicide dives in the most entertaining spots of the night.

8 Yoshinari Ogawa v. Genichiro Tenryu- 5

Tenryu is getting so old, his cheeks had bunched up into his nose. But, he was still fairly active. Ogawa is such a scrawny guy to be in Japan main events. He has been carried by Misawa for years, and as a heel, he looked like a punk rocker from the UK in the 70’s. Their match didn’t really get off the ground, and ended in a very undramatic way.

9 Kensuke Sasaki v. Kenta Kobashi- 9

These two men trade chops for six minutes! That says it all. Their chests were purple and bruised and it was such fun to watch. This was the best match I’ve seen of Sasaki and Kobashi is possibly the greatest wrestler alive. They dropped each other on their head plenty of times and pulled off some great moves. Sasaki really impressed me; he has stepped up his game in the recent years and is helping to carry some of the load that the Japanese wrestling industry is feeling, and so is NOAH. This match bordered on the 10 range, which my only one has been a Kobashi match, but there were more emotional factors built into that match, giving it that little extra special feeling. This one was a pure match, and had every thing you could ever want built into one single match.

10 Mitsuharu Misawa v. Toshiaki Kawada- 8

One of the most classic feuds to have ever taken place in wrestling. Misawa is your classic, tough guy, strong and silent hero type and Kawada was always the brash young upstart who was supremely talented, but now, he is playing the wily veteran who knows all the tricks of the trade. But, he still cannot beat his old rival. These guys at their age, after all the years of punishment, were throwing elbows and kicks like someone was mugging their wives. They hit all of their signature spots and relished in it. The crowd was in the palm of their hands even before they came down to the ring. They weren’t as fast as they used to be, but they still had the guts and will to put on a classic encounter and most likely their final singles match. It was an honor to see it.