Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Kensuke Office "TAKE THE DREAM 2011 IN KORAKUEN" 2/11/11

Kensuke Office "TAKE THE DREAM 2011 IN KORAKUEN", 11.02.2011 (Samurai! TV)
Tokyo Korakuen Hall
2,100 Fans - Super No Vacancy Full House

1. Kensuke Office vs. NJPW ~ Kensuke Sasaki 25th Anniversary Match: Kensuke Sasaki & Takashi Okita Vs Manabu Nakanishi (New Japan) & King Fale (New Japan) - 4
2. Kensuke Sasaki 25th Anniversary Battle Royal: Takeshi Morishima (NOAH), Ultimo Dragon (Toryumon Mexico), Satoshi Kajiwara, Kentaro Shiga, Big Murakami, CHANGO, Yutaka Yoshie, Jun Nishikawa, Bear Fukuda, Go, Takeshi Minamino - 3
3. Kikutaro & Namazu Man Vs Akira Taue (NOAH) & Masao Inoue - 3
4. Katsuhiko Nakajima & Kengo Mashimo (KAIENTAI DOJO) vs. BxB Hulk (Dragon Gate) & Fujita "Jr." Hayato (Michinoku Pro) - 7
5. Kento Miyahara Vs Go Shiozaki (NOAH) - 5

This was Kensuke's 25th anniversary celebration so the outcome of this opener was never in question. Still, we watched, hoping this would be the day King Fale was neutered, decapitated, or otherwise caused severe bodily harm. When the bell rang Nakanishi and Sasaki had a stare-down from across the ring that legitimately give me more chills than any thing at this year's WrestleMania. Of note were Manabu and Kensuke having a blistering chop battle, Okita's infatuation with wacky flying shoulderblocks, and King Fale standing oddly erect playing rheumatic punching bag for Kensuke.

Battle royal was harmless fun like playing Truth or Dare? with your D&D guild. A bunch of guys got whipped into the bulbous torso of Yoshie before Yutaka himself got thrown out taking a face-first bump off the apron in my favorite elimination. Morishima was vicious but a fleshly dogpile ended his evening prematurely. Dragon got a little run where he got to show off but suffered the same fate as Takeshi. The ending run got to showcase some of the homegrown KO talent. Next bout pitted the geriatric NOAH team (Taue is legitimately ancient and I assume Inoue is incontinent) versus the comedy duo. They gave this time, I'd wager too much, going 15 min. and strangely the goofballs got to run most of the offense. When Kikutaro is amongst his sideshow brethren in Osaka Pro it's fun and alright as we're in on the joke but when he's involved in competitive matches it's hard to get sucked in knowing what little chance he has. Namazu hits as hard as Chris Sabin does during foreplay with Velvet Sky. Akira got the victory after a chokeslam which really wasn't set-up or done emphatically.

My first glimpse of Nakajima's new attire and wow what a fucking eyesore. I think Paula Abdul wore the same shorts in the video for "Opposites Attract". I love Hayato's hair -- looks like he stole Uncle Fester's lightbulb and stuck it up his own ass. Kengo, however, well I've found better hair in my Chinese take-out. Katsuhiko and Fujita kick the hell out of each other to nobody's surprise. Mashimo I dig, he was actually going to be my next signee in a fantasy wrestling federation I was in but it folded quicker than the note I sent an ex-girlfriend in high school that read: "Do you like Big Japan? Circle yes or no". It's Korakuen someone has to brawl into the upper-level of the building per usual but instead of plodding directionless brawling we get Nakajima and Hayato trying to kick holes into each other. BxB is fairly invisible for most of the match but with Nakajima's new sassy pink shorts Katsuhiko should audition to be one of his backup dancers. Those abominations look like what you'd see if you stuck a kaleidoscope up Elton John's asshole. Are those Andy Warhol originals? There's an awesome spot where Mashimo makes Hayato mount Hulk than puts them simultaneously in an armbar. Something as a kid I loved so much about wrestling was constantly wondering "Who's going to win?" and recently (amazingly and thankfully) I've started feeling that old excitement again and did in this match never sure who was going to pull it out. Nakajima got an amazing nearfall off of a brainbuster on Hayato but then, seconds remaining, he hit a suplex that was so German it made M. Bison do a spit-take with his Berliner Wei├če as the time-limit expired rendering this bout a draw.

Miyahara looks like a guy that probably listens to Braid and enjoys the smell of campfires. Go is the only guy currently wrestling with "sex hair" -- for those unfamiliar with the term notice your girlfriend's messy hair post-coitus next time you smash. The Office has been so bad the last few seasons I think it's time it got replaced by the new sitcom Kensuke Office. Catfish Man would make a great Stanley. Kento takes a bodyslam onto the floor and sells it like the guy from Excitebike when you pulled back too far on a wheelie. Go just brutalizes him with hard chops, slams, and a spine-altering Boston Crab. Miyahara must be a Chris Adams fan as he has no shame in using that savate kick like it's going out of style. Shiozaki shows glimmers of his performance versus Tyler Black at FIP Unstoppable 2008 but mostly works this as NOAH-lite but in role of domineering bully. I never really got the sense Kento (wonder if he ever eats bento?) stood a chance and at this rate doubt he'll be honored with a 25th anniversary show in his name like the mighty Kensuke received on this date.


Jessie said...

you were on a raucuous roll in the later stages of this fun reading this.....dead on about Korauken....every single time there's a crowd brawl....

Geo said...

Dug the Warhol ref. Match four sounded off the chain.