Friday, February 20, 2009

Eddie Guerrero: The "C"Show Sessions

Even now, 3 years after the great eddie guerrero has passed, everybody and their step-sister are still trying to make money off of his name. Can you blame the sheep? They took their cue from the hideous McMahons. I heard they even have a rey mysterio doll that talks back to you: you can tell him anything and his only response is "Oh, eddie!" Even his widow, Vickie guerrero, is whoring herself out to the "E." (what a frightening concept that is) Luckily I've stumbled upon some material that I will not let fall into the wrong hands; the "c" show tapes. Done on 3rd string shows, litle is known about them, the recordings are scratchy, the footage old but still watchable. it arrived under my lofty penthouse door in a sealed package with a note on it saying "keep it secret, keep it safe." After I review it for all of you bloggers, i'll be depositing it into a locked safe box, then into an underground bomb shelter so it can be preserved long after the atomic fallout that will occur to us in 2046. use your nuts while you can.

Disc 1
1) Dean Malenko w/ Eddie v. Chris Jericho (Heat)- 4
2) Dean Malenko/ Perry Saturn v. Steve Blackman/ Al Snow w/ Eddie & Chyna at ringside (Heat)- 3
3) Eddie Guerrero v. British Bulldog (European Title- Heat)- 5
4) Chyna (w/ Eddie) v. The Godfather (w/ Dean Malenko) (Jakked)- 2
5) Eddie Guerrero v. Crash Holly (Heat)- 4
6) Eddie/ Chyna v. Kaientai (Jakked)- 3
7) Eddie Guerrero v. Dean Malenko (Heat)- 2
8) Eddie Guerrero v. Tazz (Heat)- 3

Opener is fast paced but nothing like their old WCW work. Dean being charismatic just doesn't feel right. Hard clothesline by Jericho and Eddie's knockout punch are stiff highlights. Eddie starts showing his charisma at ringside on commentary during tag. Snow looks like a more legitimate martial artist than Blackman, throwing some good kicks and other related strikes and takedowns. Malenko & Saturn's teamwork is as bumbling as Rocksteady & Bebop. Camera catches Saturn staring into space waiting for final kick to pin him; looked like a dumbass. Euro Title match was pre=empted by Eddie & Chyna playing Twister when Bulldog comes in and kicks them down. Really competitive match, with great chemistry and fast pace. Bulldog was hitting big moves, like Powerbomb and ever impressive vertical, they traded monkey flips in a acrobatic sequence. Double CO fin left me wanting more. 30 second Chyna match where Godfather was slugging her like she was a real ho; lead pipe in roses and we're out. Crash could work mat based matches too, as Eddie & him have some fun with the few minutes they were given here. Good wrist lock spot that led to top rope hurricanrana finish. Funaki gets squashed by opposition and looks like a child's play toy being thrown around by the pet dog. Taka comes in and slaps the shit out of Chyna's chiseled chin on the apron, then flashes that heelish smile before he gets put away by the male lovers. Eddie & Dean blow their old ECW spots badly here, just fumbling through a quick Heat main and actually decimating my memories of their classics. I have to say though, whoever thought to make Dean Malenko's WWE character a James Bond-type was a genuis, wish it could have been fleshed out more. Eddie landed so hard on his head trying a hurricanrana he probably thought he was married to that young rat he banged on the road the week before, not the bloated toad we see on SD! every week. Tazz about decapitated Eddie in the best shot of that match, their technical display felt amateur and looked uncomfortable. A whole slew of people interfere here, incl. cock & balls Chyna, glistening tits Trish, & sweat pants Val. Still do love that Tazmission though......

Disc 2
1) Eddie Guerrero v. Road Dogg (IC Title Match, Heat)- 3
2) Eddie Guerrero v. Essa Rios (Jakked)- 4
3) Eddie Guerrero v. Test (European Title- Heat)- 3
4) Eddie Guerrero v. Juventud Guerrera v. Psicosis (WWA Intl. Cruiserweight Title)- 5

What was Road Dogg good at? not brawling, although Eddie takes a sweet ass sideways throw into the steel stairs- finish was really cool too, BG hits a powerslam, but Eddie rolls into a small package for the pin. Essa takes some chances here, not unlike when he went to that Sexaholics meeting with a kielbasa stuffed down his pants for fun. Eddie got his knees up on Essa's breathtaking moonsault for the win. This match was actually slightly better than their Mania 17 encounter, with Test getting the crowd behind him in near falls. Crazy tilt a whirl powerbomb on Eddie, who was just eating bumps left and right. Final match is from shitty fed built around former WWE/ WCW employees but actually was a decent match. Psicosis still botched his requesite # of spots, but all 3 men found a rhythm to work off of. Eddie was a magnet though, as the other two rarely worked each other at all, trading momentum against Eddie. Nothing done outstanding but all the stuff they tried worked fairly well. Psicosis' nipples were peeking through his taupe top though, and fattie Mark Madden sucked on commentary. Jerry Lynn comes down to get heat on Latino Heat after match and wish that would have developed into a program.

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