Thursday, March 15, 2007

WWF No Mercy- Oct. 21, 2001 St. Louis, Missouri

1 Hardy Boyz v. Lance Storm/ The Hurricane- 4

Okay, we've all been to Storm's website, (well, then again, maybe not) but we know how big of a pedestal he's been put on by his fans and so forth. Well, after watching this match, at least in WWE, Storm isn't so great. He bumps well and puts together great spots, but as far as anything emotional, he's as cold as a corpse. I hate to say it, but WWE looks for that and it's the big time, so you need to put some damn emotion on that face, boy! Oh, that's right, you're gone. Hurricane was extra goofy, like he sucked in some helium before the match, there was a LAME 3 way catfight, but for the most part, The Hardys beat their asses like they were Matt Huges from GSP. Plus, the fans were lactating for them.

2 Test v. Kane- 3

Test has graduated to this generations' Lex Luger: big physique, no brain. Plus, he has a horse face. Possibly the worst spot of the night was Kane throwing a chair to Test, Test catching it, then Kane trying to dropkick the chair into his face, but coming up at least a foot short on heigth. Yeah, Test, in his infinite wisdom sold it. The only thing positive I can say is that both men were throwing some stiff shots at each other, even if they were sloppy as hell.

3 Torrie Wilson v. Stacy Keibler (Lingerie Match)- 1

There was a giant sham hanging over the ring for this match. You didn't actualy have to strip your opponent, the gimmick was they merely wrestled in the underwear. I have to admit: I'm a fan of nice breasts and nice legs, and these girls had them both, but do I want to see them wrestling in lingerie? what I mean by that, is putting together badly contrived spots and doing something they both are not good at, in lingerie. While I'm sure a certain part of my libido does, I watch wrestling for the athleticism and brutality; these girls are better off at ringside, in lingerie, not taking up valuable performing time. Or learn to wrestle. There, I went on my tirade. (I'm sure a friend of the site, Tim, is basking in this outforth show of opinion formed into a long rant. I've seen several of his. I know he approves of the artform.)

4 Edge v. Christian (Ladder Match)- 7

GOD DIZZLE, JAY RESO WAS BUMPING LIKE A FIEND! While I enjoy a nice, simple, scientific wrestling match once in a while, I also love to see a car crash and this was one. I can't say I cared for the overall structure of it, or Edge's lack of having balls enough to bump, but just watching the punishment Christian took was worth every bit of trouble we had going out into the rain, driving to Family Video, and pondering on renting the Piper DVD (even if it was $2.59 a night?! Are you fucking kidding me!)

5 Dudley Boyz v. Big Show/ Tajiri- 3

I pondered giving this one the prestigious 2, but I think calling it the equivalent to Tom Green's "Freddy Got Fingered" of the wrestling world is harsh enough. Tajiri and D-Von stayed in the majority of the time and worked well together. As for the other two: Bubba, the camoflauged buffoon, was as stale as last weekends' beer and pizza and his bumps were so over the top, selling a Big Show clothesline a good 2 seconds before he was even touched, looking worse than a Michael Richards pratfall( I could say more on that subject, but I'll stick to the wrestling.) And Big Show, he looked and smelled like a French whore's turd laying on a American business man's chest. He simply had nothing to give to this match, or fashion.

6 Undertaker v. Booker T- 6

This match had enough good stuff for me to like it. This was both guys trying to figure out the next moves in their career. Booker was just working his ass off like a soldier, and Taker was developing his pseudo MMA style. Plus, he was a retail store customer prick to Book in this match. Taker was dropping soup bones directly onto the top of Booker's head like he was trying to nail him into the ground. Of course, Dead Man went over but the content was highly enjoyable.

7 Chris Jericho v. The Rock- 7

I really was high on this match when it first happened (being a Jericho mark) and was pretty pleased with a 2nd viewing. These guys whipped the crowd into a lusty frenzy during this match. Rock probably could have slept with any woman in the crowd that night, and Jericho could have gotten into a bare foot street fight with any of them merely by looking at them wrong. But, some fans were cheering him as well. Most of the action was good; both men were guilty as charged of overselling, but at least they had some emotion on their faces, unlike half of the other guys I saw on this tape. Stephanie "Big Boobs McGee" McMahon interfered, needlessly, in the never dying farce that the McMahons matter to the title picture in wrestling.

8 Kurt Angle v. RVD v. Stone Cold Steve Austin- 5

I had my eye on that crafty Rattlesnake during this match, and was morbidly curious as to why he acted as if neither guy was there half the time. He no-sold several dozen shots from both men, merely to get in his own rushed offense. I thought Angle and RVD worked well together, but it wasn't enough to string together a good match. Vinnie Mac busted the back of Austin's head open with a chair, at which point it seeemed he quit the match. I expected more out of these guys for this main event. I kept hoping my VCR would magically inject something historical and wonderful into this match, as if the machine had some Jumanji-like qualities, but instead it just ended the show like a normal RAW: scared heel skittering off, McMahon claming the ring as his throne, like the toilet in his master bathroom and Sable's over used pussy in 2003, while the cameraman cuts back and forth between them, trying to create more tension than is there. And, then it ended, showing us just a little mercy. FALSE ADVERTISING

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