WWE Monday Night Raw - 10/9/06

1) Umaga vs. Kane – Loser Leaves Raw Match – 4
2) The Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy – 3
3) Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Shawn Michaels & Triple H – Street Fight – 4
4) Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit – 4
5) Rey Mysterio, Bobby Lashley, & Batista vs. William Regal, Chavo Guerrero, & Finlay – 5
6) Torrie Wilson vs. Melina – Lumberjack Match – 2
7) Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T – 5
8) Ric Flair vs. Mitch – 1
9) John Cena vs. The Undertaker – 3

Umaga and Kane had a pretty hard-hitting match. While it was your basic TV match between the two, it was worlds better than their match at Unforgiven. Show and Hardy was a joke and why did it even happen? Show very sloppily sold Hardy’s standard offense and Show won with that leg smash thing he does. DX continued their burial of the Raw tag division by utterly destroying Cade and Murdoch in a very unrealistic street fight. A note to DX, stop putting yourselves over at the expense of everyone else and learn how to tell a fucking story! Benjamin and Benoit was a little bit too short for my liking but still managed to entertain me. The six-man tag from Smackdown was probably the match of the night. It was a breath of fresh air on a show that mostly has a less that stellar undercard. Finlay yelling out “I’ll beat your head in!” when they went to a commercial was definitely a highlight. The women’s match was a joke and only helped put over strip poker on ECW. Also, everyone has already forgotten about the women’s title so why even bother with a tournament. RVD and Booker had another good match and the commentary with JBL and Tazz taking shots at each other was pure gold. Flair and Mitch was nothing and only got a score because Flair had Piper, Anderson, DiBiase, and I.R.S. as backup. Cena and ‘Taker went about five minutes before Booker and Show ran-in to build up the main event for Cyber Sunday. Afterwards, Cena gets Big Show in the STFU and Big Show taps? What the fuck? That’s not fucking realistic. On another note, Raw now has new graphics and music that make it feel refreshing. That was actually long overdue in my opinion.

WWE Taboo Tuesday '04

1. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Jericho - 4
2. Trish Statrus vs. Victoria vs. Molly Holly vs. Jazz vs. Nidia vs. Gail Kim vs. Stacy Keibler - School Girl Outfit Match - 2
3. Gene Snitsky vs. Kane - Chain Match - 3
4. Eugene vs. Eric Bischoff - Hair vs. Hair Match - 1
5. La Resistance vs. Chris Benoit and Edge - 5
6. Carmella vs. Christy Hemme - Lingerie Pillow Fight - 0
7. Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels - 3
8. Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton - Cage Match - 6

I'd been trying to track this show down for a long time now; boy, I wasted my time. This was a stinker, through and through, especially the tremendously weak first-half. Jericho looked lazy, as if his heart was no longer in the business that puts food on his table, and had a match with Benjamin that felt too akin to your typical TV bout to properly satisfy me. The women's fiasco was a waste of time, and sadly only registered any points whatsoever because Trish and Stacy looked superb. Snitsky and Kane was a mess, as expected, but there's something strangely compelling about watching two giant dudes sloppily beating the hell out of each other, which this match offered in spades.

Eugene and Bischoff are both not welcomed on my TV -- I'd have rather the stipulation been the loser had to let the winner shave their pubic hair. Edge looked weak and eventually left Benoit to fend for himself, which was perfectly fine with me. They let this one fall apart, a couple times, but it was still arguably the most solid offering of the night. Christy and Carmella stumbled threw a heinous pillow fight; personally, I wish they would have thrown Rodney Mack vs. Rosey or something on instead, but who knows what they're thinking most of the time.

Shawn was legitimately hurt, and shouldn't have wrestled; he opted instead to make us suffer through a painful match with Triple H. Michaels' extreme overacting and ridiculous facials had me laughing my ass off -- this match stunk like a Von Erich corpse. Flair and Orton was fun, albeit shorter than hoped for, with Orton bleeding early and Flair taking his trademark old man bumps. It didn't live up to the hype, but WWE main events rarely do.

WCW Bash at the Beach 2000

This was the infamous "Shoot" of Vince Russo on live PPV directed at Hulk Hogan and Hogan's ego.

1 "The Juice" ( Juventud Guerrera) v. Lt. Ridiculous Gimmick (Chavo Guerrero)-2

2 Big Vito v. Norman Smiley/ Ralphus( Hardcore Match)- 0

3 Daffney v. Miss Hancock( Wedding Dress Match)- 0

4 The Perfect Event v. Kronik- 3

5 Booker T v. Kanyon wearing a stupid blonde wig- 5

6 Mike Awesome v. Scott Steiner- 3

7 Vampiro v. The Demon( Graveyard Match)- 2

8 Shane Douglas v. Buff Bagwell- 2

9 Kevin Nash v. Goldberg( Scott Hall's contract)- 3

10 Booker T v. Jeff Jarrett- 5

The show began with cruiserweight action that was worlds away from what they were doing five years before. Nearly ten people interfered in this match and almost all of them were wearing Halloween masks... in June. Let your neurons absorb that. I know this sounds like a synopsis for a bad teen WB drama, not professional wrestling. The hardcore match was ludicrous; I remember one actual wrestling move: an elbow through a table on Ralphus. Smiley was screaming louder than usual. He must've known he had to watch the replay of this PPV later. Then, the Wedding match. This was one big punchline that I didn't get. Everyone in the match, the two participants, David Flair, Crowbar, and even the Referee were in their underwear by the end of it. The beginning of it was Stacy making out with David; a perfect example of Daddy's little angel becoming a dumb bitch over "love." Don't worry; I use that word as loosely as Konnan used Tygress' pussy as chap stick later that night. There were two matches that didn't have any interference the whole night: the tag title match was the first, and god, was I praying someone else would come in. Kronik stumble bumbled over the ring like drunken bar patrons and they certainly didn't bump like guys who had been in the business for ten plus years. They did pull off a sick finish though; but the effect was worn off. Booker and Kanyon had a perfectly fine match with some good back and forths, then Jarrett interfered as if the whole scenario involving Hogan was staged? Steiner and Awesome was pretty plodding; Steiner hit some tough suplexes and Awesome showed small twinkles of his high flying, risk taking style that he was once known for. That guy's prime was over before it ever began. Then, the graveyard match. This has to be seen to be believed. Tell me, why would you wear your wrestling gear and face paint into a graveyard? We've practically blown the back stage curtain off of wrestling, told every secret available, yet this dumb shlameel wants to stay in character. It was very characteristic of Demon to strap on a dreaded rear chinlock in the middle of the dark graveyard as well, considering I hadn't ever seen him use it in a ring. Later, he was knocked into a swamp and then a coffin and a grave. An hour later, Vampiro showed up in the ring- that was how you won. You had to come back to the arena and get in the ring. Genius, wouldn't you say? Douglas and Buff worked a pretty predictable match that featured Torrie Wilson getting over on both of them. That's what the business is all about. As long as you got some fake hooters, you're going to be more of a draw than a 15 year vet. Of course, most people would probably rather see Torrie's two enormous breasts wrestle with a bikini top than to see two of Russo's so called "New Blood" stars. The only thing about either of their blood that is new was the shit they bought off some nerdy teenager to pass a regular drug screen. Nash and Goldberg went to the extent of their abilities in a five minute match that was briefly stiff. Then, Jarrett and Booker T put together a pretty basic match that had it's high points, with Booker winning his first WCW Title. Then, of course, earlier in the night, was Russo shooting on Hogan, who had decided to play his creative card on Jarrett and take the WCW title. If he let him, they may have still had a company. But, who knows? I'm just a former fan.

HWA Adrenaline - 10/7/06

After an accidental replay of the first weeks episode, the HWA is back with all new programming this week. How did they fare? Um … well … not good.

1) Pepper Parks, Dick Rick, & Cannonball Callahan vs. Brian Beech & Ben Kimera – Handicap Match – 3
2) Tarek the Great vs. Scottie Murray – 4
3) Heather Owens vs. Naveah – 0
4) Dr. Bones vs. Tack (clipped) – 1
5) Chris Carnage vs. J.T. Stahr – 2
6) The Mavericks, Pompano Joe, & Jesse Hyde vs. Foreign Intelligene & Irish Airborne – 4

The first bout was supposed to be a six-man tag but Chad Collyer decided to no-show. Hey, that’s an automatic termination where I come from! Anyway, it was pretty much a total brawl from beginning to end with nothing of note to speak of. Tarek and Scotty had a fantastic match but the crowd wasn’t really into it and JT Stahr ran in and hit Murray with the TV title belt. I would like to see Tarek stick around and work with the youngsters to really help them. Naveah won by count-out after Owens was attacked backstage by Irish Airborne. Yeah, that’ll get them over. Bones should be nowhere near a ring. He looks completely out of shape and greener that a leprechauns dick. Tack is a decent wrestler and needs to learn more skills to be a better overall performer. Carnage squashed Stahr and effectively killed his push. The main event 8-man was a fun match that featured some fast-paced offense and a more that formidable showing by Hyde. This really was not a good show and made the debut show look like and episode of ECW.

WCW Halloween Havoc ‘93

1. Harlem Heat and Equalizer vs. Shockmaster, Ice Train, and Charlie Norris – 3
2. Paul Orndorff vs. Ricky Steamboat – 6
3. British Bulldog vs. Lord Steven Regal – 4
4. Steve Austin vs. Dustin Rhodes – 5
5. Nasty Boys vs. Marcus Bagwell and Too Cold Scorpio – 5
6. Sid Vicious vs. Sting – 6
7. Rick Rude vs. Ric Flair – 7
8. Cactus Jack vs. Vader – Texas Death Match – 7

The show opened with a bunch of brats trick-or-treating, mysteriously arriving at the front door of none other than Tony Schiavone, where he ultimately turned into a gigantic monster. No, I’m totally not making this shit up.

The opening six-man wasn’t horrible, but, I’ll be damned if it wasn’t very good either. The worst part of the match was anything involving Equalizer (Dave Sullivan) as he was just absolutely worthless. Ice Train was too muscular for his own good, and was the main target for the heels. Stevie Ray potentially hard a shit stain on his trunks, but I can’t confirm it.

Orndorff and Steamboat was really good; I was surprised that these two veterans, at their age, put forth such a tremendous effort in a match drenched in physicality. There was intense brawling and solid matwork, and Steamboat’s yellow trunks were hot. Bulldog couldn’t really hold his own against Regal for whatever reason, be it laziness or drug-induced lethargy. They did the customary time-limit draw shtick that Regal did to death during his TV title reign.

Austin and Rhodes work very well together, and while I may have not liked this as much as their match two years prior at Halloween Havoc ’91, it was still moderately good with flashes of excellence. It didn’t seem to carry the weight or importance of the aforementioned bout between them, but was still perfectly okay. I think I liked the concept of Bagwell and Scorpio against the Nasty Boys more than I actually enjoyed what it truly was. I liked the dynamic of the big burly brutes against the clean-cut, highflying youngsters. The good guys wore the Halloween colors of orange and black, and did a little dance before the match; which strangely made me happier than I’ve been since Bob Orton Jr. got his “injured” arm x-rayed in that ridiculous skit long ago. They neutralized Bagwell for much of the match, and he took a couple of nasty bumps, including a particularly revolting spill to the floor, and subsequently a hard slam on the ground. Missy Hyatt was at ringside wearing her bra, barely covered by a tiny white denim jacket, and sporting a heinous short haircut. Later that night she’d do the monster mash – and by that, I mean she got nailed anally by a half-dozen of the boys in the back… simultaneously.

Sid and Sting started off tame, but Sting’s epic comeback was near perfect, as the crowd was ravenous as if their face-painted hero could do no wrong. It totally reminded me of the monster heel against the underdog face scenario, which was made popular during this era, and was a great bit of nostalgia wrapped up into a passable 10-minute match. Rude and Flair was fantastic, and should have scored an 8, had it not been for the horrible finish featuring bumbling prop guys, confused refs, and a foreign object that looked like fake vampire teeth. Rude’s signature trunks were great per usual, featuring a gigantic jack-o-lantern on his ass. Rude’s selling of his leg throughout the match was brilliant psychology, and he was certainly worthy as their major champion.

Unlike the last match, the main event should have likely scored lower, say a 6 or so, but it was such a spectacle that I couldn’t help but give it props. The main thing you need to know about this match is Cactus bumps like a madman. Then you’ve got Vader throwing deadly shots, Jack bumping on the concrete, they’re using goofy stage props, plenty of steel chair goodness, Harley Race’s rugged manliness at ringside, an unbreakable table, a massive moonsault, and so much more. The ending, where Race supposedly shocked Jack with a cattle prod-like instrument was laughable, as it was clear he didn’t really shock him, and Foley sold it like he was being murdered. Overall, I enjoyed watching the show, and deeply miss Halloween Havoc in general, arguably the best concept pay-per-view series ever.

WCW Halloween Havoc 1991- UTC Arena

I really loved the spirit of this show, when they kept it really light and fun. There was a haunted house backdrop that some of the matches used for entrances. They also had a lot of Styrofoam graves up, with stupid epitaphs, such as “Keith, we all called him Ken.” The punchline must have been hidden under JR’s hat…or his sagging waistline. On to the action.

1 Abdullah the Butcher/ Cactus Jack/ Diamond Studd/ Vader v. Sting/ El Gigante/ Steiner Brothers (Chamber of Horrors)- 3

1st thing is 1st: 5 matches were cut from the tape I watched and I didn’t like it. Besides that, this was a match of such design cancer that has to be seen, because it will never be done again. The cage itself was massive and had litters of foreign objects laying around. Then, from the top, another smaller cage, this one with an electric chair in the middle would float down. The object was to get an opponent into it then pull the switch to juice them. Basically playing a county sheriff inside a wrestling ring. The match itself featured little to no moves at all, but there was some brawling. There was a lot of brawling, but most everybody was throwing real shots. At one point, a random masked wrestler popped from inside a casket, but then got slammed on top of it by Scott, much like he would slam many a cocktail at night, or his droopy “freaks” on long road trips. Cactus was basically the only person bumping plus Sting and Vader would plant the seeds for their awesome feud down the line by basically seeking each other out to pummel on. Abby eventually got put in the chair, as Cactus waited near the switch forever, and looking quite ridiculous doing it. Not as ridiculous as he looked hanging out with a clown, or kissing McMahon’s ass, but still quite ridiculous. After the match, a gaggle of white face painted jobbers who were titled “Ghouls” played Tina Turner to Abby and Cactus as they turned them into potato salad down the aisle.

2 Jimmy Garvin v. Johnny B. Badd- 5

The crowd was really hyped up for this match, and rightfully so. Garvin primped and posed around the ring, but got right down to business with the nastiness, in the form of a flying forearm. Badd was bumping all over the place and Michaels Hayes stood on the outside, trying not to look like he had an experiment with a man in the late 70’s even though it’s all over his face. The finish was pretty good, and both guys looked really crisp.

3 Dustin Rhodes v. Steve Austin- 6

The first few minutes they went through the paces; running the ropes, armdrags, hiplocks, arm bars, all the basics and they made them look good. Then Austin threw Rhodes outside the ring and pummeled his face in, like Andrew Dice Clay did in the movie “Brainsmashers”. Rhodes was cut after that, and then Austin was. Lady Blossom was at ringside, and I was sure by looking at her that she blossomed quite early. The match went to a 15 minute draw (the angle they always used for the TV title) and featured great near falls and wonderful psych by both men. A sign of good things to come for them later in their careers.

4 Tom Zenk v. Halloween Phantom (Rick Rude)- 2

The Phantom was in the most basic ring attire ever; black shirt, black pants and half white/ half black mask. He must’ve felt like Quentin Tarantino, or Bill Cosby for you older fans. Rude was briefly stiff and that was the match. His moustache rivals any thing Tom Selleck ever had on his putrid face and that’s cool with me.

5 The Patriots v. The Enforcers- 3

Anderson and Zybyszko tried to keep these two youngsters in line, but It just wasn’t happening. The match featured very little tag teaming, and mostly just them switching the advantage a few times before a lackluster ending. Firebreaker Chip has to go down as one of the all time lamest names for a wrestler.

6 Lex Luger v. Ron Simmons(2 of 3 Falls)- 6

The psychology of this match soared it to a good rating. Simmons won the first round early, with dominance. Then, Luger come back and worked over him slowly for almost the entire 2nd round, w/ his wonderfully cast manager Harley Race, helping him get thrown over the top rope and get a DQ for that round. Then, Luger scammed his way to a win with an UGLY piledriver. I don’t mean UGLY as in stiff, I mean UGLY as in Sapphire naked coming towards you. REALLY UGLY. But, overall a very commendable match, possibly some of their best each.

HWA Adrenaline - 9/23/06

1) Chad Collyer vs. Dick Rick – 4
2) Heather Owens & A.J. Sparx vs. Hellena Heavenly & Naveah – 1
3) Chris Carnage vs. Ed Gonzalez – 2
4) Irish Airborne vs. The Mavericks – 3
5) Quinten Lee, Ala Hussein, & J.T. Stahr vs. Jesse Hyde, Pompano Joe, & Scottie Murray – 2

Collyer and Rick had a solid TV match but why the color commentator kept talking about Rick’s ass every five minutes is beyond me. Interference at the end by some goofball named Callahan and Pepper Parks ruined any chance of a better rating. The women’s tag was a total joke as none of these women know how to efficiently work a match and tell a story. The muscle bound Carnage came out with a midget for some reason and destroyed, and this is a direct quote from the play-by-play announcer, “the used car salesman of the HWA.” Carnage looked damn impressive and should be a top star with HWA soon. Irish Airborne (they seem to keep popping up on these reviews don’t they) brought a rule-book out to ringside with them and told the announcers to read it. Hooks, the color guy, said “I prefer Dr. Seuss.” So, that tells me two things. First, the Irish Airborne are working heel and second, the announcers never read. The match, however, turned out to be pretty good but it wasn’t the best match they put out. The main event was a total joke. Everyone but Stahr needs to hit the stairmaster like now! The face team of Hyde, Joe, and Murray didn’t do shit for me. Come to think of it, neither did the heel team. Lee has been an HWA mid-carder for so long he needs to go back to Perkins and flip pancakes. The finish was a joke. If the heel team signed all of their names to a contract and lost, then the tag titles went to Joe and Hyde and the TV title went to Murray. Guess what, they lost so in theory all titles changed hands. Wrong. Stahr signed the contract so he lost his title, but the executive assistant who looked over it was too dumb to realize that Hussein and Lee wrote different names on the contract. What a pile of shit and sometimes I wonder why I even bother.