WWE Monday Night Raw - 9/11/06

I took notes on this show while I watched it live. Everything you see here is pretty much how I wrote in down my notebook. Let’s see what happened …

Show starts with a moment of silence for the victims of the 9/11 terror attacks. Fink introduces the USMC color guard and Lilian who sings “America the Beautiful”. JR and King welcome us live and we start off with a Backlash rematch.

1) Ric Flair vs. Umaga (w/ AAE) – 1
Flair starts with chops. Umaga wins by DQ after about two minutes when Flair uses a chair. Samoan drop on Flair on the floor post-match. Umaga and Kane then brawl. Kane throws the ring steps from the ring and clonks Umaga in the head.

NYPD pipes and drums are introduced as the play The Highlanders and Roddy Piper to the ring! Piper pimps the new WWE magazine special and has a slapping contest with Highlanders. Squad interrupts and berates everyone’s kilts. Piper challenges Squad to a six-man. Squad accepts.

2) The Highlanders & Roddy Piper vs. The Spirit Squad (Johnny, Kenny, & Mikey) – 3
Joined in progress from commercial. Highlanders are straight out of the 80s. Squad controls until hot tag to Piper. Squad gets worked. Highlanders double team with nice slingshot reverse vertical suplex. Piper pins Johnny for the win.

Johnny Nitro rambles about something while Jeff Hardy paints something in the background. Nitro gets pissed and knocks over the painting. Hardy gets pissed and throws blue and yellow paint all over Nitro and Melina. Nitro looks like a Michigan Wolverines superfan!

3) John Cena, Jeff Hardy, & Carlito vs. Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, & Edge (w/ Melina and Lita) – 4
I fucking hate the spinner belts!! Edge cuts another worthless promo before the match and attempts to rap. Cena gets a mixed reaction from the NYC crowd which is super hot. Orton screws up going over the top via clothesline. Hardy totally fucks up a jump over the top when he slips off Carlito’s back. Carlito lands hard after going through the ropes. Decent match with some slow builds and good time. Cena and Edge never touched legally during the match. Cena makes Nitro tap for the win. Orton can’t sell Carlito’s back-cracker worth a damn.

Cryme Time vignette. They chase a white guy who gets lost in the hood and steal his wallet. This is touted as endurance training. The dry narrator was amusing. I’m looking forward to their debut.

Vinnie Mac spews something about his legacy. He calls NY sports teams losers for some cheap heat. Why are the McMahons still polluting my TV every week?

4) Chris Masters (w/out steroids) vs. Super Crazy (w/out lawnmower) – 3
Crazy comes out to zero reaction and the crowd is super dead. It’s almost like the McMahon thing before the match sucked the life out of the crowd. Crazy accidentally knees Masters in the stomach while attempting a standing moonsault. Crazy beats Masters again. Decent match but not as good as last week’s encounter. Masters is much leaner now since he was back earlier in the year. Hopefully that means he’ll be able to put together a decent match. Crowd didn’t care but I smell a third match at the pay-per-view.

More pimping for The Marine. I kind of wanted to see this movie until they pushed the shit out of it. Now, I couldn’t give two halves of a fuck about it.

5) Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus – 3
Trish has a scrolling marquee for a belt buckle. Nice headscissor takeover by Mickie. Trish’s forearms are weak shit. Lita interferes and Trish uses her as a springboard on the Stratusfaction for the win. I’ve seen better matches between these two (i.e. WrestleMania). Just so everyone knows, the women’s division, or what’s left of it, will be totally dead after the pay-per-view.

JR and King hype the pay-per-view on Sunday.

Cade, Murdoch, Shane-O-Mac, and Big Show attack DX in the back. HHH gets his head slammed in a car door. Vinnie Mac makes the main event a no holds barred match.

6) Vince McMahon vs. Triple H – No Holds Barred Match – 0
Vince’s chest looks like it could explode at any minute. HHH bleeding bad from the ear after the backstage assault. Vince’s top is bright red and looks really stupid. Vince controls early. Vince runs the ropes and looks like shit. Interference by Shane, HBK, and Big Show. Same old shit from every week this crappy feud has been going on. Vince wins and no one gives a shit. Hopefully the pay-per-view on Sunday is the end of this crap because this whole thing started with Vince and HBK last fucking December!!!

This was a good show until the main event. Hot crowd mainly for the six-man tag with Cena. Very solid build for the Unforgiven pay-per-view on Sunday.

WWE No Mercy ‘06

1. Gregory Helms vs. Matt Hardy – 7
2. Brian Kendrick and Paul London vs. KC James and Idol Stevens – 7
3. M.V.P. vs. Marty Garner – 2
4. Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy – 5
5. Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero – Falls Count Anywhere – 6
6. Chris Benoit vs. William Regal – 8
7. Booker T vs. Fit Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Batista – 5

First off, I think that negativity has become pervasive in wrestling journalism. Whether it’s the supposed “smart” individuals, writing hackneyed newsletters to loyal followers void of a social life, or just mean spirited fans who’ve lost their love for wrestling and continue to watch it for unknown reasons. I’m all about bucking trends, and I say nay to this line of thinking – I mean seriously, fuck, I want to enjoy what I’m watching! I don’t want to meticulously pick apart each and every performer and match, and have some bullshit sense of entitlement like these guys owe me anything. There’s nothing worse than watching wrestling with people that are negative and completely shitting on the product. Also, another revelation I’ve had – wrestling doesn’t have to be pretty to be good. In ’99, I was a huge mark for flashy sequences and flawlessly executed moves. But, to err is human, and fighting isn’t ballet, it’s supposed to be caustic and unpredictable if reality is to be emulated. So, for all of you nitpicking fans and writers who spend all of your time on the Internet swapping second-hand bitter opinions on forums with other virgins, it’s time to grow the fuck up. Don’t watch wrestling if all you’re going to do is complain about it. Here’s a tip, look for the good and positive qualities while you’re watching a video or a show; who knows, you might actually enjoy yourself!

(Note: The following review was a quickly typed up summarization of the pay-per-view I sent to Dave Meltzer for inclusion in his usual feedback section. It’s not as lengthy or in-depth as my usual fare, but does an adequate job I feel in displaying how I truly felt about the show.)

I thought that this was a really tremendous show. On paper, it may have not looked like a lot; but, they gave the matches decent time, there was a lot of physicality, and it kept my attention and interest throughout. Hardy and Helms was a fantastic, hard-fought opener, and the following tag match with London and Kendrick was fast-paced and exciting. I think that they’re a great team, and a breath of fresh air, being that they’re hardworking performers that seem to genuinely enjoy their craft. The M.V.P. squash was quick and rather painless, although, wouldn’t it have been better to have him beat Scotty 2 Hotty or Tatanka, as to help him establish some credibility and rapport with the fans?

Undertaker and Kennedy was surprisingly solid, and had some excellent psychology. It was well structured and executed. Rey and Chavo was awesome, too; finally, unlike Jarrett’s crowd brawls, we actually had a wild fight that meant something. They took some nasty bumps as well. It was a true shock to see Benoit return, and he and Regal had a stellar match, just so incredibly stiff and physical. They both bleed in a terrific pleasant surprise. The main event may have seemed haphazard in sections, but overall, it laid the groundwork for some upcoming storylines, and was ultimately a satisfying finale to what’s arguably the best pay-per-view yet this year.

ECW Living Dangerously '99

1 Tajiri v. Super Crazy- 5
These two have fantastic chemistry. They were using that cool ass ramp they build sometimes for shows. It's so stiff, how can you not enjoy it? They took it slow, really giving the sense they were building for something. They worked a great pace, but seemed a little too rehearsed. They each blew a big spot which hurt it, and they played it up pretty big with the fans. The finish came out of nowhere, but was enjoyable.

2 Steve Corino v. Balls Mahoney- 2
Corino does not bump well. This match was mostly comedy except I wasn't laughing.

3 Antifaz del Norte v. Little Guido- 4
Guido played to the fans a lot. I felt sorry for them/ they were working pretty hard for a very small reaction. Even a table spot by Sal E. didn't pop them. A horrible looking finish.

4 Rob Van Dam v. Jerry Lynn- 7
The much hyped about match between these two; I watched it with new eyes because once you've seen one of their matches, they all seem to blend together. The fans were absolutely in love with RVD. At least in ECW, he had the time to be RVD; the chance to work longer matches with more hot-dogging. Both of their sells are pretty accurate. This match, unlike some of their others, had a good build. The time limit came out of nowhere. At least 2 of their spots came off looking sloppy, out of about eighteen big ones. I've never seen a ref give a belt to the challenger when the time limit expired; makes no sense. The crowd adopted Lynn halfway through the match. Definitely some magic here.

5 Mustafa v. New Jack- 1
Neither of these guys were selling shit for each other. New Jack did his usual comedy stuff, then his guitar broke. He chose to simply ignore it and told a fan to throw it back while Mustafa stood around dazed like he was a poisoned character in an RPG videogame and then took the guitar shot. Crowd brawl( of course); Mustafa measured an elbow drop on the concrete( very odd to show your love for Greg Valentine in the middle of a mad cap shit house brawl like this, but I respect it). New Jack hit a clumsy balcony dive, breaking the very edge of the table, then they were both carried back to the ring for the pin.?

6 Dudleys v. Spike/ Nova- 1
This wasn't really a match; I'd define it as a simple, boring beating. Sid interfered and they were communicating about as well as Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller could with each other. Sid was monstrously over, though. Strange.

7 Douglas/ Dreamer v. Credible/ Storm- 5

Credible was greener than fake Easter grass. Douglas and Dreamer pulled off some good double teams and Storm and Douglas were working great together. The match had an old school feel to it, and didn't really offer weapons at all. I did like that aspect of ECW; that you never knew what you would get with some of the guys, sometimes it would be just a straight match or sometimes it would be a crazy, all out war. The match started losing steam towards the end when all four guys got in the ring. Credible and Storm were both taking protected bumps on simple moves, then your usual bread and butter catfight. Credible sold the DDT and Belly to Belly like he was paralyzed! This guy sucks bad, I mean David Flair bad!

8 Taz v. Sabu- 6
Some decent wrestling to start, but it quickly faded into a silly, sloppy crowd brawl( if I had a dime for every time I wrote that, well, you know the rest). They took turns pulling off "Hardcore" spots, which were really pseudo attempts at being extreme. A crazy straw is more extreme than anything they were doing in that crowd. Taz put Sabu over the ropes through a table with a sick overhead belly to belly in the spot of the night. Taz then started beating Sabu in front of the camera and called out Flair and Hogan, blantantly no sold Sabu's defensive punches. The crowd was really tired during this match, but finally woke up when Taz went on a suplex spree and hit the choke out finish.

TNA Destination X ‘06

1. Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal – 5
2. Lance Hoyt vs. Matt Bentley – 3
3. Naturals vs. Eric Young and Bobby Roode – 4
4. James Gang and “Bullet” Bob Armstrong vs. L.A.X. and Konnan – 3
5. Chris Sabin vs. Puma vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Petey Williams – 6
6. Team 3D, Rhyno, and Ron “Truth” Killings vs. Jeff Jarrett, America’s Most Wanted, and Abyss – 5
7. AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels – Ultimate X Match – 6
8. Christian vs. Monty Brown – 3

I was actually in Orlando, FL when this event happened. I remember at the time considering attending, but little was announced in terms of what matches the show would consist of. Watching it now, that’s evident, as you typically expect TNA to deliver upwards of 10 matches – here, you get only 8, many of which seem unnecessarily stretched to fill time. The card is largely sufficient, for a one-time viewing, but there’s not a lot of memorable or special stuff worth seeking out on this ultimately forgettable show.

Shelley and Lethal start it off right, with arguably the most pleasantly surprising match of the show. The pacing and overall performances were hard to take issue with, and this was definitely a fun and enjoyable opener. Hoyt and Bentley wasn’t offensive, but hardly engrossing. The same can be said about the subsequent tag match, which like the proceeding bout went a tad longer than anticipated and desired. The six-man match was a big mess, much akin to the one Bob Armstrong left in his adult diaper before leaving the locker room.

I rather enjoyed the International four-way match, featuring fast-paced action we’ve grown to expect from the X division. There wasn’t a ton of psychology, but lots of eye candy. Don West is babbling incoherently per usual, just like he was the first time he was caught downloading and subsequently masturbating to a random of pornstar Gauge’s tasteless videos. The eight-man tag started with sloppy brawling throughout the crowd, but ended up eventually back in the ring, where it settled into a decent little match, highlighted by the last few minutes where Killings worked his ass off. The Ultimate X was a disappointment, as we’ve seen these three guys deliver such great performances in prior matches, it’s hard to accept anything less in latter higher-profile bouts. Daniels takes an awkward spill over the ropes onto AJ on the floor at one point – watch closely as Daniels grabs a handful of Styles’ ass and jiggles it, in a moment of either comradely or blatant homoerotic tendencies. The main event was absolutely awful! I’ve been a big detractor of Christian and his title run, and this match further proves my point of it being a mistake of the highest order. This match, trudging on for what feels like eternity, is certainly not what I’d want as my premier match, should I be running TNA. Even the typically hot Orlando crowd is about as into this as Sable was into Marc Mero’s bright idea of having threesomes with random college sophomores. But, against better judgment, both Sable and us, loyal wrestling fans, were subjected to such offensive and distasteful strikes against our intelligence and pride.

Perfomer Analysis: Dustin Rhodes/ Goldust

This is continuing our little Dusty Rhodes tribute, with the release of his DVD. There is a lot of subject matter relating to Dustin, his son, so I thought I would take a look at his career.

1) Innovation- 4/10- In his first years in the wrestling business, Dustin used to cut interviews and talk with a lisp, an effect he used to sound like his father even though he could talk perfectly normal. He became a very good worker and used a pretty basic style, implementing fast paced action and heavy attacks, much like a Barry Windham. He also put on the Goldust costume and conveyed the character, and as I said with my Val Venis analysis, you need a certain kind of performer to pull off a character, so he gets points for taking the job.

2) Conditioning- 5/10- Dustin never had a million dollar body, but neither did his father and look what it did for him. But, Dustin did not have too many hour long matches, and did not have many brutal bloodbaths or cage matches or barb wire matches. His conditioning isn’t one of his strengths, but it’s also not a hindrance to him. He has always been in good enough shape for the job. His body is so tall, and seems awkwardly proportioned.

3) Skill- 7/10- When Dustin first started out in the business, he was very green, but had some raw potential that could be harnessed given the right influence. When his father brought him into WCW, he fell under the wings of Ricky Steamboat and Barry Windham, two great teachers for any young and up and comer. He formed tag teams with both men and they paid off big time. Three years after being in the company, during pre-Hogan era, he was headlining shows with Sting and Steamboat as partners and had become a guy ready to break through to main even status. In WWF, he got a chance to compete against the up and coming cream of the crop, wrestlers who now are considered the greatest of their generation, like Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, and Mick Foley and Dustin was right in the thick of WWF in their “New Generation” phase.

4) Psychology- 9/10- Dustin always had big shoes to fill being the “son of a famous wrestler who was the son of a plumber. When Dustin finally arrived in WWF after almost six years of being a pro, he had gained some experience, enough to undertake the arduous role of Goldust, a character obsessed with movies, who dressed in a skin tight gold leotard and a wig, and was incredibly homo-androgynous. Was he gay? Was he straight? It was very controversial stuff and Dustin played it to the hilt. He employed mind games as part of his in-ring arsenal; it was as important as the moves he did. He freaked out many opponents and gained quite an impressive win streak. In his WWF prime, he main evented several PPV’s with the likes of Undertaker and Michaels.

5) Interviews- 6/10- Goldust cut some very strange promos in his time as Goldust, but when he’s not Goldust, he rarely has anything interesting to say. The character affords him some creative liberty, which he has taken in every direction and had a great deal of fun with. As Goldust, he cuts a very entertaining promo, but as Dustin, we simply wish he was wearing Gold.

6) Character- 7/10- Dustin has put a stamp on Goldust, and laid his place in the wrestling world. He has played him both effectively as a face and a heel, more notably as a heel when he first debuted. But, when he was brought back in 2002, he pulled another side out of Goldust, a character that would mock other’s identities and became one of the better tag teams WWE had at the time with Booker T. Their comical timing and creativity made them the team to watch.

7) Fans- 6/10- In early WCW, Dustin eventually garnered the respect and admiration of the Southern fans the promotion played to. In WWF, Dustin got under everyone’s skin as the mysterious Goldust and the fans desperately wanted him off their TV’s and booed him unmercifully and called him every name in the book. But, since, I would say he garners a mild response at best as Goldust, and would probably elicit very little response as Dustin. His last run in WWE should be the indicator of that, as he was brought in with Coach, then very quickly pushed down to opening status before being released.

8) Strikes- 6/10- Dustin has a great uppercut and throws a mean elbow, just like his dear old daddy. His basics are pretty good, even though he rarely implements them in his Goldust matches. I would give him an above average ranking in this category because his basics aren’t horrible.

9) Match/ Opponent- 7/10- Dustin was given a lot of meaty feuds in WCW mainly because of his father. He had notable feuds with Barry Windham and Rick Rude during his tenure, then on his way to WWF, he got feuds due to the controversial nature of the character, including his more famous ones with Razor Ramon and Roddy Piper, as well as Undertaker and Ken Shamrock. I wouldn’t say he has had classic matches, per say, probably his most famous would be the infamous Hollywood Back Lot Brawl with Piper, which is a stiff classic to say the least.

10) Gutcheck- 5/10- Getting into the wrestling business was probably more than Dustin every bargained for. The American Dream casts a large shadow and earning the respect of his peers was not going to be easy. But, Dustin persevered. I think that alone shows a lot of determination on his part.

Final Score: 62
Ranking: Superstar
PO: Thumbs Middle

ECW on Sci-Fi - 9/5/06

1) Rob Van Dam & Sabu vs. Mike Knox & Test – Extreme Rules – 5
2) Balls Mahoney vs. Stevie Richards – 3
3) D-X vs. The Big Show – Handicap Match – 3

The extreme rules tag was sloppy as hell but fun to watch, as was the case with most old-school ECW matches. Sabu took some pretty decent bumps and Knox and Test did their share as well. Balls and Stevie had a decent match but was marred by interference by Kevin Thorn. D-X main eventing was a total joke and an insult to everything they’re trying to do with the new ECW brand. I never want to see Triple H or Shawn Michaels in an ECW ring ever again. Also on the show, Matt Striker did another one of his classroom things and CM Punk bitch slapped Shannon Moore and called him a poser. Now would someone explain to me how this was supposed to help the ECW brand and why should I give two shits about John Cena’s movie?

ECW TV 8/22/06

1. Torrie Wilson vs. Kelly Kelly – Extreme Bikini Contest – 0
Thankfully, this lasted all of a few seconds. Torrie did a little striptease, similar to the one she does when she’s trying to get some extra spending money out of Billy Kidman. When Kelly started disrobing, Mike Knox and Test arrived and disrupted the putrid proceedings.

2. Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, and Torrie Wilson vs. Mike Knox, Test, and Kelly Kelly – 1
The only things weaker than Knox’s stomps are Sandman’s punches. Dreamer sells everything like he’s being punished, and by that I mean, his exaggerated acting brings to mind a poor guy being whipped in some hellhole of a jail, where they feed you bread and gasoline. Sandman’s “Rolling Rock” somersault from the top is absolutely awful. Kelly’s not even standing on the apron with her teammates. Sandman gets knocked backwards off the top by Knox, and oddly uses his feet and legs to break the fall before doing what you’d logically do, and landing on his back. Knox sells Dreamer’s DDT like Val Venis would, and that’s a compliment.

3. Kevin Thorn vs. Balls Mahoney – 3
Thorn’s in a “bite club?” To quote Little Pete, he can “bite my shorts, blowhole!” Low-impact brawling on the outside; can somebody tell Balls hitting someone in the head with a bottle of distilled water is totally not hardcore? Balls’ sit-out spinebuster is a step in the right direction, though. Thorn almost loses Balls, nearly dropping him, when doing his lame finisher.

4. CM Punk vs. Christopher W. Anderson – 3
Anderson’s cross-armbreaker was the highlight of this particularly quick squash, seeing Punk get yet another win. Punk should leave the running bulldog (or bulldogging headlock as it’s referred to on WCW Wrestling for the NES) to the Texans.

5. Rob Van Dam vs. Danny Doring – 2
A short and completely tolerable squash, I’d have liked to seen it go another 8 minutes or so, and have Doring get in at least a little offense.

6. Sabu vs. Big Show – 3
Sabu’s pre-match promo was about as awkward as going out on a first date with a beautiful girl, and vomiting all over her while eating dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant that you’d saved your allowance to take her to. Show hoists Sabu up, then drops him stomach-first on the ropes in an ugly spot. Sabu’s punches, and Show’s subsequent sells are totally unbelievable and ridiculous. Ref bump, shortly followed by Show delivering a hellacious fallaway slam. Sabu “goes nuts”, which is stupid, and gets himself disqualified for repeatedly drilling Show in the head with the ringbell, leading to some pretty heavy bleeding by slob Show. After the final bell shot, Show clumsily falls out of the ring, and through a nearby table that was against the apron, in the laziest and lamest table bump in quite awhile.