Monday, December 7, 2009

Ryuji Ito- New King of Hardcore

1) v. Kintaro Kanemura (Cage Match- 08/24/2003)- 3
First off Ito is totally a Japanese CZW dude, wears only jean shorts and lame T-shirts promoting lame things and his back looks like a map of Middle-Earth with all the scars as rivers and puncture wounds as landmarks. Rand-McNally could find a whole new niche market here. Anyways, Kanemura is a FMW stalwart who basically has stalled. He was terrible here, starting with his pansy strikes that were merely a way for him to burn calories, they meant nothing. He blades within 2 minutes but it means little to nothing. Tepid crowd brawl followed up by a very ECW-ish splash through a table in the crowd. Kanemura sold it like he was 9 years old and his mom just woke him up for the first day of school. None of the brawling was inspired and they built a handicap ramp with tables using the top turnbuckle that saw a botched powerbomb attempt that was uglier than Khloe Kardashian's soul. Kanemura was at least good for some near falls in FMW, but even here they were a weak attempt at bringing some excitement as Ito goes over in this dud.

2) v. Abdullah Kobayashi (Light Bulb Barbed Wire Board Glass Death Match- 12/24/03)- 5
When most people are enjoying the warmth of family hugs and Grandma's baked ham, bathing in the neon glow of Christmas Tree lights, getting a little sauced on the egg nog, opening another pair of socks from Aunt Linda, these two were shredding each other's skin with glass. Abby Kobayashi has so much more panache when using a bladed weapon than the original did, he even teases it, he doesn't just wander around like a elderly Alzheimers patient stabbing any forehead that moves. The glass bumps are pretty gnarly, using giant rigs of taped together light tubes to inflict even more damage. The Board bumps were nothing special and the in between stuff kind of dragged as well but the finish was more than enough to make me want to lose my dinner in a vomitious heap, Abby's back was just ripped to pieces, it literally looked like he went swimming with a Mako shark in a kiddie pool.

3) v. Mad Man Pondo (Circus Death Match- 04/30/2004)- 5
This had a very heavy gimmick WWE match feel, one that Shane McMahon would participate in, if he still worked for them. This is one of the more fun matches to see, basically you just brawl around the ringside area because the ring is covered in a Barb Wire spiderweb so to speak and the object of using it is to throw your opponent off this tower into it. Well the brawling is pretty tame, and I'm really getting tired of it, just lazy punches, one guy leading the other around by the back as if he's a cow going to slaughter, it's getting damn old but whatever. Pondo takes a splash through a table with little to no reaction from him, he showed as much emotion after it as if he were flipping burgers somewhere. They go to the barb wire quickly and it feels like this match is going nowhere after burning through their big spot, but they try it again with a Russian leg sweep even Jeff Hardy can top. Then, the match surprisingly picks up, they both stare at each other and challenge each other to meet on the very top of this structure, which guesstimated is probably about 18 feet high, maybe even more. They tease it accordingly then Hell is unleashed with a giant vertical suplex all the way down into the wire. So, this week alone I've seen Lobo Death Valley Driver 2 managers off a cage through several tables on Cage of Death 5 and now this; un-FREAKIN- believable bump. Enough to nearly make this recommendable, could have been the end of their lives.

4) v. Mad Man Pondo (Fans Bring the Weapons Flourscent Light Bulbs Death Match- 05/13/2004)- 5
If ever there was a Yin/Yang of wrestling, It's Pondo. He's old school enough to know how to build to spots, but sometimes they're so stupid, we wish he wouldn't have even tried them (ex. the 3 diff. sentons he attempts onto piles of chairs and tubes throughout this match that looked like a drugged turkey falling over). He can't punch either, but he can rile a crowd up with his own slow clap really well. His facial reactions after getting some near falls with glass were priceless and some of the best i've seen in a while, but his work rate is atrocious and would get him cut from New York quicker than Kronik. Overall this match was very watchable, played off a few things from the previous bout, nothing was overdone and the match progressed accordingly. This was def. the Pondo show here, as Ito is also pretty emotionless and lead by the hand in almost all of these matches, but he'll still take a sick bump. The axe kick finish here onto a bundle of light tubes was deserving of it's own Iphone App that just replays it over and over again.

5) v. Bad Boy Hido (Light Tubes Casket Match- 09/25/2004)- 3
I've nicknamed him "Bad Bitch" because of his unwillingness to do anything with the hardcore implements but you're still in a hardcore match? Ito just gets batted around by Hido, who isn't aware the bowl cut on grown men went out in '93. He keeps doing these strong style clotheslines that I wouldn't try to put Seth Green down with. Only a few chairs and light tubes were utitlized during the bulk of this match; the rest felt more forced than Scrubs' 9th season (even though it's still funny.) ROH dark matches showed more skill than the bulk of this work. The aftermatch casket burning was an outrageous stunt and was insulting.

6) w/ Daisuke Sekimoto v. Bad Boy Hido/ Kintaro Kanemura (Flourscent Light Tube Death Match- 10/30/2004)- 2
Besides Ito and Sekimoto's willingness to butcher their flesh is the only redeeming quality about this and it's not really worth it. Ito takes a gnarly bodyslam off a balcony straight down through a table that's sure to give him a messed up verterbrae and make playing with his kids when he's 30 much, much harder than it should be. Hido, again, really didn't offer much of anything except his faux clotheslines. Kanemura lost a year off his life when splashed through a table with bulbs covering his bulbous stomach in a nasty moment. Sekimoto was just throwing himself into any object or chair near him with reckless abandon, which was fun to watch, but the guy was bleeding all over the place from every conceivable place you could think of. This was just a big mess to watch, sort of like Sarah Palin trying to be taken seriously.

Ito- new king of Hardcore? Hardly, much of this stuff felt like bottom barrel American hardcore indy schlock, for work rate, there was nothing particular positive about him besides his willingness to take any bump conceivable, but get in line: Current Big Japan blows this out of the water, both in terms of sheer craziness and work rate.

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