WCW Quickies

WCW Nitro- 12/20/99
1 Madusa v. Brad Armstrong- 2
2 Hugh Morrus v. Curt Henning- 2
3 Tank Abbott v. Jerry Flynn- 0
4 Norman Smiley/ Meng v. Brian Knobs/ Finlay (Hardcore)- 0
5 Evan Karagias v. The Maestro- 2
6 Chris "Champagne" Kanyon v. Bam Bam Bigelow v. DDP- 1
7 Chris Benoit v. Jeff Jarrett (Ladder Match)- 2
8 Sid Vicious v. The Wall- 1
9 Varsity Club v. Harlem Heat- 3
10 Bret Hart v. Goldberg- 1

Russo era.....God help us all. This gets 2 measly points because Madusa was stiffing Armstrong badly with multiple suicide dropkicks and a killer German suplex. Armstrong tried to hold some fake cornrows on his head in the headscratcher of the first 5 minutes. Morrus and Henning threw a lot of forearms until Morrus' father (who apparently escaped from an old folks home and somehow made it past arena security onto the aisleway) meandered his way out. Abbott and Flynn had a psuedo-"shoot" that rivals any body part on Pam Anderson in fakeness. The hardcore match was desperation by all 4 men involved and featured nothing fun at all even when they tried to redo the women's bathroom spot from Benoit-Sullivan in '96. Kargias and Maestro tried to work a match with some decent moves in it ( Evan's cross body, Maestro's neckbreaker) but Symphony got involved within the first 90 seconds, making me wish i had masturbated for that time instead. The "Reunion" of the Jersey Triad really could have done w/o Kanyon's fake Lionel Richie Jerrycurls. Page tried to hit a Diamond Cutter at one point but lost his grip because of Kanyon's SoulGlo. No, just kidding, this sucked balls though. The most low impact ladder match of all time where the ladder was never used. Benoit missing moves left and right and then to quote Gene Okerlund moments after the match "The ladder was gimmicked!" Benoit goes to climb it but the rungs are supposed to break away but only after he stomps down on every step up like he's trying to break through the Earth's crust. Looked so ridiculous. Sid was so stiff moving he reminded me of the Tin Man sans oil. Berlyn got involved and hit a swank Missle dropkick- which sadly, was the best thing in the match. Steiner and Rotundo revamped their old gimmick of bagging on the other guy's school on commentary and we even got to see Sullivan get involved. At this time, Stevie Ray was barely plodding along with Booker carrying his dead ass (that line was for you, Didge!) Midnight made an appearance- wish the lights wouldn't have come back on. Goldberg just smacked Bret around for 4 minutes until the Silver and Black NWO debuted by giving him a really lazy beatdown. Bret had no energy and put nothing forth in this slow stinker.

WCW Thunder- 12/23/99
1 PG-13 v. Varsity Club- 3
2 Tank Abbott v. La Parka- 1
3 Norman Smiley v. Finlay (Hardcore)- 2
4 Curt Henning v. The Harris Boys- 0
5 The Maestro v. Bam Bam Bigelow- 1
6 Konnan/ Billy Kidman/ Hacksaw Duggan v. Dean Malenko/ Perry Saturn/ Asya- 2
7 Kevin Nash v. The Wall- 2
8 Chris Benoit v. Bret Hart- 5

This is 3 days after the Nitro above: This gets points, 3 to be exact, purely for Steiner's complete manhandling of the two Tennesse-trained scrubs who for some reason were carrying around garbage can lids. He bouned them around like bouncing balls in a game of Four Square. Abbott gives La Parka a brutal punch to the face on the outside and Parka takes a back bump against the guardrail. Hella Ouch! The hardcore match is exactly what you expect; another backstage brawl and for some reason Knobs was hiding in the kitchen pantry. I know he's a tubby douschebag but how did he know Smiley would walk right next to it? Anyways, Meng came out and made Finlay and Knobs his bitches in a fun, short spot. 3 people interfering in a Bammer-Maestro match that was less then 3 minutes long total is way too many! These two were stiffining each other too, Maestro has a great uppercut. Henning was supposed to team with Jarrett but he was brutalized backstage so he got his ass handed to him by these two bald human representations of a dildough ; they botched their own finishing power bomb move as one guy went down and the other just stood there like he has can't remember his PIN # at the ATM. Konnan worked in some Karl Kani sweats and Duggan was in a janitor's outfit. Malenko was losing steam at this point in his career and wasn't selling as usual. Too much going on with 4 people on the outside for anyone to properly sell anything. The Wall was getting mean with Papa Nash, who was bumping whether he wanted to or not. He threw some mean elbows to try and even the score but cue the new Silver and Black NWO and throw the sandbags on this one. They spray-painted the back of his head. Bret was re-energized in this match as he and Benoit traded stiff chops, punches and backbreakers. Benoit had on a particularly nasty crossface that I really thought Bret was about to tap to. Funny that we had interference in almost every match with no DQ's but the one that's going well we have interference with a DQ. Shitty, shitty booking. Nash came in looking like the Cowardly Lion and Hall like his drunk brother.