Tuesday, May 13, 2008


There are 2 kinds of people in the world: Those who think it's cool to play Metallica hits from the 80's at prom and those who think it's redneck.

1) Jackie Moore v. Gail Kim (Steel Cage Match; TNA Lockdown '07)- 4 Chicks fighting behind steel bars; sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie except this actually kept my interest and didn't involve Meredith Baxter-Birney. They had a little brawl outside before stepping into the cage which involved Mike Tenay's first involvement with a woman in at least 14 years when Gail got thrown on top of him. Inside Jackie controlled the pace, not as stiff as she used to be, but knows how to run a decent wrestling match. Gail hit a huge splash from near the top of the cage for the finish.

2) "Iron" Mike Sharpe v. Cheetah Kid (House show) - 2 Brian is the one responsible for unearthing such a unique and unabashed show which contained this rare gem: a Mike Sharpe match not from the 80's. Check out Brian's review if you want to fully realize the ambiance and location of this very odd show and know that Sharpe's hair was sticking out a good 6 inches from his forehead. He was still wearing his black arm brace and used it to his advantage often. His constant grumbling and yelling was reminiscent of Archie Bunker screaming profanities at a door to door salesman. Cheetah Kid was not the one I remembered from the PA indy scene in the late 90's and his costume reminded me of when I was in grade school and we made turkey hats for Thanksgiving out of paper mache and glue sticks. The match was slow, like drudging through a swamp and nothing of real note happened. Kid tried some fancy armdrags but Sharpe is way too boxy to effectively sell them. He laid a few forearms down but that was about it. I swear Mike Valley was videotaping the match because we got the skate video fish-eye look during it.

3) DDP v. Mike Awesome (Ambulance Match; WCW Great American Bash '00) - 2 Lazy. Perfect word to describe this match. Both workers, in the right setting, can put forth a decent effort but not here. Awesome pretty much just did power move after power move to Page, who was as active as a dead fish. We had Kanyon feigning paralysis on the ramp only to Diamond cut his pal off the stage onto a huge plaster set to the side, which we barely saw. This was awful.

4) Voodoo Murderers v. Kaz Hayashi/ Joe Doering/ Taiyo Kea/ Kensuke Sasaki/ Keiji Muto (Best 2 out of 3 Falls Match; All Japan Battle Banquet #171)- 4
The Voodoo Murderers all looked like discarded ideas for Slipknot members while the face team all were older, wider, or flabbier than they used to be. But, that being said, the first round went fairly well. Sasaki and Hayashi did most of the leg work for their team, with Hayashi playing a great Robert Gibson in trouble. Kea could still kick really hard and string together some good moves. Doering was intense and pieced several of the Voodoos when he was in ring. The Voodoos had maybe two decent workers in there so they were working from the bottom up. One thing that surprised me was the lack of heat and crowd reaction; either the faces have lost their luster over the years or the heels weren't that hated. couldn't tell. The 2nd and 3rd rounds went under 5 minutes combined in a really disappointing finish. DQ in the 2nd and the faces cornered one guy while the rest retreated and all hit fins on him. Muto disappeared after the 1st.

5) Rocky King v. Arn Anderson (NWA Championship Wrestling, Nov. '85) - 3 I need stats on this one: Rocky King absolutely must be the father of Jay Lethal! The appearances are too similar. Arn was all over the arm in this match. Just grinding it into the mat, dropping some really nasty knees onto it. Great stuff. His brown striped boots were most definitley a fashion fauxpa, but who am I to argue with one of the greats. His gordbuster finish was timeless.

6) El Mosco de la Merced v. Super Nova (WWF Raw, 03/31/97) - 3 This was fast paced and both Luchadores had on bulky costumes. The announcers were more concerend with Sunny who was bouncing around ringside, proving to everyone she knew some Spanish words. Congrats, whore. Mosco did a CRAZY- psychosis like front flip through the middle ropes out to the middle of the aisleway that only Sunny popped for. Nice call, whore. They had a few minutes more of time than I expected and they kept the pace up throughout so that was cool. Sunny = whore.

7) Bret Hart v. Rocky Maivia(WWF Raw, 03/31/97)- 4 I reviewed this match just for the pure fact that I never knew these two legends faced off. Of course, Rock was greener than a witch's pubic hair but Bret still carried him through. Bret seemed a little less physical and kind of let Rock dictate the pace. He worked over the leg a little and played against the crowd effectively. They had some good near falls near the end, and Rock bungled his float over DDT, that when hit right, is really sweet. This ended with Austin interference (what match didn't in '97?).

8) DDT Battle Royal( Into the Fight 2008)- 6 DDT, in the mid 90's was known as the scummy hardcore fed where anything was legal and the more blood and more sleaze, the better. This version of DDT was a young, neo-punk rock indy fest with tons of comedy gimmicks and wild hair dos. This was a Royal Rumble-type match where people came out at timed intervals. I know not who any of the competitors were but the action spoke for itself. You had Kaientai-DX type posing, two dudes in thongs humping each other's butts like they were doing chop spots like in a Kobashi match, a female referee joining in the action, dudes rubbing body oil on them so no one can DDT them and the strangest move I"ve ever seen; head in trunks piledriver. The ludicrous behaviors rivaled that of the best Frat House parties you've ever been to or seen on celluloid. There were some stiff dudes too; the finish was well paced and had some great heat, along with some bonecrunching moves. The overall quality of the "actual" wrestling wasn't considerably high, but the fun factor was way up there. In fact if this was shorter, I think I could have given it a higher grade.....actually, nah.

1 comment:

Adam said...

Man! How many proms have you been to! Good work as usual, sir.