1. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. Killer Bees – 6
2. Bret Hart vs. Bad News Brown – 5
3. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Honkey Tonk Man – 3
4. Powers of Pain vs. Bolsheviks – 4
5. Jim Neidhart vs. Lanny Poffo – 3
6. Rick Rude vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts – 7
7. Ultimate Warrior vs. Bobby Heenan – Weasel Suit Match – 1
8. British Bulldogs vs. Demolition – 4
9. Dino Bravo vs. Ken Patera – 3
10. Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan – Steel Cage Match – 6
Adam got this show and brought it over and it felt like being a kid at Christmas time. It’s one thing reliving memories of a show I haven’t seen since childhood, but it’s even cooler watching a show from my childhood era that I never even knew about! This show was pretty stacked, too.
The opening tag with the wily Rougeau boys and the always-loveable Killer Bees was pure bliss. There wasn’t a lot of major spots or moments, just good solid basic psychology. It was a nice way to start things. Bret and Bad News had a pretty solid match, too; one that in reviews elsewhere I’ve read, got a little too much credit, regardless, it’s still worth seeing. I remember seeing a commercial for some kind of Japanese fighting pay-per-view when I was young, and to my surprise, Bad News Brown was competing. I urged my Aunt to order it, as well as record it for me – which in retrospect was probably when I lost my mixed martial arts virginity.
Duggan and Honkey, two infamous characters, had a thankfully short match. Some of the shots were semi-stiff while it lasted, so I wasn’t too disappointed. Powers of Pain and Bolsheviks is more interesting in my mind than it was in actuality. I think I’d rather watch these four get inebriated on cheap wine at an Italian restaurant, and then try to convince their waitress to stop by the Holiday Inn they’re staying at in Milwaukee for an all-nighter.
Neidhart and Poffo is a complete squash, but not an altogether bad one. Neidhart rushed Lanny to start the match, and was greeted with a quick kick that startled me as much as it did him. Poffo had some talent, but it was ultimately squandered. I loved Rude versus Roberts, and frankly, I would have given this match at least a 5 even if they’d just done a couple minutes of nothing – that’s how great these two were then. However, they delivered as anticipated, with a great match filled with masterful selling and psychology. My only complaint is the weak finish, but the rest of it is essential.
Warrior and Heenan in a stupid fucking weasel suit match had been done before, was done all over this damn country, and was never any good. Warrior looked even more incompetent than usual. British Bulldogs were a great team to watch, unfortunately, their match with Demolition wasn’t too special. I think these two teams were capable of working a certifiable classic together, and maybe somewhere along the line they did, but this wasn’t it. Smash moved around like he had diarrhea from the Mexican food he’d ate the night prior, and Ax was as mobile as a fire hydrant. Demolition didn’t try, which was totally cool with Davey Boy Smith, as he’d been up all night fucking a Wisconsin transvestite prostitute over and over again with the same condom he borrowed from Danny Davis.
Bravo and Patera are both interesting cases. If memory serves correctly, the mafia murdered Bravo. Now, Patera, I have a more personal connection to. One of the first wrestling videos I ever rented, and subsequently dubbed, as a young boy was titled “The Ken Patera Story” from the WWF. It dealt with both his feud with Bobby Heenan and his group of cronies, as well as his personal strife, stemming from an incident where he chucked a large rock through a fast food restaurant’s window. Anyway, he probably works at a health store in Tupelo now, where he gets the new female employee from the local high school to suck him off underneath the counter while he rings out customers.
The main event is awesome, in that, I feel like it’s a really cool gift from my past that I never knew I had, and recently stumbled upon. Maybe it hasn’t aged as well as you’d hope, but it stills captures that old spirit. I was going to rate it lower due to the lack of technical proficiency of both men, and because they didn’t do much outside of punch each other a lot. But, then I got to thinking, this is Hogan and Andre in a steel cage, the crowd is hotter than molten lava, and I love every second of it. They play up a couple near-escapes from the cage brilliantly, and there’s even some blood for you sick readers whom play first-person shooters and think you’ve actually got a chance of getting in Kelly Kelly’s stained underwear.