1. Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair – 2
2. Kane vs. Triple H – 3
3. Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon – 1
4. Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon – 0
5. Eugene vs. Kenny – 3
6. Maria vs. Lita – 2
7. John Cena vs. Big Show – 4
Now this is awful wrestling! Benjamin and Flair have worked some decent matches together in the past, but this one only lasted a minute or two, with a quick and lame finish seeing the referee disqualify Flair for poking him in the eye while Benjamin was simultaneously tapping out to Flair’s patented figure four submission. Next, Kane and Triple H, two main event players, put together a completely forgettable and disappointing match; thankfully, they kept it relatively short, because I don’t know how much longer I could have watched Triple H weakly selling Kane’s atrocious excuse for punches.
In a backstage skit, Michaels was drugged, leading him to get loopy in a losing effort against Shane McMahon. Then, in the first match I’ve ever given a 0 grade to, Vince, overacting as usual, climbed onto the unconscious Michaels to score a pin. Eugene worked Kenny of The Spirit Squad in a filler match, containing zero effort—thanks a lot, guys!
Do I really need to tell you how bad Maria versus Lita was? It sucked harder than Francine did backstage after bad ECW shows. How’s that? In the main event, Cena bumped around for Big Show in yet another throwaway match, all of which are leading to the upcoming WrestleMania pay-per-view spectacular, which if anything like this episode of Raw, will be a thorough failure the likes of your attempt to get Rob Van Dam to autograph your bong outside a Denny’s in Dallas.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
WWF Confirmed Hits Video
1) Yokozuna vs. Diesel - 1
2) Razor Ramon vs. Goldust – 5
3) Bret “Hit Man” Hart vs. The British Bulldog - 7
4) Issac Yankem vs. The Undertaker - 4
5) Owen Hart, Yokozuna, & Hakushi vs. Bret “Hit Man” Hart, Razor Ramon, & Savio Vega – 5
The first bout lasted all of 90 seconds and didn’t do favors to anyone watching. The Razor vs. Goldust match was from the Royal Rumble. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t a show-stealer by any means. The 1-2-3 Kid interfered at the end and looked to me that he almost blew his spot. Otherwise, it was a decent contest. Hart vs. Bulldog was from the December 1995 In Your House event. They had a match that was just about near the quality of their match at SummerSlam 1992 but this one featured some juice by Bret and good mat skills from the Bulldog. Undertaker and Kane … err, I mean Issac Yankem, wasn’t groundbreaking at all and was soiled with some interference from Lawler. The six-man tag was fun to watch but was just your standard, run-of-the-mill, mid-90s house show main event.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Performer Analysis: Taka Michinoku
Taka Michinoku's real name is Takeo Yoshida. He was born October 26, 1973 in Morioka, Japan. He was trained by the Great Sasuke and made his wrestling debut in 1991 for Sasuke's promotion, Michinoku Pro. Most people recognize TAKA from his days in the World Wrestling Federation when he was brought in 1997 to bring Lightheavyweight wrestling to prominence in the WWF, where it had never been displayed. But, this gifted young performer was a crowd favorite in Japan and a hell of a hand, as J.R. may say. Now, to analyze:
1) Innovation- 5/10- Taka as an innovator in this business ranks fairly well. In the mid 90's, he and his Michinoku Pro cohorts were designing a break neck pace match with many nearfalls in giant tag matches, such would be the blueprint for exciting cruiserweight action in WCW. Now, Mexico has the patent on this style, but in Japan they showed their amigos that the match didn't have to be all slop; there could be finesse and hard hitting action, plus time for comedy, which Mich. Pro thrived on. Also, I would be remised for not mentioning that Taka is given credit for inventing the Michinoku Driver, which is a version of a upside down piledriver that you sit out with and throw your opponent down on his head. It is a widely used move all over the world and will continue to be so due to it's effectiveness.
2) Conditioning- 10/10- Taka was small in stature and height, but there was no questioning his condition. His compact body actually provided him much strength, especially in his legs. His springboard dropkick is one of the best ever seen, and without powerful legs and good balance, that move is next to impossible. Taka had great stamina as well, many times going to the 20 or 30 minute mark in Michinoku Pro wars.
3) Ring Skill- 8/10- Taka at this point in his career is a ring veteran and it shows. When he first entered the WWF, he was the leader of their new Light Heavyweight movement, and at that time he was barely 5 years into the sport, but now Taka is seasoned. His high flying was on par or better than anything else seen around the world at that time, and he could bump. In his time in ECW, he put together good matches with most of his opponents there and carried them. His time in Mich. Pro during the beginning of his career and after he left the WWF in 2001 was main event matches and was considered one of the two best in the promotion, bar none next to Sasuke. Now, his time is spent in All Japan Wrestling, where he was recruited by Keiji Muto once he took over. He works Main Event Japanese wrestlers on a regular basis now, and holds his own.
4) Character/ Psychology- 5/10- Taka never really had a character. When he started out in Mich. Pro, he teamed up with another young rookie, Shoichi Funaki, now known as Smackdown's No.1 announcer as Yume Karudo, which translates as Dream Hunters, a blue chip tag team gimmick. After the popularity of the NWO took off in the states, Taka decided to form a similar group in Japan called Kaientai Deluxe, with Funaki, Dick Togo, and Men's Teioh. Just like in the US, they were heels, but played out to the crowd doing the things they wanted to see which garnered them cheers. In the WWF, Taka was simply a basic babyface and then became a comedy character, which he did mediocre in. In-ring psychology for light heavyweights is sometimes a little light, or none-exsistent, but Taka was pretty consistent. Overall, not his biggest strength, but not every wrestler is great at everything.
5) American Appeal- 6/10 Taka had a fantastic run as fun babyface in early WWE lightheavy division, along with many stereotypical jokes made at his expense and of the Japanese people. But, he was largely over. His fun heel antics got some display also as the evil Kaientai, where he largely made his name in Japan. He also thrilled audiences with his high flying tactics in ECW , making his American run quite positive.
6) Face/Heel- 6/10- Taka's face work was just as many other workers: straight laced, baby in peril. He excelled in being a heel, which he worked for a little of his WWF career, and uses to perfection in Japan and in ECW. He is the snide, better than you Japanese star who gets a little dirty in the ring just because he can and he would love to rub it in the face of any American star that he can. His mannerisms played well to the crowd, and had a good heel face. He gets a six for being pretty good, but never took his character to the extreme like all great wrestling heels have gotten to at one time or another.
7) Basics- 7/10- Taka was trained by the Great Sasuke, who is an excellent performer and during all of Taka's matches, he does still utilize the basic tools which this profession is founded upon. Taka must have really practiced and honed his skills because he even tried his hand at shoot-fighting in such promotions as Pancrase and Battlarts.
8) Fans- 6/10- The fans, whether in Japan or America, can pick up and identify with certain wrestlers, depending on what they do or how they are being pushed. Taka definitely had a spark that fans could identify with. His smirk is one of his most defining features which he used often as a face, and then later as a heel, which works better. The fans also appreciate athleticism and Taka certainly gave that in his matches.
9) Match/Opp.- 5/10- Taka has wrestled a varying degree of talent, having the opportunity to wrestle in Japan in several organizations and here in the States, but not many different matches. I can't really remember any stipulation bouts he's been in, which doesn't necessarily make you a bad wrestler; it just indicates lack of storyline for you or a feud you were involved in. In the WWF, Taka's most notable feud was with Brian Christopher over the Light Heavy weight belt, which Taka never lost to him. But, in Japan, he has had a long running competitive feud with the man that trained him and put him to work, The Great Sasuke. Taka actually chose his name to mock Sasuke, the name he gave his promotion. From the beginning of Taka's career, he was choosing to put himself at odds with one of Japan's most loved characters. And it paid off. That feud help fuel the financial stability of Michinoku Pro and build a loyal fan base that still exsists today. Even the WWF itself brought this rivalry to the States at an In Your House event in July of 1997.
10) Gutcheck- 5/10- Of all of Taka's work, his best lies in his home promotion, Michinoku Pro. That's where the heart and soul of his work resides and where he will best be known to wrestling fans for. His time in the WWF was relatively mediocre after his debut, and whether due to not given the opportunity or lack of motivation, his work stands as being good, but not great. The same can be said for ECW. This category is not meant to be an insult, but I don't believe Taka ever peaked in his career, and I would like to have seen him go that extra mile in becoming a huge star for people to remember for years to come.
Final Score- 6
Ranking- Superstar
PO: Thumbs Middle
PS. I would like to give credit to obsessedwithwrestling.com for information needed for this article.
1) Innovation- 5/10- Taka as an innovator in this business ranks fairly well. In the mid 90's, he and his Michinoku Pro cohorts were designing a break neck pace match with many nearfalls in giant tag matches, such would be the blueprint for exciting cruiserweight action in WCW. Now, Mexico has the patent on this style, but in Japan they showed their amigos that the match didn't have to be all slop; there could be finesse and hard hitting action, plus time for comedy, which Mich. Pro thrived on. Also, I would be remised for not mentioning that Taka is given credit for inventing the Michinoku Driver, which is a version of a upside down piledriver that you sit out with and throw your opponent down on his head. It is a widely used move all over the world and will continue to be so due to it's effectiveness.
2) Conditioning- 10/10- Taka was small in stature and height, but there was no questioning his condition. His compact body actually provided him much strength, especially in his legs. His springboard dropkick is one of the best ever seen, and without powerful legs and good balance, that move is next to impossible. Taka had great stamina as well, many times going to the 20 or 30 minute mark in Michinoku Pro wars.
3) Ring Skill- 8/10- Taka at this point in his career is a ring veteran and it shows. When he first entered the WWF, he was the leader of their new Light Heavyweight movement, and at that time he was barely 5 years into the sport, but now Taka is seasoned. His high flying was on par or better than anything else seen around the world at that time, and he could bump. In his time in ECW, he put together good matches with most of his opponents there and carried them. His time in Mich. Pro during the beginning of his career and after he left the WWF in 2001 was main event matches and was considered one of the two best in the promotion, bar none next to Sasuke. Now, his time is spent in All Japan Wrestling, where he was recruited by Keiji Muto once he took over. He works Main Event Japanese wrestlers on a regular basis now, and holds his own.
4) Character/ Psychology- 5/10- Taka never really had a character. When he started out in Mich. Pro, he teamed up with another young rookie, Shoichi Funaki, now known as Smackdown's No.1 announcer as Yume Karudo, which translates as Dream Hunters, a blue chip tag team gimmick. After the popularity of the NWO took off in the states, Taka decided to form a similar group in Japan called Kaientai Deluxe, with Funaki, Dick Togo, and Men's Teioh. Just like in the US, they were heels, but played out to the crowd doing the things they wanted to see which garnered them cheers. In the WWF, Taka was simply a basic babyface and then became a comedy character, which he did mediocre in. In-ring psychology for light heavyweights is sometimes a little light, or none-exsistent, but Taka was pretty consistent. Overall, not his biggest strength, but not every wrestler is great at everything.
5) American Appeal- 6/10 Taka had a fantastic run as fun babyface in early WWE lightheavy division, along with many stereotypical jokes made at his expense and of the Japanese people. But, he was largely over. His fun heel antics got some display also as the evil Kaientai, where he largely made his name in Japan. He also thrilled audiences with his high flying tactics in ECW , making his American run quite positive.
6) Face/Heel- 6/10- Taka's face work was just as many other workers: straight laced, baby in peril. He excelled in being a heel, which he worked for a little of his WWF career, and uses to perfection in Japan and in ECW. He is the snide, better than you Japanese star who gets a little dirty in the ring just because he can and he would love to rub it in the face of any American star that he can. His mannerisms played well to the crowd, and had a good heel face. He gets a six for being pretty good, but never took his character to the extreme like all great wrestling heels have gotten to at one time or another.
7) Basics- 7/10- Taka was trained by the Great Sasuke, who is an excellent performer and during all of Taka's matches, he does still utilize the basic tools which this profession is founded upon. Taka must have really practiced and honed his skills because he even tried his hand at shoot-fighting in such promotions as Pancrase and Battlarts.
8) Fans- 6/10- The fans, whether in Japan or America, can pick up and identify with certain wrestlers, depending on what they do or how they are being pushed. Taka definitely had a spark that fans could identify with. His smirk is one of his most defining features which he used often as a face, and then later as a heel, which works better. The fans also appreciate athleticism and Taka certainly gave that in his matches.
9) Match/Opp.- 5/10- Taka has wrestled a varying degree of talent, having the opportunity to wrestle in Japan in several organizations and here in the States, but not many different matches. I can't really remember any stipulation bouts he's been in, which doesn't necessarily make you a bad wrestler; it just indicates lack of storyline for you or a feud you were involved in. In the WWF, Taka's most notable feud was with Brian Christopher over the Light Heavy weight belt, which Taka never lost to him. But, in Japan, he has had a long running competitive feud with the man that trained him and put him to work, The Great Sasuke. Taka actually chose his name to mock Sasuke, the name he gave his promotion. From the beginning of Taka's career, he was choosing to put himself at odds with one of Japan's most loved characters. And it paid off. That feud help fuel the financial stability of Michinoku Pro and build a loyal fan base that still exsists today. Even the WWF itself brought this rivalry to the States at an In Your House event in July of 1997.
10) Gutcheck- 5/10- Of all of Taka's work, his best lies in his home promotion, Michinoku Pro. That's where the heart and soul of his work resides and where he will best be known to wrestling fans for. His time in the WWF was relatively mediocre after his debut, and whether due to not given the opportunity or lack of motivation, his work stands as being good, but not great. The same can be said for ECW. This category is not meant to be an insult, but I don't believe Taka ever peaked in his career, and I would like to have seen him go that extra mile in becoming a huge star for people to remember for years to come.
Final Score- 6
Ranking- Superstar
PO: Thumbs Middle
PS. I would like to give credit to obsessedwithwrestling.com for information needed for this article.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
WWE Survivor Series 2003
The Survivor Series is one of the big four of the year in the WWE. In it's heyday, it was one of the most unique and exciting shows there was. In recent years, though it's degraded down to just another no frills boring extravaganza of crap. Let's see how this one holds up.
Heat Match: Tajiri v. Jamie Knoble- 4- A short match, but one filled with effort.
1 Team Angle( Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw, & Hardcore Holly) v. Team Lesnar( Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, & Matt Morgan)- Traditoinal Survivor Series Match- 6- This match was built around Team Lesnar which was the biggest team ever, even surpassing Andre the Giant's team at the first SS. I think they should have calculated the brain power of Team Lesnar and compared it to President's Cabinet; I think you would find a stalemate. There were 3 quick eliminations, I'm talking the first 90 seconds, but there were all people you didn't want to see anyways. Angle got a hot tag and tore through Morgan & Jones, then was quickly pinned by Lesnar. Surprising. Benoit then made Lesnar tap out, and he and Cena went on to pin Show. This match had some surprise eliminations, which makes things exciting because it's different, a word I don't think shows up in the Mc Mahon vocab too often.
2 Lita v. Molly Holly- 2- Lita's offense looked comparable to Napoleon Dynamite trying to tackle Jerome Bettis. Molly tried to keep it together, and her only means of escape was to go for the finish early. I'm sure she'd rather eat stale carrots on the Kraft Service table than bump for Lita.
3 Kane v. Shane McMahon( Ambulance Match)- 3- This runaway train of bad encounters started with Kane being completely dropped on his head by taking a clothesline over the top. It was crazy. The only other highlight was Shane ramming the ambulance door into Kane's head stiff! We watched it several times. Some of the lowlights: Shane running around the arena like Bugs Bunny running from Elmer Fudd, then leading Kane to the garage where Shane backed a Jeep Cherokee into Kane, who busted through what appeared to be a glass bus station waiting thing. I don't think Ultimate Warrior could have written a more confusing scene. Overall, it was horribly planned and horribly executed.
4 Basham Brothers v. Los Guerreros- 5- A good tag match, although shorter than I would have hoped. The Bashams needed some experience, and the Guerreros were the right team to help them. I didn't like the finish at all, and Shaniqua grossed me out totally.
5 Stone Cold's Team( Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD, & The Dudley Boyz) v. Eric Bishchoff's Team( Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, & Mark Henry) ( Traditional Survivor Series Match)- 6- Another really good match that is what this show was founded upon. Great blade job by Michaels and they really pumped his comeback at the end, but the whole Austin chasing Bischoff away was sort of silly and left Austin looking like a fool when he came back to the ring. Not too much of a surprise here, and no one looked out of place.
6 Undertaker v. Vince McMahon( Buried Alive Match)- 3- The blood was flowing in this one! Vince bladed deep after the first punch in the match, and then was beaten from pillar to post as they say (they meaning the great Gorilla Monsoon). I wondered if this was Taker's way of getting all his frustrations out on Vince for anything he had ever done to him because he just beat his ass any which way he wanted for like ten minutes. I felt really bad watching it. Even the crowd had no reaction; it's like when you watch your best friend go up to a really hot chick and get shut down so coldly; there are no words for it, but the pity is definitely there. There was a Kane run in and Vince won but he looked like anything but a winner. The match wasn't really a match though, so it can't be rated too highly.
7 Goldberg v. HHH- 4- HHH really faked me out. I was ready to rate this one even lower, but he worked Goldberg's knee and ol' Billy Boy actually was selling it! They went safe with this one, with the big Goldberg comeback at the end, beating up all of Evolution. But one thing I don't get is why don't they swing that frickin' sledgehammer for the hills when they use it? I mean you're outnumbered 4 to 1 and you palm the metal part and hit them all in the gut? What is that? Anyways, not too awfully horrible.
So, overall, I enjoyed watching the show, and it had a lot of ups and downs. Probably one of the best in the last six or seven years.
Heat Match: Tajiri v. Jamie Knoble- 4- A short match, but one filled with effort.
1 Team Angle( Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw, & Hardcore Holly) v. Team Lesnar( Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, & Matt Morgan)- Traditoinal Survivor Series Match- 6- This match was built around Team Lesnar which was the biggest team ever, even surpassing Andre the Giant's team at the first SS. I think they should have calculated the brain power of Team Lesnar and compared it to President's Cabinet; I think you would find a stalemate. There were 3 quick eliminations, I'm talking the first 90 seconds, but there were all people you didn't want to see anyways. Angle got a hot tag and tore through Morgan & Jones, then was quickly pinned by Lesnar. Surprising. Benoit then made Lesnar tap out, and he and Cena went on to pin Show. This match had some surprise eliminations, which makes things exciting because it's different, a word I don't think shows up in the Mc Mahon vocab too often.
2 Lita v. Molly Holly- 2- Lita's offense looked comparable to Napoleon Dynamite trying to tackle Jerome Bettis. Molly tried to keep it together, and her only means of escape was to go for the finish early. I'm sure she'd rather eat stale carrots on the Kraft Service table than bump for Lita.
3 Kane v. Shane McMahon( Ambulance Match)- 3- This runaway train of bad encounters started with Kane being completely dropped on his head by taking a clothesline over the top. It was crazy. The only other highlight was Shane ramming the ambulance door into Kane's head stiff! We watched it several times. Some of the lowlights: Shane running around the arena like Bugs Bunny running from Elmer Fudd, then leading Kane to the garage where Shane backed a Jeep Cherokee into Kane, who busted through what appeared to be a glass bus station waiting thing. I don't think Ultimate Warrior could have written a more confusing scene. Overall, it was horribly planned and horribly executed.
4 Basham Brothers v. Los Guerreros- 5- A good tag match, although shorter than I would have hoped. The Bashams needed some experience, and the Guerreros were the right team to help them. I didn't like the finish at all, and Shaniqua grossed me out totally.
5 Stone Cold's Team( Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD, & The Dudley Boyz) v. Eric Bishchoff's Team( Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, & Mark Henry) ( Traditional Survivor Series Match)- 6- Another really good match that is what this show was founded upon. Great blade job by Michaels and they really pumped his comeback at the end, but the whole Austin chasing Bischoff away was sort of silly and left Austin looking like a fool when he came back to the ring. Not too much of a surprise here, and no one looked out of place.
6 Undertaker v. Vince McMahon( Buried Alive Match)- 3- The blood was flowing in this one! Vince bladed deep after the first punch in the match, and then was beaten from pillar to post as they say (they meaning the great Gorilla Monsoon). I wondered if this was Taker's way of getting all his frustrations out on Vince for anything he had ever done to him because he just beat his ass any which way he wanted for like ten minutes. I felt really bad watching it. Even the crowd had no reaction; it's like when you watch your best friend go up to a really hot chick and get shut down so coldly; there are no words for it, but the pity is definitely there. There was a Kane run in and Vince won but he looked like anything but a winner. The match wasn't really a match though, so it can't be rated too highly.
7 Goldberg v. HHH- 4- HHH really faked me out. I was ready to rate this one even lower, but he worked Goldberg's knee and ol' Billy Boy actually was selling it! They went safe with this one, with the big Goldberg comeback at the end, beating up all of Evolution. But one thing I don't get is why don't they swing that frickin' sledgehammer for the hills when they use it? I mean you're outnumbered 4 to 1 and you palm the metal part and hit them all in the gut? What is that? Anyways, not too awfully horrible.
So, overall, I enjoyed watching the show, and it had a lot of ups and downs. Probably one of the best in the last six or seven years.
WWE Survivor Series '03
1. Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble – 5
2. Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw, & Hardcore Holly) vs. Team Lesnar (Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, & Matt Morgan) – 6
3. Lita vs. Molly Holly – 3
4. Kane vs. Shane McMahon – Ambulance Match – 3
5. Basham Bros. vs. Los Guerreros – 4
6. Team Stone Cold (Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD, & The Dudley Boyz) vs. Team Bishchoff (Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, & Mark Henry) – 7
7. Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker – Buried Alive Match – 2
8. Goldberg vs. Triple H – 5
Tajiri and Noble were relegated to Heat status, but still brought the wrestling magic and a short, albeit sweet match. For what little time they were given, they delivered, and Tajiri was especially on, firing up the crowd. Team Angle versus Team Lesnar was an inspired opening contest to kick off this major pay-per-view. Right off the bat, several eliminations happened within the first couple minutes; but, once it slowed down, we saw some quality work from Angle, Benoit, and Cena. Even the big guys on Lesnar’s squad provided sufficient work, that is, for being a bunch of slack jawed jerk offs.
Lita looked absolutely awful in the ring, and although Molly tried to hold this pile together, the end result was nothing short of abysmal. Lita’s contributions to this business are ridiculously slim. Next up, a match where you have to stuff your opponent into an ambulance? I’m one of the guys whom I feel is, sadly, in the minority, who can see right through Shane McMahon’s nonexistent wrestling skills. His punches are some of the weakest I’ve ever seen, and he only gets cheap pops through clumsy, and extremely contrived big bumps that work only on shocked social misfits who’ve been brainwashed to believe falling from large heights makes you a good wrestler. I call bullshit! This match is a choreographed cluster of poor garbage wrestling, with the only legit spot being McMahon swinging the ambulance door crudely into Kane’s skull, which had me laughing hysterically.
I like Los Guerreros and the Basham boys, and although not bad, I was hoping they’d pull out all the stops, and tear it up, which I assure you, they didn’t. I don’t recall a lot from this, outside of a disappointing finish. Team Stone Cold features an interesting hodgepodge of workers, from the multitalented (Booker T) to the overrated (Rob Van Dam) in a group strong in stature, but lacking finesse. Team Bischoff is equally odd, ranging from the drug addled (Steiner) to the completely lost (Mark Henry) in a torrid team of villains. Mix these combustible elements, and believe it or not, the end result was a terrific match that proved to be entertaining on all fronts. Although not quite on the same level of main event caliber Survivor Series matches from years past, this match will still likely hold up in the future, in no small parts thanks to D-Von Dudley’s attempts at selling.
Vince McMahon is even worse than his son, Shane, and this match, if you can call it that, is a sad excuse for professional wrestling. McMahon cut himself way too deep, and bled buckets. I mean, he was an absolute mess, in one of the all-time grossest blade jobs I’ve witnessed. This was a hindrance to the match, as he was obviously unable to properly perform, and Undertaker couldn’t even make this schlock worth watching. The main event could have been a big deal, but instead, we were given something comparable to a Raw headliner. Still, Goldberg was somewhat surprising, actually trying to sell, which was a rarity in his W.C.W. years, and Triple H did a fair job, working around his rigid opponent. This should have been one of the more important, and memorable main events of the last 10 years, pitting two of the biggest stars of the past decade against each other, but unfortunately it didn’t leave a lasting impression with fans.
2. Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, John Cena, Bradshaw, & Hardcore Holly) vs. Team Lesnar (Brock Lesnar, Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, & Matt Morgan) – 6
3. Lita vs. Molly Holly – 3
4. Kane vs. Shane McMahon – Ambulance Match – 3
5. Basham Bros. vs. Los Guerreros – 4
6. Team Stone Cold (Shawn Michaels, Booker T, RVD, & The Dudley Boyz) vs. Team Bishchoff (Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, & Mark Henry) – 7
7. Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker – Buried Alive Match – 2
8. Goldberg vs. Triple H – 5
Tajiri and Noble were relegated to Heat status, but still brought the wrestling magic and a short, albeit sweet match. For what little time they were given, they delivered, and Tajiri was especially on, firing up the crowd. Team Angle versus Team Lesnar was an inspired opening contest to kick off this major pay-per-view. Right off the bat, several eliminations happened within the first couple minutes; but, once it slowed down, we saw some quality work from Angle, Benoit, and Cena. Even the big guys on Lesnar’s squad provided sufficient work, that is, for being a bunch of slack jawed jerk offs.
Lita looked absolutely awful in the ring, and although Molly tried to hold this pile together, the end result was nothing short of abysmal. Lita’s contributions to this business are ridiculously slim. Next up, a match where you have to stuff your opponent into an ambulance? I’m one of the guys whom I feel is, sadly, in the minority, who can see right through Shane McMahon’s nonexistent wrestling skills. His punches are some of the weakest I’ve ever seen, and he only gets cheap pops through clumsy, and extremely contrived big bumps that work only on shocked social misfits who’ve been brainwashed to believe falling from large heights makes you a good wrestler. I call bullshit! This match is a choreographed cluster of poor garbage wrestling, with the only legit spot being McMahon swinging the ambulance door crudely into Kane’s skull, which had me laughing hysterically.
I like Los Guerreros and the Basham boys, and although not bad, I was hoping they’d pull out all the stops, and tear it up, which I assure you, they didn’t. I don’t recall a lot from this, outside of a disappointing finish. Team Stone Cold features an interesting hodgepodge of workers, from the multitalented (Booker T) to the overrated (Rob Van Dam) in a group strong in stature, but lacking finesse. Team Bischoff is equally odd, ranging from the drug addled (Steiner) to the completely lost (Mark Henry) in a torrid team of villains. Mix these combustible elements, and believe it or not, the end result was a terrific match that proved to be entertaining on all fronts. Although not quite on the same level of main event caliber Survivor Series matches from years past, this match will still likely hold up in the future, in no small parts thanks to D-Von Dudley’s attempts at selling.
Vince McMahon is even worse than his son, Shane, and this match, if you can call it that, is a sad excuse for professional wrestling. McMahon cut himself way too deep, and bled buckets. I mean, he was an absolute mess, in one of the all-time grossest blade jobs I’ve witnessed. This was a hindrance to the match, as he was obviously unable to properly perform, and Undertaker couldn’t even make this schlock worth watching. The main event could have been a big deal, but instead, we were given something comparable to a Raw headliner. Still, Goldberg was somewhat surprising, actually trying to sell, which was a rarity in his W.C.W. years, and Triple H did a fair job, working around his rigid opponent. This should have been one of the more important, and memorable main events of the last 10 years, pitting two of the biggest stars of the past decade against each other, but unfortunately it didn’t leave a lasting impression with fans.
WWE Saturday Night's Main Event - 3/18/06
1) Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, & Rey Mysterio vs. John Cena & Triple H - 6
2) Trish Stratus & Mickie James vs. Candice Michelle & Victoria - 2
3) Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon – Street Fight – 6
This really had a good vibe to it. The opener was a terrific contest where everyone worked hard, including Cena. The crowd was really hot and reacted well to all the spots and sequences that were done. The women’s tag match was kept short and featured a Mickie James heel turn. Michaels and Shane had a terrific match which featured an insane table spot and moderate usage of a ladder. Also worth nothing on the show, was a fantastic segment with Edge and Foley which involved flaming tables and thumbtacks. Overall, a great return for SNME and a fantastic way to build up the big feuds for WrestleMania.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
HWA: War Games- December 2003
An Indy show War Games with no cage? Yeah, I'm going to love this.
1 Ala Hussien v. Big Jim- 3- I have an uncle we call Big Jim, but he's no wrestler. God, I don't even want to imagine him in tights or in anything that's not oversized and loose fitting so I don't ever catch a glimpse of what his true figure is. I love him, but he's pretty damn large and I don't want to know the contours of his largeness. Hussien bumped twice good and that was it.
2 The Hussla v. Mike Desire- 4- These guys tried a little more than the first match. Hussla has been a HWA midcarder for like 6 years and he doesn't do anything different today than he did when he first started: maybe that's a clue, Mr. Hussla?
3 80 Man Battle Royal- 1- I simply give this a one because people were actually wrestling. The camera shot of this match was horrible. I had no idea what was happening in the 2nd ring and I had no idea who was really in the match or leaving it. I couldn't tell you one thing that happened.
4 AJ Sparxx v. Helena Heavenly( Hardcore Match)- 2- I don't know why Les Thatcher thought anyone would enjoy this. Maybe he was heavily medicated. Actually, I'm quite sure he was heavily medicated. I don't know who won this or how, and it matters as little as my vote for John Kerry in 2004.
5 Crazy J/ Lotus v. JT Stahr/ TJ Dalton- 4- Stahr looked like Shannon Moore, and Lotus looked like Lance Storm if Lance Storm had ICP tattoos on his ribcage. I didn't really like this match. I've seen J & Lotus before and they are very acrobatical, and the match had a few good spots, but it's the bad ones we all remember, and it had it's share of those two. I give them a four not for the match they presented me, but for the the match they couldn't make happen.
6 War Games( Team BPW v. Team HWA) - 4 - This match was such a mish mosh of HWA wrestlers pretending to be BPW wrestlers, I couldn't tell who was on who's team. The final participant, Chet the Jet was locked out of the match by his brother Dean, by interlocking the guard rail together. If only Chet would have learned to climb fences, he would have been more than aptly prepared to scale the two foot barricade keeping him from his wrestling destiny. Such a pity. Overall, not a good show by any means of the imagination, and I can make up a story simply by looking at a PEZ dispenser. Ew, Burn.
1 Ala Hussien v. Big Jim- 3- I have an uncle we call Big Jim, but he's no wrestler. God, I don't even want to imagine him in tights or in anything that's not oversized and loose fitting so I don't ever catch a glimpse of what his true figure is. I love him, but he's pretty damn large and I don't want to know the contours of his largeness. Hussien bumped twice good and that was it.
2 The Hussla v. Mike Desire- 4- These guys tried a little more than the first match. Hussla has been a HWA midcarder for like 6 years and he doesn't do anything different today than he did when he first started: maybe that's a clue, Mr. Hussla?
3 80 Man Battle Royal- 1- I simply give this a one because people were actually wrestling. The camera shot of this match was horrible. I had no idea what was happening in the 2nd ring and I had no idea who was really in the match or leaving it. I couldn't tell you one thing that happened.
4 AJ Sparxx v. Helena Heavenly( Hardcore Match)- 2- I don't know why Les Thatcher thought anyone would enjoy this. Maybe he was heavily medicated. Actually, I'm quite sure he was heavily medicated. I don't know who won this or how, and it matters as little as my vote for John Kerry in 2004.
5 Crazy J/ Lotus v. JT Stahr/ TJ Dalton- 4- Stahr looked like Shannon Moore, and Lotus looked like Lance Storm if Lance Storm had ICP tattoos on his ribcage. I didn't really like this match. I've seen J & Lotus before and they are very acrobatical, and the match had a few good spots, but it's the bad ones we all remember, and it had it's share of those two. I give them a four not for the match they presented me, but for the the match they couldn't make happen.
6 War Games( Team BPW v. Team HWA) - 4 - This match was such a mish mosh of HWA wrestlers pretending to be BPW wrestlers, I couldn't tell who was on who's team. The final participant, Chet the Jet was locked out of the match by his brother Dean, by interlocking the guard rail together. If only Chet would have learned to climb fences, he would have been more than aptly prepared to scale the two foot barricade keeping him from his wrestling destiny. Such a pity. Overall, not a good show by any means of the imagination, and I can make up a story simply by looking at a PEZ dispenser. Ew, Burn.
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