Saturday, May 12, 2012

HWA Heartland Cup Night 1

****Sorry fans i was on a bit of a hiatus, so this is incomplete but figured i'd post what i have anyways

As Adam plunges into the great unknown (marriage) we finished off his bachelorhood by partaking in the very activity we had all become friends doing; watching dudes in underwear beat each other up.

The stage was a fun little ramp that looked like it belonged in Stewey's (local bouncy house kingdom for kids)

Match 1- Remy Wilkins v. Billy Roc - 4

Roc trained Remy who had resembled a young Booker T in appearance (charisma was nowhere near).  Match was definition of an opener, had the one ups manship reversals, "Come On!" taunts and rollup section.  It also had a nice floor bump by Roc and a fun chop fest; the right guy went over here and I had fun

Match 2- Nick Cutler v. Gerome Phillips - 4
  I groaned thinking this was going to be PWG's Cutlers, spot fest monkeys but not just a confused local boy with the pussiest manager I've seen live, complete with frayed Abercrombie belt and scared to take a bump.  "Black Jaws" had a real intangible and played his character to the hilt, thought he was a lot of fun and he punished Cutler; a theif in Thailand would have gotten off lighter.  This was continuing the fun vibe of the show.

Match 3- Dave Crist v. Alex Colon - 2
  This match blew harder than Kathy Griffin at the Comedy Central executive dinners.  Colon didn't really impress me, and the psych here was worse than a Power Plant training session.  Crist was desperatly trying to be Alex Shelly and I noticed he covered his ICP rib tatt with some skull ink; seems like he's been trying to fit in anywhere since high school; he completely ignored a apron bump just to get off a piss poor imitation of psychosis dive.  Finish happened out of nowhere and that sounds like a better destination than watching this shmuck try to glad hand people to notice him at intermission

match 4- DJ Hyde v. Christian Hayjme- 2
  I for one think Hyde's a bloated neanderthal who always books himself strong despite not having one iota of talent.  Hayjme was your typical smaller dude Hyde gets a chubby beating up; that being saide Hyde was probably the most hated of the night, especially when we screamed "
Zandig" at him.  Nothing here really, one semi stiff lariat and Hyde getting off with some weak power shit, felt as numb as I do watching "Whitney"

Match 5- Drake Younger v. Jesse EMerson - 6
  This match topped the evening with big Swedish looking dolt Emerson taking several sick bumps that would normally finish a match but they sucked us in; take my 8 bucks and change the world.  Drake's a nut, he's done it all in the indy scene and am sure was wishing for Ian Rotten when trying to get a piece of loose leaft paper stapled to his head.  Brock Guffman long time local manager and cholesterol whore was subdued but still got lots of heat.  Drake's Landing would have been a 4 at the Olympics in London but was just sick enough to bring us off our feet; our section i believe seemed to be the only fans in the arena knowledgeable about Drake's long hardcore standing in the wrestling world so wank us for that.  My fave match of the night

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What do you mean you "think" DJ Hyde is a bloated neanderthal without one iota of talent? I think you meant that you KNOW DJ Hyde is a bloated neanderthal without one iota of talent, man.