Tuesday, August 18, 2009

WrestleMania 15

1. Billy Gunn (c) v. Al Snow v. Hardcore Holly (Hardcore Title)- 3
Billy was actually taking some crazy flying bumps during the middle sections that very uncharacteristic. Crowd was really amped, probably just for the event in general, but at this point all the weapons weren't so totally played out yet. Snow in what seemed a brainfreeze moment, just continually hit both opponents with a broken stick for a good 5 minutes it seemed. Finish was so anticlimatic but it didn't matter anyways.

2. Owen Hart/ Jeff Jarrett (c) v. Dlo Brown/ Test (Tag Title)- 3
This was a really quick affair, like the one you had with your boss's daughter after he denied your promotion, but the champs were selling really effectivley in it. Match didn't have enough time to properly set up anything worth while as the challengers were supposed to be working like they hated each other. Debra looked like an exotic dancer belonging on stage with Seigfried & Roy. Kind of a waste of the tag titles and of Owen's talents in general.

3. Bart Gunn v. Butterbean (Brawl for All)- 2
I give it a 2 simply for one of the most devastating KO"s I've ever seen with these baby brown's. You could tell Gunn was out skilled from the beginning of the fight. Gorilla at ringside got a big ovation, which was cool but he wasn't looking too good in his later days.

4. Mankind v. Big Show - 3
This was supposed to be the Foley show i think, but the match was lacking in almost all departments. No time was given to really tell a story, Show was dq'd for using a chair, which foley had already done. Some obscenely bad miscues from Show and his goofy dazed sell had me ready to hand Tara Reid an Oscar. The one bright spot was that backbump Foley takes where he's on Show's back in the "Princess Bride" position. This was very much a basic TV match.

5. Road Dogg (c) v. Val Venis v. Goldust v. Ken Shamrock (IC Title Elimination)- 4
God I miss Val being on my TV every week. Guess I'll settle for Don Draper. Shamrock has good explosion on his moves. Meanie is entertaining as a second far more than a competitor. Now, Val knows how to execute a spinebuster, Game. Goldust looked sharp until he bonered a superplex. Tags don't mean anyhting here, DCO sad excuse for a finish to Valbowksi & Shamrock, Road Dogg blew a good idea for the finish. Sadly, this was for the IC belt, one that used to mean something.

6. HHH v. Kane - 3
This match left a real bad taste in my mouth, like I just got sprayed with a fire extinguisher. This starts out in a brawl around ringside (are you really surprised?) and Kane is taking huge crazy bumps into the stairs and into the sides, but once back inside it becomes a slow punch fest. Kane tries a pescado later on but only strikes Hunter with his hand in a really stupid spot. Chyna comes out after only about 6 minutes of tepid action and blasts Kane with a chair; Trips follows suit and we have two wildebeests reuniting. Crowd didn't seem to care too much. Jesus, this was a Wrestlemania match, what a joke.

7. Sable (c) v. Tori (Women's Title)- 0
Tori's purple lepoard outfit rivals HBK's shit brown trunks in ugliness. Sable looked as bored as I was watching this. There was no effort here, she was blowing more spots here than she ever did in the 2003 Smackdown Locker room. Any match where your big spot is having Nicole Bass's freakish ass interfere is instantly dead in the water.

8. Shane McMahon (c) v. X-Pac (European Title)- 3
The "Stooges" attack Pac in the aisleway, resembled some old grandpa's fighting a kid at a flea market over the last Topps Johnny Bench rookie card. This match was choreographed better than Disney on Ice, you could tell not a single spot wasn't rehearsed several times before. Epitome of Russo booking, Shane was terribly useless inside a ring at this point, ex. he didn't even know how to get himself setup for a superplex. Test screwing up several spots added to the carnage; felt bad for Waltman, he must have felt like the only guy who could swim as the Titanic went down. DX Swerve at the end didn't do much for me either.

9. Undertaker v. Big Bossman (Hell in a Cell)- 3
This was a long emotionless brawl with double juice (which hasn't meant less in many years.) Bossman pulled off a swinging neckbreaker in a isolated spot I liked here. Handcuff gimmick broke instantly but Taker did have to eat some nightstick shots to the cranium. No heat either, which couldnt have felt good while being inside such an awesome structure knowing you can't do shit with it to pop the crowd. Hanging Bossman after match was mind-numbingly stupid.

10. The Rock (c) v. Steve Austin (WWF World Title)- 4
I reviewed this match before in my previous "Holy Trilogy" review, but have even lowered the grade after re-watching it here. First 10 minutes was the "Attitude" way to do business; long crowd brawl with a lot of heat and terrible work. Just punch after punch after punch and theatric selling. The 2 spots that got multiple replays were Austin's garbage bump onto a light with his leg and the ever thrilling elbow smash through the table (that took 2 tries.) I'm surprised the Philly crowd didn't riot after that one; JR was back, fighting a severe bout of Bells' Palsy and it had to have felt more arduous to put that move over as "high impact." Best stuff was once they got a lone unadulterated 7 minutes in the ring to work counters and near falls, which is the only time I felt the magic between these 2. 4 ref bumps later, Austin regains the title with a wounded Mick Foley there to share the spot light; guess that was Mick's consolation for not being involved in the main event as per the plans leading up to the show.

All I know is that if President Obama's "Cash for Clunkers" bill was applicable to pro wrestling shows, this one would garner the full $5,000 rebate.

XIII= 49%
XIV= 44%
VIII= 43%
XII= 43%
II= 43%
X= 42%
III= 39%
VII= 34%
V= 34%
XI= 34%
IV= 34%
IX= 33%
I= 32%
VI= 32%
XV= 28%

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