Monday, May 11, 2009

Wrestlemania VII

1) The Rockers v. Barbarian/ Haku- 5

Surprisingly, this was a great way to start off a show, opening sequence showed teamwork and fluidity between both teams, especially the strangely attired Barbarian who dealt out a deathly double clothesline then bumped out of the ring for a double superkick. Good psych on the assisted hurricanrana spot, worked once but the primitive heel team caught on with the 2nd attempt. Marty's selling is kind of inconsistent, sometimes he walks stuff off, sometimes he takes big spin bumps, or just crouches and cringes his whole body up but he does eat everything well. Haku is the better choice to lead the match and so far everything is clicking. Awesome powerslam by Barbarian near end, excatly the way the move was intended to look. Finish was good too, isolated one big man with a high flying move for the win.

2) Dino Bravo v. Kerry Von Erich- 2

I was hoping for a lot more here, with one of my childhood favorites in action. But, he was stumbling down the aisle, like a junkie. Bravo looked like a Butterball turkey, complete with honey glaze basted into his hair. Kerry was reacting to Bravo's punches like he was trying to pick up his car keys on the ground. Bravo also seemed to be moving at a quarter speed for some reason. Missed a couple cues on some simple spots, bump it up a grade due to the stiff tornado punch.

3) Warlord v. British Bulldog- 5

This was the surprise of the night. Warlord was so stiff in his movements, i thought he was going to tear a muscle just lifiting his arms up. Nice reverse on the crucifix by Warlord though. Davey gains momentum and Warlord shows he's been wrestling for many years and cuts off his momentum; if this big idiot had a personality, he wouldn't be half bad. Bulldog speeds up the pace and he's tremendously over which keeps the crowd into it. The Full nelson gimmick was the thing that the match was built on and Davey did a hell of a job selling how hard it was to break it. Finish was a big powerslam and I can't believe how well this came off.

4) Hart Foundation v. Nasty Boys (Tag Team Title)- 4

Nastys were a great heel act, the exact dudes you don't want to know in real life and what could make you boo more? They have great facials when they are selling anything, even disdain for an opponent. Hart's are widly popular here, Bret just looks like a pro, working the body low and then with scientific moves. Always loved Anvil's giant forearms. Once Nastys take over, match slows to a crawl, not a lot of tags and they work time killer moves for much of their section, hiding Bret's innate ability to bump for his opposition big time. Comeback spot wakes the crowd up but a motorcycle helmet ends the long reign of the Harts as a tag team.

5) Rick Martel v. Jake Roberts (Blindfold Match)- 3

I think in front of a live crowd that was full of kids, including the young version of Macauly Culkin, this was wonderful. As far as workrate, there's none there. It's a mix of comedy into a gimmick match where a little goes a long way. Roberts does a great job getting the fans into it and I think they did the most with what they had, but certainly you don't ever repeat this match because nothing good will come of it (should have told TNA that a few years ago after their atrocity)

6) Undertaker v. Jimmy Snuka- 3

Snuka wearing boots? Looks like the Chucacabra profiled on "MonsterQuest." Taker was hitting all his big moves extremely well, flying clothesline, a huge vertical suplex all the way across the ring. Offensively he looked good but at times it was like two guys wrestling different matches. Taker waits to catch Jimmy in a move, but Snuka jumps past him to kill himself ribs first on the top rope. Snuka looked like a Samoan Terry Funk sort of.

7) Randy Savage v. Ultimate Warrior (Career Match)- 7

First great thing here, and there were many, Heenan spots Liz in the crowd and his acting is just so serious it's funny. Were Warrior's tights a shoot? They had a picture of the World Title and said "Much more important than this" like he was shooting on the Main. Savage was playing so many heel roles at one time here, it was like watching an Eddie Murphy movie, he was sneaky, cowardly, aggressive, just so multi-faceted. Both guys using psych out stuff, Warrior catches him from the top rope, then sets him down and slaps his face brutally. Noticed some of the same spots from the Hogan match from Last Mania. Not keen on Warrior's bumps, looks like a tranqued zebra trying not to fall down. Sherri is liberally interfering whenever she darn well pleases throughout this whole thing. She worked harder than 1/2 the roster on this show.

After some sloppiness through the middle section, Savage hits 5, count 'em, 5 top rope elbows on Warrior and he still kicks out? Could you possibly put someone over any more than that? Announcers and crowd go bezerk when Warrior can't finish him- asking Gods if he's finished goes with the character, but crowd is shitting on it verbally, just like when Dave hosted the Oscars many moons back. Savage takes killer wipeout into guard rail outside then succumbs to multiple shoulderblocks. This has to be my favorite Warrior match of all time. Aftermatch was emotionally satisfying, over all one of the great moments from a Mania that actually felt genuine even though it was scripted out.

8) Demolition v. Genichiro Tenryu/ Koji Kiato- 2

Well this was shit. Kiato was greener than Nickelodeon slime, couldn't bring himself to sell anything nor did he know how. Demolition had progressed even more into shitty Georiga-indy offense at this time than earlier in their career, basically boiling down to wild forearms and shots to the back. Tenryu had some fans in the audience, but they didn't get to see his back elbow. We did get an enzugiri although that blown ending killed this one. Smash waiting for a good 2 minutes with Tenryu on his knee as Kiato just kept interfering not letting them pull off the ending spot. Ugly powerbomb and the boys from Japan were back on a plane, eating monkfish and slurping sake.

9) Mr. Perfect v. Big Bossman (IC Title Match)- 5

The towel, spitting and a slap all set this up to be extremely personal right from the get go. Both guys were super quick and I think they missed the boat on this being a long time feud. Henning is bumping like he has a trampoline implanted in his back. Nice abdominal stretch, locked the feet together, don't see that done anymore ever really. Heenan on the outside can sell anything, especially when something goes wrong. Hell, i'd probably buy an Iraqi bomber child from him he's so good. Andre wanders out near the end and the attention of the audience and participants completely switches to him, which it's great to see him but hurts an otherwise good back and forth match. Get to see some of his famous swipes though as the Polynesian powerhouses from our opening match drool over themselves to take a paintbrush from the legend. An unintentionally funny moment is after the match, Andre is walking away when Bossman comes up from behind him and puts his hands on Giant's shoulders; this freaks Andre out, he looks shocked then pissed and turns around with his hand cocked like he's going to knock whoever touched him out. I was laughing on my couch so hard I think my daughter thought I was upset, so she came over and hugged me. Andre's such a great man; still bringing families together 16 years after his death.

10) Earthquake v. Greg Valentine- 3

Hammer playing the fall guy here but he for damn sure isn't lying down. Really jagged elbows to Quake's upper neck and stuff. Valentine was just a bruiser, a true legendary toughguy. Quake posing is funny, esp. because he's not full of muscle mass, his arms look more like some quivering mass of alien from "Men in Black." Hammer didn't take the aftershock either, don't blame him. Wish i knew about this a few years back, would have asked him about it at the Butler County Fair while he was completely skinburned and chewing a tasteless hot dog.

11) Legion of Doom v. Power & Glory- 1

They give Roma a 360 in air with the Decapitation and that's it. Herc looked like a fucking rubbernecker watching Roma get pinned while standing on the apron.

12) Ted Dibiase v. Virgil- 2

Okay, good story but Teddy is wasted here, Virgil was greener than Easter grass, as evidenced by the structure of the match. Not built around any sequences, just strikes and a move here and there, nothing more than 1 move at a time, no series. Dibiase working as a good vet should and taking liberties with future Curly Bill. Did me and Brian, collectively known as the Waffle Mafia, the sickest musical group in badly recorded history, really dedicate a song to this stooge? Piper is stealing all the thunder here and plays up the wounded animal quite well. The countout thing sucked the rubber tip off of Piper's crutch and the match ended up being a vehicle for Piper to get over, which I'm all for but don't disguise it.

13) The Mountie v. Tito Santana- 1

Tito hits his finisher about 20 seconds in and then gets tazered by the goof in the red shirt. Damn, that's pretty disappointing. Guess they ran long on time.

14) Sgt. Slaughter v. Hulk Hogan (WWF Title)- 5

Starts out with a cat & mouse game around the ring, before Sarge gets his first bit of offense. He's extremely slow, but calculating, imagine if Mr. Magoo were a serial killer, how he'd clean up the crime scene is watching Slaughter go to work here. Hogan quickly assumes control, posting Sarge 3 times then beating his ass for a good 10 minutes in something very squash-like. You could say "he goes OJ on him," haha. Both guys are in slow motion now, as if Hiro has frozen time for his amusement again. Slaughter hooks in a vicious Boston Crab, but it's right in front of the ropes, which is really stupid. Even Regis, doing commentary, keeps saying "Grab the rope, how come he doesn't grab the ropes?" Because he's a wrestling genius, Reg. Adnan distracts ref while Slaughter has Hogan down in a stupefying move, and just because you read Stupefying, doesn't give you the right to recite the lyrics to that ridiculous song. Okay, you have the right, this is America, but don't torture yourself. Okay, Adnan blew 2 spots now, after missing his cue to knock Hogan off top rope. Same Hulk finish we see every Mania time, and this was so-so. Def. not one of Sarge's best but a successful performance for the "Immortal" Jailbait Hogan.

II= 43%
III= 39%
VII= 34%
V= 34%
IV= 34%
I= 32%
VI= 32%

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