UWF Beach Brawl PPV - 6/9/91

1) The Black Hearts vs. Jim Cooper & Fire Cat - 3
2) Johnny Ace vs. Terry Gordy – Street Fight - 4
3) The Power Twins vs. The Killer Bees - 3
4) Candi Devine vs. Rockin Robin - 4
5) Paul Orndorff vs. Col. DeBeers – Strap Match - 4
6) Ivan Koloff vs. Bob Backlund - 5
7) Cowboy Bob Orton & Cactus Jack vs. Sonny Beach & Steve Ray - 2
8) Bam Bam Bigelow vs. “Dr. Death” Steve Williams – 6

If you were to look up the phrase “shit terrible”, this event would be listed as a reference. All four people involved in the opening fiasco are probably either bagging groceries somewhere or parking cars at the county fair. Ace and Gordy fought a fairly decent bout but the absurd booking totally destroyed any hope this had of getting a positive rating. A double count-out in a street fight? Who booked this shit? Moving along, The Bees and the Twins had and absolutely terrible match which happened to be the only match on the card that went over ten minutes. I can’t remember who won and quite frankly, I don’t care. Devine and Robin had a decent women’s match which was probably the best match on the show up to this point. Wait, did I just say that about a women’s match?

Starting off the second half of this beleaguered show was a strap match. They showed the events that led up to it but nothing made a bit of sense (as if I was expecting anything else by this point). The second absurdity was that Orndorff made his way to the ring to M.C. Hammer’s infamous U Can’t Touch This. As for the match, well … who cares. I’ll let the rating speak for itself. Backlund and Koloff had the match of the night, by far. While it only went two and a half minutes in length, Backlund looked to be in decent shape and beat Koloff clean. The legends Orton and Jack teamed up to take on the rookie team of Beach and Ray, collectively called Wet N’ Wild. Hmmm … Wet N’ Wild … that kinda sounds like a Girls Gone Wild video. The only problem is that these weren’t girls, they were guys, and largely untalented ones at that. The only thing that needs to be said about this one is that they made Jack do the job. Yes, you read that right. Jack did the job to two guys who are probably bussing tables at the local Denny’s. Bigelow and Williams had a hard-hitting contest and a fairly short match. Williams beat Bigelow and the 500 fans who bothered to show up promptly headed to the box office for a refund. Let us never speak of this event again.