Thursday, May 18, 2006

TNA Sacrifice '06

1. Petey Williams vs. - Jushin Lyger - 4
2. AMW vs. AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels - 4
3. Raven vs. A-1 - 2
4. Bobby Roode vs. Rhyno - 3
5. James Gang vs. Team 3-D - 3
6. 16-Man X Division Gauntlet - 6
7. Sting and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner - 5
8. Christian vs. Abyss - Full Metal Mayhem - 4

Growing up I practically idolized Lyger -- now I turn my head in shame when he makes TNA appearances. This was no exception, as he and wily Canadian Williams offered us a poor excuse for an opener. There was no passion on display here, just routine stuff that was largely poorly done.

AMW and Style and Daniels are all obviously talented, although they failed to display their skill here in a horrible match. This was the laziest AMW has possibly ever looked, and the majority of the match's key sequences were hackneyed.

Raven looked so awful that I secretly hoped he'd injury himself so we'd be spared his horrid visage on our TV in the future, and to save him from future embarrassment. His green dyed hair looked like pea green soup with turds floating in it -- his match was the equivalent of what that would taste like. A-1 is a complete joke, he should spend more time studying Arn Anderson tapes and less time in the tanning salons, giving employees handjobs for discounts.

Roode and Rhyno both are capable of giving inspired performances with the right opponent and setting -- this night wasn't an example of that. This was the most boring and plodding match on the show, saddled with a tame storyline to boot. I'd rather watch Rhyno later that night giving a prostitute a nude gore in a public restroom.

James Gang and Team 3-D are both established tag teams. We know them well, and we stop caring for them both years prior. This match started off all right, but deteriorated like the quality of Roman Polanski's films. I don't want to see B.G. James selling Team 3-D's weak offense, I want to see him selling them pain pills and rolling papers.

The X Division gauntlet/battle royal was the most fun thing to watch on the entire pay-per-view. It wasn't groundbreaking, but was way more entertaining than anything else offered. In my opinion, Team Mexico looked the best, bringing the most energy to the match. In the end, Petey Williams went over (for the second time in the show) which is a decision I argue; worse than that, after the match egotistical Kevin Nash came down to the ring and cut a promo ridiculing the match and the entire X Division. If I were one of the 16 participants in this match I would have spit in his face for shitting on my livelihood.

Everyone's been waiting to see what Samoa Joe would do if he ever got a chance to work with some of the bigger names in our industry. He's been squashing small guys for months, to the enjoyment of fanboys nationwide, but amounting to very little. I made a claim -- if Joe worked stiff with these veterans like he did everyone else, I too would be part of his fan club, but if he cheapened his style after working so hard to get to this point, I would call him out on it and lose my respect for him. I lost my respect for him. This match was fun to watch only due to its bizarreness and the potential for things going wrong. Sting further made a mockery of himself, Joe looked chubby and lost, Steiner's offense was further exposed as being tremendously limited, and dare I say it, Jarrett was the best thing about this.

Christian and Abyss -- just wow, this match wasn't a main event at all. It was convoluted and contrived. The match's structure was built around a couple big bumps, which had they came off well helped matters, but resulted only in further hurting the match. Christian's frog splash (which I dubbed the tadpole splash due to how pussy it truly is) off of a ladder barely even put Abyss through a table in a hysterical spot. This shouldn't be allowed to main event a show at a backwoods carnival for $5 a ticket -- let alone a major pay-per-view event. How does TNA management expect to ever compete with WWE when they present us a show as horrendous as this? This sucked harder than Jackie Gayda did on Jarrett's dick to get off of TV. I know I sound pissed off, that's only because I am -- truthfully, how can't you be ashamed if you had anything to do with this wretched show.

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