Another good episode of Impact, TNA seemingly has turned the corner, as most of their televised shows in this last quarter of the year have been uniformly enjoyable. You can bitch and nitpick about the booking, most of which I’d say is deserved, but that’s the crux of being a wrestling fan; however, the wrestling itself is usually the highlight on TNA broadcasts, when its given a decent amount of time, that being said this week’s show featured some solid stuff.
1. Consequences Creed and “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. Tanahashi and Sonjay Dutt - 2
The opening tag started off with fast, no wasted time, not even any holds or locks to mention, just the straightforward action TNA has based their brand upon. Creed and Lethal, representing the “TNA Originals”, looked good here, controlling the lion’s share of this good but far too short bout. Dutt was routinely rocked, reeling from shots throughout, and while Tanahashi showed some fire, he too wasn’t the same after eating an enzuigiri. Creed caught Dutt in mid-air as he backflipped off the ropes, hoisted him up, and hit him with a “TKO” for the victory. A fun, fast-paced match, but extremely short to its detriment.
2. Beautiful People vs. Sojourner Bolt and Christy Hemme – 3
The women’s tag I liked slightly better, mainly just because it got a little bit more time, so they were able to tell a bit more of a story, albeit a truncated one. I’d not seen Bolt before; the bulk of the match consisted of her getting beat on by the Beautiful People. Sojourner needs to work on her timing to be more effective, although a crossbody of hers was superb, and if nothing else she displayed her toughness, taking a pretty nasty beating by Love and Skye. Love and Skye, to their credit, are great at being evil bitches. At one point Skye just stepped right on Bolt’s throat. Bolt made the hot tag, as Hemme came in a house of fire, blowing through her enemies, even doing Trish’s old “Matrix Move” dodging a clothesline. Being plucky wasn’t enough, as the lovely Love hit her with the “Lights Out” for the win.
3. Motor City Machineguns vs. Samoa Joe and AJ Styles – 5
The next match, on paper, was the one that would make even the most jaded TNA critic set their DVR in anticipation. It started wild, all four man giving it all from the go, with Sabin destroying Joe wth a suicide dive to the floor, followed in short order by AJ flying high with a sommersault plancha taking out both of the Machineguns. The winners of this match would be awarded a main event slot at December’s pay-per-view captaining a four-man team against the Main Event Mafia. Joe’s powerslam looked better than ever, capturing Sabin in the blink of an eye and dropping him to the mat with such force that Sabin writhed in pain like he was in labor. A backflip kick by AJ followed by a brutal lariat by Joe knocked Sabin out of the running. This lead to AJ plucking Shelly from the top rope, where he had been inadvertently crotched moments earlier by his partner, and hitting the “Styles Clash” on him for the victory. Afterward, Angle and his goons Nash, Stiener, and Booker T came out and bludgeoned Joe and Styles real good, furthering the most captivating current feud in America.
4. Eric Young vs. Booker T – 4
I really liked this match, and would love to see these guys get more time together at a bigger show. There was a real interesting dynamic of the savvy veteran versus the gutsy naiveté of Young. As the match progressed Young’s confidence raised, escaping several of Booker’s signature moves, etc. Eric also displayed some of his unorthodox strength, hitting a “Death Valley Driver” on Booker that nearly prematurely ended Booker’s night. As the tides had officially turned, Young was on the move, but a trip by Sharmell distracted Eric enough to cost him, as Booker capitalized and shortly after finished Young off with a wild axe-kick that Booker hit from a nearly impossible angle.
5. Abyss and Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle and Kevin Nash – 5
This was a very good TV main event. Abyss and Morgan have really showed tremendous promise as a team. They dominated Angle early, as Angle got control of Abyss’ back while jockeying for position, but as soon as Angle tried to exchange punches with the monster Abyss his fortune radically changed. Abyss pieced Angle some in the face, then hit his patented “Shock Treatment” backbreaker fairly early into the match, just wrecking Kurt’s spine and entire body. Morgan came in and furthered the hurt on Angle, drilling him with a beautiful bicycle kick right in the mush. When Nash finally got tagged in there was a great moment as he and Morgan had a big man face-off right in the center of the ring. They exchanged hard strikes and I really dig big guys hitting each other in the face and head so this was tits. Angle got in and finally used his cleverness to gain an advantage for his team, ruthlessly attacking Morgan’s legs. The end came as a result of Beer Money Inc. making their way to ringside, they distracted Abyss, and after turning his back to them Abyss was the recipient of a beer bottle to the back of the skull at the hands of James Storm followed by a big boot by Nash for the win.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Audio Review: ROH Death Before Dishonor VI
Click here to listen to our audio review of ROH Death Before Dishonor VI, one of that company’s better overall shows of ’08. In it we discuss homegrown CZW talent, the first great NWA title match in ages, being stomped in the head by Necro Butcher, Marufuji’s confidence, Didge does a poor Adam impersonation, the Motor City Machineguns should stay in Orlando, the hot four-man main event, and much more!
Friday, December 5, 2008
RINGS- 05/11/91 Yokohama Arena
1) Herman Renting v. Pieter Smit (Fire Bout)- 3
2) Willie Peeters v. Marcell Haarmans (Water Bout)- 5
3) Bill Kazmaier v. Chris Polman (Earth Bout)- 3
4) Dirk Vrij v. Akira Maeda (Universe Bout)- 5
RINGS was a mixed martial arts promotion that held "worked" shoot events, where the athletic contest was fought as a real fight, but winners and spots are pre-determined. Maeda formed the group in 1991 and it went strong until 2001 holding shows occasionally. This has to be one of it's first organized events. One of the main points when watching a "worked" shoot is to determine how real they make it feel but also you want that psychology & story you get from a wrestling match worked in as well. Our first bout was with two obviously novice guys. They did a lot of ground stuff, with quick reversals and no one holding any one thing too long. But, the work was loose and without any polish. It only went to the 2nd round and was pretty standard fare, couple of kicks here and there, but mostly looked like two kids tussling in the grass over who gets to use the Slip n' Slide next, am i dating myself? 2nd fight was pretty fiery, Peeters was throwing big kicks left and right, and Haarmans was clearly a ground guy trying to control him down to either wear him out on the ground or lock in a submission. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't very good on the ground and Peeter was able to evade or scramble out of most attempts. A serious brain cracker head kick sealed the poor man's Jack Swaggers' fate in a moment certainly worth several replays.
You may remember Kazmaier from old WCW days where he would carry a giant rubber globe to the ring. He was extremely awkward during this fight. Polman had just fight Maeda and seemed like the real deal. He could kick and was crafty on the ground. Kaz used his power for the first two rounds to get Polman down on the ground and put a hold on him, but no technique so he couldn't get the tap out. Kaz's kicks were so bad, looked like Andy Dick trying to do a Bruce Lee kick. He tired out in the 3rd round, but kept Polman off of him until the 5th where he got caught in a deadly armbar. Now, the main- Dirk looked liked a villain from a Brian Bosworth action film in the early 90's; big physique, flat top blond cut, you know the type. Maeda was a patient fighter, testing the waters with Dirk, who was semi-aggressive using his bigger size to bully Maeda, catching several kicks and sweeping the leg or just throwing him down. You could tell Maeda's skill though, the way when he got control on the ground he used it to grind Dirk into the mat, or his transitions from diff. locks, he was by far the most skilled fighter on the whole show. It only took him a few rounds to sink in a killer armbar for the submission victory.
This was my intro to RINGS and I'm quite happy with it. I think this was a decent starting point and I'm sure there are tons of better shows than this one.
2) Willie Peeters v. Marcell Haarmans (Water Bout)- 5
3) Bill Kazmaier v. Chris Polman (Earth Bout)- 3
4) Dirk Vrij v. Akira Maeda (Universe Bout)- 5
RINGS was a mixed martial arts promotion that held "worked" shoot events, where the athletic contest was fought as a real fight, but winners and spots are pre-determined. Maeda formed the group in 1991 and it went strong until 2001 holding shows occasionally. This has to be one of it's first organized events. One of the main points when watching a "worked" shoot is to determine how real they make it feel but also you want that psychology & story you get from a wrestling match worked in as well. Our first bout was with two obviously novice guys. They did a lot of ground stuff, with quick reversals and no one holding any one thing too long. But, the work was loose and without any polish. It only went to the 2nd round and was pretty standard fare, couple of kicks here and there, but mostly looked like two kids tussling in the grass over who gets to use the Slip n' Slide next, am i dating myself? 2nd fight was pretty fiery, Peeters was throwing big kicks left and right, and Haarmans was clearly a ground guy trying to control him down to either wear him out on the ground or lock in a submission. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't very good on the ground and Peeter was able to evade or scramble out of most attempts. A serious brain cracker head kick sealed the poor man's Jack Swaggers' fate in a moment certainly worth several replays.
You may remember Kazmaier from old WCW days where he would carry a giant rubber globe to the ring. He was extremely awkward during this fight. Polman had just fight Maeda and seemed like the real deal. He could kick and was crafty on the ground. Kaz used his power for the first two rounds to get Polman down on the ground and put a hold on him, but no technique so he couldn't get the tap out. Kaz's kicks were so bad, looked like Andy Dick trying to do a Bruce Lee kick. He tired out in the 3rd round, but kept Polman off of him until the 5th where he got caught in a deadly armbar. Now, the main- Dirk looked liked a villain from a Brian Bosworth action film in the early 90's; big physique, flat top blond cut, you know the type. Maeda was a patient fighter, testing the waters with Dirk, who was semi-aggressive using his bigger size to bully Maeda, catching several kicks and sweeping the leg or just throwing him down. You could tell Maeda's skill though, the way when he got control on the ground he used it to grind Dirk into the mat, or his transitions from diff. locks, he was by far the most skilled fighter on the whole show. It only took him a few rounds to sink in a killer armbar for the submission victory.
This was my intro to RINGS and I'm quite happy with it. I think this was a decent starting point and I'm sure there are tons of better shows than this one.
WWF WrestleMania VIII
Let’s start by looking at the set-up of this show. The Hoosier Dome (now the RCA Dome) has a similar look to the Silverdome which held ‘Mania III. There are probably 68,000 or more people in the building and the long aisleway runs from under the stands out to the ring. Gorilla and Bobby are on commentary and are on the top of their game, with Heenan delivering arguably some of his best work ever.
Michaels came in cocky and confident, as if he was just going to walk right over Tito. Tito was saddled with the “El Matador” thing but made the most of it. This started fast and after the initial exchange, it settled down and Tito controlled a lot of the match by keeping the side headlock tight. Michaels was able to break free a few times and at one point drilled Tito with what would eventually become known as Sweet Chin Music. Tito did bust out a nice flying shoulder-block and two of his patented flying forearms. This would’ve gotten another point had the finish been a little cleaner as Tito tried to suplex Michaels back into the ring from the apron but Michaels held the top-rope. Once they switched camera angles, it was tough to see if Sherri tripped Tito or if Shawn just forced him down for the pin. Afterwards, Heenan calls Michaels “the star of the 90s”. Truer words have never been spoken. This was a solid match and a great match to open the show with.
This would be Jake’s last match before heading to WCW in a very ill-fated run and it turned out to be an extended squash for ‘Taker. Jake got in little offense during the bout and only hit his big moves like the short-arm clothesline and two DDTs. The finish saw Jake go after Paul Bearer on the outside and try to steal the urn. In turn, he was then Tombstoned on the outside by ‘Taker and rolled back in for the pin. Funny story about that finish … it wasn’t the scheduled finish. Jake told ‘Taker to do the Tombstone on the outside instead of in the ring and said that Vince had changed it. The only problem was Vince never changed a thing and the original finish was for Jake to get beaten in the middle of the ring without the stuff on the outside. This was a basic match with nothing really of note.
This was a fantastic match! Piper and Bret exchanged words in the interview area before the match which helped raise the intensity level. They slapped each other, spit on each other, and tricked each other just to try to gain the upper hand. There was a noticeable botch on a spot where both guys tried to go over the top and it didn’t exactly work as planned. Bret suckered in Piper with a feigned injury and got a two-count. Piper busted Bret open with a punch and then scored with a bulldog headlock. Bret fought back and scored with a superplex. A ref bump saw Piper grab the ring bell but then having second thoughts with going to hit him. Piper threw down the bell, caught Bret in a sleeper, but then Bret countered it by walking the buckle and getting the pin. Piper teased turning on Bret after the match but, in a show of good sportsmanship, presented Bret with the belt and helped him up. A great Intercontinental title match with both men matching each other move for move.
Ray Combs of Family Feud fame is the guest ring announcer for this bout. His announcement of the heel team takes forever as he cracks jokes at their expense. The heels rush him and we’re off. A quadruple clothesline spot clears the ring for the face squad. It settles down after that but soon legal man issues come into effect as the referee has a very hard time controlling the action. Virgil comes in wearing a face protector, to which Heenan says that Virgil looks like a spotted owl. A mis-communication by the Nastys finish off the bout as Virgil gets the pin. There wasn’t much to this one as it was pretty much filler.
If you thought the intensity level on the Bret/Piper match was something, you haven’t seen anything yet. The backstory to this is that Flair was infatuated with Miss Elizabeth and Savage was defending her honor. They start off by brawling in the aisleway and Mr. Perfect, who was Flair’s manager, gets involved almost immediately by throwing Savage into the ring. Savage’s selling of his knee after getting it worked over was great. Perfect regularly interfered on Flair’s behalf and that really hurt the score for me. There was one point where he climbed up on the apron, pulled and object out of his pocket right in front of the referee, and tossed it to Flair. The referee would’ve had to have been Ray Charles in order not to see that! Flair gets busted open after missing a spot and hitting his head on the rail. Liz runs down to ringside with numerous suits, including a very young Shane-O-Mac, trying to escort back to the locker room. The crowd reaction after Savage got the pin on Flair was deafening. Afterwards, Flair approaches Liz, gets slapped, and Flair and Savage brawl some more.
Heenan spends the majority of the match running down Tatanka and saying he should pitch for the Cleveland Indians. This is pretty basic with them never really getting out of second gear. This would wind up being Martel’s last WrestleMania appearance and this was the kick-start for the long running feud between the two that would last until late in the year. The in-ring work was there but it’s hard to follow the Savage/Flair match.
Jimmy Hart had turned on the Disasters weeks prior to this bout so this was a revenge match for them. DiBiase and IRS were just beginning their awesome run as a team but something seemed off on this match. I think it was because these teams don’t really match up that well. DiBiase and IRS tried to work around the size of the Disasters but it was not to be as they eventually grabbed their belts and walked out on the match. Blah finish to a very blah match.
Talk about a quickie! Skinner attacks early and throws Owen over the top. Owen skins-the-cat and rolls up Skinner for the pin. Nothing to it. I’m not even sure why it was on the show.
This was billed up to be Hogan’s potential final match and Sid was yelling and screaming about how he would make sure it would be Hogan’s final match. This was a basic big man match with Sid controlling Hogan early by working the back and doing some power submissions. Hogan fought back though, much to the crowd’s delight as the roar became deafening with each no-sell Hogan did. Sid kicked out of a legdrop and Harvey Wippleman interferes for a DQ finish. Papa Shango runs down to help Sid beat up Hogan. Then, the Warrior’s music hits and the place erupts by the sight of him charging down the aisle to Hogan’s aid. The show ends with Hogan and Warrior posing. The match wasn’t much but I give it a bonus point for the surprise appearance by the Warrior.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Video: Kensuke Office Take the Dream Vol. #5
NHO members Brian and Didge celebrated Thanksgiving night by having a couple cold beers and watching “Take the Dream Vol. #5” from Japanese co. Kensuke Office. Watch as they discuss the Catfish Men, Taka’s new chub, the asshole known as Minoru Suzuki, the amazing Nakajima vs. KENTA match, Marufuji being your new favorite wrestler, Kensuke is the Michael Scott of this Office, and so much more! Unfortunately, our camera’s battery died during the second-half of the video, so you’ll be missing out on our conclusion (namely more praise on Sasaki vs. Marufuji) and our breaking out the hot, spicy beef sticks in honor of a successful ’08 for the NHO project and the hard work of the wrestlers of Kensuke Office!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 1
Part 2
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
War Games
The concept is simple: Two Teams- two Rings- I massive steel cage- submit or surrender.
1) The Road Warriors (Hawk/Animal)- Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton/ Stan Lane)- "Dr. Death" Steve Williams v. The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael Hayes-Terry Gordy- Jimmy Garvin)- The Samoan Swat Team (Fatu/ Samu)- Great American Bash, July 23, 1989 (5)
I have no recollection of a tag team War Games, but the participants intrigue me. This has a street fight type feel, like a giant brawl which really works for this sort of match. Eaton and Garvin start out and are probably the right guys to do it. Both men are throwing slick uppercuts and just pummeling each other's faces. Doc comes in next followed by Gordy and it's really funny to see these two target each other and just wail the hell out of the other one for most of the match. Jim Ross says several times "Doc and Gordy have found each other again!" Hayes played chickenshit heel well but the DDT spree he came in on looked like his ex-wife: ugly and sloppy. The Road Warriors were, (surprise!surprise!) dominant and took no mercy on anyone with brutal clotheslines and biels into the cage wall, which was used very little. I don't even think anyone bled in this, but it still wasn't insulting. Hawk came in as clean up batter and lit everyone up and got the win with a sick neck hang on Garvin that looked pretty damn Mideval.
2) Sting/ Davey Boy Smith/ Dustin Rhodes/ Shockmaster v. Vader/ Sid Vicious/ Harlem Heat (Fall Brawl Sept 19, 1993)- 4
We start with taped up ribs Dustin and mean, pissy Vader and it works. These two have some good stuff together because Vader can make the right guy look really credible when he sells for them. Dustin opened up really good, enter Stevie Ray (sorry, Kane) with some sloppy kicks. Dustin loses his boot in the first period and it becomes a staple of this match with everyone using it at some point. Sting evens up sides and whips everybody's ass, including plancha over both rings! Sid comes in and was a useless piece of shit in this, as useless as Sarah Palin. He and Bulldog both looked like garbage in this, Davey with his extremely telegraphed strikes and Sid being scared to get hit and dodging several boot shots. Booker T, (pardon, Kole) comes in and gets beat up on as the Heat were not featured in this very well. Shockmaster is last to enter as Jesse Ventura says "Let's see if he can make it into the ring without tripping over himself!" in a funny line. Much to his credit, he came in and pounded the shit out of some people, but that was all the work he needed to do. The finish was downright insulting- Shocky picks up Booker, the freshest guy and puts him in a tame bearhug for the win. This whole match was basically a tool to get this overweight fool over and it loses points for it.
3) Dusty Rhodes/ Dustin Rhodes/ Nasty Boys v. Terry Funk/ Arn Anderson/ Bunkhouse Buck/ Col. Robert Parker (Fall Brawl Setp 18, 1994)- 5
This match took the formula of the first one and improved upon it, making this an even more out of control brawl and hinging on the return of Dusty (one of many to come later), it's almost recommendable. Dustin and Arn start out and AA is the best guy to have in there at this point. His stamina is superb, he can work circles around most everyone else, plus he loves getting bumpy into the cage and get gore. Bunkhouse can get roughneck too, and has a great overhand swipe. The Nastys are as mean as ever, taking liberties with everyone throwing them into the cage. And then there's middleaged and crazy Terry Funk, one of my favorites. He comes in with his finger in his boot loop and starts throwing that thing around and catches Sags in the face with it, legit. So, Sags takes him to the middle of the rings where there's a gap about a foot wide between them and piledrives Funk right through it in one of the crazier spots of the match. Then, everyone gets the notion to take their belts off and start swinging wildly, which many guys get caught errantly in the face. Parker wants no part of anyone and then Dusty comes in to a massive pop. The finish actually makes a lot of sense, they all 4 get Parker in the last ring and as Dusty hooks in the figure four everyone else stomps and drops elbows on the old fart. Pretty decent stuff.
4) Hulk Hogan/ Randy Savage/ Sting/ Lex Luger v. Kamala/ The Zodiac/ The Shark/ Meng (Fall Brawl Sept 17, 1995)- 3
Hogan and squad were all in army fatigues and face paint but they may as well have been wearing mailman uniforms because this one was mailed in big time. Even Sting who usually shows a lot of fire fizzled after the first five minutes and relegated himself to simply throwing sloppy strikes at any one of the freaks that opposed him. Shark was first in, surprisingly and showed some stamina. Zodiac's sells were beyond ludicrous here, and showed how far down the ladder he'd come. Meng was stiff, briefly, and put a kick in Luger's jaw at one point. Speaking of horseface, he did some shitty elbows and hit the double clothesline spot that's in every War Games. Savage got a little crazy in his entrance but even after that he was pretty forgettable. And Kamala, god was he worthless. He's a less than stellar worker anyways and given this environment he was even more pitiful than usual. Hogan came into a pop, but didn't sell one move and why? Because he never got hit. He came in throwing bags of powder (Linda's nose candy) at everyone then doleing out some of the saddest excuses for chops I've seen in some time. He got the win with a camel clutch that made the Shiek turn over in his burnt out grave. Then Hogan gets 5 mins. alone with Taskmaster but the Giant, back-ne and all comes in for more Hogan hilarity......except no one was laughing.
5) Sting/ Lex Luger/ Ric Flair/ Arn Anderson v. Hollywood Hogan/ Kevin Nash/ Scott Hall/ NWO Sting (Fall Brawl Sept 15, 1996)- 4
This started out good- Arn and Hall both bringing the wares in the punching dept and the WCW guys just had so much heat whenever they got the advantage it was phenomenal. Arn was looking really crisp too, had good ring movement and sold Hall's stuff as well as ever. Nash and Luger were next in, lots of heat on both, Luger looked really wooden though and the cage was barely used throughout. Hogan comes in with some cheap shots as usual, Flair enters and takes over one ring and the fans are going nuts. He's strutting all over as Hogan dares to come after him and gets eaten alive with chops, punches and low blows. Then, the fake Sting. it kills me how these announcers that have worked with him for years can't tell it's really him or not. He steals all of Sting's shit, doing it poorly until the real deal comes in and the freakin building explodes with excitement. He comes in and wrecks shop on all NWO guys, who get Stinger splashes like crazy. You can't convince me NWO was automatic babyfaces when guys like Sting & Flair were in the ring stealing all the heat, sorry as much as some of these shitbirds want to rewrite history. Stinger leaves and begins his year long solitude and heels go right to finish, which sucks Mean Gene's dong. Scorpion by the faker Sting while Hogan straps that overused weight belt around Luger's neck. Decent match, shortest War Games ever though, no blood, just a ton of crowd heat carried this up past some others.
6) Diamond Dalls Page/ "Rowdy" Roddy Piper/ The Warrior v. Hollywood Hogan/ Bret Hart/ Stevie Ray v. Kevin Nash/ Sting/ Lex Luger (Fall Brawl Sept 13, 1998)- 3
Here's where this yearly tradition takes a turn for the worse. New concept, 3 teams of 3, random draw, have to get a pinfall. Bret and Page start, working some non-descript spots. Bret's offense he knows well, but you can tell it's not as crisp as it used to be. Tons of guys come in, all lacking any real fire, especially guys like Luger who simply plod to the ring as if he's simply out for a stroll (wearing jeans and a tank top, thanks for caring enough to put on your ring gear) and brawl aimlessly. Even Sting looks bored, looking off towards the crowd while issuing 3 stinger splashes. Piper comes in and is the only m'fer showing life, which is amazing considering he probably doesn't have much left. Why did I say that? Great short jabs, going to everyone, giving everybody a little taste. He gets sloppily jacknifed by Nash for his effort. Hogan comes in with that silly slapjack and everyone has to sell it like it kills them, except for Sting who is hit from behind and acts as if someone tapped him on the shoulder. Couple more shots and he goes down. Now, the Warrior who enters with a smoke cloud behind him, like some slaphappy kid at a magic shop. He throws some of the ugliest haymakers ever at Hogan and Stevie Ray, who sell them like a skunk is in front of them. Hogan leaves, Warrior stares for a good 2 minutes while other guys who have gotten up ignore him, then he kicks a whole in the cage and slices his bicep in the process. Sting clumsily pulls Bret's trunks causing him to fall haphazardly and DDP hits the Diamond cutter on Stevie ray. Really stupid visual seeing all of WCW's main eventers laying around the ring like they're in a high school drunken car crash re-enactment.
7) Sting/ Booker T/ Goldberg/ Kronik v. Kevin Nash/ Jeff Jarrett/ Scott Steiner/ Vince Russo (WCW Monday Nitro- Sept 4, 2000)- 2
Oh, jesus the Russo one. They used the 3 tier cage from that David Arquette vehicle "Ready to Rumble" and again, didn't do a damn thing with it. If WWE or even ROH had this thing, they could make it worthwhile. Entrants entered nearly every minute and the ring filled up quickly. Some of the more mind blowing entries in were Kronik, wearing really tight vinyl shirts as if they were going to try and get into a teen dance club; Russo wearing a hockey helmet but looking like a mentally handicap kid looking for his caretaker. He brought the Harris boys out who immediately from the outside climbed up to the 2nd level. Well, hell why do the participants even have to go through all of the levels then? And Kevin Nash, who states to the camera, " I"m not moving" and he doesn't, he stays on the bottom level the whole match and waits for them to bring the title to him. There's a lot of sloppy garbage spots with ladders and guitars and stuff. All the faces get handcuffed which competely kills the match when half of the guys can't move. This is basically a big cock tease of Goldberg winning the belt back, which he goes on an impressive run of killing all these guys, but as soon as he's about to leave, Bret Hart wearing some wretched gear slams the cage door in his face. Nash and the boys all count to 3 (?) then walk out together, trying to act as cool as they can muster, but that novely wore off 3 years prior. This was a big shitty production of a match where little to no wrestling took place. It's the pro wrestling world equivalent to Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor except without the vomit-inducing, plot holed love story.
1) The Road Warriors (Hawk/Animal)- Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton/ Stan Lane)- "Dr. Death" Steve Williams v. The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael Hayes-Terry Gordy- Jimmy Garvin)- The Samoan Swat Team (Fatu/ Samu)- Great American Bash, July 23, 1989 (5)
I have no recollection of a tag team War Games, but the participants intrigue me. This has a street fight type feel, like a giant brawl which really works for this sort of match. Eaton and Garvin start out and are probably the right guys to do it. Both men are throwing slick uppercuts and just pummeling each other's faces. Doc comes in next followed by Gordy and it's really funny to see these two target each other and just wail the hell out of the other one for most of the match. Jim Ross says several times "Doc and Gordy have found each other again!" Hayes played chickenshit heel well but the DDT spree he came in on looked like his ex-wife: ugly and sloppy. The Road Warriors were, (surprise!surprise!) dominant and took no mercy on anyone with brutal clotheslines and biels into the cage wall, which was used very little. I don't even think anyone bled in this, but it still wasn't insulting. Hawk came in as clean up batter and lit everyone up and got the win with a sick neck hang on Garvin that looked pretty damn Mideval.
2) Sting/ Davey Boy Smith/ Dustin Rhodes/ Shockmaster v. Vader/ Sid Vicious/ Harlem Heat (Fall Brawl Sept 19, 1993)- 4
We start with taped up ribs Dustin and mean, pissy Vader and it works. These two have some good stuff together because Vader can make the right guy look really credible when he sells for them. Dustin opened up really good, enter Stevie Ray (sorry, Kane) with some sloppy kicks. Dustin loses his boot in the first period and it becomes a staple of this match with everyone using it at some point. Sting evens up sides and whips everybody's ass, including plancha over both rings! Sid comes in and was a useless piece of shit in this, as useless as Sarah Palin. He and Bulldog both looked like garbage in this, Davey with his extremely telegraphed strikes and Sid being scared to get hit and dodging several boot shots. Booker T, (pardon, Kole) comes in and gets beat up on as the Heat were not featured in this very well. Shockmaster is last to enter as Jesse Ventura says "Let's see if he can make it into the ring without tripping over himself!" in a funny line. Much to his credit, he came in and pounded the shit out of some people, but that was all the work he needed to do. The finish was downright insulting- Shocky picks up Booker, the freshest guy and puts him in a tame bearhug for the win. This whole match was basically a tool to get this overweight fool over and it loses points for it.
3) Dusty Rhodes/ Dustin Rhodes/ Nasty Boys v. Terry Funk/ Arn Anderson/ Bunkhouse Buck/ Col. Robert Parker (Fall Brawl Setp 18, 1994)- 5
This match took the formula of the first one and improved upon it, making this an even more out of control brawl and hinging on the return of Dusty (one of many to come later), it's almost recommendable. Dustin and Arn start out and AA is the best guy to have in there at this point. His stamina is superb, he can work circles around most everyone else, plus he loves getting bumpy into the cage and get gore. Bunkhouse can get roughneck too, and has a great overhand swipe. The Nastys are as mean as ever, taking liberties with everyone throwing them into the cage. And then there's middleaged and crazy Terry Funk, one of my favorites. He comes in with his finger in his boot loop and starts throwing that thing around and catches Sags in the face with it, legit. So, Sags takes him to the middle of the rings where there's a gap about a foot wide between them and piledrives Funk right through it in one of the crazier spots of the match. Then, everyone gets the notion to take their belts off and start swinging wildly, which many guys get caught errantly in the face. Parker wants no part of anyone and then Dusty comes in to a massive pop. The finish actually makes a lot of sense, they all 4 get Parker in the last ring and as Dusty hooks in the figure four everyone else stomps and drops elbows on the old fart. Pretty decent stuff.
4) Hulk Hogan/ Randy Savage/ Sting/ Lex Luger v. Kamala/ The Zodiac/ The Shark/ Meng (Fall Brawl Sept 17, 1995)- 3
Hogan and squad were all in army fatigues and face paint but they may as well have been wearing mailman uniforms because this one was mailed in big time. Even Sting who usually shows a lot of fire fizzled after the first five minutes and relegated himself to simply throwing sloppy strikes at any one of the freaks that opposed him. Shark was first in, surprisingly and showed some stamina. Zodiac's sells were beyond ludicrous here, and showed how far down the ladder he'd come. Meng was stiff, briefly, and put a kick in Luger's jaw at one point. Speaking of horseface, he did some shitty elbows and hit the double clothesline spot that's in every War Games. Savage got a little crazy in his entrance but even after that he was pretty forgettable. And Kamala, god was he worthless. He's a less than stellar worker anyways and given this environment he was even more pitiful than usual. Hogan came into a pop, but didn't sell one move and why? Because he never got hit. He came in throwing bags of powder (Linda's nose candy) at everyone then doleing out some of the saddest excuses for chops I've seen in some time. He got the win with a camel clutch that made the Shiek turn over in his burnt out grave. Then Hogan gets 5 mins. alone with Taskmaster but the Giant, back-ne and all comes in for more Hogan hilarity......except no one was laughing.
5) Sting/ Lex Luger/ Ric Flair/ Arn Anderson v. Hollywood Hogan/ Kevin Nash/ Scott Hall/ NWO Sting (Fall Brawl Sept 15, 1996)- 4
This started out good- Arn and Hall both bringing the wares in the punching dept and the WCW guys just had so much heat whenever they got the advantage it was phenomenal. Arn was looking really crisp too, had good ring movement and sold Hall's stuff as well as ever. Nash and Luger were next in, lots of heat on both, Luger looked really wooden though and the cage was barely used throughout. Hogan comes in with some cheap shots as usual, Flair enters and takes over one ring and the fans are going nuts. He's strutting all over as Hogan dares to come after him and gets eaten alive with chops, punches and low blows. Then, the fake Sting. it kills me how these announcers that have worked with him for years can't tell it's really him or not. He steals all of Sting's shit, doing it poorly until the real deal comes in and the freakin building explodes with excitement. He comes in and wrecks shop on all NWO guys, who get Stinger splashes like crazy. You can't convince me NWO was automatic babyfaces when guys like Sting & Flair were in the ring stealing all the heat, sorry as much as some of these shitbirds want to rewrite history. Stinger leaves and begins his year long solitude and heels go right to finish, which sucks Mean Gene's dong. Scorpion by the faker Sting while Hogan straps that overused weight belt around Luger's neck. Decent match, shortest War Games ever though, no blood, just a ton of crowd heat carried this up past some others.
6) Diamond Dalls Page/ "Rowdy" Roddy Piper/ The Warrior v. Hollywood Hogan/ Bret Hart/ Stevie Ray v. Kevin Nash/ Sting/ Lex Luger (Fall Brawl Sept 13, 1998)- 3
Here's where this yearly tradition takes a turn for the worse. New concept, 3 teams of 3, random draw, have to get a pinfall. Bret and Page start, working some non-descript spots. Bret's offense he knows well, but you can tell it's not as crisp as it used to be. Tons of guys come in, all lacking any real fire, especially guys like Luger who simply plod to the ring as if he's simply out for a stroll (wearing jeans and a tank top, thanks for caring enough to put on your ring gear) and brawl aimlessly. Even Sting looks bored, looking off towards the crowd while issuing 3 stinger splashes. Piper comes in and is the only m'fer showing life, which is amazing considering he probably doesn't have much left. Why did I say that? Great short jabs, going to everyone, giving everybody a little taste. He gets sloppily jacknifed by Nash for his effort. Hogan comes in with that silly slapjack and everyone has to sell it like it kills them, except for Sting who is hit from behind and acts as if someone tapped him on the shoulder. Couple more shots and he goes down. Now, the Warrior who enters with a smoke cloud behind him, like some slaphappy kid at a magic shop. He throws some of the ugliest haymakers ever at Hogan and Stevie Ray, who sell them like a skunk is in front of them. Hogan leaves, Warrior stares for a good 2 minutes while other guys who have gotten up ignore him, then he kicks a whole in the cage and slices his bicep in the process. Sting clumsily pulls Bret's trunks causing him to fall haphazardly and DDP hits the Diamond cutter on Stevie ray. Really stupid visual seeing all of WCW's main eventers laying around the ring like they're in a high school drunken car crash re-enactment.
7) Sting/ Booker T/ Goldberg/ Kronik v. Kevin Nash/ Jeff Jarrett/ Scott Steiner/ Vince Russo (WCW Monday Nitro- Sept 4, 2000)- 2
Oh, jesus the Russo one. They used the 3 tier cage from that David Arquette vehicle "Ready to Rumble" and again, didn't do a damn thing with it. If WWE or even ROH had this thing, they could make it worthwhile. Entrants entered nearly every minute and the ring filled up quickly. Some of the more mind blowing entries in were Kronik, wearing really tight vinyl shirts as if they were going to try and get into a teen dance club; Russo wearing a hockey helmet but looking like a mentally handicap kid looking for his caretaker. He brought the Harris boys out who immediately from the outside climbed up to the 2nd level. Well, hell why do the participants even have to go through all of the levels then? And Kevin Nash, who states to the camera, " I"m not moving" and he doesn't, he stays on the bottom level the whole match and waits for them to bring the title to him. There's a lot of sloppy garbage spots with ladders and guitars and stuff. All the faces get handcuffed which competely kills the match when half of the guys can't move. This is basically a big cock tease of Goldberg winning the belt back, which he goes on an impressive run of killing all these guys, but as soon as he's about to leave, Bret Hart wearing some wretched gear slams the cage door in his face. Nash and the boys all count to 3 (?) then walk out together, trying to act as cool as they can muster, but that novely wore off 3 years prior. This was a big shitty production of a match where little to no wrestling took place. It's the pro wrestling world equivalent to Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor except without the vomit-inducing, plot holed love story.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling - Episode #1
Ten random celebrities being taught in eight weeks how to wrestle? This should be interesting. I’ve heard some mixed things about this show but, since it’s available for download from the lovely Xbox Marketplace, why not take a look.
Opening video package talks about the series and mentions that the celebrities will be trained by "legendary" coaches Brian Knobbs and Brutus Beefcake.
Celebrities:
- Dennis Rodman (NBA bad boy)
- Trishelle Canatella (MTV’s “Real World: Las Vegas”)
- Dustin Diamond (Screech from “Saved by the Bell”)
- Danny Bonaduce (well … yeah)
- Nikkie Ziering (Former Barker’s Beauty on “The Price is Right” and Playboy model)
- Butterbean (pro boxer)
- Tiffany (80’s teen sensation)
- Erin Murphy (Tabitha from “Bewitched”)
- Todd Bridges (“Diff’rent Strokes”)
- Frank Stallone (Sly’s brother)
Jimmy Hart and Eric Bischoff meet the celebrities mid-ring and introduce Knobbs and Beefcake. Knobbs look like he ate a whale. Bisch then introduces Hogan as the “man who made this industry”. Hogan expects big things from the celebrities. Hogan says Hart and Bischoff have many years of developing talent. That’s funny because Bisch couldn’t find and develop his own announcing talent! Hulk tells Danny he missed his calling. Celebs will learn three moves a week from the coaches and will be trained to work said moves into a match to be performed in front of a live crowd. The judges for the show will be Bischoff, Hart, and Hogan … as if you couldn’t have guessed.
The celebs are then divided into team and with this week’s moves – clothesline, kick to the mid-section, and forearm smash – being demonstrated.
Team Nasty: Erin, Rodman, Screech, Stallone, Nikki
Team Beefcake: Bonaduce, Tiffany, Butterbean, Bridges, Trishelle
We get some highlights from both training camps. I like Beefcake more as a trainer because he takes a bit more mellow approach while Knobbs likes to holler and scream. Some of the interesting things were Todd Bridges kicking a dude in the nuts, Erin Murphy explaining how to take a bump, and then the coaches trying to choreograph their teams respective matches. Prior to the matches, Dustin says he’ll be the “ring general” for his team.
Time for the matches. Bubba the Love Sponge on commentary. And yes … I will be scoring the matches.
Tiffany & Danny Bonaduce (w/ Todd Bridges) vs. Butterbean & Trishelle Canatella – 2
Good showing by Butterbean and Bonaduce. Danny’s selling was a bit over-the-tope but the fire and intensity was there. Butterbean relied on his strength a lot and didn’t really sell much. Trishelle showed some promise but Tiffany realling brought everything down by missing the top buckle when she was supposed to hit it with her head. Bonaduce and Butterbean close out the bout and Bean’s team wins with a splash. Post-match attack by Tiffany, Danny, and Todd.
Dennis Rodman & Erin Murphy vs. Dustin Diamond & Frank Stallone (w/ Nikki) – 2
It’s funny how they never mention Rodman’s involvement with WCW in this show. Dustin works 95% of the match for his team. His initial selling is good then Frank tags in and doesn’t bring much to the table. Murphy showed a lot of spunk and was really over with the trained crowd. Rodman wins it for his team with a second-rope clothesline. They didn’t stray too much from the formula here.
God … I mean, Hulk … says that Team Nasty had the best match this week so all their members are safe from elimination. The judges save Trishelle, Danny, and Butterbean from elimination. It’s down to Todd and Tiffany. Hulk says that the only thing saving Todd from elimination was his orchestration of the post-match attack for his team. Tiffany is shown the door. See ya Tiffany! You suck and so does your music. Personally, I thought Team Beefcake had the better match, but apparently my opinion doesn't count.
Preview of episode two where the celebs are thrown off a lift onto a giant inflatable mattress. Overall, a fun debut episode. Future episodes will tell me if I should really spend my time watching this, though
Opening video package talks about the series and mentions that the celebrities will be trained by "legendary" coaches Brian Knobbs and Brutus Beefcake.
Celebrities:
- Dennis Rodman (NBA bad boy)
- Trishelle Canatella (MTV’s “Real World: Las Vegas”)
- Dustin Diamond (Screech from “Saved by the Bell”)
- Danny Bonaduce (well … yeah)
- Nikkie Ziering (Former Barker’s Beauty on “The Price is Right” and Playboy model)
- Butterbean (pro boxer)
- Tiffany (80’s teen sensation)
- Erin Murphy (Tabitha from “Bewitched”)
- Todd Bridges (“Diff’rent Strokes”)
- Frank Stallone (Sly’s brother)
Jimmy Hart and Eric Bischoff meet the celebrities mid-ring and introduce Knobbs and Beefcake. Knobbs look like he ate a whale. Bisch then introduces Hogan as the “man who made this industry”. Hogan expects big things from the celebrities. Hogan says Hart and Bischoff have many years of developing talent. That’s funny because Bisch couldn’t find and develop his own announcing talent! Hulk tells Danny he missed his calling. Celebs will learn three moves a week from the coaches and will be trained to work said moves into a match to be performed in front of a live crowd. The judges for the show will be Bischoff, Hart, and Hogan … as if you couldn’t have guessed.
The celebs are then divided into team and with this week’s moves – clothesline, kick to the mid-section, and forearm smash – being demonstrated.
Team Nasty: Erin, Rodman, Screech, Stallone, Nikki
Team Beefcake: Bonaduce, Tiffany, Butterbean, Bridges, Trishelle
We get some highlights from both training camps. I like Beefcake more as a trainer because he takes a bit more mellow approach while Knobbs likes to holler and scream. Some of the interesting things were Todd Bridges kicking a dude in the nuts, Erin Murphy explaining how to take a bump, and then the coaches trying to choreograph their teams respective matches. Prior to the matches, Dustin says he’ll be the “ring general” for his team.
Time for the matches. Bubba the Love Sponge on commentary. And yes … I will be scoring the matches.
Tiffany & Danny Bonaduce (w/ Todd Bridges) vs. Butterbean & Trishelle Canatella – 2
Good showing by Butterbean and Bonaduce. Danny’s selling was a bit over-the-tope but the fire and intensity was there. Butterbean relied on his strength a lot and didn’t really sell much. Trishelle showed some promise but Tiffany realling brought everything down by missing the top buckle when she was supposed to hit it with her head. Bonaduce and Butterbean close out the bout and Bean’s team wins with a splash. Post-match attack by Tiffany, Danny, and Todd.
Dennis Rodman & Erin Murphy vs. Dustin Diamond & Frank Stallone (w/ Nikki) – 2
It’s funny how they never mention Rodman’s involvement with WCW in this show. Dustin works 95% of the match for his team. His initial selling is good then Frank tags in and doesn’t bring much to the table. Murphy showed a lot of spunk and was really over with the trained crowd. Rodman wins it for his team with a second-rope clothesline. They didn’t stray too much from the formula here.
God … I mean, Hulk … says that Team Nasty had the best match this week so all their members are safe from elimination. The judges save Trishelle, Danny, and Butterbean from elimination. It’s down to Todd and Tiffany. Hulk says that the only thing saving Todd from elimination was his orchestration of the post-match attack for his team. Tiffany is shown the door. See ya Tiffany! You suck and so does your music. Personally, I thought Team Beefcake had the better match, but apparently my opinion doesn't count.
Preview of episode two where the celebs are thrown off a lift onto a giant inflatable mattress. Overall, a fun debut episode. Future episodes will tell me if I should really spend my time watching this, though
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