1. Kahagas vs. “Black Nature Boy” Scoot Andrews – 4
2. Joshua Masters vs. Lex Lovett – 3
3. Slim J vs. “Mr. 630” Jerrelle Clark – 6
4. CM Punk vs. “The Shooter” Vordell Walker – 5
5. “The Role Model” Jason Cross vs. “The Soul Assassian” Rainman – 4
6. “The Wrestling Machine” Austin Aries vs. “Master of the Backbreaker” Roderick Strong – 6
7. Justin Credible vs. “Roughhouse” Ralph Mosca – 2
8. “The Notorious 187” Homicide vs. “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles – 6
This was the initial effort by relatively new promotion FIP. Essentially, they used a crop of talent from other, better known and established, independent companies, such as ROH and NWA Wildside. This was the first round of a tournament to crown their first champion. Right off the bat, I need to tackle the pros and cons of this freshman effort. Let’s get the bad out of the way first; well, it looked like only about 75 people showed up for this event. The announcers tried to use an excuse of an ongoing hurricane to deflect the minuscule attendance, which is worse than telling the truth, and that’s that they didn’t market, nor promote, this show properly. The good news is that the set-up and production are pretty smooth, if not altogether indistinguishable from the average independent group, and the roster is pretty varied and talented. Another good thing, for me, is that although there are several similarities to ROH, FIP doesn’t strike me as nearly as pompous as them, and there’s no built-in base of fans that brainlessly cheer whatever they see.
With the exception of sumo competitors, Kahagas is easily the fattest Asian I’ve had the displeasure of seeing in quite some time. In the debut match of FIP, he and independent mainstay Andrews had a pretty bland match, all things considered. There were some miscommunications, and Andrews disgraces the “Nature Boy” moniker every time he puts on a pair of trunks. Masters’ was probably the worst guy on the DVD, looking like he should be swapping dated VHS tapes, and history books, to losers at a flea market somewhere. His opponent, Lex Lovett, is the poster boy for generic muscular wrestlers void of any natural talent or charisma.
Slim J kind of impressed me, he looked a lot like Jack Evans, but is everything that hopeless idiot is totally not. He’s still young, and a little rough around the edges, but he’s got potential and loads of agility. I really dug the pace of his encounter with Clark, and feel it flowed easily and was one of the more effortlessly enjoyable matches of the entire show. CM Punk played the role of the pussy heel as good as most, but his match consisted of killing a lot of time, and not amounting to a whole hell of a lot. I was interested in seeing Walker, as having the moniker “Shooter”; I’d hoped he was a guy whom incorporated MMA into his work. Boy, was I ever wrong! He looked like a graduate of the Lex Lovett school of mundane, and only showed any emotion when doing horrible Lil’ Jon impersonations randomly. Cross and Rainman had arguably the most forgettable match on the show. Cross played a cocky heel, and Rainman, who looked akin to headliner Homicide, didn’t showcase any character or creativity. It was a pretty one-sided and unspectacular throwaway bout.
I lost a little respect for Aries; when on the way to the ring, cut a short promo mentioning how disappointed he was in the turnout for the show. It wasn’t in character, either, he was genuinely showing his bad attitude and it made him look like an asshole. That aside, he and Strong, who are very familiar with each other, had the most solid wrestling match on the DVD. The build was extremely slow, almost brutally so, but the match was ultimately satisfying. There were some nice chops and forearm shots, innovative submissions, and a semi-surprising finish. I’ve harped on Credible before, and wow, did he ever further diminish my opinion of him in this utter load of shit! His opponent Ralph Mosca, a big burly guy, looked totally out of place next to all of these skinny dudes on the roster that wear hair gel and listen to Kayne West on their iPod, but he threw a pretty decent punch and was strangely not that bad. Credible immediately turned this into to a very sloppy brawl, where they ventured into the crowd, and Credible even tried to bump down some bleachers, not doing it half as successfully as Raven did back on poor ECW handheld tapes in ’97. AJ and Homicide didn’t totally disappoint, although their match was marred and essentially ruined by crappy interference. It was kind of pleasant seeing them beat the shit out of Joshua “I’d rather be beating off to Tina Turner videos while wearing my Dad’s sweatpants” Masters afterwards. I’d recommend this not to the mainstream fan, but to anyone who’s ever enjoyed an independent show at some point during their stint as fans. Apparently, independent wrestling isn’t dead.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Saturday, September 9, 2006
WWE No Mercy 2005
1) MNM vs. Heidenreich, Animal, & Christy Hemme – 4
2) Simon Dean vs. Bobby Lashley – 3
3) Booker T vs. Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Christian – 6
4) Ken Kennedy vs. Hardcore Holly – 4
5) Rey Mysterio vs. John Bradshaw Layfield – 6
6) Cowboy Bob Orton & Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker – Handicap Casket Match – 4
7) Juventud Guerrera vs. Nunzio – 5
8) Eddie Guerrero vs. Batista – 5
When the card was first announced for this show, I had little interest in it and now I know why. The opener was a decent bout but Heidenreich still looked sloppy. The only highlight was when Christy attempted her lame-ass Doomsday Device. Dean and Lashley was fun to watch, if for nothing else, just to see how green Lashley was at this time last year. The four way dance was an interesting mix and all four guys seemed to work really well together. I can’t really remember any major spots in it, maybe because it was the standard fare that was presented on TV leading up to it. Kennedy and Holly was on there just for filler mainly and got Kennedy over on pay-per-view. Rey and JBL had the match of the night as far as I’m concerned. Rey took a sick-sounding head bump into the steps and JBL took a bulldog on the floor. No interference and a clean finish also helped its cause. The casket match wasn’t bad … but it wasn’t that great either. It ran a little too long for my tastes but it served its purpose and helped continue the Orton/Taker feud. After the match, they reached into the past and lit the casket on fire the exact same way they did at the 1998 Royal Rumble. Juvi looked better than he has in years and had a respectable match with Nunzio, which is just about what you can expect from them. Eddie and Batista had an acceptable main event for a rather mediocre show.
Performer Analysis: Dusty Rhodes
It's the Dust, man, if you will! He's a common man, working hard with his hands. He's got a new DVD out (which my review for will be coming soon) and he's a bonafide legend in the wrestling industry. But, how does he rank?
1) Innovation- 7/10- Dusty created a style that has been copied by so many young up and coming wrestlers it's ridiculous. His mannerisms and hip gyrations were the precursors to The Rock's people friendly offense. Dusty's bionic elbow is forever lodged into wrestling history and no one could perform it quite like the Dream. It didn't consist of much, but it had style and the people really responded to it. Dusty was a performer who definitely innovated.
2) Conditioning- 7/10- You may think a seven is high, considering his rather obese physique and it possibly is, but there are more factors than your body type in this category. Dusty has been drug free; at least, it hasn't affected his career at all. He has stamina like no one else his size, often doing 60 minute showdowns every night of the week with the best in the business in the seventies and eighties. In his day, he could go with anybody and could last the duration of any match.
3) Skill- 9/10- Again, Dusty may not have had the best build, but he had the ring prowess to back it up. His move repertoire wasn't very big either, but it's proven that you don't have to know every move in the book to work. Dusty was a great ring leader and excelled at drawing people into his matches. He sold great; his facials were priceless and he even liked bumping in his younger days.
4) Psychology- 10/10- The Dusty Finish. It's famous for screwing with the emotions of the fans. Dusty created it and knew exactly what a wrenching experience it is for a fan and it helped get him and many other baby faces over in the eighties. Now, it can be overdone and has been to the tenth degree, but that is just a point to illustrate how Dusty could be in the heads of the fans as they watched his matches.
5) Interviews- 10/10- " I've wined and dined with kings and queens, and I've slept in alleys and ate pork and beans." A famous line from a Dusty promo, one of many famous Dusty promos. He is one of the best mic workers ever in professional wrestling and his magic came from pulling the fans into them, getting them involved and making himself one of them like no one else in the world could do. It was also from not knowing what he was ever going to say. No one ever turned the channel on a Dusty promo because they were so exciting and fun to watch.
6) Character(face/heel)- 6/10- In the beginning of his career, he was "Dirty" Dusty Rhodes, teaming with Dick Murdoch and for a brief time he joined the NWO, thus marking his only heel roles in his career. For the brief time he did both, he got great heat, as would be expected. His hallmark is his baby face. He is the perennial baby face and the fans absolutely loved cheering Dusty. He was a lot like them; out of shape, not very eloquent, just a normal guy who happened to be a great performer.
7) Fans- 10/10- There's no doubt about this one. The fans believed every thing Dusty told them and he usually held his word. They cheered him against Kevin Sullivan when he worshipped the devil, they wanted him to take the NWA title from Harley Race and Ric Flair, and they hated the Road Warriors for putting his eye out with a railroad spike. The fans beheld Dusty and loved him every time he showed up and he gave them great love back.
8) Basics- 10/10- I've already touched on the bionic elbow, but Rhodes could also punch. He knew his stuff, he had great teasing ability, and the way he could tease spots and make an elbow dropped that missed make such a huge impact on a match. He worked matches that had only the most basic of wrestling and punches in it into a dramatic encounter.
9) Match/ Opponent- 10/10- Dusty has fought them all and feuded with them all. Terry Funk, Harley Race, Kevin Sullivan, Erik the Red, Ric Flair, Tully Blanchard, Ted Dibiase, Big Bossman, even Steve Corino and he has made huge money doing it. All of his feuds had high stakes, and Rhodes was a great shiller, who could always pump his matches into huge events.
10) Gutcheck- 10/10- A man that weighs over 300 pounds that has given his life to the business he loves, wrestling for more than thirty years and for most of those, working 300 days a year. Dusty personifies the dedication it takes to become a staple in this sport, he has been every where, WWE, WCW, NWA, AWA, ECW, TNA, and he has brought his fans with him wherever he has been.
Final Rating: 89
Ranking: Legend
PO: Thumbs Middle
1) Innovation- 7/10- Dusty created a style that has been copied by so many young up and coming wrestlers it's ridiculous. His mannerisms and hip gyrations were the precursors to The Rock's people friendly offense. Dusty's bionic elbow is forever lodged into wrestling history and no one could perform it quite like the Dream. It didn't consist of much, but it had style and the people really responded to it. Dusty was a performer who definitely innovated.
2) Conditioning- 7/10- You may think a seven is high, considering his rather obese physique and it possibly is, but there are more factors than your body type in this category. Dusty has been drug free; at least, it hasn't affected his career at all. He has stamina like no one else his size, often doing 60 minute showdowns every night of the week with the best in the business in the seventies and eighties. In his day, he could go with anybody and could last the duration of any match.
3) Skill- 9/10- Again, Dusty may not have had the best build, but he had the ring prowess to back it up. His move repertoire wasn't very big either, but it's proven that you don't have to know every move in the book to work. Dusty was a great ring leader and excelled at drawing people into his matches. He sold great; his facials were priceless and he even liked bumping in his younger days.
4) Psychology- 10/10- The Dusty Finish. It's famous for screwing with the emotions of the fans. Dusty created it and knew exactly what a wrenching experience it is for a fan and it helped get him and many other baby faces over in the eighties. Now, it can be overdone and has been to the tenth degree, but that is just a point to illustrate how Dusty could be in the heads of the fans as they watched his matches.
5) Interviews- 10/10- " I've wined and dined with kings and queens, and I've slept in alleys and ate pork and beans." A famous line from a Dusty promo, one of many famous Dusty promos. He is one of the best mic workers ever in professional wrestling and his magic came from pulling the fans into them, getting them involved and making himself one of them like no one else in the world could do. It was also from not knowing what he was ever going to say. No one ever turned the channel on a Dusty promo because they were so exciting and fun to watch.
6) Character(face/heel)- 6/10- In the beginning of his career, he was "Dirty" Dusty Rhodes, teaming with Dick Murdoch and for a brief time he joined the NWO, thus marking his only heel roles in his career. For the brief time he did both, he got great heat, as would be expected. His hallmark is his baby face. He is the perennial baby face and the fans absolutely loved cheering Dusty. He was a lot like them; out of shape, not very eloquent, just a normal guy who happened to be a great performer.
7) Fans- 10/10- There's no doubt about this one. The fans believed every thing Dusty told them and he usually held his word. They cheered him against Kevin Sullivan when he worshipped the devil, they wanted him to take the NWA title from Harley Race and Ric Flair, and they hated the Road Warriors for putting his eye out with a railroad spike. The fans beheld Dusty and loved him every time he showed up and he gave them great love back.
8) Basics- 10/10- I've already touched on the bionic elbow, but Rhodes could also punch. He knew his stuff, he had great teasing ability, and the way he could tease spots and make an elbow dropped that missed make such a huge impact on a match. He worked matches that had only the most basic of wrestling and punches in it into a dramatic encounter.
9) Match/ Opponent- 10/10- Dusty has fought them all and feuded with them all. Terry Funk, Harley Race, Kevin Sullivan, Erik the Red, Ric Flair, Tully Blanchard, Ted Dibiase, Big Bossman, even Steve Corino and he has made huge money doing it. All of his feuds had high stakes, and Rhodes was a great shiller, who could always pump his matches into huge events.
10) Gutcheck- 10/10- A man that weighs over 300 pounds that has given his life to the business he loves, wrestling for more than thirty years and for most of those, working 300 days a year. Dusty personifies the dedication it takes to become a staple in this sport, he has been every where, WWE, WCW, NWA, AWA, ECW, TNA, and he has brought his fans with him wherever he has been.
Final Rating: 89
Ranking: Legend
PO: Thumbs Middle
WWF In Your House: Breakdown ‘98
1. Owen Hart vs. Edge – 5
2. Too Much vs. Al Snow and Scorpio – 5
3. Marc Mero vs. Droz – 3
4. Vader vs. Bradshaw – Anything Goes Match – 4
5. D’Lo Brown vs. Gangrel – 4
6. Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind vs. The Rock – Steel Cage Match – 4
7. Val Venis vs. Dustin Runnels – 4
8. New Age Outlaws and X-Pac vs. Southern Justice and Jeff Jarrett – 3
9. Undertaker vs. Kane vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin – 3
Owen and Edge had a really fun match; although some things didn’t go off as smoothly as hoped, it still had a good energy and flow to it. I’d forgotten how beautiful Owen’s missile dropkick truly was. Too Much are too horrible for me to usually stand, but here, they held their own in a good, albeit flawed tag match. It got really sloppy in parts, but they gave it more time than I’d expected, and kept it moving along nicely. Mero and Droz was a nothing match, and only memorable in that Mero’s shooting star press was utterly breathtaking.
I was hoping Vader and Bradshaw would beat the holy hell out of each other – and while it is stiff, it wasn’t the war I’d anticipated it being. D’Lo and Gangrel was surprisingly better than I’d assumed. I didn’t remember Gangrel ever being as quick and fluid as he was here, especially in the beginning stages of this match. Thus far, the show was quite enjoyable but then we come across the cage match, which ended up being a major disappointment. The guys involved had no chemistry together; take for example, Shamrock making Mankind’s hiptoss look like Foley was trying to toss a refrigerator over his shoulder, as Shamrock sluggishly flopped over like he was wearing concrete boots. The finish didn’t come off well, either – some convoluted mess that probably seemed ingenious at the time, came off looking as unbelievable as Paris Hilton’s supposed singing career.
Val and Dustin was perfectly fine wrestling, although the storyline was absolute garbage. Dustin was working the preacher gimmick, and wearing some idiotic sleeveless white top with all kinds of random text on the front that looked more akin to Kerry Von Eric’s suicide note than a coherent statement. You have to see Dustin’s sell of a clothesline in the entrance aisle on the floor – it’s priceless. The six-man tag just didn’t do it for me, I dislike most of the guys involved, and had a hard time being unbiased while viewing it. I wager you’ll likely think its sub par at best, too. The main event was absolutely awful, and a reason why I sometimes harbor a hatred for WWF during this era. It was a too long, poorly executed, meandering brawl that was the epitome of shitty and lazy wrestling. They unconvincingly punched, punched, and punched some more – repeat ad nausea, etc. I’d rather watch hidden camera footage of Austin hitting ex-wife Debra in the stomach, than throwing sloppy haymakers at Kane’s eyesore head.
2. Too Much vs. Al Snow and Scorpio – 5
3. Marc Mero vs. Droz – 3
4. Vader vs. Bradshaw – Anything Goes Match – 4
5. D’Lo Brown vs. Gangrel – 4
6. Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind vs. The Rock – Steel Cage Match – 4
7. Val Venis vs. Dustin Runnels – 4
8. New Age Outlaws and X-Pac vs. Southern Justice and Jeff Jarrett – 3
9. Undertaker vs. Kane vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin – 3
Owen and Edge had a really fun match; although some things didn’t go off as smoothly as hoped, it still had a good energy and flow to it. I’d forgotten how beautiful Owen’s missile dropkick truly was. Too Much are too horrible for me to usually stand, but here, they held their own in a good, albeit flawed tag match. It got really sloppy in parts, but they gave it more time than I’d expected, and kept it moving along nicely. Mero and Droz was a nothing match, and only memorable in that Mero’s shooting star press was utterly breathtaking.
I was hoping Vader and Bradshaw would beat the holy hell out of each other – and while it is stiff, it wasn’t the war I’d anticipated it being. D’Lo and Gangrel was surprisingly better than I’d assumed. I didn’t remember Gangrel ever being as quick and fluid as he was here, especially in the beginning stages of this match. Thus far, the show was quite enjoyable but then we come across the cage match, which ended up being a major disappointment. The guys involved had no chemistry together; take for example, Shamrock making Mankind’s hiptoss look like Foley was trying to toss a refrigerator over his shoulder, as Shamrock sluggishly flopped over like he was wearing concrete boots. The finish didn’t come off well, either – some convoluted mess that probably seemed ingenious at the time, came off looking as unbelievable as Paris Hilton’s supposed singing career.
Val and Dustin was perfectly fine wrestling, although the storyline was absolute garbage. Dustin was working the preacher gimmick, and wearing some idiotic sleeveless white top with all kinds of random text on the front that looked more akin to Kerry Von Eric’s suicide note than a coherent statement. You have to see Dustin’s sell of a clothesline in the entrance aisle on the floor – it’s priceless. The six-man tag just didn’t do it for me, I dislike most of the guys involved, and had a hard time being unbiased while viewing it. I wager you’ll likely think its sub par at best, too. The main event was absolutely awful, and a reason why I sometimes harbor a hatred for WWF during this era. It was a too long, poorly executed, meandering brawl that was the epitome of shitty and lazy wrestling. They unconvincingly punched, punched, and punched some more – repeat ad nausea, etc. I’d rather watch hidden camera footage of Austin hitting ex-wife Debra in the stomach, than throwing sloppy haymakers at Kane’s eyesore head.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
ECW on Sci-Fi - 8/1/06
1) Tommy Dreamer & The Sandman vs. Mike Knox & Test – Extreme Rules Match – 3
2) CM Punk vs. Justin Credible – 3
3) Kurt Angle vs. The Brooklyn Brawler – 3
4) The Big Show vs. Batista – 1
The opening tag match had promise but it was quickly flushed away when Paul Heyman and his security team interfered. Dreamer taking a back bump into a barbed wire board was pretty gusty on his part. Punk’s debut didn’t impress me one bit as he soundly defeated Credible in a somewhat decent match. Angle and Brawler had a one-minute squash that was highlighted by a Brawler promo and a sick headbutt from Angle. As for the main event, remember that case of crabs you got from that prostitute in Atlantic City? Yes? Well, multiply that by two and that’ll tell you how bad the main event was. ‘Nuff said.
TNA Hard Justice: How would you Plan it?
Okay, TNA just had a monthly PPV on that could have really done them some good instead of just raked in enough money to pay Christian, but it dropped the ball. So, I'm going to rate this show, but also show how I would have done it. It'll be fun. Watch.
1 Truth v. A-1(preshow match)-1
What Happened: This was a creme de la shit. Two minutes and two botched spots. I guess a half ass attempt at giving A-1 a push.
WWJD(this stands for What Would Jessie Do?, so back off Jesus Freaks): A-1 sucks, and I would never push him, and Truth is staler than that fruitcake your wacky aunt gave you last year for Christmas. I would've thrown a net down on both of them, and then had them finish the match.
2 Cassidy Reilly/ Sonjay Dutt v. Jimmy Jacobs/ ?-2
What Happened: Not much. Reilly returned, Jacobs debuted, and Sonjay looked more foolish than Tom Cruise as he pretended he was a human lawn sprinkler.
WWJD: Jacobs debuted in absolute lackluster fashion to the delight of no one. If I ran the show, he would've stood out, by injuring the returning Cassidy. He's no good and he'll never be over, so make an angle out of it. And Sonjay would immediately cease and desist acting like a human lawn sprinkler. What a turd.
3 Johnny Devine v. Eric Young-3
What happened: The flipping roof caught on fire! TNA has managed to boner a PPV during the first match. It usually happens when they do that match with the rubber X that hangs from those cables above the ring. Wait a minute! Why are wrestlers climbing cables in a wrestling match? Can someone explain that to me?
WWJD: They would've wrestled, and Young would win because he's more over. Devine actually had some talent. I would've filmed a skit where he was caught on the camera trying on some of Nash's old ring tights, like he's a sick freaky guy. I know, I have issues.
4 Chris Sabin v. Alex Shelly-4
What happened: Nash didn't want to wrestle, so they threw this one together. Neither man had the match they usually do and the stupid building caught on fire! What a boner!
WWJD: Let Shelly win. He's a new face, and Sabin has gotten so many shots at the X title. And Nash would've interfered. He just sat at ringside in a wheelchair, pretending to be hurt and collecting a check. Sometimes I hate democracy.
5 Abyss v. Runt-5
What Happened: These two tried to bring the energy up a bit with a sick hardcore match that showed Runt getting his face stomped into thumbtacks. Truly sick.
WWJD: Abyss was the right guy to go over, but maybe to keep it going I would have had Spike, sorry, Runt, what is he a fucking sick puppy? Anways, maybe Runt could've not given up, kept coming after the match, something like that.
6 Monty Brown v. Rhino v. Samoa Joe-7
What Happened: These guys had the best build up and the best match of the night. It was wild, hard hitting and it really looked like they didn't like each other. I enjoyed.
WWJD: They did this one right. These are all three guys they are grooming for top spots, so they gave them a high profile match. It was sloppy as pig shit, don't get me wrong, but Joe was the right guy to win.
7 Gail Kim v. Sirelda-3
What Happened: No one taught Sirelda how to wrestle. Gail Kim, who normally is a fantastic performer, showed some ring rust. UGLY.
WWJD: There's not much you could do with this besides cancel it. Kim won, and that was the right thing, but other than that, fire Sirelda.
8 Senshi v. Petey Williams v. Jay Lethal-5
What Happened: A good three way, that had it's share of cool spots. It lacked storyline, emotion and real, true selling, which Petey is usually good with and that brought it down for me.
WWJD: This wasn't usual X-Division Balls to the Walls fun. It was a three way, with some very solid wrestling, but this "new X-Division" you can leave it on the curb with your old NWO shirts because I don't want it.
9 AJ Styles/ Christopher Daniels v. LAX-4
What Happened: A hot buildup with a new team, and great potential, spoiled like the milk you should have thrown away yesterday. Seinfeld posed a great question, that will be asked generations from now: How good is milk the day after the day? Anyways, LAX looked pretty good and Hernandez has the most potential of any big man I've seen in a while. AJ and Daniels had their bumping boots on, but the finish was rushed and could've been executed better. WWJD: LAX title change. They had more heat coming in to the match and they're both young guys. I figured they let the TNA golden boys retain since they set fire to their building and needed the crowd back into it. I heard Borash was asked to pull a random ticket number out of a hat and had to give that person oral sex, but when he drew a woman, he refused. He was given a raise.
10 Jeff Jarrett v. Sting-1
What Happened: Holy shit, I hate wrestling! TNA thinks any emotion is good emotion. Well, I'm sure that theory holds up for whenever Mike Tenay's wife gets a little liquid down in her unmentionables, but for wrestling, no. Generally you give the fans what they want, sometimes you can screw with them, and even less can you really swerve them, but never keep doing what they tell you they hate time and time again, what they hate more than teeth during a blowjob, what they hate more than Drew Carey, never do that. And Jeff Jarrett being NWA champion is that. The Christian turn was as noticeable as Don West's oncoming heart attack and Scott Steiner's daily shrinking penis from years of steroid abuse. It was horribly contrived and I took a big heaping warm Shatner all over it. Not to mention Jarrett and Sting's ring work(I feel like a hypocrite even reviewing this as wrestling), when they were in the ring. Of course TNA booked a shabby crowd brawl with no intensity and no fire. This came off as quite possibly one of the most ill-conceived concepts in TNA's 4 year history.
WWJD: Christian turns during mid-match, but gets his ass whipped by Sting anyways. Then, Steiner botches his interference and hits Jarrett, then he gets dumped out and Sting wins the belt, setting up Sting vs. Christian and Jarrett vs. Steiner(believe me, I don't want this anymore than you do; I just think you pile the shit with the shit) at the next PPV. Oh yeah, and the stip on the Jarrett vs. Steiner match is participants get fired match.
1 Truth v. A-1(preshow match)-1
What Happened: This was a creme de la shit. Two minutes and two botched spots. I guess a half ass attempt at giving A-1 a push.
WWJD(this stands for What Would Jessie Do?, so back off Jesus Freaks): A-1 sucks, and I would never push him, and Truth is staler than that fruitcake your wacky aunt gave you last year for Christmas. I would've thrown a net down on both of them, and then had them finish the match.
2 Cassidy Reilly/ Sonjay Dutt v. Jimmy Jacobs/ ?-2
What Happened: Not much. Reilly returned, Jacobs debuted, and Sonjay looked more foolish than Tom Cruise as he pretended he was a human lawn sprinkler.
WWJD: Jacobs debuted in absolute lackluster fashion to the delight of no one. If I ran the show, he would've stood out, by injuring the returning Cassidy. He's no good and he'll never be over, so make an angle out of it. And Sonjay would immediately cease and desist acting like a human lawn sprinkler. What a turd.
3 Johnny Devine v. Eric Young-3
What happened: The flipping roof caught on fire! TNA has managed to boner a PPV during the first match. It usually happens when they do that match with the rubber X that hangs from those cables above the ring. Wait a minute! Why are wrestlers climbing cables in a wrestling match? Can someone explain that to me?
WWJD: They would've wrestled, and Young would win because he's more over. Devine actually had some talent. I would've filmed a skit where he was caught on the camera trying on some of Nash's old ring tights, like he's a sick freaky guy. I know, I have issues.
4 Chris Sabin v. Alex Shelly-4
What happened: Nash didn't want to wrestle, so they threw this one together. Neither man had the match they usually do and the stupid building caught on fire! What a boner!
WWJD: Let Shelly win. He's a new face, and Sabin has gotten so many shots at the X title. And Nash would've interfered. He just sat at ringside in a wheelchair, pretending to be hurt and collecting a check. Sometimes I hate democracy.
5 Abyss v. Runt-5
What Happened: These two tried to bring the energy up a bit with a sick hardcore match that showed Runt getting his face stomped into thumbtacks. Truly sick.
WWJD: Abyss was the right guy to go over, but maybe to keep it going I would have had Spike, sorry, Runt, what is he a fucking sick puppy? Anways, maybe Runt could've not given up, kept coming after the match, something like that.
6 Monty Brown v. Rhino v. Samoa Joe-7
What Happened: These guys had the best build up and the best match of the night. It was wild, hard hitting and it really looked like they didn't like each other. I enjoyed.
WWJD: They did this one right. These are all three guys they are grooming for top spots, so they gave them a high profile match. It was sloppy as pig shit, don't get me wrong, but Joe was the right guy to win.
7 Gail Kim v. Sirelda-3
What Happened: No one taught Sirelda how to wrestle. Gail Kim, who normally is a fantastic performer, showed some ring rust. UGLY.
WWJD: There's not much you could do with this besides cancel it. Kim won, and that was the right thing, but other than that, fire Sirelda.
8 Senshi v. Petey Williams v. Jay Lethal-5
What Happened: A good three way, that had it's share of cool spots. It lacked storyline, emotion and real, true selling, which Petey is usually good with and that brought it down for me.
WWJD: This wasn't usual X-Division Balls to the Walls fun. It was a three way, with some very solid wrestling, but this "new X-Division" you can leave it on the curb with your old NWO shirts because I don't want it.
9 AJ Styles/ Christopher Daniels v. LAX-4
What Happened: A hot buildup with a new team, and great potential, spoiled like the milk you should have thrown away yesterday. Seinfeld posed a great question, that will be asked generations from now: How good is milk the day after the day? Anyways, LAX looked pretty good and Hernandez has the most potential of any big man I've seen in a while. AJ and Daniels had their bumping boots on, but the finish was rushed and could've been executed better. WWJD: LAX title change. They had more heat coming in to the match and they're both young guys. I figured they let the TNA golden boys retain since they set fire to their building and needed the crowd back into it. I heard Borash was asked to pull a random ticket number out of a hat and had to give that person oral sex, but when he drew a woman, he refused. He was given a raise.
10 Jeff Jarrett v. Sting-1
What Happened: Holy shit, I hate wrestling! TNA thinks any emotion is good emotion. Well, I'm sure that theory holds up for whenever Mike Tenay's wife gets a little liquid down in her unmentionables, but for wrestling, no. Generally you give the fans what they want, sometimes you can screw with them, and even less can you really swerve them, but never keep doing what they tell you they hate time and time again, what they hate more than teeth during a blowjob, what they hate more than Drew Carey, never do that. And Jeff Jarrett being NWA champion is that. The Christian turn was as noticeable as Don West's oncoming heart attack and Scott Steiner's daily shrinking penis from years of steroid abuse. It was horribly contrived and I took a big heaping warm Shatner all over it. Not to mention Jarrett and Sting's ring work(I feel like a hypocrite even reviewing this as wrestling), when they were in the ring. Of course TNA booked a shabby crowd brawl with no intensity and no fire. This came off as quite possibly one of the most ill-conceived concepts in TNA's 4 year history.
WWJD: Christian turns during mid-match, but gets his ass whipped by Sting anyways. Then, Steiner botches his interference and hits Jarrett, then he gets dumped out and Sting wins the belt, setting up Sting vs. Christian and Jarrett vs. Steiner(believe me, I don't want this anymore than you do; I just think you pile the shit with the shit) at the next PPV. Oh yeah, and the stip on the Jarrett vs. Steiner match is participants get fired match.
NWA Great American Bash '87
1. Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, and J.J. Dillon vs. The Road Warriors, Dusty Rhodes, Nikita Koloff, and Paul Ellering – War Games Match – 8
2. Rick Steiner vs. Barry Windham (clipped) – 3
3. Lex Luger vs. Nikita Koloff – Steel Cage Match – 5
4. Dick Murdoch vs. Steve Williams – Texas Death Match (clipped) – 2
5.Fabulous Freebirds vs. Manny Fernandez, Paul Jones, and Ivan Koloff (clipped) – 2
6. Dusty Rhodes vs. Tully Blanchard – Barbed Wire Bunkhouse Ladder Match –
7. Ric Flair vs. Jimmy Garvin – Steel Cage Match (clipped) – 7
8. The Midnight Express vs. The Rock 'N Roll Express – 6
9. Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, and War Machine vs. The Road Warriors, Dusty Rhodes, Nikita Koloff, and Paul Ellering – War Games Match – 7
The first of two War Games on the show is unquestionably a pinnacle of violence, mayhem, and dramatized hatred; and I’m digging it the most. The crowd’s absolutely ecstatic, and it’s easy to discern why – this is professional wrestling at its finest. The Windham versus Steiner match was surely fodder for many young males’ daydreams circa ‘87; unfortunately here we just get a clipped glimpse of what promised to be a stellar bout. I don’t like the majority of Lex or Nikita’s work, and even though this is arguably one of the best matches of Koloff’s career, I still can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. Murdoch and Williams are surly enough to beat each other’s asses into oblivion, and it looks like that’s exactly what they did in this Texas Death Match, although I’ll never really know, as the match was completely fucking clipped to pieces.
Freebirds were the upper echelon of tag team wrestling at this time – but even they couldn’t pull out a decent match out of the makeshift squad of deteriorated slobs they were paired off against. Rhodes and Blanchard break out the wire, but even that promising gimmick isn’t enough to warrant giving this match your time. Flair carries Jimmy Garvin to his best singles match ever, like a true professional, making both himself and his fervent opponent look like a proverbial million bucks. The Midnight and Rock ‘N Roll Express tag feud is legendary, and this match is the perfect example of why their series is so revered – just awesome near falls, psychology, teamwork, heat, etc. Lastly, the second War Games lacks a bit of the fire and immediacy of the prior one, but is still spectacular in its own right, and a fabulous ending to a relatively solid tape. Unfortunately, the War Machine featured wasn’t the one of Marvel Comics fame; although I would have loved to see Dusty sell his shoulder cannons.
2. Rick Steiner vs. Barry Windham (clipped) – 3
3. Lex Luger vs. Nikita Koloff – Steel Cage Match – 5
4. Dick Murdoch vs. Steve Williams – Texas Death Match (clipped) – 2
5.Fabulous Freebirds vs. Manny Fernandez, Paul Jones, and Ivan Koloff (clipped) – 2
6. Dusty Rhodes vs. Tully Blanchard – Barbed Wire Bunkhouse Ladder Match –
7. Ric Flair vs. Jimmy Garvin – Steel Cage Match (clipped) – 7
8. The Midnight Express vs. The Rock 'N Roll Express – 6
9. Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, and War Machine vs. The Road Warriors, Dusty Rhodes, Nikita Koloff, and Paul Ellering – War Games Match – 7
The first of two War Games on the show is unquestionably a pinnacle of violence, mayhem, and dramatized hatred; and I’m digging it the most. The crowd’s absolutely ecstatic, and it’s easy to discern why – this is professional wrestling at its finest. The Windham versus Steiner match was surely fodder for many young males’ daydreams circa ‘87; unfortunately here we just get a clipped glimpse of what promised to be a stellar bout. I don’t like the majority of Lex or Nikita’s work, and even though this is arguably one of the best matches of Koloff’s career, I still can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. Murdoch and Williams are surly enough to beat each other’s asses into oblivion, and it looks like that’s exactly what they did in this Texas Death Match, although I’ll never really know, as the match was completely fucking clipped to pieces.
Freebirds were the upper echelon of tag team wrestling at this time – but even they couldn’t pull out a decent match out of the makeshift squad of deteriorated slobs they were paired off against. Rhodes and Blanchard break out the wire, but even that promising gimmick isn’t enough to warrant giving this match your time. Flair carries Jimmy Garvin to his best singles match ever, like a true professional, making both himself and his fervent opponent look like a proverbial million bucks. The Midnight and Rock ‘N Roll Express tag feud is legendary, and this match is the perfect example of why their series is so revered – just awesome near falls, psychology, teamwork, heat, etc. Lastly, the second War Games lacks a bit of the fire and immediacy of the prior one, but is still spectacular in its own right, and a fabulous ending to a relatively solid tape. Unfortunately, the War Machine featured wasn’t the one of Marvel Comics fame; although I would have loved to see Dusty sell his shoulder cannons.
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