Thursday, December 4, 2014

Muta & Tajiri vs. Storm & Sanada

Great Muta and Tajiri vs. James Storm and Sanada - TNA Bound for Glory '14 - 4

Main event of TNA's biggest show of the year. Muta appears wearing a disgusting helmet that resembles a fetid beehive with large insect limbs protruding from the sides in a nightmarish visage. For those not up on TNA storylines Storms plays a cultish leader who's brainwashed Sanada. Sanada, after some opening grappling with his original mentor Muta, sprays blue mist into the heavens marking the third color of mist ejected into the atmosphere. Sanada's chest looks like an abstract avant-garde impressionist painting with streaks of blue tainting the musculature. Storm should spit some tobacco juice to round out the foursome. Maybe Storm and Muta will splinter off and form the J-Tex Corporation 2.0? Terry Funk just rolled over on his grave colostomy bag. Tajiri throws some remarkably soft-looking punches but redeems himself selling a foreign object shot like a drugged Bill Cosby victim. If you had told me last year that Sanada would be in the main event of BFG I'd have spit my vegetarian chili all over your golf shirt in shock. Muta takes a Lungblower by Storm like a geriatric falling on their lawn while trying to pick up the morning paper. Ever watch any of SMASH Tajiri's vanity fed? If not I've got a whole spindle of their DVDs you can borrow for the small price of a salmon roe sushi dinner. Was totally not ready for a the finish so soon. Dueling mists were dodged between Sanada and Tajiri only for the duo of Muta and Tajiri to simultaneously mist Sanada. Then a head kick by Tajiri followed by a Shining Wizard by Muta finished Sanada. This was a fine match for the 2nd segment of an iMPACT! episode but as the main event of any sort of show, especially the company's biggest, was terminally short and dramatically inert. Give us 15 more min. and some nearfall sequences to build a little suspense and at least try to dress this up as a "main event" but they went a different route and just mailed this in from Ribera Steakhouse.

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