Happy Halloween from those wacky folks in WCW! And what a treat … 11 matches! Wait, maybe it’s a trick … especially with the crack team of Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, and Stevie Ray on commentary. Thank God they’re not dressed in costumes, although Madden looks like he has a mask on … oh, wait … that’s what he looks like every day.
1) Alex Wright & Disco Inferno vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Billy Kidman vs. Sean O’Haire & Mark Jindrak – 4
I wish I could think of one interesting thing to say about this match but I really can’t. It was a good choice for an opener, as opposed to the other stuff on the card. Mysterio, Kidman, and O’Haire were the only saving grace of this match. Madden was constantly comparing O’Haire and Jindrak to legendary teams like the Andersons and the Steiner. Schiavone pretty much told him to stuff it about midway through the match. Fuck you, Mark Madden. O’Haire and Jindrak win and Madden marks out like a little kid on Christmas. There was so much going on at the end that it really hurt the score. That, coupled with the fact that Jindrak was greener (is that even a word?) than the beer at the Miami of OH campus on St. Patrick’s Day. Afterward, Alex Wright fumbles with a chair and Sgt. A-Wall runs out for no apparent reason which leads us to …
2) Sgt. A-Wall vs. Reno – Hardcore Match – 4
This is for the hardcore title. The ring crew straps trash cans to all four ringposts and we’re off. They bludgeon each other with assorted objects which include but are not limited to cake pans, trash cans, and canes. Lame table spot less than five minutes in. They brawl to the stage where Wall slams Reno through two tables after a chokeslam on the ramp. Is the Wall stupid? Why didn’t he go for the pin? Anyway, they move on to the back where the highlights include Wall throwing a fake monitor at Reno and both of them fumbling with a table. Madden is electrifying on commentary by screaming “old school hardcore” every five seconds and creaming his pants. Fuck you, Mark Madden. A bumbled finisher on a flat table wins it for Reno. Did I make mention of the fact that there was no blood whatsoever? Well, I did now. Random dudes run-in after the fact which leads us to …
3) Chuck Palumbo & Shawn Stasiak vs. The Misfits in Action (Lt. Loco (Chavo Guerrero) & Cpl. Cajun (Lash LeRoux)) – 3
How stupid is this? Instead of starting the match right then with everybody in the ring, they all go to the back so they can come out for the introductions. According to Tony, this was thrown together because of the aftermath of the last match. Right, I’m sure it was, especially since the music and videos were all cued up and it was probably on your format sheet you stupid fuck. This is a cavalcade of shit. Palumbo and Stasiak can’t even get a fucking double Irish whip spot right. GO BACK TO THE POWER PLANT YOU GODDAMNED IDIOTS!!!! The only person who is actually decent is Chavo and even he’s mailing it in. Chavo finally ends it with a lame-ass tornado DDT. Afterwards, Stasiak goes to the back to get injections up his ass and Palumbo goes to Russo’s office to play cornhole (and no, I’m not talking about the bean bag game. You folks outside of Cincy probably won’t get that reference, though, so never mind). I can’t believe that really just sucked that bad. I was hoping Chavo and Lash would at least be able to walk Palumbo & Stasiak through a decent match.
4) Shane Douglas & Torrie Wilson vs. Konnan & Tygress – 2
Oh, good. Just what I wanted. Shane Douglas cutting the same promo he’s cut for the last five years. I came to the conclusion the other day that Shane Douglas is a cancer. Every promotion that he has held any major title for (with the exception of WWE) has gone out of business. The evidence speaks for itself. XPW? Dead. ECW? Dead. WCW? Dead. WWE? He honestly wasn’t there long enough to make any kind of an impact. Anyway, to the match. Torrie is dressed like Wonder Woman, presumably because it’s Halloween. She’s also apparently planning on wrestling with four-inch heels on. Madden admits on commentary that he beats off to Wonder Woman. Fuck you, Mark Madden. Tygress comes out alone and gets beat down. This also happens to be the first bout of the evening that doesn’t involve the Natural Born Thrillers. Konnan sold a back injury in a pre-match interview and then promptly no-sells it at all during the match. This is going from bad to worse. Double face-buster mercifully ends it as Konnan & Tygress pick up the win. Why did they give that eight minutes? Would somebody please care to explain that to me?
5) Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair – DNA Match – 3
Oh, Jesus! Please tell me this is not happening. This basically a first blood match so Flair can find out if Bagwell fornicated with his fiancee or some shit like that. Bagwell basically buries Flair the whole match by yawning and posing. Flair does the tricks of his dad by doing the corner flip and the top rope bump. This is sloppy as shit. Flair blades on an over-the-top spot. Please. His blading sucks just like his wrestling. The referee is a moron and doesn’t even see the blood! One blockbuster later and the stupid ref sees the blood. Afterwards, Luger comes down. WHAT ROCK DID HE CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER! What the hell? Luger just kinda-clotheslined Bagwell and now Bagwell is supposedly busted open? Flair gets a DNA sample from Bagwell’s mouth. I would suspect that it is tainted because you never know who or what has been in Bagwell’s mouth. Wait, couldn’t Flair just have done that to begin with instead of having this horrendous match? Bagwell is the first person the fans have reacted to since the opening bout.
6) Mike Sanders vs. The Cat – Kickboxing Match for the WCW Commissionership – 1
Three two-minute rounds in this one. Madden is being a total heel on commentary and makes an ass out of himself, as usual. Sanders gets destroyed in round one. Stasiak and Palumbo are at ringside and are arguing about throwing in the towel. What the fuck is Shane Douglas doing down there? As is the case in round one, Sanders gets killed in the next two rounds. Douglas interferes and knocks out The Cat with a chain. Um, okay. Sanders and Cat brawl after the third round and Cat gets counted out. What the fuck? The match was over after the third round so then the ref decides to enforce the count out. The announcers try to cover by claiming there must be a winner. I think the Cat needs to be neutered and Sanders and his cronies run over with a semi.
7) Mike Awesome vs. Vampiro – 4
This could be interesting. This was during the time Awesome was doing that stupid 70’s guy gimmick complete with leisure suit and dumbass lounge music. Vampiro comes out dressed in a corset and goth attire. They brawl outside and into the crowd where a fan jumps on Awesome. Awesome throws him down and kicks the shit out of him. Great! So far, this is a hell of a lot better than the last four matches. Clothesline from the announcers desk and a chair duel. Weak ass Van-Daminator does nothing for anyone. Vamp can’t find whatever he’s looking for under the ring and Awesome powerbombs the shit out of him on the floor … and gets a two-count? Somebody fucked up. Vampiro hasn’t really done anything thus far and Awesome takes it upon himself to knock the piss out of Vampiro on the top-rope Awesome Bomb finish. Well, that was different. Awesome keeps his title shot on Nitro. We cut to a backstage promo and cut back to Vampiro being helped out to the delight of the crowd. Wow, they popped. Good to know they’re not zombies. Get it, zombies, Halloween … never mind.
8) Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Lance Storm vs. General Rection – Handicap Match – 4
This is for the U.S. Title. Duggan is working heel with Storm for some reason. Crowd’s kinda behind Rection. I must point out that General Rection is a terrible name. Storm is really a great heel as always. Duggan gets gassed about five minutes in and the crowd gets bored. The best thing about this is Stevie Ray trying to figure out how Major Gunns got her name with out mentioning the body part she’s named after. Ref bump and interference from Elix Skipper with Duggan’s board. Madden claims the board should be legal because it’s Canadian maple. Schiavone calls bullshit and says the board is Georgia pine. Major Gunns also interferes and apparently rejoins up with the Misfits. Moonsault wins it and the U.S. Title for Rection. Crowd pops for the finish. Why is it that every match except for the Awesome/Vampiro match has had interference?
9) Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting – 0
Sting comes in and beats the piss out of Jarrett. A fake 80’s Sting comes out and the real Sting bails to destroy him. A death drop on the stage diposes of the fake Sting and Jarrett runs up from behind to commence a crowd brawl. Another fake Sting comes through the crowd and attacks the real one. This one looks stupid and is disposed of the same way the other fake Sting was from the real Sting. Confused yet? I sure am. Jarrett takes a hiatus while Sting beats up the impostors. Sting goes back to whip up on Jarrett and a Wolfpac Sting comes out. Another death drop on the stage and a third one is sent packing. There must be something magical about doing a death drop on the stage. Jarrett finally gets some offense via the bat that Wolfpac Sting brought with him. Sting makes a comeback and then another fake Sting comes out from under the ring to pull the real Sting under the ring. One bad blade job later and this fourth fake Sting is disposed of over the top. Moments later, another Sting comes from the ceiling and his fucking wig falls off whilst getting destroyed. Real Sting puts shitty fake Sting through the table and damn near takes out Schiavone. Great, take out the one announcer who’s actually worth a damn. Sting comes back to beat up Jarrett some more and then gets taken out by a guitar shot from the Sting that came out from under the ring. Real Sting is pissed and death drops fake Sting and Jarrett wins after a guitar shot. THIS WAS ONE OF THE WORST MATCHES IN HISTORY!!!
10) Booker T vs. Scott Steiner – 4
Steiner beats the shit out of an agent on his way to the ring just for shits and giggles. Stevie Ray claims this is a big fight atmosphere. Well, yeah, maybe for a local indy show. Steiner plays like he’s distracted through the first few minutes as he jumps the rail and tries to go after some fans. Steiner blatantly cheats in front of the ref but the crack announce team claims the ref is too intimidated to disqualify Steiner. Booker tries his best to help the match but it’s falling apart too fast to save it. Midajah gives Steiner a pipe. I can only imagine what glory hole she pulled that out of. Steiner nails Booker and the ref and then taunts Stevie. Another ref runs in and he gets drilled as well. A third ref runs in to call for the DQ and security gets destroyed as Jarrett comes out to calm down Steiner. This was an awful match but gets some decency points for Steiner playing the insane heel to perfection. Can you tell I’m getting tired about writing about this? Just think, that wasn’t even the main event!
11) Kronik vs. Goldberg – Handicap Elimination Match – 1
I’m telling you there’s nothing like closing out a pay-per-view with a squash match. Goldberg promptly destroys Kronik and sends Bryan Clarke through a table for the pin. Wait … it’s not over? Apparently he has to beat both guys. One minute later, Adams gets pinned and thankfully that’s all.
This was a bad show. However, I can watch this over some of the recent WWE shows that sucked from this year (Unforgiven, No Way Out, One Night Stand) because I wholeheartedly miss WCW and I could watch anything from them. This does hold a bit of historic significance due to it being the last Halloween Havoc but I can’t recommend going out of your way to track this down.