1 Team 3D v. LAX (Street Fight)- 4
2 James Storm/ Jackie Moore v. Petey Williams/ Gail Kim (Double Bullrope)- 3
3 Senshi v. Austin Starr-6
4 VKM v. Hearthrobs- 2
5 Chris Sabin v. Jerry Lynn (2 out of 3 Falls)- 4
6 AJ Styles v. Rhino (Elevation X)- 4
7 Kurt Angle v. Scott Steiner- 4
8 Sting v. Abyss (Last Rites Match)- 5
9 Christian Cage v. Samoa Joe- 6
There's nothing more visually appealing that starting off a PPV telecast than with Bubba Dudley's pale as a newborn mushroom flesh hanging from the underneath of his shirt. Hernandez has major ups and displayed them here by doing a massive plancha. Controversy ensued after match as to whether or not he was wearing Starbury's or just on a lot of steroids. Homicide and Bubba Ray look like a midget a strong man having a tug of war over the last fresh hot dog in the freakshow tent at a traveling circus. Devon sold the least of all 4 men and Hernandez sold the most, despite being the biggest. A gang war broke out between unnamed Latinos and unnamed "brothers" that was rife with racial overtones and looked like the next installment of Law & Order show: Minority Profiling.
The mixed tag featured Gail dishing out some brutal chops to Jackie while Storm and Petey worked the same spots they used 2 years ago together in their tag feud. The Bullrop definitley hindered what they could do (has it ever not?) and there were no extra rules for the match. Lackluster and the crowd made as much noise as a Fellini film.
2nd best match of the night: it was a Chicken wing match (nothing sponsered by Colenal Sanders) no, I'm speaking of the famed finisher of everybody's favorite psychotic hexagenarian, Bob Backlund. Despite the ridiculous premise of the match, both guys played it up and didn't adjust their styles to fit said goofy gimmick. Senshi looked on as usual, and Starr worked harder here than in recent memory. Despite the interference laden finish, this was very solid.
The Hearthrobs. (scratching head)….what the fu… who? Christy Hemme ranks pretty high up there on scales of scantily clad pure slutty hotness but as far as imposing, make you poop your breeches until YOU CALL
SOMEBODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!, the mother beeping Hearthrobs?!?!? TNA, you wack!
Jerry Lynn is one of my favorite competitors to watch. His match with X-Pac a few years ago, absolutely phenomenal. His latest run, kind of sucks. He and Sabin work a classic old school gimmick that was highlighted with some really great stuff:Lynn does a plancha into the stands and slams himself against a wall like he was a Days of Thunder stunt double, plus some great near falls in the finishing sequence of the 2nd fall. But, to point out the idiocy of the TNA fans, they were chanting Jerry, Jerry as they were staring at the fight in the cheap seats of the Asylum. Jerry is a very hard worker and a tough journeyman, but his better days are behind him.
Never thought I'd see a scaffold match on modern wrestling again, but leave it up to the Jarrett clan to bring us this monstrosity. The match didn't consist of much and as far as scaffold matches go, it was perfectly fine, but man, I am sick of seeing Rhino's ever expanding ass on my TV. A tub of goo in black tights is not someone I like cheering for and have worn thin with him. At one point, during the high intensity of the match, Rhino sold a kick by pulling his hair back in a ponytail. That's the kind of dedication that wins matches, fans and Presidential elections. I bet Dubya is a Rhino fan; add another stupid redneck to the fucking list.
Kurt Angle v. Scott Steiner- the match on absolutely nobody's dream match list- the angle of this story was that Steiner was let go from TNA because they couldn't afford both of these high priced athletes. Is he joking? Did he sniff glue from Dutch Mantel's underwear? Besides a couple of stiff clotheslines and botched sunset flip finish, this match was only as good as an indy show delight or a Test opener on Sunday night heat, not a showcase of 2 of the supposed best wrestlers in the world. These guys are a couple of dumbass blockheads. Scott Steiner couldn't find his way out of the front door of an outhouse without tripping over the camode and Angle's forehead drips of juice. Get them off my tv.
Sting did a face peeling blade job that made me stand up and praise him. I even did later that night by rearranging the fries peas and bits of brownie in my Kid Cuisine to match his facepaint at the first Clash of Champions. Didn't know what to do with the chicken bites though? Anyways, this match was short and really lacking in build up, but the hits were awesome. Sting and Abyss both took hellacious bumps on painful objects but Abyss selling the weight of a plaster tombstone was as convincing a performance since Pacey denied to Dawson that he and Joey absolutely had nothing going on when they really spent hours necking and looking at each other in perfect lighting with Alison Krauss songs playing in the background.
I gave this match of the night honors because these guys worked a championship match and they worked it hard. There was no interference, and Christian was holding his own with Joe. Joe countered everything Christian threw at him, underhanded tactics and all, but the story of the finish was he had one too many tricks up his sleeve and he used Joe's own momentum and Kokina Clutch against him. Joe brought all the stiffness he left behind since Kurt Angle showed up and Christian took a lot of great heel bumps. Good Stuff.