Saturday, December 29, 2007
Dick Murdoch vs. Eddie Sweat - NWA TV 1/14/89 - 2
Eddie Sweat, a name fit for a smut peddler, is your atypical truck stop visitor. Murdoch, or "Captain Redneck" as Jim Ross calls him, punishes Sweat like he caught Eddie copping a feel on his girl at the tavern. This is just a real unsavory affair, almost hard to watch, as Murdoch unmercifully beats this high school dropout for a couple minutes. At one point it spills outside and Murdoch slams Sweat's head into the podium where they did all of their interviews for TV, including all of those amazing Four Horsemen ones you and your brother tried imitating in your prepubescent haze. To cap this off, Murdoch uses the "old brainbuster" and Sweat sells it by convulsing like Regan in The Exorcist, shaking uncontrollably in a pasty, white fit that induces nausea in me.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
ECW on Sci-Fi 12/11/07
1 CM Punk/ Kane v. Deuce & Domino- 3
2 John Morrison/ The Miz v. Shannon Moore/ Jimmy Wang Yang- 5
3 Kelly Kelly v. Layla/ Victoria- 2
4 Batista v. Elijah Burke- 3
I (obviously) don't see this team of Punk and Kane lasting and i'm glad for that becuase they seem to not have any chemistry or anything in common at all, unless you count their monthly subscription to Justice Society of America. The Greasers are effectively a one legged team- Deuce took some nasty kicks from Punk and sold well for Kane on big spots, and looked like the leader where as Domino sold for Punk as if he were bored on a Friday night, making no attempt to convey any kind of emotion on his really grotesque face. Their double finish at the end was cool, but that's about as far as it goes. The following tag was fun and fast paced; Smackdown's cruiserweight division looked really inspired and this was probably the most work i've seen Moore do in a few years. Yang continued to impress and meshed well with the unorthodox style of the champs. As high as Vince was on Morrison, i continue to like Miz better, although the monkey flip from the corner sell by Morrison was as exciting a prospect as mounting Melina's backside, which is to say would be pretty nice. The ending got a little rushed, but all the performers hearts were in the right place. I gave this an extra point for being an unexpected surprise of a good match.
As happy as i was about the preceding tag, this handicap bout was as enticing as eating moldy bread. Victoria, who is a competent performer, didn't even seem to care and she was the only one who could have dragged this to a decen score. Kelly Kelly looks highly untrained and i wouldn't recommend her getting back in the ring. The main was built up to be a big match for Burke and Batista seemed willing to take his licks for him, including a stair bump and a great high kick. This didn't go very long and their chemistry isn't top notch, but i would like to see them have more time to work a singles and Burke taking the Batista bomb looked much like the guy who fell out of Top Gun at Kings Island all those years; straight down on his dome!
2 John Morrison/ The Miz v. Shannon Moore/ Jimmy Wang Yang- 5
3 Kelly Kelly v. Layla/ Victoria- 2
4 Batista v. Elijah Burke- 3
I (obviously) don't see this team of Punk and Kane lasting and i'm glad for that becuase they seem to not have any chemistry or anything in common at all, unless you count their monthly subscription to Justice Society of America. The Greasers are effectively a one legged team- Deuce took some nasty kicks from Punk and sold well for Kane on big spots, and looked like the leader where as Domino sold for Punk as if he were bored on a Friday night, making no attempt to convey any kind of emotion on his really grotesque face. Their double finish at the end was cool, but that's about as far as it goes. The following tag was fun and fast paced; Smackdown's cruiserweight division looked really inspired and this was probably the most work i've seen Moore do in a few years. Yang continued to impress and meshed well with the unorthodox style of the champs. As high as Vince was on Morrison, i continue to like Miz better, although the monkey flip from the corner sell by Morrison was as exciting a prospect as mounting Melina's backside, which is to say would be pretty nice. The ending got a little rushed, but all the performers hearts were in the right place. I gave this an extra point for being an unexpected surprise of a good match.
As happy as i was about the preceding tag, this handicap bout was as enticing as eating moldy bread. Victoria, who is a competent performer, didn't even seem to care and she was the only one who could have dragged this to a decen score. Kelly Kelly looks highly untrained and i wouldn't recommend her getting back in the ring. The main was built up to be a big match for Burke and Batista seemed willing to take his licks for him, including a stair bump and a great high kick. This didn't go very long and their chemistry isn't top notch, but i would like to see them have more time to work a singles and Burke taking the Batista bomb looked much like the guy who fell out of Top Gun at Kings Island all those years; straight down on his dome!
Performer Analysis: Lance Storm
He's the innovator of the rat tail, the only failing student of the Masato Tanaka's School for Swinging Chairs and the awesome creator of the best website ran by a wrestler, Stormwrestling.com, He's your favorite stoic Canuck, Lance Storm!
1) Innovation- 5/10
While a very skilled competitor, Storm's contributions to the overall progression of wrestling can't be measured very high. He was a big part of ECW as it broke through to the mainstream and was recognized as one of the company's most solid performers. He was part of the contingent that got some very valuable experience in Japan before making his foray into the US indy scene. Other than that, I'd say one of Storm's biggest contributions is his website, even though it came online years after the Internet had blown up and become a major part of the wrestling world. And he was the first guy to strike a blow for the Alliance, or the Allegiance or whatever the hell that shitty faction was when WCW invaded.
2) Conditioning- 10/10
Storm has always been in excellent shape, not bulky or super muscular but trim and cut. His body frame isn't built to hold mounds of muscle, but his cardio is peak condition, even though i'd say he rarely wrestled long matches in most of his US stints. His cardio workout (published, again on Stormwrestling.com) is pretty comprehensive and intense. One thing you'll notice in Lance's matches is his ring pace and that comes from good stamina, he rarely ever works a slow pace, even if the match is taking place on the ground. Another factor to consider is the ever increasing steroids and drug abuse factor, to which Storm is not known for taking any other than prescribed and it shows in his work. His best category.
3) Skill- 8/10
Storm is an excellent ring technician. His move set has been fine tuned over the years, including his superb superkick and his rolling boston crab. His athleticism is pretty high grade too, with his leaps to the top turnbuckle and planchas to the outside with showing a lot of grace. Storm is also quite a bumper and makes guys look pretty good, no matter the skill level or lack there of of his opponent. Most importantly, he's a ring leader and perfectly comfortable being one. The only gripe I have is his sometimes robotic bumping method, where he blankly looks straight ahead, throws his feet out and falls to the mat and quickly gets up again several times without showing any damage.
4) Psychology- 10/10
Storm knows his ring psych, a less is more kind of school of thought. Storm is a high risk taker but he's never been that flashy one. He has a great facial expression on his sells that really show the pain and he knows how to work an armbar. In WWE style, he was a perfect mid card guy because he knew how to make his opponent appear like a great worker without overshadowing him, and in many cases, he clearly could have. Storm's timing is also impeccible, a great asset to him in the ring; it helps moves come off looking great and good timing makes the audience react positively.
5) Interviews- 7/10
Storm was presented as a guy who was pretty boring, but he was very adept at speaking in front of crowds. He did some great stuff in ECW, where his presence seemed as if he were a professor and had something intelligent to say to the crowd. He was often the mouthpiece for factions he was involved in, ex. Team Canada, Impact Players, Anti-Americans and he did well in the role. His famous catchphrase "If I could be serious for a minute, " was pretty smart and worked wonders for him, when he was actually given the chance to speak. His mic time was severely diminished during his WWE stint, but hey, who's wasn't?
6) Character- 7/10
Typically, young, technical wrestlers are always portrayed as a heel, and Storm was no different, rarely ever straying to the face side of this large equation we call wrestling. But, he was a pretty effective one. He received great heel heat, using a cocky side to himself without being over the top with it. You knew he was a great wrestler, probably a better one than the guy he was facing, but that made you want him to lose all the more. His characters have generally been a version of Bret Hart's heel in '97, a proud Canadian who likes to rub his country's positives in any American's face who will listen. It's garnered him a lot of success and he has been a great wrestling heel. He's only shortly played a face in his career, and it was nothing to write home about, but man, did i have a good laugh at seeing him do the Cabbage Patch and the White Man's Overbite with Goldust on Raw.
7) Fans- 6/10
While Storm has been a great heel wrestler over the years and a well known name in one of wrestling's biggest boom periods, I'd say he still doesn't have that superstar quality that the average fan will pick him out of a crowd and really be excited or the name that a huge crowd would pop big for should he return, although he got a great reception at the ROH show he competed at. I think more smart fans and older fans appreciate Storm more than the average fan and those would probably be the ones that would cheer him. But, he's definitley not a person that would go unnoticed.
8) Basics- 10/10
Storm got his training in the Dungeon of Stu Hart, a wrestling legend known for stretching young students and teaching them the fundamentals of the wrestling business, which is wrestling holds. Storm is an expert on his ground game and can hold his own with anybody, i'd say, in the business today besides maybe Angle or Lashley. His punches are nothing you'd use in a real fight, but their sharpness is perfect for pro wrestling. His reversal and counter wrestling are also very good and he can work sequences with anyone.
9) Feuds/ Opponents- 6/10
Storm has traveled the globe and fought many of Japan's top stars in WAR, like Liger, Samurai, U. Dragon and more. He worked probably every top guy that came through ECW, like Dreamer, Sabu, RVD, Taz, at least got in the ring with every top guy in WCW during his short tenure there , like Sting, Goldberg, DDP, and gotten to work a variety of people in WWE, like the Rock, HHH, Hulk Hogan and Edge, but as far as feuds, Storm's been pretty light on them. He had a lengthy feud with Tommy Dreamer in ECW and a lengthy feud with Hugh Morrus in WCW, but that's been about it. Storm was deserving of more money programs and could have even been a bigger star than he was.
10) Gutcheck- 7/10
In the wrestling business, guys work till they die. That's just a fact. Lance Storm was smart and saved his money and can work when he wants to or when there's a great opportunity. In a business that heralds you when you're on top and walks on your face when you're down, Storm managed to avoid most of the pitfalls that hit superstars of yester-year. It's a sad time in the industry for me, personally right now because all the great performers i saw when i was a kid and loved are dying, or in bad shape, or looking for that next big break and the industry that made them who they are doesn't have a bit of compassion for them. A lot of guys, i think, have a hard time letting go of their career, maybe they didn't accomplish all they wanted to, but Storm bowed away gracefully, even though he may not have made that Wrestlemania stage like he should have or become a World Champion like he should have. He'll join names like Brian Pillman, Owen Hart and Arn Anderson who never won World Titles when they so richly deserved them, but he still stuck it out in the business that mostly forgets it's fallen sons and that takes guts and heart. Another aspect of this category is Character, which Storm has a lot of, never having been arrested or caught with pills in his gymbag, so i give him extra points for that as well.
Final Score: 76
Ranking: Superstar
PO: Thumbs Up
1) Innovation- 5/10
While a very skilled competitor, Storm's contributions to the overall progression of wrestling can't be measured very high. He was a big part of ECW as it broke through to the mainstream and was recognized as one of the company's most solid performers. He was part of the contingent that got some very valuable experience in Japan before making his foray into the US indy scene. Other than that, I'd say one of Storm's biggest contributions is his website, even though it came online years after the Internet had blown up and become a major part of the wrestling world. And he was the first guy to strike a blow for the Alliance, or the Allegiance or whatever the hell that shitty faction was when WCW invaded.
2) Conditioning- 10/10
Storm has always been in excellent shape, not bulky or super muscular but trim and cut. His body frame isn't built to hold mounds of muscle, but his cardio is peak condition, even though i'd say he rarely wrestled long matches in most of his US stints. His cardio workout (published, again on Stormwrestling.com) is pretty comprehensive and intense. One thing you'll notice in Lance's matches is his ring pace and that comes from good stamina, he rarely ever works a slow pace, even if the match is taking place on the ground. Another factor to consider is the ever increasing steroids and drug abuse factor, to which Storm is not known for taking any other than prescribed and it shows in his work. His best category.
3) Skill- 8/10
Storm is an excellent ring technician. His move set has been fine tuned over the years, including his superb superkick and his rolling boston crab. His athleticism is pretty high grade too, with his leaps to the top turnbuckle and planchas to the outside with showing a lot of grace. Storm is also quite a bumper and makes guys look pretty good, no matter the skill level or lack there of of his opponent. Most importantly, he's a ring leader and perfectly comfortable being one. The only gripe I have is his sometimes robotic bumping method, where he blankly looks straight ahead, throws his feet out and falls to the mat and quickly gets up again several times without showing any damage.
4) Psychology- 10/10
Storm knows his ring psych, a less is more kind of school of thought. Storm is a high risk taker but he's never been that flashy one. He has a great facial expression on his sells that really show the pain and he knows how to work an armbar. In WWE style, he was a perfect mid card guy because he knew how to make his opponent appear like a great worker without overshadowing him, and in many cases, he clearly could have. Storm's timing is also impeccible, a great asset to him in the ring; it helps moves come off looking great and good timing makes the audience react positively.
5) Interviews- 7/10
Storm was presented as a guy who was pretty boring, but he was very adept at speaking in front of crowds. He did some great stuff in ECW, where his presence seemed as if he were a professor and had something intelligent to say to the crowd. He was often the mouthpiece for factions he was involved in, ex. Team Canada, Impact Players, Anti-Americans and he did well in the role. His famous catchphrase "If I could be serious for a minute, " was pretty smart and worked wonders for him, when he was actually given the chance to speak. His mic time was severely diminished during his WWE stint, but hey, who's wasn't?
6) Character- 7/10
Typically, young, technical wrestlers are always portrayed as a heel, and Storm was no different, rarely ever straying to the face side of this large equation we call wrestling. But, he was a pretty effective one. He received great heel heat, using a cocky side to himself without being over the top with it. You knew he was a great wrestler, probably a better one than the guy he was facing, but that made you want him to lose all the more. His characters have generally been a version of Bret Hart's heel in '97, a proud Canadian who likes to rub his country's positives in any American's face who will listen. It's garnered him a lot of success and he has been a great wrestling heel. He's only shortly played a face in his career, and it was nothing to write home about, but man, did i have a good laugh at seeing him do the Cabbage Patch and the White Man's Overbite with Goldust on Raw.
7) Fans- 6/10
While Storm has been a great heel wrestler over the years and a well known name in one of wrestling's biggest boom periods, I'd say he still doesn't have that superstar quality that the average fan will pick him out of a crowd and really be excited or the name that a huge crowd would pop big for should he return, although he got a great reception at the ROH show he competed at. I think more smart fans and older fans appreciate Storm more than the average fan and those would probably be the ones that would cheer him. But, he's definitley not a person that would go unnoticed.
8) Basics- 10/10
Storm got his training in the Dungeon of Stu Hart, a wrestling legend known for stretching young students and teaching them the fundamentals of the wrestling business, which is wrestling holds. Storm is an expert on his ground game and can hold his own with anybody, i'd say, in the business today besides maybe Angle or Lashley. His punches are nothing you'd use in a real fight, but their sharpness is perfect for pro wrestling. His reversal and counter wrestling are also very good and he can work sequences with anyone.
9) Feuds/ Opponents- 6/10
Storm has traveled the globe and fought many of Japan's top stars in WAR, like Liger, Samurai, U. Dragon and more. He worked probably every top guy that came through ECW, like Dreamer, Sabu, RVD, Taz, at least got in the ring with every top guy in WCW during his short tenure there , like Sting, Goldberg, DDP, and gotten to work a variety of people in WWE, like the Rock, HHH, Hulk Hogan and Edge, but as far as feuds, Storm's been pretty light on them. He had a lengthy feud with Tommy Dreamer in ECW and a lengthy feud with Hugh Morrus in WCW, but that's been about it. Storm was deserving of more money programs and could have even been a bigger star than he was.
10) Gutcheck- 7/10
In the wrestling business, guys work till they die. That's just a fact. Lance Storm was smart and saved his money and can work when he wants to or when there's a great opportunity. In a business that heralds you when you're on top and walks on your face when you're down, Storm managed to avoid most of the pitfalls that hit superstars of yester-year. It's a sad time in the industry for me, personally right now because all the great performers i saw when i was a kid and loved are dying, or in bad shape, or looking for that next big break and the industry that made them who they are doesn't have a bit of compassion for them. A lot of guys, i think, have a hard time letting go of their career, maybe they didn't accomplish all they wanted to, but Storm bowed away gracefully, even though he may not have made that Wrestlemania stage like he should have or become a World Champion like he should have. He'll join names like Brian Pillman, Owen Hart and Arn Anderson who never won World Titles when they so richly deserved them, but he still stuck it out in the business that mostly forgets it's fallen sons and that takes guts and heart. Another aspect of this category is Character, which Storm has a lot of, never having been arrested or caught with pills in his gymbag, so i give him extra points for that as well.
Final Score: 76
Ranking: Superstar
PO: Thumbs Up
TNA Impact DVD Bundle Review- 3 episodes
12//24/05
1 Christopher Daniels v. Eric Young- 2
2 Abyss v. Chris Sabin- 4
3 The Truth v. Kenny King- 1
4 Chris Harris v. Christian Cage- 4
Daniels and Young, while 2 talented guys, can't make much happen in 2 minutes. Young's backne was quite disturbing. Everything looked crisp in this squash, and Daniels doens't unleash his whole arsenal in a throwaway match, which is smart. Sabin is good at getting built up and Abyss will probably be an enhancement talent for years to come. His timing is pretty good with powerspots, but his sells are pretty absurd. He gets kicked in the head and pulls his hands up to his face in a cringing motion. Truth comes out and does the same 3 moves he always does and puts away King in a completely forgettable waste of time. Cage really doesn't look like he could beat anybody up, but he effectively vanquishes Harris and his Spanish swordsman's moustache. Both guys have a good rhythm with each other but ultimately there are no high spots in this match and the finish is pretty flat. Can't recommend it.
12/31/05
1 Monty Brown/ Jeff Jarrett v. Kenny King/ Shark Boy- 1
2 Rhino v. A1- 2
3 Roderick Strong v. Samoa Joe- 3
4 James Storm v. AJ Styles- 4
Man, i hate this Jarrett squashes nobody shit but i kind of long for it with all the nonsense Russo has on his show. Monty effectively explodes into King's body with a Pounce and i wonder why he wasn't made a star, because lots of people have gotten over with less. Shark Boy bit Jarrett's ass as he was hanging over the guardrail at one point. Love to hear the backstage story on that one. If you've seen one Rhino squash, you've seen this one. A1 doesn't really sell anything as much as just takes a move and falls down. Strong gives Joe a spirited squash and dishes out some brutal chops. He takes all of Joe's stuff the way you should: hard and painful. This is short but fun while it lasts. Meanwhile, back when AJ was still taken seriously.....He stiffs it up with Storm, TNA's perennial jock strap, in a well paced main event that has a DQ finish. Storm is 207th on the list of all time best superkicks but AJ's kick-ass sell of it could shoot it quickly up near the #76.
01/01/06
1 America's Most Wanted v. AJ Styles/ Christopher Daniels- 5
This was a fun tag match that spanned 3 commercial breaks on TNA's New Year's special. The storytelling was pretty good, as Daniels and AJ had apparently pinned both of these guys on seperate shows in singles matches but they couldn't match up to them in a tag atmosphere. AMW was a pretty good team, they could read each other and they knew how to build to some great spots. AJ was the stiff one here, laying in killer forearms to Storm's face at one point. Daniels was the glue of the match and took all his licks very professionally. I believe this was the start to a pretty good feud, and i would like to have seen this have a little more time, although it wasn't your usual AMW crowd brawl, or your usual AJ spot fest, just a basic tag match with sweet cutoff sections and a Daniels' moonsault that made me cry in my Fruity Pebbles.
1 Christopher Daniels v. Eric Young- 2
2 Abyss v. Chris Sabin- 4
3 The Truth v. Kenny King- 1
4 Chris Harris v. Christian Cage- 4
Daniels and Young, while 2 talented guys, can't make much happen in 2 minutes. Young's backne was quite disturbing. Everything looked crisp in this squash, and Daniels doens't unleash his whole arsenal in a throwaway match, which is smart. Sabin is good at getting built up and Abyss will probably be an enhancement talent for years to come. His timing is pretty good with powerspots, but his sells are pretty absurd. He gets kicked in the head and pulls his hands up to his face in a cringing motion. Truth comes out and does the same 3 moves he always does and puts away King in a completely forgettable waste of time. Cage really doesn't look like he could beat anybody up, but he effectively vanquishes Harris and his Spanish swordsman's moustache. Both guys have a good rhythm with each other but ultimately there are no high spots in this match and the finish is pretty flat. Can't recommend it.
12/31/05
1 Monty Brown/ Jeff Jarrett v. Kenny King/ Shark Boy- 1
2 Rhino v. A1- 2
3 Roderick Strong v. Samoa Joe- 3
4 James Storm v. AJ Styles- 4
Man, i hate this Jarrett squashes nobody shit but i kind of long for it with all the nonsense Russo has on his show. Monty effectively explodes into King's body with a Pounce and i wonder why he wasn't made a star, because lots of people have gotten over with less. Shark Boy bit Jarrett's ass as he was hanging over the guardrail at one point. Love to hear the backstage story on that one. If you've seen one Rhino squash, you've seen this one. A1 doesn't really sell anything as much as just takes a move and falls down. Strong gives Joe a spirited squash and dishes out some brutal chops. He takes all of Joe's stuff the way you should: hard and painful. This is short but fun while it lasts. Meanwhile, back when AJ was still taken seriously.....He stiffs it up with Storm, TNA's perennial jock strap, in a well paced main event that has a DQ finish. Storm is 207th on the list of all time best superkicks but AJ's kick-ass sell of it could shoot it quickly up near the #76.
01/01/06
1 America's Most Wanted v. AJ Styles/ Christopher Daniels- 5
This was a fun tag match that spanned 3 commercial breaks on TNA's New Year's special. The storytelling was pretty good, as Daniels and AJ had apparently pinned both of these guys on seperate shows in singles matches but they couldn't match up to them in a tag atmosphere. AMW was a pretty good team, they could read each other and they knew how to build to some great spots. AJ was the stiff one here, laying in killer forearms to Storm's face at one point. Daniels was the glue of the match and took all his licks very professionally. I believe this was the start to a pretty good feud, and i would like to have seen this have a little more time, although it wasn't your usual AMW crowd brawl, or your usual AJ spot fest, just a basic tag match with sweet cutoff sections and a Daniels' moonsault that made me cry in my Fruity Pebbles.
WWE Amarggeddeon 2007
The final PPV of the year and i was pretty excited for it; let's see the results
1 MVP v. Rey Mysterio- 4
This match started out at fast pace, with Mysterio flying early and MVP doing some ground work. Rey hung with him for a little bit, then took back to the air where he botched a flying splash and i got my first laugh of the night. I could see age taking a toll on Rey, as now he has to grab the guy's neck before he can execute his famous hurricanrana, although he did pull off a really awesome one off the apron to the outside. MVP's big boot and Rey's sell of it looked a Rey got pulled back by a giant steroid magnet. They worked a really fast pace but the ending ruined it; a shitty countout where MVP just left. One of my biggest rules when watching a match: The finish is supremely important because it's the last thing that happens and how you will remember the match. Bad finishes would become a theme for the night.
2 Mark Henry/ Big Daddy V v. CM Punk/ Kane- 5
Henry and V looked like 2 hulking gorillas foraging in the Amazon looking for food. Punk worked well around them, kicking at their legs like he was trying to knock water out of a Redwood. Kane was throwing some stiff uppercuts, but when all 4 of them got in, it was a mess. It looked like people mis-directed in an airport, just guys milling about not knowing where to go. Punk had an awesome hot section where he was handing out kicks and big knees to the gargantuans while Kane and Henry took a nasty spill to the outside. The finish was pretty sweet: Punk springboarded into a Samoan drop by V, and i was surprised this match wasn't bad, and it had some time to it too.
3 Shawn Michaels v. Mr. Kennedy- 4
I'm a Michaels mark from way back, so it's always a treat to see him work, although it seems hard pressed to pull anything good out of Kennedy and I'm proven right for the 2nd time (the 1st time is when i knew there was no possible way to get up that closed off staircase in Maniac Mansion for the NES.) Michaels took some really nasty bumps, including one where they both spilled out of the ring and he hit his back on the apron. I loved when he was doing some '97 heel stuff, like stomping Kennedy's fingers on the steel stairs. The crowd seemed to be asleep during this match, especially when Kennedy took control. i still hate his punches. This should have been a 5, but the finish was ridiculously business exposing, as Michaels was a good 3 feet from connecting with the superkick. Guess no replays of this match. Shucks!
4 Jeff Hardy v. HHH- 3
This was supposed to be Hardy's big breakout match and it flopped bigger than David Caruso's film career. Hardy was just off; he was stumbling around the ring, just fell off of the railing outside for his big dive spot, and all his offense looked completely inferior to Trips. HHH gave him a pretty hellacious slap at one point, which i took as saying "get your fucking act together." HHH barely bumped in this one and for a pretty good run since his comeback, this was a bad performance. They had a DDT sequence that worked and Hardy gave some aftersell on a few things, but the finish was a quick rollup that wasn't very quick at all.
5 Finlay v. Great Khali- 2
Thank god this was short. Finaly could get a good match out of a dead horse, but call Great Khali a rotting corpse of a horse because this was pretty awful. Luckily it only lasted a few minutes. Khali trying to get his leg up for a back kick was funnier than Dane Cook's Tourgasm and seeing it flop right onto Finlay's head and him sluggishly slump over had me groaning and wishing i had ordered some food to distract me from this mess.
6 Randy Orton v. Chris Jericho- 6
I had been looking forward to this one for a while, Jericho isn't as fast as he used to be though. These guys had some great chemistry and Orton continues his reign as King of Selling in this match, ex. Jericho does a crazy splash to the outside and Orton holds his head after wards because that's what hit the ground first. The Walls is just as good of a high spot as it always was and Jericho still knows how to use it well. Jericho runs into that oversized ego in a cowboy hat JBL on the outside and gets a laugh out of me. Orton's dropkick rivals any i've seen in this match, perfect, right on the button accuracy. Hardcore Holly can go sit on a fork and spin if he thinks his limp-dick of one is any good compared to Orton's. Jericho took a nasty corner bump and i think KO'd himself for a second. Jericho finally brings the crowd out of it's nap since Big Daddy V won and he locks in the Walls and drags Orton away from the ropes. Jericho is just seconds away from winning WHEN THAT WASHED UP DICKWEED JBL drags his 50 year old tired saggy ass into the ring and kicks Jericho for a DQ win. Orton hits an RKO post match and the camera gets a close up of Jericho's face, which everyone around the world can read: "Why did i come back for this shit?" and you could actually see his push die right there on camera. This would've been a 7 easily, but i have to knock it down for that.
7 Beth Phoniex v. Mickie James- 3
This was 5 minutes of fun, these two work well together, but Mickie's usually stiff kicks came off looking really weak against Phoniex. She had a crazy submission hold that hurt Mickie pretty good and we all enjoyed seeing her nipples through her velvet costume. Then, we were discussing how she makes Trish and Lita on last week's Raw Anniversary look like old hags. Phoniex hits a weak ass brain buster for 3 and it's over. The crowd wasn't any more dead than for this match; everytime the women played to the crowd, you could hear crickets chirping and if you really listened, you could hear Dean Malenko's voice behind that.
8 Batista v. Edge v. Undertaker- 3
This was a really unfunny joke of a match. Batista couldn't have hurt a fuzzy bunny rabbit with the really weak strikes he was utilizing in this match. Taker still knows great spots and was playing up really well how badly he wanted to kick Edge's wretched ass. Taker in a cool spot, missed the legdrop on the apron and hit hard on his back. Edge looked like Captain Jack Sparrow selling Taker's punches and i wished he find World's End and take a leap off of it. About halfway through this turned into a singles match where Edge was just laying on the ground outside staring up into the ring. He wasn't even selling anything or pretending to be hurt; I was thinking "This is one of your fucking stars?" Meanwhile, Taker and Batista try to pick things back up again and do their usual stuff (spinebuster from Old School, and Taker's nifty triangle choke) then Edge has 2 lookalikes (presumbly the Major brothers) and he misses a chair shot at Batista's head and wins the belt. Thinking back, 3 points is generous but it's Christmas, so i guess i'll let it fly.
1 MVP v. Rey Mysterio- 4
This match started out at fast pace, with Mysterio flying early and MVP doing some ground work. Rey hung with him for a little bit, then took back to the air where he botched a flying splash and i got my first laugh of the night. I could see age taking a toll on Rey, as now he has to grab the guy's neck before he can execute his famous hurricanrana, although he did pull off a really awesome one off the apron to the outside. MVP's big boot and Rey's sell of it looked a Rey got pulled back by a giant steroid magnet. They worked a really fast pace but the ending ruined it; a shitty countout where MVP just left. One of my biggest rules when watching a match: The finish is supremely important because it's the last thing that happens and how you will remember the match. Bad finishes would become a theme for the night.
2 Mark Henry/ Big Daddy V v. CM Punk/ Kane- 5
Henry and V looked like 2 hulking gorillas foraging in the Amazon looking for food. Punk worked well around them, kicking at their legs like he was trying to knock water out of a Redwood. Kane was throwing some stiff uppercuts, but when all 4 of them got in, it was a mess. It looked like people mis-directed in an airport, just guys milling about not knowing where to go. Punk had an awesome hot section where he was handing out kicks and big knees to the gargantuans while Kane and Henry took a nasty spill to the outside. The finish was pretty sweet: Punk springboarded into a Samoan drop by V, and i was surprised this match wasn't bad, and it had some time to it too.
3 Shawn Michaels v. Mr. Kennedy- 4
I'm a Michaels mark from way back, so it's always a treat to see him work, although it seems hard pressed to pull anything good out of Kennedy and I'm proven right for the 2nd time (the 1st time is when i knew there was no possible way to get up that closed off staircase in Maniac Mansion for the NES.) Michaels took some really nasty bumps, including one where they both spilled out of the ring and he hit his back on the apron. I loved when he was doing some '97 heel stuff, like stomping Kennedy's fingers on the steel stairs. The crowd seemed to be asleep during this match, especially when Kennedy took control. i still hate his punches. This should have been a 5, but the finish was ridiculously business exposing, as Michaels was a good 3 feet from connecting with the superkick. Guess no replays of this match. Shucks!
4 Jeff Hardy v. HHH- 3
This was supposed to be Hardy's big breakout match and it flopped bigger than David Caruso's film career. Hardy was just off; he was stumbling around the ring, just fell off of the railing outside for his big dive spot, and all his offense looked completely inferior to Trips. HHH gave him a pretty hellacious slap at one point, which i took as saying "get your fucking act together." HHH barely bumped in this one and for a pretty good run since his comeback, this was a bad performance. They had a DDT sequence that worked and Hardy gave some aftersell on a few things, but the finish was a quick rollup that wasn't very quick at all.
5 Finlay v. Great Khali- 2
Thank god this was short. Finaly could get a good match out of a dead horse, but call Great Khali a rotting corpse of a horse because this was pretty awful. Luckily it only lasted a few minutes. Khali trying to get his leg up for a back kick was funnier than Dane Cook's Tourgasm and seeing it flop right onto Finlay's head and him sluggishly slump over had me groaning and wishing i had ordered some food to distract me from this mess.
6 Randy Orton v. Chris Jericho- 6
I had been looking forward to this one for a while, Jericho isn't as fast as he used to be though. These guys had some great chemistry and Orton continues his reign as King of Selling in this match, ex. Jericho does a crazy splash to the outside and Orton holds his head after wards because that's what hit the ground first. The Walls is just as good of a high spot as it always was and Jericho still knows how to use it well. Jericho runs into that oversized ego in a cowboy hat JBL on the outside and gets a laugh out of me. Orton's dropkick rivals any i've seen in this match, perfect, right on the button accuracy. Hardcore Holly can go sit on a fork and spin if he thinks his limp-dick of one is any good compared to Orton's. Jericho took a nasty corner bump and i think KO'd himself for a second. Jericho finally brings the crowd out of it's nap since Big Daddy V won and he locks in the Walls and drags Orton away from the ropes. Jericho is just seconds away from winning WHEN THAT WASHED UP DICKWEED JBL drags his 50 year old tired saggy ass into the ring and kicks Jericho for a DQ win. Orton hits an RKO post match and the camera gets a close up of Jericho's face, which everyone around the world can read: "Why did i come back for this shit?" and you could actually see his push die right there on camera. This would've been a 7 easily, but i have to knock it down for that.
7 Beth Phoniex v. Mickie James- 3
This was 5 minutes of fun, these two work well together, but Mickie's usually stiff kicks came off looking really weak against Phoniex. She had a crazy submission hold that hurt Mickie pretty good and we all enjoyed seeing her nipples through her velvet costume. Then, we were discussing how she makes Trish and Lita on last week's Raw Anniversary look like old hags. Phoniex hits a weak ass brain buster for 3 and it's over. The crowd wasn't any more dead than for this match; everytime the women played to the crowd, you could hear crickets chirping and if you really listened, you could hear Dean Malenko's voice behind that.
8 Batista v. Edge v. Undertaker- 3
This was a really unfunny joke of a match. Batista couldn't have hurt a fuzzy bunny rabbit with the really weak strikes he was utilizing in this match. Taker still knows great spots and was playing up really well how badly he wanted to kick Edge's wretched ass. Taker in a cool spot, missed the legdrop on the apron and hit hard on his back. Edge looked like Captain Jack Sparrow selling Taker's punches and i wished he find World's End and take a leap off of it. About halfway through this turned into a singles match where Edge was just laying on the ground outside staring up into the ring. He wasn't even selling anything or pretending to be hurt; I was thinking "This is one of your fucking stars?" Meanwhile, Taker and Batista try to pick things back up again and do their usual stuff (spinebuster from Old School, and Taker's nifty triangle choke) then Edge has 2 lookalikes (presumbly the Major brothers) and he misses a chair shot at Batista's head and wins the belt. Thinking back, 3 points is generous but it's Christmas, so i guess i'll let it fly.
The Contents of Tully’s Pockets #1
Welcome to The Contents of Tully’s Pockets, a new, ongoing series done by yours truly focusing on the career of legendary grappler Tully Blanchard. New entries into this exciting retrospective series will be released sporadically, so don’t hold your breath, but please do hold your overexcited bowels.
Tully Blanchard vs. Mike Nichols – Georgia Wrestling ’85 – 3
We’re in a dimly lit studio and Blanchard’s accompanied by his “perfect ten” Babydoll. Tully starts it off with some fantastic amateur-based stuff; it looks realistic because it is, as he clinics Nichols on the mat. Back to their feet, Tully delivers a few hard forearms; Nichols sells them like absolute death as he falls backwards like a tree toppling in a forest. A devastating knee to the gut makes Mike roll backwards, rolling on his head, and shortly after Blanchard finishes him off with the slingshot suplex, his signature move, done to near perfection. The match lasts under two minutes, but is sheer beauty as it makes Blanchard look like a brash badass who can back up his boasts.
Well, that’ll do it for this edition of The Contents of Tully’s Pockets; we’ll see you again next time for more analysis of one of wrestling’s premier icons.
Tully Blanchard vs. Mike Nichols – Georgia Wrestling ’85 – 3
We’re in a dimly lit studio and Blanchard’s accompanied by his “perfect ten” Babydoll. Tully starts it off with some fantastic amateur-based stuff; it looks realistic because it is, as he clinics Nichols on the mat. Back to their feet, Tully delivers a few hard forearms; Nichols sells them like absolute death as he falls backwards like a tree toppling in a forest. A devastating knee to the gut makes Mike roll backwards, rolling on his head, and shortly after Blanchard finishes him off with the slingshot suplex, his signature move, done to near perfection. The match lasts under two minutes, but is sheer beauty as it makes Blanchard look like a brash badass who can back up his boasts.
Well, that’ll do it for this edition of The Contents of Tully’s Pockets; we’ll see you again next time for more analysis of one of wrestling’s premier icons.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
ECW on Sci-Fi 12/6/07
1. The Miz and John Morrision vs. Major Brothers – 4
2. Kelly Kelly and Balls Mahoney vs. Victoria and Kenny Dykstra – 3
3. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jimmy Wang Yang – 3
4. Jeff Lewis vs. Kevin Thorn – 1
5. CM Punk vs. Mark Henry - 2
This was a fairly fast-paced and relatively enjoyable episode of this perennial loser of a show. The opener was a decent competitive tag match, with highlights being Brian Major’s exquisite dropkick, Miz’s facials during sells being particularly good showcasing the pain, and Brett Major making Morrison’s corkscrew neckbreaker actually look hurty. The mixed tag was kept thankfully short. Dykstra kneed Balls hard right in the face early, which I loved, but later, Kenny had trouble executing a tilt-a-whirl headscissors that looked nice until the release, where he got all tangled up like a snotty kid on a playground in his shoelaces. Balls got the win with an inside cradle, I suppose to keep some of the heels’ heat, but I’m puzzled as to why even bother?
Shelton cut a promo trying to make himself seem like an impact player in ECW. He did throw a boot at one point against Yang that’d make Hiro Matsuda blush, if he was still alive. Benjamin busted out a powerbomb into the buckles that was devastating. Shelton countered Yang’s aerial arsenal by blocking a flying crossbody with a gutbuster. Shelton’s finisher was bizarre, the announcers coined it as a “bulldog into a DDT” but it looked nothing like either maneuver to me. Jobber Jeff Lewis looked like former NBA player and current Chicago Bulls head coach Scott Skiles, while Thorn, sporting his new look, came off like a guitar tech for Monster Magnet. This sucked, but the tortue rack/backbreaker finish was painful enough to warrant a satisfactory smile. The main event didn’t go long. Henry was selling Punk’s leg kicks like he just snorted some wasabi. Big Daddy V interfered, ending this utterly forgettable atrocity, and ending the show.
2. Kelly Kelly and Balls Mahoney vs. Victoria and Kenny Dykstra – 3
3. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jimmy Wang Yang – 3
4. Jeff Lewis vs. Kevin Thorn – 1
5. CM Punk vs. Mark Henry - 2
This was a fairly fast-paced and relatively enjoyable episode of this perennial loser of a show. The opener was a decent competitive tag match, with highlights being Brian Major’s exquisite dropkick, Miz’s facials during sells being particularly good showcasing the pain, and Brett Major making Morrison’s corkscrew neckbreaker actually look hurty. The mixed tag was kept thankfully short. Dykstra kneed Balls hard right in the face early, which I loved, but later, Kenny had trouble executing a tilt-a-whirl headscissors that looked nice until the release, where he got all tangled up like a snotty kid on a playground in his shoelaces. Balls got the win with an inside cradle, I suppose to keep some of the heels’ heat, but I’m puzzled as to why even bother?
Shelton cut a promo trying to make himself seem like an impact player in ECW. He did throw a boot at one point against Yang that’d make Hiro Matsuda blush, if he was still alive. Benjamin busted out a powerbomb into the buckles that was devastating. Shelton countered Yang’s aerial arsenal by blocking a flying crossbody with a gutbuster. Shelton’s finisher was bizarre, the announcers coined it as a “bulldog into a DDT” but it looked nothing like either maneuver to me. Jobber Jeff Lewis looked like former NBA player and current Chicago Bulls head coach Scott Skiles, while Thorn, sporting his new look, came off like a guitar tech for Monster Magnet. This sucked, but the tortue rack/backbreaker finish was painful enough to warrant a satisfactory smile. The main event didn’t go long. Henry was selling Punk’s leg kicks like he just snorted some wasabi. Big Daddy V interfered, ending this utterly forgettable atrocity, and ending the show.
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