Ultimo Dragon's Lucha Fiesta 7/19/10

1. Banana Senga, Pineapple Hanai & Takeshi Minaminno vs. Toru Owashi, Hisamaru Tajima & Manabu Murakami - 3
2. Lucha de Mini-Estrellas: Espectrito vs. Venezia - 2
3. Brazo de Platino, Ayumi Kurihara & Milanito Collection at vs. NOSAWA Rongai, Minoru Fujita & Misaki Ohata -1
4. Lucha de Maestros: Negro Navarro vs. Solar - 4
5. NWA International Jr. Heavyweight Title - Torneo Cibernetico: Mineo Fujita ©, Ultimo Dragon & Hajime Ohara vs. Black Tiger V, Dark Dragon & Shu Sato - 3

The opener was comedy shtick but I found it as funny as stepping in a warm pile of dog shit in your best shoes. The fruit team, as I've dubbed them, came out wearing garish outfits that made them look like salsa dancers. Of the bunch, Banana stood out, he had a nice spring to a lot of his stuff although he did overshoot one dive particularly noticeably. Owashi was both the captain and power of his squad. The minis followed and completely bombed. Espectrito has been doing this far too long to turn in such a lazy performance. Venezia was a dwarf in the world's tiniest black monkey outfit. It was just a series of showy armdrags which little to no selling just fixing their masks after spots. What makes it an even bigger disappointment is at last year's Lucha Fiesta the midget match (Mascarita Dorada vs. Pequeño Damian 666) blew everyone away and was a legitimate MotY candidate.

Next match was intolerable and just the worst. Platino is a big tub of goo and was all about the painfully unfunny comedy shtick. There were just too many spots that were obviously cooperative that made dispensing with belief impossible. Most of this revolved around Milanito and Ayumi being too tiny to do any damage to the opposition so after trying unsuccessfully Brazo would then flatten them with his girth. The only highlight was a rotund somersault off the top onto everybody on the floor by Platino but this was rubbish.

Next was two lucha mat maestros doing their thing. It's a match that, for awhile, was a hot topic on many a wrestling forum. Some praised it for its intricacies and others loathed it for feeling too exhibitory. I'm more in a gray area leaning towards the later camp as while most of the mat stuff was strung along well enough I didn't get the sense of competitiveness and the lack of any strikes whatsoever further pushed this over the edge into borderline camp. That may make me a target in some circles that holds Navarro and co. to a fetishistic level but different strokes. I've seen a handful of their body of work together in Mexico and tend to prefer that stuff, where its longer, typically has a finish (whereas this match doesn't), etc. I will say old man Navarro's facials remind me of Carl from Up so it's got that.

Main event was thoroughly unremarkable. Started with Ultimo fending off the baddies feeling like a low-grade kung fu flick. I've seen a metric ton of crowd brawls in Korakuen Hall but never one so tepid. Back in the ring there's a plethora of water-related spots, pouring water from bottles on opponent in corner, dumping buckets of water on opponent on apron, etc. This makes me glad summer's right around the corner and I've get a date with Disney's Typhoon Lagoon but doesn't do much for the wrestling fan in me. Hajime trips Fujita leading to a teacherly scolding by Ultimo. Match ends when Ultimo gets his mask yanked off not unlike the match/show felt like a giant handjob where the benefactor was Yoshihiro Asai and the recipient of a face glazing was the fans in attendance. Post-match Ohara and Fujita go at each other, Ultimo scurries out to break it up, only for the heels to return and tombstone him on the ramp further desecrating him on his own event. I haven't seen a tribute gone so awry since a drunken man tried to recite (from memory) the "I Have A Dream" speech on MLK Day at 1AM in a White Castle dining room while I polished off some sliders extra flavor crystals.