1. Edge vs. Ric Flair – 4
2. Trish Status vs. Mickie James – 4
3. Gregory Helms vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler – 5
4. Triple H vs. Big Show – 5
5. Shelton Benjamin vs. Viscera – 2
6. Maria vs. Candace Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria vs. Ashley – Bra & Panties Gauntlet Match – 2
7. Kane vs. Chris Masters vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle vs. Carlito vs. John Cena – Elimination Chamber – 7
8. John Cena vs. Edge – 3
Edge and Flair told the story of Edge not being in control of his aggression; so, he basically went ballistic on Flair’s leathery skin for a while, before eventually being disqualified. Flair bled, helping sell the scenario, and while it wasn’t classic wrestling, he helped Edge’s credibility as a burgeoning heel. Trish and Mickie had a pretty decent match; with the exception of a couple botches it was relatively inoffensive. They were working the sly insinuation that Mickie was a lesbian, but not quite yet in Trish’s league. On paper, I was slightly mortified at the prospect of Lawler and Helms, but rather enjoyed it in actuality. They didn’t get ahead of themselves, kept it simple but satisfactory, and Lawler’s fist drop to score the victory was a treat.
Triple H and Big Show worked for over 16 minutes in the middle of the card, in a sort of oddly placed, but ultimately adequate bout. Show was working an injury angle, wearing this gigantic cast, which looked like some middle school student’s papier-mâché art project. So, the story was focused around Triple H methodically destroying the hand, with Show’s selling of it and portrayal of the pain pretty believable. Show also dished out some severe chops. There was a ref bump, allowing Triple H to use a sledgehammer, than a patented Pedigree for the win. I like that they kept Show strong, as even when he was hurt, Triple H still had to go all out to score a cheapened victory. Shelton and Viscera was pretty much awful. Right off the bat, Shelton looked lost, and the only redeemable thing he did throughout was absolutely drill Viscera in the face with a kneelift at one point. I really hated the finish; it’s a small thing, but I noticed Viscera, who was supposed to be incapacitated after being hit with a loaded purse, adjusting his shirt right before he was pinned, leading me to ask, if he’s conscious enough to be worried about fashion, shouldn’t he be capable of at least making an attempt at kicking out?
The women’s debacle at first wasn’t without some merit, as the beginning stages saw, if nothing else, some decent flourishes of barely clothed bimbos. To quote my boy Guy Fieri, this was “out of bounds!” Then, Mae Young’s decrepit old ass hobbled to ringside, took off her clothes randomly, and sickened my stomach immediately. How many times must they embarrass this old lady? In the beginning, they actually worked some subtle psychology into the affair, but by the end, Ashley was the last to enter and simply stripped Victoria within seconds of entering the match, thus anticlimactically ending this mess.
Out of the several Elimination Chamber matches they’ve done, I’d have to argue that this is the best of the batch. It went nearly a half-hour, it kept me intrigued throughout. Michaels and Cena started it, next in was Carlito, followed by Kurt Angle. Angle came in hot, dumping Michaels over the top rope with a release German suplex onto the steel grating. He tried unsuccessfully to do the same to Carlito, but didn’t get as a good a lift, as Carlito’s head hit the top rope on the way over, in an unsightly botch. Masters entered next, with tons of energy, looking more motivated than I’ve ever seen him. Michaels’ becomes a bloody mess, and later, Cena juices as well. I won’t detail all the eliminations, but they were largely unobjectionable, save perhaps for Angle being the first out. I’d have given another point had the finish been different; Carlito got a cheap roll-up to eliminate Masters, then directly after, Cena rolled up Carlito to win. It happened so fast that it lessened the ending’s impact, and I feel the image of a bloodied Cena hitting his usual finisher the FU would have been a stronger way to end it. But, they wanted to go the route that he eked out the victory. Which, ultimately makes what happened next make more sense, as directly after, the scheming vulture Edge ran out and beat Cena after two consecutive spears. I gave it points because it was a good twist, and, the crowd really reacted strongly to it, just going nuts like the boys in the ECW locker room would when Francine got really drunk and lost what little inhibitions she had.