Live from our home city of Cincinnati, it's Monday Night Raw! I wanted to put up a rev for this particular Raw because it took place in our area and figured that it'd be fun to review the Raw Roulette. I'm going to skip the whole Bengals/Chad Ochocinco stuff because I'm sure people were sick of hearing about it by the end of the night. Let's get this shit going.
Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz/Alex Riley (Submission Match) - 4
Really loved seeing the sight of Danielson opening the show. Danielson's transitions between submissions were sweeter than the ChubbyKid's soda Brian is currently reviewing on RtW. Great idea to have Miz get out of the ring, feigning a hernia and sending Riley in to finish the job, teasing the match at Night of Champs. King's questioning of why Riley was here made me smile, I have to admit. Riley got less that 1% offense in on the match and Danielson annihilated him the the Labbell Lock. I fucking love this. 2011 is the year of the Dragon -- booya.
Edge vs. Evan Bourne (BodySlam challenge) - 3
Sydal's run in WWE has been great. He's been jobbed out, and then pushed more than a pregnant mom trying to get a 30lb baby out... to get to midcard status. Anyway, Edge ate this sick kick that looked stiff as hell, but the real story was Edge's selling of it. Glassy eyed, Edge fell flat on his face making for a sell that looked like a sweet KO. He'd end up bodyslamming Bourne for a flat fin, only to have Mark Henry (awww shit) come out to give him The World's Strongest Slam.
Ted DiBiase & Maryse vs. R-Truth & Eve (Song & Dance Match) - 1
Piss. This was so stupid I felt like I was watching Lawler vs. the Doinks from Survivor Series some odd years back. Eve can dance and Maryse can't. That's the moral of the match. If you'll excuse me, I need to call my optometrist to see how severe a voluntary fork in the eye is. Complete crap.
Sheamus vs. John Morrison (Falls Count Anywhere) - 5
John Morrison's prematch Parkour business was kind of neat, but my God, that opening where he spun around and the camera zoomed in on his face was a legit laugh-out-loud moment. I felt like the match was a Parkour Wrestling match with all of the OMG STUNTZ that Morrison was doing, like the sweet-ass Matrix flip he did off the stage. How about that amazing dive from the tron? NOICE! Seriously though, I dig Parkour and no disrespect to anyone who does it, as I'm sure I'd fall flat on my face if I tried. Well, I did try it once, but that's a story for another time. Morrison just kind of came off as a hipster cool guy showing off his moves to me. I gave it a five because of the novelty of the match and wondering what the hell Morrison was going to do next. It was a fun little outing.
Chris Jericho vs. The Hart Dynasty (Cage Match) - 4
I dug Jericho's smug promo beforehand and telling Cole to shut up. Thanks, Chris. Signed, Everyone. The match was okay, but why the hell did DH just go ahead and escape the cage leaving Kidd to get decimated? Kidd looked good with his aerial assault, but there came a point where my heart (no pun intended) literally skipped a beat: When Tyson had Jericho in a 'rana position on the turnbuckle and Jericho caught him to put him in the The Walls, I thought Kidd landed flat on his head and broke his neck. Fortunately, his head narrowly missed hitting the mat, which would've gone down in history as the sickest tombstone ever. Decent match.
Goldust vs. William Regal (Trading Places Match) - Dud (a la Meltz)
Shtickier than the shtickiest of shtick. No comment.
John Cena vs. Randy Orton (Tables Match) - 6
Good shit here. I liked the back and forth before the tables were introduced, making people wonder which man was going to get some particle board splinters. Once the tables were introduced, Nexus came out and were fucked up one by one. I loooooooved Slater's bump into the table outside -- liked a red-headed squirrel jumping from tree to tree, all nimbly bimbly. Gabe's table bump was nice, too -- like a darker skinned, metro-sexual (totally not judging) version of said squirrel. The fin was weird as hell. Basically, Cena had Orton up in the AA position, but Orton reversed it mid-move into an RKO through the table. Only until the replay did I think Cena delivered the Attitude Adjustment and Orton just decided not to sell it. Upon further inspection in slow motion, the move actually looked pretty cool. Fun match with some great table bumps!
And, hence, the Queen City hosted a successful Raw in this reviewers opinion. None of us could go due to child care issues and college or money issues, but it was cool knowing that the new season opened in our backyards.
I hope to review some AJW show upcoming and get away from WWE programming for a bit, just to change the pace. Stay tuned!!