1 Butch Reed v. Chic Donovan- 2
Chic belongs in the Mullet Hall of Fame, hands down. This match is pretty short and standard squash fare, although Donovan does get in a fair amount of offense, including his neck cranking headlock special that used to be the finishing move of those old WWF action figures. Donovan also has a great looping right hand that he uses effectively. I've always heard so much shit about how good Reed was, but he looks lost in this match. He has a severe time even finding the ring ropes at one point to bounce off of. Reed hits a flying tackle for the finish in this dud which was rather unimpressive, much like Vince McMahon's overhyped dork.
2 Great Kabuki v. Kimala- 3
Don't ask me how, but I actually got into this one….a little. Kabuki's physique is as asthetically pleasing as roadkill. This match is about two monsters getting it on. Kabuki's chops are feared like anthrax and Kimala sells his fear accordingly. Kabuki has some great kicks and he's really not afraid to shoot them into the Ugandan Giant's belly repeatedly. Kimala hooks on a armpit/ side boob nerve hold for the better part of 5 minutes and I've honestly never seen that before, but I bet it god damn hurts! Kabuki grits his teeth and shows some emotion, after he brushes his hair out of his face like Fabio would at a romance novel cover photo shoot, subsequently taking 5 or 6 shots of man goo to the face from the severly disturbed camera crew. This ends in manager interference so we will never know who was the fattest, oldest monster heel with face paint. Somewhere Ron Howard says "Gosh Darn it!"
3 Junkyard Dog v. the Missing Link- 2
I almost gave this a 3 because the Dog was pretty funny, but I'd be hard pressed to really tell you about anything he did in the ring that could be considered athletic. Link was bumping through the ropes looking like the stretchy Judge Doom from the final fight in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" This was a battle of who had the strongest head. Well, when it's straight up head to head combat, go with the black man (I'm sure there are some really perverted connotations to this) as Dog gets on all 4's and repeatedly ram's Link square in the cranium. Link finds his weakness and realizes his head can hurt any part of JYD's body except his cranium so he wins with a shitty flying headbutt. Link must have had a migraine because he was gripping the side of his head as he did the finish. The fans were into it, as with most of Dog's matches, but from a techincal standpoint, this was bottom of the barrel wrestling, probably much like Kevin Nash's in ring return at Genesis will be like.
4 Iceman King Parsons/ Buck Zhumhofe v. Super Destroyers- 1
You hardly ever see a Tag Title match with faceless, masked jabroni teams as the challengers, but that's what we have here. Buck is way too energetic and is desperately trying to be noticed by this humongous crowd. I'm guessing his wife just left him and his kids told him he smells like garbage. Anyways, this match is COMPLETELY PITIFUL. No tag work at all and 3/4 of the participants look like day 1 Rookies in a ring. The crowd isn't even buying this and there's 50,000 people there. You would think there would even be a little noise if 2 monkeys were slapboxing in the middle of the ring but no one cares about this shit.
5 Fritz/Kevin/ Mike Von Erich v. the Freebirds- 2
I love classic Rock n Roll songs and while "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent is in that category, I would rank "Badstreet" probably right up there with William Shatner's rendition of "Rocket Man" Besides that, this match was a joke. Mike was selling like he had that voodoo curse dead Bernie had on him in that Sequel to Weekend at…the aforementioned Bernie's. It was really over the top. Kevin was his usual stiff self just flying around and punching people really hard. The sad part is he was barely in the ring. All 3 Freebirds were being complete bitches for Fritz, especially Gordy doing two flips across the ring from a right hand from the old corpse…and that was before he was dead. The way it was booked reminded me of a McMahon ego stroke and I really despised this match.
6 Ric Flair v. Kerry Von Erich- 5
This was the match that was supposed to be David's title win, but it was pushed to Kerry, who arguably deserved it just as much. Flair sold big time for Kerry, really landing awkwardly and hard for his picturesque dropkicks. He also loved kneeing Kerry in the junk, as Flair perpetrated that very move at least 4 times during the match. Flair's psych was off though; he really didn't attempt to work Kerry's legs at all, opting to use shoulderblocks and snapmares as the majority of his offense. Didn't make much sense. Kerry had some really good crowd pleasing spots that worked, but his mat technique leaves much to be desired. Several times he just kind of held onto Flair's arm on the ground like a kid to the safety bar on a roller coaster, really nothing behind it. The finish was well conceived, but it was pretty apparent Flair was going to be beltless long, especially after he barges into Kerry's victory party and pretty much tells him that.
7 Chris Adams/ Sunshine v. Jimmy Garvin/ Precious- 3
This match was all about the ladies going at it, but neither of them could wrestle or had chesticles that were visually appealing so already this match has a lot dragging it down. That said, Adams' work was really crisp and Garvin has great heel tendencies. He suffered as his fellow World Class cohorts did that night of major overselling and it wears him out. Not a lot to say about this except why the hell was it main eventing over a World title switch?