So, Geo calls me at work, says something has came up, he can't review Raw tonight, would I step in, etc. I said "sure" because I'mma good NHO member!
The whole CM Punk/Triple H/John Laurinaitis promo was like a dog chasing its tail and just the worst. Oh great, Hugh Jackman is the guest host, only guy around that could make Wolverine boring.
1. Air Boom, Justin Gabriel, and Sheamus vs. Christian, Wade Barrett, David Otunga, and Michael McGillicutty - 3
2. Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison - 2
8-men tag action to start. Gabriel hit a nice dropkick early. Why is Christian with these losers? Surprisingly Sheamus' face turn is working. Otunga goes down to the Celtic Cross. Maybe he should take acting lessons from his wife. ADR squashed Morrison in less than a minute. I tossed it bonus points as it served a purpose. It wasn't him beating some prelim opponent, it was a former multi-time champion (1 ECW, 3 IC, etc.), and Del Rio beat him like a chump. Morrison taps like Adam on an exercise bike. Sometimes a squash is necessary, sometimes a butternut squash is also (like ornamental gourds).
3. Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes - 0
4. Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres vs. Natalya and Beth Phoenix - 1
Sin Cara doesn't have a match, instead he tussles with a second "Sin Cara" to deafening silence from the Cleveland crowd. We get a Mark Henry in-ring promo that was.. awesome! He forced Jim Ross to his knees faster than Bill Watts did when J.R. was looking for his first job. Remember that weird, gurgling sound J.R. made after Mankind attacked him at the end of their multi-week interview? I bet you do. Kelly hits the ropes as daintily as Anne Frank rearranging her room during patrols. How many times are both Natalya and Beth going to lose to roll-ups?
5. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder - 3
6. Awesome Truth vs. John Cena and CM Punk - 4
I liked Dolph busting out the open-hand slaps in the corner on Zack. Why did Ryder's cornerman Hugh Jackman throw the best punch of the night? Main event has four guys but one of them is very, very different from the others. R-Truth. Am I right? You thought I was going to say because he's black, you racist pricks! I'm not your parents. Because he's the only one never to hold a WWE world championship! Come on. Miz was hopping around showing off some fancy footwork like Dominick Cruz. Cena's selling/acting (they're interchangeable) was finer than Firth's as King George VI. Punk busted out a Falcon Arrow -- must have been watching some Hayabusa on his flight. Punk called for the GTS by yelling "It's nap time!" and I thought, "No, nap time's trying to watch the 26-disc comp. of you in IWA Mid-South that Highspots is shilling". Match was longer than the other five that proceeded it combined. Of course Miz had to take the loss, in his hometown, just like Beth Phoenix did the night before in Buffalo at the PPV. If they ever do an event in a crack den that must mean Matt Hardy's being pinned somewhere.